Tales from the retail world...

[Maetryx]

I used to stack the feminine napkins on the top shelf like 4 and 5 layers high so it was impossible to get them down without causing an avalanche. Then I would go get the other boxboys and get them to watch me pretend to be a little old lady getting clobbered by a tall stack of feminine napkins. I was 16 so as far as I knew little old ladies needed feminine napkins.

 

[TechnoPro]

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: TechnoPro
My story is from the customer perspective. I bought a small fireproof floor safe from either Office Max or Office Depot. I bring the thing home and test it out and find it's defective. It won't stay locked. A very hard squeeze on the release latch opens it even when the lock is turned to the lock position.

So I call the manufacturer to see if I am a total idiot and am missing the obvious. They tell me to take it back.

At the store, I tell them that it's defective and I want a replacement - same model. The manager asked no questions and directed a clerk to go and get one for me. So I'm waiting there, walking around a bit, while one salesman is fiddling with the safe I returned that is sitting up on the counter. He keeps locking it and unlocking it, opening and closing it. He calls me over "Aaah, sir?"

After I walk over to the counter, he smugly says to me "I just figured out how to lock it" and he proceeds to show me. He shuts the lid and turns the key. So I cock my head to the side and nod up and down like I am really soaking up these profound instructions of his. I add a seemingly sincere "Oh, wow" for effect.

Then, I grab the release latch and pop that sucker wide open. I blurt out a "BLAAAAOW" (tough guy noise used in rap songs) and I adopt a pose like this.

His mouth just drops open and he has this priceless look on this face like he's stuck in a twighlight zone episode. Naturally, that's when the replacement shows up and I take off, almost dropping the bloody thing on my foot as this guy must have evil-eyed me.

lol now thats how you tell a story. nice visuals

Thanks! Probably the only time in my life I will link to a Justin Timberlake picture!

 

[wondersteve]

More stories

 

[Confused]

Just read every one of these, all great!

Does anyone else have a story?

 

[jr9k]

bump

 

[spacelord]

No more dumb things happening at work?

 

[SVT Cobra]

bump

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

During a pointless conversation at work during a meeting (software engineering), I felt compelled to let everyone know that "my cat's breath smells like cat food".

 

[Reckoner]

Our store closes at 10pm. I locked the entrance door and one of my employees was ringing out the last pair of customers. Some guy in his mid 20's in a riced out BMW (why would you do this to a BMW?) waits for the 2 customers in the store to leave through the exit door, and slides in. We have a strict policy of not allowing anyone in the store after we close up for obvious reasons.

Customer (to the CSR): Come on man let me rent some movies real quick!

Me: I need you to please leave the store now.

Customer (to Me): Hey calm down man! (to the CSR) I'll be quick, let me get some movies

I don't know why he kept looking at the CSR when I'm telling him he can't. I get people like this everytime I close who say they'll only be in the store for a minute, but end up taking 15-20 minutes.

Me: I already asked you once, please leave the store.

Customer: This is bullsh!t man, I'm calling the 1-800 number to tell them you closed 10 minutes early.

Me: Go ahead. I go by the time on the clock, and it was 10pm when we closed. And another thing, don't use profanity towards me.

Customer: What the fvck is your problem guy? Closing 10 fvcking minutes early and sh!t.

Me: I'm not the problem, you are. I don't go by the time on your cell phone. I'm also not going to take your profanity. Leave the store now or I'm going to call the police.

Customer: Call the police, I don't give a fvck.

Me: Just leave the damn store, I don't want to escalate this into any bigger of a deal then it already is.

Customer: Fvck you guys, I'm out of here.

Me: And because of your wonderful choice of words, don't bother coming back again.

Customer: Don't give me that, or you won't be walking again.



He then proceeds to be a further badass by doing a peel out in the parking lot. What a tough guy. I had another guy like this earlier in the month but this post is already too long

 

[yllus]

Originally posted by: franksta
We often have to re-shrinkwrap items that the original shrinkwrap has been torn in shipping. Well on a pack of notecards one day we (co-worker/friend) took out all the loose change we had in our pockets, only about 42 cents and slid it into the middle of the stack. Then added in a note that said "Instant 42 cent rebate!" We thought it was hillarious.

LMAO!

 

[TitanDiddly]

I worked at a pharmacy/drug store for a spell, we sold drug test kits. Some guy brought up a cannabis drug test kit and bought it, then walked halfway to the door reading it. He brought it back to me, and told me he bought the wrong one, he needed one that tested for cocaine. So I go and grab a cocaine test from the shelf and do the exchange. He then proceeds to walk out of the store without the test kit, which I run out to him.

I almost told him to return it, because he obviously didn't need it.

 

[TitanDiddly]

Any more good retail stories on ATOT?

 

[lizardboy]

Day or two before 4th of July I pulled up to a McDonald's drive thru with a friend...I wanted two double cheeseburgers, friend wanted one.

Me: Lemme get three double cheeseburgers.
Friend (to me): And a large chocolate shake
Me (thinking that sounds good)...and two large chocolate shakes
DT Guy: That's three double cheeseburgers, and three large chocolate shakes
Me: No, three double cheesebrugers, TWO large choclate shakes
DT Guy: OK, so that's two double cheeseburgers, two large chocolate shaeks
Me: NO, THREE double cheeseburgerrs, TWO large chocolate shakes
Friend is starting to laugh
DT Guy: I'm sorry, how many double cheeseburgers do you want?
Me: THREE, listen, I'm ordering a different amount of each item. I want THREE double cheeseburgers, TWO large chocolate shakes, OK?
DT Guy: Got it. What size chocolate shake do you want, chocolate?
Both me & friend just burst out laughing.

We pull up to the window and it's some 16-year-old kid who looks terrified. Had to get help to make the register work, must have been his first day on the job. The phrase "What size chocolate shake do you want...chocolate?" has now entered me & that friends lexicon to be used at random moments.

 

[lizardboy]

I worked at a 24-hour grocery store years ago in high school. When things got slow on the graveyard shift we would race those little electric scooters up & down the aisles. We finally declared one of the sackers who was about 6-6, 300 lbs. "winner for life" when he picked up the damn scooter and ran with it in an amazing come-from-behind victory.

 

[jspeicher]

I have never worked retail. It's ghey.

 

[keeleysam]

Originally posted by: lizardboy
I worked at a 24-hour grocery store years ago in high school. When things got slow on the graveyard shift we would race those little electric scooters up & down the aisles. We finally declared one of the sackers who was about 6-6, 300 lbs. "winner for life" when he picked up the damn scooter and ran with it in an amazing come-from-behind victory.

 

[OdiN]

I manage a B&M computer shop here...boy do I have some stories:


-----------------


We had a guy come into our shop looking for a hard drive with an external USB 2.0 case to put it in. No problem! We sell him this stuff and off he goes. Well...four months later he comes in and it won't work. We dismantle the casing and find that one of the chips on the circuit board has burned up. This is why it won't work. He wants to get his data off so I try swapping controller boards from other similar, same model boards but it isn't working.

At this point, technically I do not have to do anything. It is past our 30-day warranty/return period for items and is now up to the manufacturer of the drive to replace it, not me. Warranty periods are longer on entire systems but he bought only two things. But I'm a nice guy and running a small business I'm able to provide much better customer service than the other big guys. I don't want to leave this guy hanging so I tell him that I will contact the manufacturer for him and get a replacement drive sent to me. As a reseller they will overnight me a replacement drive and it's easier to deal with for me than for the end user. It will cost me maybe $8 in shipping his old drive back, but that's not a problem.

The next day comes and I get the drive and call the guy to let him know it is in and to bring in his old drive. Here is where we start to have problems. He refuses to give me the old drive to send back because he doesn't want this company to get ahold of his data. Of course...this company that sells hard drives must not actually produce them but rely on credit card fraud from gathered data from failed drives to drive their business. I'm sure they would love to get ahold of his account information and transfer all of his money to them. Yeah. Right. The guy basically ends up telling me that he's keeping the drive no matter what. So I tell him that I can't give him the replacement if he doesn't give me the old drive because the manufacturer requires the old drive to be returned or else they will bill me for it. This guy would not have it and ranted and raved on and on using useless metaphors attempting to get me to "understand" his insanity.

I have heard of conspiracy theorists and even will admit to being slightly paranoid about some things myself...but this was getting ridiculous. Now..I wouldn't mind...it's his decision but this ass kept trying to put the blame on me and my company. I didn't manufacture the drive, it's not my fault that it blew up and it is actually the first of this brand of drives I have ever had come back to me in probably a year of selling them with this problem. But to try to put this on me? I don't think so. If it had been within our 30-day period I would have swapped the drive for him on the spot, no questions asked. I can get a replacement from my distributor and I'm not worried about a few bits of paperwork to do it. But I couldn't have even done that if he wouldn't give me the drive. Even trying to explain to him that if he purchased a blender at Target and it broke, he couldn't go into Target and ask them for a replacement and receive one without presenting the old broken blender. If you could do that, I can think of a $5000 TV that I would order and would be "broken". That's the whole reason you have to turn over the broken item in the first place.

Did he understand this bit of logic? Nope. Well...then sorry I can't help. I'm not in the business of giving out free drives after I have done everything I am legally obligated to do. The thing that bothers me is that I went above and beyond the legal minimums, yet he was threatening to take us to court and tell people how bad our service is??? I never ceased to be polite with the guy and I did more than I had to do because that's what I do for my customers. I didn't have to get the replacement drive overnighted for him, I could have said he needed to call the manufacturer and that was that, but I went out of my way to give him better service and then he is going to bitch about it? That just pisses me off.

I think I'm going to write this guy a letter. I'm going to tell him about the wonderful technology that allows people to see what is on your monitor from outside your house. That should freak him out. Actually it would be fun to go and steal the hard drive and leave a note saying "hahaha I have your credit cards!!!" Who cares what is on his drive? I don't. I even offered to try the controller board on the replacement drive and if that worked to transfer his data and then wipe/scrub his drive. He wouldn't even allow that. He wanted me to open the drive and take out the platters so he could keep them. Well..that of course voids the warranty so I can't do that. That and it's insane anyway. I don't even care what the guy had on there. It was probably a bunch of child porn or something...I don't even WANT to know, because as soon as I DO know what is on there I become responsible if it's something illegal to notify the authorities.


------------------------


Now...the guy from the Seinfeld episode the "slow talker." I cannot STAND slow talkers. These people not o...n...l...y t..........a...........l.....k really slowly, but they have to discuss the entire history of western civilization up to the current crisis of their keyboard not working just to be sure I understand why they are there. I had one guy like this come in and he purchased a fan for $5 because his was getting loud (due to the civil war somehow). Now...I didn't realize he was a slow talker at first because he sounded perhaps a little slower but wasn't too bad when asking for the fan. After he paid for the fan I made my fatal mistake when he asked the dreaded question "do you mind if I take some of your time for a question?" Always always always....use telekenesis to make the phone ring in this situation. Do not be helpful....ever - it will be your downfall. It is mine all too many times. I usually enjoy helping people....but not slow talkers. He proceeded to explain the lineage of his family and how he came to be able to use computers and all this. Quite interesting...and if you were already dead you may be able to stand listening to it. Though I've known a few zombies to run away from slow talkers.


So anyway here this guy is wasting about a half hour of my time with inane drivel about things that have nothing to do with his problem. I'm not a psychologist or a counselor...I do not get paid to listen to this type of stuff. Unfortunately none of the other employees got the hint of me pointing to the noose. All I needed was one of them to call my extension and then I could get on the phone with an imaginary person with an emergency sever problem that I had to go to the back to fix and I would be free. Apparently the others found my situation to be entertaining and didn't do anything nice. They didn't even shoot me in the head with the revolver behind the glass that says "In emergency hum at the precise frequency to shatter glass."


Well about 20 minutes later I finally find out what his problem is...it's Adware on his computer slowing things down and causing the internet not to work right. Simple fix, I could have it done in no time once he brings it in. So the conversation is at an "it's over" point that I'm able to sneak away and go make myself look busy enough that he eventually leaves 2 hours later. I hope he doesn't bring the computer in because I really don't want to talk with him that long about nothing. I mean...if you want to blabber on please go call a 1-900 number..at least they are paid to talk to you.



------------------

Okay there was another guy who bought a new WD drive from us. He took it and went home and came back 2 days later. He said that he wanted us to replace the drive because it was bad. I took the drive to hook it up and test it. Sure enough it was bad...but it also looked like sh!t for only being used 2 days...scratches and marks all over it. Then....I'm looking at it more and the sticker at the bottom says "IBM P/N: xxxxxxx" so I tell him I cannot replace that drive as he did not purchase it from us.

The guy gets PISSED and starts yelling and crap and swears up and down that it is the drive that we sold him. I tell him that it is the same model number of drive, but that it was out of an IBM PC. He leaves pissed and comes back with his brother who finally calms him down and thankfully understands what I was telling him.

Turns out that he had let some lady install the drive in his computer and she pulled the old switcheroo on him.


----------------



This lady came in with computer problems - her system was locking up. I traced the problem down to a software program that she had installed (don't recall what it was...some sort of antivirus). So I uninstalled it and had to clean some crap out of the registry and then installed AVG for her. When she picked it up we told her DO NOT INSTALL that software again.

Guess what? Yeah she brought it back 2 days later and the software was installed again. I fixed it (again) and charged her again. She was livid that I was going to charger her again and reminded her that I explicitly told her not to install the software again. She was just so upset and yelling that I didn't want to deal with it and told her fine that I would give her 50% off of the work. I figured that would at least appease her. Nope. She started yelling even louder and more, etc.

I finally just said forget it, take the computer but don't ever come back to my store again.

 

[TitanDiddly]

Up.

 

[Rufio]

best thread ever.

 

[HermDogg]

I figure I'll chip in. I used to deliver pizzas, and by far the best one I ever had came about an hour before closing time. Somebody called up the store, and one of the sups (who should have known already) asked if we delivered to a park that's about 15 miles away. We yelled no, but then the guy offered a $20 tip if somebody would. I was going out in that general direction anwyays, so I said I would. One of the other drivers was taking the order and looked over at me and said "the guy wants to know what kind of pizza to get."
"I don't care. Tell him to get BBQ chicken."
So the driver tells him that the BBQ chicken is the best. After five more minutes of arguing with the guy, he finally orders it.
I get out to the park about 20 minutes before the store closes. It's past dark at this point, so the park is closed, and I get out of my car and start walking. It's pitch black, and all I have to go on is this guy's lot number (9). After about 5 mintues I start running, and finally make it to the camping section. Of course, it's numbered 1-50, with the lower numbers being the furthest away from the entrance. I finally get to the campsite, with the road being on a slight rise overlooking the campsite. There's a tent, but no fire going, and I can barely see. I tentatively shout out a hello, and ask if anyone's ordered pizza.
This guy (minus the blood), runs up, sweating profusely.
"Did you order the BBQ chicken pizza?"
"Izzat pizza? I ordered a pizza three hours ago and the guy never showed up!"
I paused for a moment, and decided to go with it. "Yeah, I've got one right here."
"Awesome. I just gotta go get my money from my truck."
So he goes up to his truck, and I follow him. About this time, I'm convinced he's just gonna pull a shotgun out and steal it from me or just shoot me, because he's obviously high or completely wasted. But, to my surprise, he pulls out a sealed envelope filled with cash. "How much wazzit?"
"$20 plus the $20 tip."
He points at me. "Good man!" He then proceeds to extract a $50 and a $20, but then holds them up to the moonlight to scrutinize them. He puts one back, and pulls out another bill and hands them to me, saying "Just want to make sure I don't give ya too much!" As he takes the pizza, he motions to his tent and says "See those two girls down there? They're LESBIANS!" He then laughs and runs off toward the tent.

There was only one girl down there, who I'm pretty sure was a prostitute (hence the envelope).

When I got back to my car, I looked and saw that instead of exchanging the $50 for another $20, he switched the $20 with another $50 without realizing it. $100 for one delivery was nice.

 

[0roo0roo]

Originally posted by: Heisenberg

Originally posted by: pclstyle
Never worked in retail, but here's a friend's story.

I guess this was when the counterstrike retail pack was hot, $40 at best buy, and there was a whole shelf of them. CD keys were all important, so people would go out of their way to get hold of CD keys for their friends to use or sell. So, one kid comes in, hangs out by the software section for a bit, and comes up to the front. Lays a copy of the retail package on the table. Note, this is when boxes were still large, not 1/3 sized as they are now.

Friend picks up the box, is about to scan it, then stops. Shakes it a little, weighs it in his palm, checks to see the seal is intact, and says "what the hell?" The kid in front of him is obviously becoming increasingly nervous by the second, and he can see him mentally debating whether to bolt for it or stick around and hope for the best. My friend, curious by nature, pops the seal, opens up the box, and discovers no less than 9 copies of counterstrike, cd keys stuck right on to the jewel cases. At this point, the kid is panicking, and my friend is still in shock. The kid recovers faster, and very unconvincingly, says "wow that's crazy". Guard comes over, they head over to the software section, and discover 8 surprisingly light counterstrike boxes, which obviously turn out to be empty. They still neatly shelved in a row, seals intact. Kid sticks by his "that's crazy" story, until camera recordings warrant a search, and they find a sheet of seals rolled up in his pocket. No idea how he got a hold of legit seals, but he obviously came prepared.

Needless to say, he was arrested, CDs were returned to their boxes, and sealed again with the culprit's own sheet of seals.

Lol - at least he put some forethought and effort into it. He could've probably gotten away with it if he had only put 1 or 2 and not eight extra CDs in there.

not very bright. i've seen a kid write cd keys down with a pencil and little scrap of paper in an isle lol. brazen sh*t, dunno if he got caught, dunno if writing something down is illegal anyways.

 

[Stuxnet]

I've got so many stories it makes my own head spin. I've worked as a bus boy, waiter, retail salesmen, cashier, etc etc etc.

1. When I was a bus boy at Bill Knapps (for those that don't know the chain, it's a restaraunt whose customer base is 90% 80+ year olds), I saw quite a bit of trash go down. When most of your customer base is custry old people, you're in for a ride. Factor in a sh*thead loser manager and drug addict cooks, life is pretty entertaining. One day I hung around for about an hour after my Sunday morning shift talking to some college girls who were coworkers (pretty cool when you're only 16 and they're flirting with you because they think you're "cute"). Anyway, I'm walking toward the door AN HOUR after my shift ended when some bag yacks up her whole lunch all over a booth and on the floor. My asswad manager comes running over and barking orders to me. "You need to clean that up before you leave!!!" I was a pretty good kid and all of the waiters and waitresses rallied behind me and told him that I was off an hour ago and that it was his problem, not mine. I had been working there for 9 months and had a second job that I could get more hours at, and I liked it more there. Anyway, the asswad manager got in my face, ignoring everyone else, and told me to clean it up or don't bother coming back. "I pick the second one. See ya!" Seeing as how I was the ONLY bus boy they had, this really fscked him hard. He called me constantly for the next month trying to convince me to come back, but I never took his calls.

2. While working at Circuit City, this older man (early 60's) was talking to another salesman about a computer when a greenish-yellow thick substance began pooling at his feet. My coworker didn't notice it so I went up to him while the guy was playing with the keyboard and I nudged him and pointed at the floor. "WHOA HOLY SH*T WHAT IS THAT?!" He totally freaked out. The old man calmly looked down and said, "well I need to go... I seem to be oozing from a wound" and then he left, leaving a small trail behind him.

I have all kinds of pissed-off customer stories, but they all go the same way. Customer acts like a dick, I stop caring and give them lip, they storm off all pissed and threatening to sue. I enacted the most revenge as a cashier at a grocery store, though. Never give too much sh*t to the people bagging your fruits and vegatables, folks .

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: crystal

Originally posted by: Dominionion
Customer comes up with with two t-shirts and says "This one says its 'Large' and this one says its 'Large', are they the same size?"

Thinking this must be a trick question I respond "Ummm... yeah?"

If they are both from the same brand, then I can see what you saying. But size do vary greatly from different brands/makers, so that question is not quite unreasonable.

tell me about it. why the hell do they do that anyway? why isn't there a standard large, small, etc in clothing?

 

[Stuxnet]

Aside from the OP constantly jerking himself off over how brilliant he was to create this thread, this was fun.

 

[minus1972]

wow...just read the whole thing.

Once while working at Gamestop I had a guy reach behind me into a display case and grab a handful of games. When I confronted him about it, he opened his jacket and pulled out two, giving me a clear view of the other ten that were in there. Considering I was the only one there and the fact that he had several inches and at least a hundred pounds on me, I call getting him to give everything back and leave the store a win.