Discussion Taking a Sabbatical

[skyking]

Time is very short, we will visit her this weekend for the last time. I fully expect her to avail herself of the dignity and relief from pain that physician assisted suicide will provide.
This is new territory for us to traverse.
I expect that all of us have suffered losses by now, some more than others. We have experienced vigils and pain and suffering, mitigated to some extent by the wonderful care that hospice doctors and nurses bring.
It is a very private decision, one that no one else has any say in. I have no idea how she and her family will do in this difficult time.
She has remained stoic and has kept her sense of humor throughout this time. I have not witnessed anyone do more for the loved ones who surround her now.
I understand that you folks here have my back so to speak, no need to enumerate the support that you have already freely given. It helps me to write it down, and possibly to share something that others find helpful.

 

[BoomerD]

Time is very short, we will visit her this weekend for the last time. I fully expect her to avail herself of the dignity and relief from pain that physician assisted suicide will provide.
This is new territory for us to traverse.
I expect that all of us have suffered losses by now, some more than others. We have experienced vigils and pain and suffering, mitigated to some extent by the wonderful care that hospice doctors and nurses bring.
It is a very private decision, one that no one else has any say in. I have no idea how she and her family will do in this difficult time.
She has remained stoic and has kept her sense of humor throughout this time. I have not witnessed anyone do more for the loved ones who surround her now.
I understand that you folks here have my back so to speak, no need to enumerate the support that you have already freely given. It helps me to write it down, and possibly to share something that others find helpful.

Dude...vent/write about it as much as you want or need. We're here for you.

 

[skyking]

We siblings and a friend filled up the place today and we went through a couple of boxes of pictures with her. She told us what she wants to do, how long she thinks she will stick around.
I think she wants to make it past her husband's birthday next week.
Today was their 41st anniversary.
By early afternoon she was worn down and having a hell of a time with words. Pretty soon every noun was "river".
Her balance is going and she needs help moving around, and that is accelerating. The cancer is relentless.

 

[skyking]

Great news about my sister!

The constant nausea was wearing her down, taking away any pleasure of sticking around.

They changed her to a new medication on Sunday, which really zonked her. We stayed and watched the Seahawks game with her and she slowly came around. it was a good visit.

Over the next couple of days she has gotten used to it, and for the first time since February of last year the nausea is mostly gone!!!!

She is not knocked out by the medicine now and it is the lowest dose so this is very promising.

 

[nakedfrog]

Just catching up now, that does sound like great news.

 

[skyking]

Not very often do we get a win in a thread like this. 🙂

 

[BoomerD]

Great news about my sister!

The constant nausea was wearing her down, taking away any pleasure of sticking around.

They changed her to a new medication on Sunday, which really zonked her. We stayed and watched the Seahawks game with her and she slowly came around. it was a good visit.

Over the next couple of days she has gotten used to it, and for the first time since February of last year the nausea is mostly gone!!!!

She is not knocked out by the medicine now and it is the lowest dose so this is very promising.

Great news. It might not be a cure, but if it helps her feel...more human, that's a win.
Fuck cancer.

 

[skyking]

We sibs and nieces have started staying here overnight, tonight is my first shift.

 

[skyking]

It went well, we all get a turn and keep up with her condition. That beats asking by a bunch.

 

[MrSquished]

Sounds like you have a great family unit and support system and good quality medical care for your sister. That's the best you can hope for at difficult times like these. It's heartwarming to hear of such strength during such a sad time

 

[skyking]

My niece is on tonight and called me for a report on what to expect.
She says she does not even think about her cancer but the once a year surveillance scans.
They had a whole series of shit sandwitches in her family. Both she and her older sister had colon cancer around the same time in 2019~20. She survived and her sister did not.

 

[skyking]

She slept the whole night, thanks to the use of her CPAP. She had not been using it, probably because she nods off whenever and has no set sleep time. It was a little disconcerting. I kept going to check her. This morning she said she was not going to do this living thing much longer. I spoke with the siblings and she has said as much to everyone in the last few days.
I stated that we have nothing unsaid and she does not need to wait for me, as I do every time. It is difficult to say goodbye over again but I don't want to be the holdup, she needs to look after herself in this regard.
We are rallying around as we do, as we have done. My beloved niece and doctor has been a huge comfort to her, to her husband and their son. She has been present for her own father and her cousin in 2020, her Mother in law and uncle Jack in 2021, and will probably be present for our sister too.
She's a rock and says she wants to do it, but I fear for her.

 

[skyking]

Tomorrow is the day she has chosen to end her suffering.

 

[skyking]

Most of us have been through a vigil or 6, and this is decidedly different.

 

[BoomerD]

Tomorrow is the day she has chosen to end her suffering.

My deepest condolences to you and the family.

A "normal" death is tough enough...a planned passing...<shudder>
That's hard on the family. Gives everyone time to prepare for it...but still...the dread and anticipation take their toll.
BUT, this isn't about the family...it's about her, and deciding she's had enough pain and suffering.

Again, K, my deepest condolences.

 

[skyking]

Thank you boomer, and know that part of her suffering is watching us and worrying about how we are dealing with this. I know that is a big part of it. She wants to help us move along too.

 

[nakedfrog]

I expect that will make the rest of today difficult too, but I hope the knowing versus not knowing will ease things for everyone.

 

[BoomerD]

Thank you boomer, and know that part of her suffering is watching us and worrying about how we are dealing with this. I know that is a big part of it. She wants to help us move along too.

Gawd...that seems like such a poor reason to end it. I mean...I get it, she hates how her illness is affecting the family, but still. Better to just focus on her suffering.

 

[JM Aggie08]

Deepest condolences. What a double-edged sword -- I'm sure there is some comfort and knowing that our pain/suffering will come to an end, but saying goodbye is NEVER easy, regardless of the circumstance.

Best of luck and thoughts for you and your family.

 

[Captante]

Tomorrow is the day she has chosen to end her suffering.

Wow .... dude I'm so sorry for you and your families impending loss.

On the bright side at least the option exists for her to choose to end her suffering with dignity on her own terms without any added "drama".... 20 years ago things might have looked VERY different from a legal/medical perspective.

Stay strong and keep your head up... and FWIW we're here for you! 🙂

 

[skyking]

Gawd...that seems like such a poor reason to end it. I mean...I get it, she hates how her illness is affecting the family, but still. Better to just focus on her suffering.

Not really. we are there for her and she has been in this position repeatedly and very recently with family. She's not a zombie ( yet ) and she knows how this affects us all. I know that is part of her decision making process. The single biggest part of that is making sure she is still capable of taking the medicine. People wait until they can't get 'er done, and then languish for what ends up being a really long time. Been there done that with my aunt.

 

[skyking]

She took her leave at 10 this morning, she was focused and resolute to the end. My physician neice was there to help and it was calm and peaceful. We are gathered at my middle sisters now.
She was badass till the end. She wanted her cocktail mixed with some aged scotch whiskey.

 

[lxskllr]

Condolences. I'm happy she was able to leave on her own terms, and with all the loose ends tied up.

 

[nakedfrog]

She took her leave at 10 this morning, she was focused and resolute to the end. My physician neice was there to help and it was calm and peaceful. We are gathered at my middle sisters now.
She was badass till the end. She wanted her cocktail mixed with some aged scotch whiskey.

Lady after my own heart.

 

[BoomerD]

She took her leave at 10 this morning, she was focused and resolute to the end. My physician neice was there to help and it was calm and peaceful. We are gathered at my middle sisters now.
She was badass till the end. She wanted her cocktail mixed with some aged scotch whiskey.

I'm sorry. Glad she was able to do it in her way and with her family gathered around.

Now, go celebrate her life!