Study: Joys of Parenthood are Exaggerated

[vi edit]

Yep;

Wife and I started a family while doing our graduate work. Although this is not the 'best' time to have kids, it is the best time to have kids if you aren't going to end up an old academic couple with too many cats and not enough love in the house.

I have to give some major props to the spouses of many MD's that I know. Many of them start families while their spouse is doing a residency and working 80 hours a week for 40k year. Not a walk in the park for 2-3 years.

 

[SparkyJJO]

The article is calling having kids "foolish and delusional" huh?

So then, nobody have kids, you'll be happier!

Never mind the problems that would arise if people really did that :hmm:

Actually the article sounds like it is written from an entirely selfish standpoint.

 

[marmasatt]

I can honestly say this article is shit. There is no amount of money or status in this lifetime or any other life time that would change my mind about having a child.

When my child started discovering things like small animals and insects, it taught me to slow down and look carefully at life around me. I remember when my child was 3 years old, I had had a very bad day at work and wanted nothing more then to sit down and zone out on the couch to forgot about the day. To regress into my own shell for the night and wallow in my solitude. About 7 pm on a warm spring night with stars sparking and a full moon luminating the night as no street light can, my son wanted to walked down to the park. I remember sitting there on the couch in my bubble of impenetrable self thought telling him tomorrow we will go to the park when these words echoed in my head. "Take each and every day with your child to heart. Treat each as a gem and put it in your treasure chest of memories. Because this day will end and tomorrow is never promised".
I got up and grudgingly put on my shoes to walk the little one to the park. I had taken no more then 10 steps when my child looked up at me, hugged me and said "Thanks Daddy" his eyes sparkingly in the twilight dim. At this point I heard the crickets and the birds in the evening stillness. The grass and trees smelled fresh like after a spring shower and my mind quickly raced back to my own childhood as it seemed that long ago when I last felt the wonderous movements of this place we call life.
On the walk my child spotted a toad jumping down the sidewalk and stopped in mid step suspended in awe and fascination. We watched that toad for more then 15 minutes proving that the best memories in life are free and worth more then a kings ransom.

Take it as you want it ATOT, throw your sarcastis barbs or type your usual "to long to read". Hear this though if you are not parent then you cannot judge life as one as only one can be the true judge. To those who find it frustrating then maybe you should look at yourself and think about the values and attitude you have toward life that you are instilling onto your child.

Thanks for this story. And your last paragraph is so true. Tried to have kids for 3 years and could not. Now I have 4. Wouldn't trade it for the world. It now defines me. I'm no longer the man I was. I'm their dad. Nothing else really matters frankly.

 

[CountZero]

It is funny how defensive the parents in this thread are, almost exactly like the study states they would.

It doesn't say parenting isn't fulfilling it says parents will white-wash the bad parts away and the more negative aspects you present the more the bad gets pushed down and the good exaggerated. Research tends to have a narrow scope and here the scope is 'when presented with negative aspects or positive aspects of child raising how will this impact their opinions'. The second study with three groups basically shows that when shown the negative side people over emphasize the good and de-emphasize the bad. The control group is parents, the test groups are parents, it is not a measure of parent vs non-parent.

In typically ATOT fashion it is also completely thrown out that studies like this are talking about statistics not absolutes.

I will grant the writer of the article makes a judgment call but everyone here is calling out the study which makes no such judgment.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

It is funny how defensive the parents in this thread are, almost exactly like the study states they would.

people without children live callow unfulfilled lives where in they are deluded into thinking that money and prestige, not love or wonder, are the important things in life.

... hum...

I predict that those without kids would be 'defensive' if I wrote this in an article.

Also, since our reality is what we construct it to be

It doesn't say parenting isn't fulfilling it says parents will white-wash the bad parts away and the more negative aspects you present the more the bad gets pushed down and the good exaggerated.

I don't see a difference between being 'delusional' about being happy and actually being happy.

 

[MotionMan]

There is no good explainable reason to marry or have children.

They still have not figured out this silly little thing called "love".

MotionMan

 

[Elbryn]

it's really funny when your almost two year old is learning new words and comes up with his own words.
hey kiddo, that's a car *point*
Caa! Caa!
hey kiddo, that's a truck! *point*
aahk! aahk!

hey kidd, whats that! *point*
Caaahhck! Caaahck!

*lowers head in shame*

 

[vi edit]

it's really funny when your almost two year old is learning new words and comes up with his own words.
hey kiddo, that's a car *point*
Caa! Caa!
hey kiddo, that's a truck! *point*
aahk! aahk!

hey kidd, whats that! *point*
Caaahhck! Caaahck!

*lowers head in shame*

My daughter had troubles with truck too. They sing a song at daycare that goes "Firetruck, firetruck, I want to ride on the firetruck!"

My 2 year old sung....."Firecock, firecock, I wanna ride the firecock!"

One weekend her and and I were wasting time and went looking at trucks. When we got home she told Mommy that her and Daddy were out looking at "cocks".

Awesome.

 

[ViviTheMage]

Read the article. What a piece of cr*p that study is.

Besides, we all know that the real joy of parenthood is grandchildren

I actually don't follow this logic at all ... why are grand children better?

 

[dabuddha]

I actually don't follow this logic at all ... why are grand children better?

Because you get to enjoy them and when they get whiny, you can pass them off to their parents

 

[dabuddha]

Completely disagree with the article.

When I get to see this:

it makes it all worth it.

 

[NetWareHead]

Because you get to enjoy them and when they get whiny, you can pass them off to their parents

Same reason why I like other people's kids but dont want any of my own.

 

[Codewiz]

Were you the one a while ago asking about infant ear muffs to take a newborn to a concert? I think your heart is in the right place but there's nothing wrong with a little Mommy & daddy away time from your kid. Spending a night with grandma & grandpa is great for everyone every now and then. If you don't count G&G as babysitters then I think we've only done it two or three times and that was with our next door neighbors when we were painting a house. A 2 year old and an airless sprayer aren't a good combo.

She's three now and just last weekend she stayed with my parents while we slipped out for the night to catch a dinner at a upscale restaurant and hit an adult comedy club afterwards. There's nothing wrong with that and I think it's healthy for everyone. We aren't punting her at every opportunity but usually once a month my parents will watch her for a night just a bit of downtime for us.

You still should make some time for you and your wife IMHO.

One size does not fit all. Like I said, when my mom has come to visit, we have let her babysit our son. The funny thing is that my wife and I don't really go do anything we wouldn't with our child except maybe see a movie that isn't a kid variety.

Other than that, he goes with us everywhere. To each their own but I believe it is indicative of parents today to just dump there kids whenever they can. I certainly don't look down at parents that use babysitters more than us. I am just saying parents that dump their kids at every opportunity probably weren't ready for parenthood.

We have some friends with a kid and one set of the parents moved into their neighborhood. They are dumping their kid(after daycare) and weekends on the parents.

We might have a little different perspective because we do use daycare. We are a two income family. My son spends 6-7 hours away from us everyday. when we bring him home, we keep him around us. On weekends, why would we want more time away?

I am sure if either of us were a stay at home parent, we would want more adult time. As it stands right now, we get enough adult time at work

BTW, we got some good sound blocking headphones for our son. We use them when we take him to college football games too(about 6-7 a year)

My son's first and only experience at some draggggg racin Yeah it was my first experience too.

 

[MotionMan]

My daughter had troubles with truck too. They sing a song at daycare that goes "Firetruck, firetruck, I want to ride on the firetruck!"

My 2 year old sung....."Firecock, firecock, I wanna ride the firecock!"

One weekend her and and I were wasting time and went looking at trucks. When we got home she told Mommy that her and Daddy were out looking at "cocks".

Awesome.

My nephew use to say something that sounded exactly like "firefuck". I even have a video of it, but I cannot share, sorry.

We still joke about how my son, instead of saying "yellow", would say "yeah-yo!".

MotionMan

 

[SunnyD]

This is pretty much a REPOST. (From 3 years ago no less)

 

[ichy]

I'm almost 27, know multiple people at his point in life who do have kids, and have to say that I do not envy them in the slightest. I can think of one friend in particular, whenever I leave her place I breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to deal with her children.

All that being said, I'm also level-headed enough to know that my feelings about this might change. This may sound slightly dick-headish, but I'm grateful for the fact that men don't have to worry about their biological clock the way that women do. Gives us more time to make up our minds.

Edit: One thing to keep in mind though is you can be sure there are parents out there who regret having kinds but won't admit it to themselves, much less anyone else. Always worth remembering when you hear parents going on about how happy they are they had children.

 

[rudder]

The article is calling having kids "foolish and delusional" huh?

So then, nobody have kids, you'll be happier!

Never mind the problems that would arise if people really did that :hmm:

Actually the article sounds like it is written from an entirely selfish standpoint.

It is a good article. If it encourages people who should not be parents to get sterilized or to not pursue adoption... all the better for this world.

You don't need children to be happy in life. I could not imagine life without mine.

 

[ShawnD1]

The article is calling having kids "foolish and delusional" huh?

So then, nobody have kids, you'll be happier!

Never mind the problems that would arise if people really did that :hmm:

Such as? Fertility rate required to maintain a stable population is often somewhere around 2.1 (2 kids to replace mom and dad, 0.1 because I don't know how math works)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sovereign_states_and_dependent_territories_by_fertility_rate
South Korea - 1.21
Japan - 1.27
Germany - 1.36
Italy - 1.38
Switzerland - 1.42
Canada - 1.53
Amerikkka - 2.05 (fuck yeah)

Most of those countries are doing pretty ok. Japan would actually be better off if the population went down. Land in Japan is so expensive due to population density that people never really own any of it. You get a 1000000 year mortgage then pass the mortgage on to your kids.

 

[aldamon]

Well said.

It is funny how defensive the parents in this thread are, almost exactly like the study states they would.

It doesn't say parenting isn't fulfilling it says parents will white-wash the bad parts away and the more negative aspects you present the more the bad gets pushed down and the good exaggerated. Research tends to have a narrow scope and here the scope is 'when presented with negative aspects or positive aspects of child raising how will this impact their opinions'. The second study with three groups basically shows that when shown the negative side people over emphasize the good and de-emphasize the bad. The control group is parents, the test groups are parents, it is not a measure of parent vs non-parent.

In typically ATOT fashion it is also completely thrown out that studies like this are talking about statistics not absolutes.

I will grant the writer of the article makes a judgment call but everyone here is calling out the study which makes no such judgment.

 

[Codewiz]

I'm almost 27, know multiple people at his point in life who do have kids, and have to say that I do not envy them in the slightest. I can think of one friend in particular, whenever I leave her place I breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to deal with her children.

All that being said, I'm also level-headed enough to know that my feelings about this might change. This may sound slightly dick-headish, but I'm grateful for the fact that men don't have to worry about their biological clock the way that women do. Gives us more time to make up our minds.

Edit: One thing to keep in mind though is you can be sure there are parents out there who regret having kinds but won't admit it to themselves, much less anyone else. Always worth remembering when you hear parents going on about how happy they are they had children.

IMO, it is all about being settled and prepared for kids. My wife and I started dating in college. I was 20, she was 19. We got married when I was 26 after she had gotten her master's degree and a job.

I was 31 when we had our first child. That gave us time as a married couple and time to get our careers underway. I will admit it did take us a little longer to conceive than we had planned. We started trying when I was 29.

We plan to have one more biological child and we plan to adopt a child. So yeah we are going to be going well above that child average for college educated 6 figure income families

However, I can't imagine having a kid at 25 much less 18.

 

[lxskllr]

Same reason why I like other people's kids but dont want any of my own.

I'm the other way. I don't want to hold your baby, or play with your kids, but I've thoroughly enjoyed mine. Sometimes I can get into kids if they're especially bright, but I generally avoid them :^D

 

[Golgatha]

I'm the other way. I don't want to hold your baby, or play with your kids, but I've thoroughly enjoyed mine. Sometimes I can get into kids if they're especially bright, but I generally avoid them :^D

This is me for the most part. I love my two boys, but I generally don't like being around other people's kids. Events that are parent + child events (e.g. school carnival) just drive me absolutely nuts.

 

[Texashiker]

Parenthood is overrated?

How can giving a Redbull to the grandkids right before they go home be overrated?

It doesn't say parenting isn't fulfilling it says parents will white-wash the bad parts away and the more negative aspects you present the more the bad gets pushed down and the good exaggerated.

I see this a lot, when parents talk about how smart little Johnny is, and how he is in the advanced classes at school,,,,,. Then little Johnny gets strung out on crack and turns into a disgrace for the whole family. The whole "my child is perfect" mindset really gets under my skin.

Being a parent has a lot of ups and down,,,, and more downs, and more downs, and a few ups.

Downs like projection vomiting, having arguments with teenage kids, rushing a 1 year old to the emergency room at 2am because the fever will not go down,,,,,,.

But all of those things - good and bad - help define who the parent and child wil be later on in life. Just as the child grows, so does the parent.

 

[ShawnD1]

I'm the other way. I don't want to hold your baby, or play with your kids, but I've thoroughly enjoyed mine. Sometimes I can get into kids if they're especially bright, but I generally avoid them :^D

Probably because the other kids are little bastards. You might slap your kids when they pull shit but laquisha aisha won't even say anything when her kids throws things off the shelf at Walmart.

 

[Exterous]

My nephew use to say something that sounded exactly like "firefuck".

My nephew does the same thing and he loves trucks. My wife and I took him to the mall one day and we passed the toy store with a big truck in the window. He grabbed my shirt and said "I wanna fuck! I wanna fuck!"

Needless to say I got some strange looks