Study: Joys of Parenthood are Exaggerated

[bobeedee]

It's because we need to deal with you assholes who drive minivans. Go the fucking speed limit and stop obstructing traffic.

I rest my case.

 

[nick1985]

You are so wrong it hurts. I honestly love to see parents that care about their kids, are proud of them and drive more carefully because of their children.

I guess we can agree to disagree, nobody cares how many kids a family squeezed out.

 

[nanette1985]

Nah...to each their own...

I cal recall being younger and not having kids and having life by the ass....thinking when co-workers talked about their lives and how busy they were...laughing...being single...or a girlfriend...no cares

The transition was weird (for me at least)....

have 1 and your life turns upside down
have 2 and you think your life was so easy with 1
have 3 and you think WTF am I doing...

have 4 and you think Wait, 4? How did that happen? Where did that extra one come from?

(for me at least)

 

[PingSpike]

None of this is surprising. But their conclusion that parents have less joy than non parents based off evidence that they have more anger, depression, and stress is a horrible conclusion.
Work hard.. play hard..
Sometimes the most rewarding experiences in life are the ones that took a lot of effort. No one said everything is easy.

We're talking about people who jobs consists of research that has finding such as this:

parents with minors who live at home report feeling calm significantly less often than than people who don't live with young children

It seems reasonable to assume that these researchers have jobs that are at least very easy.

 

[Codewiz]

I think this study just goes to show that most people are unprepared to be parents.

We just went on a cruise with our 2 year old. Most of the parents there were dumping their kids at camp carnival for hours on end. We brought our son because he is integrated into our lives. We only sent him to camp for an average of about 2-3 hours a day. Mostly to go to adult dinners and adult comedy shows.

I realized that en mass people just don't integrate their child into their lives. I know that my wife and I are the weird ones. Our son goes pretty much everywhere with us. Could we get a babysitter? Sure but why? There is nothing we do that would prohibit bringing our son.

After 2 years and 4 months of being a parent, we have hired a babysitter ZERO times. My mom has kept him a few times because she wanted to. But being a parent is who we are. It does bring joy to us.

The issue is that most people want to maintain their pre-child lifestyle after having kids. If that is what you want then you will be stressed, unhappy, and unfulfilled. We have no misconceptions about it.

As for stress, yes potty training my son is causing mucho stress for my wife.

 

[lxskllr]

I think this study just goes to show that most people are unprepared to be parents.

We just went on a cruise with our 2 year old. Most of the parents there were dumping their kids at camp carnival for hours on end. We brought our son because he is integrated into our lives. We only sent him to camp for an average of about 2-3 hours a day. Mostly to go to adult dinners and adult comedy shows.

I realized that en mass people just don't integrate their child into their lives. I know that my wife and I are the weird ones. Our son goes pretty much everywhere with us. Could we get a babysitter? Sure but why? There is nothing we do that would prohibit bringing our son.

After 2 years and 4 months of being a parent, we have hired a babysitter ZERO times. My mom has kept him a few times because she wanted to. But being a parent is who we are. It does bring joy to us.

The issue is that most people want to maintain their pre-child lifestyle after having kids. If that is what you want then you will be stressed, unhappy, and unfulfilled. We have no misconceptions about it.

That's an excellent approach and the same one I've always taken with my girl. As a consequence, she's always been well behaved when appropriate, and can carry on intelligent conversations with adults. My daughter is my favorite traveling companion :^)

 

[RavenSEAL]

Are they really....?

 

[JS80]

I can honestly say this article is shit. There is no amount of money or status in this lifetime or any other life time that would change my mind about having a child.

When my child started discovering things like small animals and insects, it taught me to slow down and look carefully at life around me. I remember when my child was 3 years old, I had had a very bad day at work and wanted nothing more then to sit down and zone out on the couch to forgot about the day. To regress into my own shell for the night and wallow in my solitude. About 7 pm on a warm spring night with stars sparking and a full moon luminating the night as no street light can, my son wanted to walked down to the park. I remember sitting there on the couch in my bubble of impenetrable self thought telling him tomorrow we will go to the park when these words echoed in my head. "Take each and every day with your child to heart. Treat each as a gem and put it in your treasure chest of memories. Because this day will end and tomorrow is never promised".
I got up and grudgingly put on my shoes to walk the little one to the park. I had taken no more then 10 steps when my child looked up at me, hugged me and said "Thanks Daddy" his eyes sparkingly in the twilight dim. At this point I heard the crickets and the birds in the evening stillness. The grass and trees smelled fresh like after a spring shower and my mind quickly raced back to my own childhood as it seemed that long ago when I last felt the wonderous movements of this place we call life.
On the walk my child spotted a toad jumping down the sidewalk and stopped in mid step suspended in awe and fascination. We watched that toad for more then 15 minutes proving that the best memories in life are free and worth more then a kings ransom.

Take it as you want it ATOT, throw your sarcastis barbs or type your usual "to long to read". Hear this though if you are not parent then you cannot judge life as one as only one can be the true judge. To those who find it frustrating then maybe you should look at yourself and think about the values and attitude you have toward life that you are instilling onto your child.

 

[qliveur]

I think that the people who go on and on about how great parenthood is are just trying to sucker the childless into being as miserable as they are.

Besides, doesn't the world have enough fucking people in it already?

 

[Engineer]

I can honestly say this article is shit. There is no amount of money or status in this lifetime or any other life time that would change my mind about having a child.

When my child started discovering things like small animals and insects, it taught me to slow down and look carefully at life around me. I remember when my child was 3 years old, I had had a very bad day at work and wanted nothing more then to sit down and zone out on the couch to forgot about the day. To regress into my own shell for the night and wallow in my solitude. About 7 pm on a warm spring night with stars sparking and a full moon luminating the night as no street light can, my son wanted to walked down to the park. I remember sitting there on the couch in my bubble of impenetrable self thought telling him tomorrow we will go to the park when these words echoed in my head. "Take each and every day with your child to heart. Treat each as a gem and put it in your treasure chest of memories. Because this day will end and tomorrow is never promised".
I got up and grudgingly put on my shoes to walk the little one to the park. I had taken no more then 10 steps when my child looked up at me, hugged me and said "Thanks Daddy" his eyes sparkingly in the twilight dim. At this point I heard the crickets and the birds in the evening stillness. The grass and trees smelled fresh like after a spring shower and my mind quickly raced back to my own childhood as it seemed that long ago when I last felt the wonderous movements of this place we call life.
On the walk my child spotted a toad jumping down the sidewalk and stopped in mid step suspended in awe and fascination. We watched that toad for more then 15 minutes proving that the best memories in life are free and worth more then a kings ransom.

Take it as you want it ATOT, throw your sarcastis barbs or type your usual "to long to read". Hear this though if you are not parent then you cannot judge life as one as only one can be the true judge. To those who find it frustrating then maybe you should look at yourself and think about the values and attitude you have toward life that you are instilling onto your child.

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

Absolutely wonderful and true, for those that can see it.

 

[ShawnD1]

You are so wrong it hurts. I honestly love to see parents that care about their kids, are proud of them and drive more carefully because of their children.

Screw that. Almost every time there's someone trying to merge going half the speed limit, it's either some retard in a Toyota (any kind) or it's some asshole in a minivan. If I didn't know better, I would say they're actively trying to kill themselves.

We just went on a cruise with our 2 year old. Most of the parents there were dumping their kids at camp carnival for hours on end. We brought our son because he is integrated into our lives.

:thumbsup:
My parents were similar. They would take us along to things all the time. If we started acting like retards, we would get slapped until we stopped. If you can control your kids, they're really not that bad.

 

[yhelothar]

I can honestly say this article is shit. There is no amount of money or status in this lifetime or any other life time that would change my mind about having a child.

When my child started discovering things like small animals and insects, it taught me to slow down and look carefully at life around me. I remember when my child was 3 years old, I had had a very bad day at work and wanted nothing more then to sit down and zone out on the couch to forgot about the day. To regress into my own shell for the night and wallow in my solitude. About 7 pm on a warm spring night with stars sparking and a full moon luminating the night as no street light can, my son wanted to walked down to the park. I remember sitting there on the couch in my bubble of impenetrable self thought telling him tomorrow we will go to the park when these words echoed in my head. "Take each and every day with your child to heart. Treat each as a gem and put it in your treasure chest of memories. Because this day will end and tomorrow is never promised".
I got up and grudgingly put on my shoes to walk the little one to the park. I had taken no more then 10 steps when my child looked up at me, hugged me and said "Thanks Daddy" his eyes sparkingly in the twilight dim. At this point I heard the crickets and the birds in the evening stillness. The grass and trees smelled fresh like after a spring shower and my mind quickly raced back to my own childhood as it seemed that long ago when I last felt the wonderous movements of this place we call life.
On the walk my child spotted a toad jumping down the sidewalk and stopped in mid step suspended in awe and fascination. We watched that toad for more then 15 minutes proving that the best memories in life are free and worth more then a kings ransom.

Take it as you want it ATOT, throw your sarcastis barbs or type your usual "to long to read". Hear this though if you are not parent then you cannot judge life as one as only one can be the true judge. To those who find it frustrating then maybe you should look at yourself and think about the values and attitude you have toward life that you are instilling onto your child.

Awesome story. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

I think that the people who go on and on about how great parenthood is are just trying to sucker the childless into being as miserable as they are.

Besides, doesn't the world have enough fucking people in it already?

It has enough shitty people; it does not have enough doctors and research scientists.

I would guess that there are only a select few on this forum that would produce a violent criminal.

Almost everyone adds more to society than they take from it.

 

[Paladin3]

I think that the people who go on and on about how great parenthood is are just trying to sucker the childless into being as miserable as they are.

Actually, I wish more people would think twice before having kids. I love being a father, but judging by the bulk of the children I've encountered in my life, most parents just aren't ready for the responsibility they've taken on.

 

[classy]

Well I have one who is an adult and a little one. There were far more better days than bad ones. There were some bad days, but good days 8 to 1.

 

[classy]

I just had my little one score her first goal in a soccer game this year. Those memories have a value that literally are priceless.

 

[qliveur]

Actually, I wish more people would think twice before having kids. I love being a father, but judging by the bulk of the children I've encountered in my life, most parents just aren't ready for the responsibility they've taken on.

I kid, but actually, I just don't want that responsibility at all, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I have no business fathering any children.

Marriage and children seem a little too much like self-imposed slavery to me, anyway.

 

[pcgeek11]

I was thinking of putting a "baby on board" sign in my corolla. It would seem so fitting.

Screw that. Almost every time there's someone trying to merge going half the speed limit, it's either some retard in a Toyota (any kind) or it's some asshole in a minivan. If I didn't know better, I would say they're actively trying to kill themselves.

Self ownage. A retard in a Corolla.

Some funny shit right here.

Those that have never had children are NOT Qualified to even discuss this.

 

[vi edit]

We just went on a cruise with our 2 year old. Most of the parents there were dumping their kids at camp carnival for hours on end. We brought our son because he is integrated into our lives. We only sent him to camp for an average of about 2-3 hours a day. Mostly to go to adult dinners and adult comedy shows. I realized that en mass people just don't integrate their child into their lives. I know that my wife and I are the weird ones. Our son goes pretty much everywhere with us. Could we get a babysitter? Sure but why? There is nothing we do that would prohibit bringing our son. After 2 years and 4 months of being a parent, we have hired a babysitter ZERO times. My mom has kept him a few times because she wanted to. But being a parent is who we are. It does bring joy to us. The issue is that most people want to maintain their pre-child lifestyle after having kids. If that is what you want then you will be stressed, unhappy, and unfulfilled. We have no misconceptions about it.

Were you the one a while ago asking about infant ear muffs to take a newborn to a concert? I think your heart is in the right place but there's nothing wrong with a little Mommy & daddy away time from your kid. Spending a night with grandma & grandpa is great for everyone every now and then. If you don't count G&G as babysitters then I think we've only done it two or three times and that was with our next door neighbors when we were painting a house. A 2 year old and an airless sprayer aren't a good combo.

She's three now and just last weekend she stayed with my parents while we slipped out for the night to catch a dinner at a upscale restaurant and hit an adult comedy club afterwards. There's nothing wrong with that and I think it's healthy for everyone. We aren't punting her at every opportunity but usually once a month my parents will watch her for a night just a bit of downtime for us.

You still should make some time for you and your wife IMHO.

 

[leeland]

"Originally Posted by Capt Caveman
Thank goodness the OP will never breed and pass on his dumbass genes. "

lol.. is that what the idiot said? this troll is on my block list. hope he gets hit by a bus


leeland-
you think raising 3 kids is worth the cost of being stressed or running 95% of the time?

or is the article right and you're rationalizing it by telling yourself that?
"parents fool themselves into believing that having kids is more rewarding than it actually is."

OK maybe Stressed is a bad word to use as it is too general. On the weekends for example I have the kids all to myself as the wife works nights...so having three kids and occupying their time with something that interests them all...is a lot of work. Not work like 'lifting heavy crap all day' but work that leaves you very tired at the end of the day...I guess that is what I was trying to elaborate on...

As others have said, it has gotten better as they have gotten older...and I now generally enjoy the weekends when we go out to do activities as we all participate and makes it actually stress free.

The KEY for me is getting the oldest to buy in as the others follow him like a moth to a flame...a little bribery never hurts

 

[CRXican]

damn you, I've been reading the article comment for half an hour now

I never tire of this debate

 

[CRXican]

I only have to look at my nearly 27 year old self, still living at home to convince me not to have kids.

I'm not a huge mooch but I'm not paying rent and I don't pay for food. I've worked nearly non-stop since I was 17 but nothing substantial enough to allow me to live alone anywhere around here. Finally found a new job but not sure it will last and the starting "test you out" pay sucks.

I love hearing the argument "If it weren't for your parents having kids, you wouldn't be here." Damn right, and I wouldn't ever have known that either. Idiot.

And my next favorite, it's a gift, and honor, a miracle. Um no, you ejaculated in a vagina just like people have been doing forever, big fucking deal. What an accomplishment.

 

[exdeath]

The ones who are bitter and angry are the ones who had unplanned kids too early while they were dropping out of school and still working at McDonalds.

Of course having three kids while you are 17 is the American standard now, thus this article. Its rare to see older mature couples who want kids actively trying for them, most are surprises at the worst possible time.

 

[ShawnD1]

Of course having three kids while you are 17 is the American standard now, thus this article. Its rare to see older mature couples who want kids actively trying for them, most are surprises at the worst possible time.

God hates me and I'm pretty sure I'll be told about some accidental pregnancy just as I'm about to drive to the subaru dealership and buy a car that doesn't suck :'(
(or after I've bought it and can no longer afford a kid)

 

[Dr. Zaus]

The ones who are bitter and angry are the ones who had unplanned kids too early while they were dropping out of school and still working at McDonalds.

Of course having three kids while you are 17 is the American standard now, thus this article. Its rare to see older mature couples who want kids actively trying for them, most are surprises at the worst possible time.

Yep;

Wife and I started a family while doing our graduate work. Although this is not the 'best' time to have kids, it is the best time to have kids if you aren't going to end up an old academic couple with too many cats and not enough love in the house.