Shut up or ship out? Advice needed.

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johnjbruin

Diamond Member
Jul 17, 2001
4,402
1
0
another vote for stay. i have a friend who graduated, has a decent job, earning about 80% of what his parents earn, but still lives with them. he does contribute financially to the house.
he is also doing this out of respect- since he said that if he moves out it will cause tension in their house - some cultural thing. he does have great parents and gets along with them pretty well. but they also talk to him (dont restrict him.., just talk... i'm sure this is your situation) about not staying out too late etc.
 

Siddhartha

Lifer
Oct 17, 1999
12,502
1
81
You graduate this year.
What time this year?
Have you started applying to med schools yet?
 

brigden

Diamond Member
Dec 22, 2002
8,702
2
81
I'm guessing you're Eastern European... Slovenian? I have a friend with a similar background in an identical situation. She's moving out.

Anyway, my advice is simply, you give your parents an ultimatum.

Ask to speak with them seriously about you, your lifestyle, your future, and your relationship with them. Explain that you are a different, but still their daughter. Tell them you love and respect them, but you don't necessarily see eye-to-eye. Tell them that they should love and respect their daughter, no matter how you choose to live your life. You want to remain apart of the household and live in peace, but in order for that to happen, they need to accept you for who you are fully or you will leave.

If they refuse to listen, move out.

Think about how hard your life will be when you decide to get married, start a family, or move away to work? How long will you live under the tyrannical fist of your parents?

I apologize for the frankness, but your parents are morons, plain and simple. They need to stop acting like children.
 

Czesia

Senior member
Nov 22, 2003
296
0
0
Move in with Mill, he's got a spare room
I don't think my bf would like that very much... :)

Also, I graduate in June of this year, but I am taking a year off before I start med school, so I will be applying to schools this year. Unfortunately, I will not have the time to work much since I'm going away for 6 months.

As far as my parents go, I have tried many times to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with them and explain to them that they need to respect and understand that I am not their teenage daughter anymore. Unfortunately, they are restrictive, and they don't just ask me to do things, they tell me.

They actually grounded me about 2 months ago when I came home late because I fell asleep at my bf's house! I explained to them that it was not intentional and that I was sorry for being home past curfew. I also told them that I felt it was unreasonable and inappropriate to "ground" someone my age. I still stayed home all week though because I didn't want to "disobey" them.

BTW, my background is Polish/Ukrainian.
 

Mill

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
28,558
3
81
I would have to say that grounding a 21 year old is not only foolish, but bad parenting. That is just my humble opinion, but at that age you talk to your kids and discuss why you wanted them to do something and express disappointment. That age is just a bit late for controlling techniques. It isn't like you got arrested(like me) or anything.
 
Aug 16, 2001
22,529
4
81
Originally posted by: Czesia
So here's the situation:

Parents are extremely restrictive and can't seem to accept that their daughter has grown up and has needs very different from their own. I'm their oldest (almost 21) and their youngest is 5 yrs old. They often make the mistake of treating their older children the same way as the youngest.

The problem is that I want to have my own life and to lead it the way that I want, but still maintain a close connection with my family. They make me feel guilty for things I do that they don't "condone". These are simple things, like wanting to stay overnight at a friend's house after a party, or wanting to go on co-ed camping trips. I'm good to my entire family and love them a lot, but I feel like I'm not living out a fulfilling life right now, and never really have is some respects. Also, our disagreements lead to awful arguments and make my parents and family very "disappointed" and upset with me.

I'm a student and really don't think I could afford to move out long term, but I also realize that once I make the move, I can't move back. Ever. My bf's family has offered to let me have their basement, but I already know my family would be very upset (maybe even disown me, but I'm not too sure) plus I don't want to be a burden on his their family.

So what should I do? Stay home, or ship out? Or is there some other way to keep everyone happy, including myself? :confused:

**Edit: title

Arew you asian?
 

Czesia

Senior member
Nov 22, 2003
296
0
0
Originally posted by: FrustratedUser
Originally posted by: Czesia
So here's the situation:

Parents are extremely restrictive and can't seem to accept that their daughter has grown up and has needs very different from their own. I'm their oldest (almost 21) and their youngest is 5 yrs old. They often make the mistake of treating their older children the same way as the youngest.

The problem is that I want to have my own life and to lead it the way that I want, but still maintain a close connection with my family. They make me feel guilty for things I do that they don't "condone". These are simple things, like wanting to stay overnight at a friend's house after a party, or wanting to go on co-ed camping trips. I'm good to my entire family and love them a lot, but I feel like I'm not living out a fulfilling life right now, and never really have is some respects. Also, our disagreements lead to awful arguments and make my parents and family very "disappointed" and upset with me.

I'm a student and really don't think I could afford to move out long term, but I also realize that once I make the move, I can't move back. Ever. My bf's family has offered to let me have their basement, but I already know my family would be very upset (maybe even disown me, but I'm not too sure) plus I don't want to be a burden on his their family.

So what should I do? Stay home, or ship out? Or is there some other way to keep everyone happy, including myself? :confused:

**Edit: title

Arew you asian?
Someone already asked that. See above posts. ^ :)
 
Aug 16, 2001
22,529
4
81
Originally posted by: Czesia
Originally posted by: FrustratedUser
Originally posted by: Czesia
So here's the situation:

Parents are extremely restrictive and can't seem to accept that their daughter has grown up and has needs very different from their own. I'm their oldest (almost 21) and their youngest is 5 yrs old. They often make the mistake of treating their older children the same way as the youngest.

The problem is that I want to have my own life and to lead it the way that I want, but still maintain a close connection with my family. They make me feel guilty for things I do that they don't "condone". These are simple things, like wanting to stay overnight at a friend's house after a party, or wanting to go on co-ed camping trips. I'm good to my entire family and love them a lot, but I feel like I'm not living out a fulfilling life right now, and never really have is some respects. Also, our disagreements lead to awful arguments and make my parents and family very "disappointed" and upset with me.

I'm a student and really don't think I could afford to move out long term, but I also realize that once I make the move, I can't move back. Ever. My bf's family has offered to let me have their basement, but I already know my family would be very upset (maybe even disown me, but I'm not too sure) plus I don't want to be a burden on his their family.

So what should I do? Stay home, or ship out? Or is there some other way to keep everyone happy, including myself? :confused:

**Edit: title

Arew you asian?
Someone already asked that. See above posts. ^ :)
I am just lazy.


:beer::p
 

michaelh20

Senior member
Sep 4, 2000
482
0
0
I would at least fill out the fafsa -- see how much financial aid you can get -- it might surprise you.

Of course they might the parent's info too....
 

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