Should I Turn My Kid In ?

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: FunkmanDigital
look at these dignified adults that can not even comprehend things like freedom of speech who are trying so hard to prove that they are right to a 17 year old. and exactly how do all of you people know what the "right" thing to do is? did your god come down from heaven and tell you what it was? and since being 17 makes anything i say irrelevant, im going to leave now. (argueing over the internet is like competing in the special olympics, whether you win or lose, you are still retarded)

Okay it's official, your a loser

Our God? OMG you are like the apex of stupidity, no one is worse than you, this is awful. I bet you are an Anarchanist. Fine, how 'bout this guy just let's his daughter "learn the hard way" because she is "her own person" and has "freedom to do whatever" 'cause who cares about rules and laws. Holy crap your dense.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: CrazyDe1
Its not the end of the world...I cheated my way through high school to 12th in the class w/ a 4.2. I copied every homework ever. On days of tests I'd ditch the class by going to the clinic, saying I was sick, then leaving so that it was excused. I'd ask everyone what was on the test, then I'd go in and take it the next day knowing everything. I did get a D in AP calculus class once...but I ended up w/ a 5 on both calc AP tests becuase I knew how to use a calculator really wel to get answers. I remember one day in calc class my boy and I had just gotten F's on a test because we really didn't care being senior year and all so we were playing senior picture war. Thats like the card game war...only the hottest girl wins when you toss them down. Well, the whole class wasn't paying attention to the teacher at all and she yells out don't force me to tell you why you two of all pepole should be paying attention, and then she sent us to the principle for playing such a shallow game in her class. I remember in AP english class we had a rough draft do, and we had to go show it ot her, so what I'd do is always type the first page out, and not do anymore of it. Well, she decided to have us walk up and show them to her...so right when shes about to turn to my 2nd page of my essay, I decide to ask her what my grade is...shes like you have an A, I take my essay, say thanks, and walk away.

Fast forward to college, this time I get busted for cheating in a C++ class. We had to do 8 projects, and basically 8 of us each did one project and exchanged them with each other. Well, everyone got busted except for me becuase I walked into the prof's office with a tape recorder and asked him if he knew for sure that I copied from the other kids or if they copied from me. None of the others was going to rat me out so he said he was 90% sure I copied because I turned 7 of my projects in later than the first kid who turned it in. I told him that wasn't good enough and that if he was gonna fail me for cheating he better be 100% sure that I did the cheating. At this point, he sent me to a senior professor who quizzed me on each program, and I passed, and they dropped it completely becuase I had him on tape saying he wasn't 100% sure I copied.

Anyways, after that incident I dont' really cheat anymore(except we do still exchange answers on HW). Of course now that I dont' cheat my grades have dropped a good amount becuase I now realize I can't do integrals without a calculator, and I've never really done any HW for myself. In middle school it probably doens't matter...but I know in college if you have a sh1tty foundation you're gonna get killed by some of the classes. In the next data structures class, it took me a couple hours more to finish the programs than it took everyone else for the first few programs. It takes me way longer to see stuff than other people becuase I can't do simple algebra simplifications or manipulations very well. So what I'm sayin is eventually it'll catch up with her. Sometimes you just gotta let people learn for themselves. I will say though, cheating so much made me really adept at being resourceful and working myself outta sticky situations.

If it were me, I'd probably just give her a little talk, say something like you'll eventually learn, and just jokingly harass her about it. I liked hte idea where you get a copy of the test...but what I'd do is if she got a problem wrong, that'd be taking away the phone/aim for a day. Give her a couple days to study the material, then give her the test...the whole time saying things like wow, I don't know how you passed that math test. If you know any cats in the italian mob...that'd be nice too As they say, you didnt' walk with jojo, you walked amongst him heh.

So your advice is to let the daughter learn the hard way, so in later years she'll realize how smart she isn't? Why not make her learn the right way now, and have her hate him for it, and then years down the road she'll thank him for it.

 

[UltraQuiet]

So your advice is to let the daughter learn the hard way, so in later years she'll realize how smart she isn't? Why not make her learn the right way now, and have her hate him for it, and then years down the road she'll thank him for it.

How dare you talk that way to these children!! After all who would know better than them on how to raise themselves.

 

[Tallgeese]

Did anybody see the recent "48 Hours" on academic cheating?

Awesome--and very disturbing--show.

 

[Carbo]

Did anybody see the recent "48 Hours" on academic cheating?

No, I didn't. But, why do I get the impression that the overriding thought was, "It's OK. Everybody does it. As long as you don't get caught.....

 

[Blieb]

Don't turn her in! You'll set her back a grade and she'll live with you for an extra year after she turns 18!!!

But seriously, I like what the others have said. Cut down on what she likes. Take her for a ride through a nasty area of town and remind her that being a bum ain't so far off if you can't get through MIDDLE SCHOOL on your own.

 

[Tallgeese]

Originally posted by: Carbo

Did anybody see the recent "48 Hours" on academic cheating?

No, I didn't. But, why do I get the impression that the overriding thought was, "It's OK. Everybody does it. As long as you don't get caught.....

That's why I found it so disturbing. I was flabbergasted at the guys who were booted from the Naval Academy when they still said things like "it was all taken away from me," etc. etc., and while listening to the idiot parents in Kansas talking about how their children couldn't have cheated because they didn't know what cheating was (for more info, see this article about the controversy at Piper High School).

BTW: Just found links to summaries of all the segments of that show...

Cheating In The Heartland?
Truth And Consequences: A Navy Scandal
Truth And Consequences: Foul Play
Truth And Consequences: Cherry Tree Moments

 

[Tallgeese]

Maybe this can offers some helpful strategies to Carbo:

Coping With A Cheating Child

 

[Tallgeese]

And if all else fails...

 

[sc0tty8]

If that was me, and my old man found out I was chreating to get grades, it would be WWIII. He would take away everything. I got a low mark in english(75% to pass, any other calss, a healthy C). I got EVERYTIHNG taken away from me. Friends, bike, job, stereo, computer, telephone(and I payed for my own line). I hope you really do the right thing as I am growing up still(2o years old) and I am tired of the way society is going with poeple younger and younger having sex and using drugs. Parents need to put their foot down. Also, contact her friend's parents, and have a meetiing, all of you. Then contact the school. Make her re-do the year over. NO aim. Thats what I would do. And summer school.

 

[DigDug]

Like it or not, cheating is often "how to the world works". Blatant cheating, no. But there is much deceit going on.

I knew many cheaters in highschool. One is now at UPenn Medical School, and went to Penn as an Undergrad. The other is at the tail end of a 7-year accelerated medical school program. Another is a law student at a top tier law school and a graduate of a prestigious Liberal Arts school. And another is now an Investment Banker at a well-known banking firm in Manhattan. And another graduated from Georgetown.

They all knew their stuff and were very bright (you can't cheat on the SATS and they all had great scores). Cheating in highschool merely ensured their entry into good universities. Once in college, they stopped.

Tell me where I....err, they suffered "in the long run"?

 

[Gaard]

Jeez dude
You have some very serious problems with your kid. Yet you come here and solicit advice from a predominantly single, childless, 20-something or less membership? I know there are some members here who are older and a parent (like me ), but c'mon...you do realize that that your children should be the most important thing in your life, right? Don't you have parents, or friends (I assume you're at least in your 30's), or even clergy to talk to? If I were having problems with parenting (that I definately needed help with) AnandTech would be the last place I'd go for that help. Don't minimize your problems with your daughter by halfassedly seeking help, after all she's your daughter.

Advice from a fellow parent: She's only 14 for Pete's sake! She cheated on the test that would determine if she passed or not. Do you know what it means when you don't pass? It means that you haven't learned what you needed to to pass that particular class. It means, academically, you're not ready to advance to the next level. Confront her...she's only 14! You drive her down to the school, you sit her down in front of her teacher, and you relate what you know. She's only 14! When are you going to start teaching her values? When are you going to start parenting?

I'd really do some serious thinking about getting some professional help...for you and for her. She has serious discipline and responsibility problems. People aren't just born with those problems. It's my opinion that she has these problems because, in part, you have so far failed as a parent. There could be other factors...friends, physical problems, etc...but from the info that's available I'd say that the majority of this young girls problems are a result of bad parenting. (Granted, I'm no expert...but I'd be curious to know what a professional says). It's also my opinion that it's not even close to being too late to become a better parent, but you have to start now and you have to work at it. Parenting isn't a walk in the park...it's a 24 hour-a-day job and it's hard work...but who other than your daughter deserves your hard work more?

One last time...she's only 14! What do you think? If you do what you should do as a responsible parent and show her that what she did was wrong she'll hate you for the rest of her life? You think when she's your age she's going to say "Fvck my old man. He narced on me when I was 14."? Be a dad.

 

[CrazyDe1]

Public hanging will teach her....

Anyways, just make sure she understands that you're not eavesdropping on her all the time. I'd be pissed if I kenw u were listening to my phone conversations. Still let her know its not acceptable though.

 

[DigDug]

If I'm correct, Carbo is the one who posted awhile ago about the horrendous behavior of his child. Its obvious that he hasn't disciplined her at all, and now that the formative years are over, he's suffereing form his own disaster.

It's sad. I wouldn't know what to do if I was in Carbo's situation. But I wouldn't ever let my child get to that level, so I wouldn't be in that situation to begin with.

 

[alphatarget1]

Originally posted by: Azraele
Contact the school and let her face the music. She needs to get her act straight. She also needs to learn responsibility and priority.

agreed

 

[gregshin]

take her for a car ride and go down to the worst part of town...aka skid row and tell is this what you want to be when you grow up? is scared the living day lights out of me

 

[alphatarget1]

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: BDawg

Originally posted by: Azraele
Contact the school and let her face the music. She needs to get her act straight. She also needs to learn responsibility and priority.

I agree 100%. If you let her slide by, she'll do it again. Letting her get by only cheats her future.

i think that's a bit shortsighted.... you don't know what kind of reaction the school will give... this could seriously screw her record up.

she's in middle school right?

shouldn't go on the record.

 

[alphatarget1]

Originally posted by: d1abolic
Why would you turn her in? If my parents pulled something like that, i think i'd move out and never talk to them again.

That's not the problem. The problem is that she cheated and that's the bottom line. I can't believe some adults here actually believe that she'll be mad at you for the rest of her life. When you're older you'll realise a lot of things you've done in the pass is childlish. Part of what growing up is learn how to take responsibility for what you do. If you drive when you're drunk, there is a possibility that you'll hit someone and injure them that's why you don't do it.

Middle school records really don't count much in college. I'd consider not telling the school if she was in high school but severe punishment is necessary.

Not to be mean but do parents really teach their kids how to be responsible against their actions? I don't think a lot of parents do. Even adults aren't responsible these days.

 

[Gooberlx2]

Here's is an idea:

Inform the school of the situation. Hopefully they won't take it upon themselves to deal some punishment, but try to work it out so that you setup a meeting with them and your daughter. Have them tell her they have a reasonable suspicion of her cheating on the exam. Let them put the fear of God into her by going over all the nasty punishments they could smack down on her. (expulsion, being held back, whatever) Then have them tell her that you chose, instead, to deal with the issue in house and she'll be allowed to continue with her current academic status (though she'll be watched).

At home: sit down with her and explain to her that you overheard her phone conversation while you were putting the 4-year-old to bed. Tell her how immensely dissappointed you are with her, but you're not going to tell the school.

Basically from there pick up with the previous suggestion of compromising out a justified but stern punishment with her.

I think this may cover quite a few bases.
- She gets treated like an adult, which I'm sure she wants.
- She is made aware just how severly she could be punished
- It, hopefully, gains you some respect by "saving her @$$" from the school system

My sister was just like your daughter at that age. She did eventually grow up.

 

[Gaard]

She gets treated like an adult, which I'm sure she wants.

Do not, under any circumstance, treat this child as an adult! She's a child. Hell, when I was that age I was playing little league during the day and throwing snowballs at cars at night. You know how you should treat this child? Like a 14 year old!

 

[BD2003]

You need to stop being a pussy and put your fatherly foot down. The father is the all might, all knowing, all powerful being.

 

[Vette73]

Originally posted by: Carbo

Did anybody see the recent "48 Hours" on academic cheating?

No, I didn't. But, why do I get the impression that the overriding thought was, "It's OK. Everybody does it. As long as you don't get caught.....

That and I need the good grades to get into a good school. What happens when you get into that school and can't keep up?

Then you get kicked out, which looks a lot worse then going to a CC and getting good grades.

Like I said, try to get her into a summer College remidial class. Might be remidial, but will give her some good learning.

 

[MrCodeDude]

If it was like homework that she copied, I'd let it slide. Even for a test, it wouldn't be that bad, still would punish though. But on the final, I don't know, I'd just feel very guilty though. Then again, seeing your I hate my Kid thread. I gave you my suggestion last time.

Give her nothing but a bed, no covers (summer time, she doesn't need to be all cozy and crap), no pillow, just a matress with a sheet on it. A desk or table for her to read or something. And tell her to make it up, she must read 3 books in 1 week and write a 2 page review/essay on each book. If she fails do to that, turn her in. And 2 meals a day, Breakfast and Dinner. And no sweets. You're little princess is one little bitch.
-- mrcodedude

 

[Carbo]

Don't you have parents, or friends (I assume you're at least in your 30's), or even clergy to talk to?

Well, gaard, I'm humbled being bitch slapped by America's Parent of the Year. Yet, I feel compelled to reply.
My parents are deceased. I have talked to friends about our kids, and their kids, too. (Seems not all kids and families are perfect like the gaard's).
But what really caught my attention in your self righteous and arrogant reply was your recommendation to speak with a clergyman. Are you kidding me? The clergy? When you're not staring at yourself in the mirror do you take the time to read the newspapers?
The clergy!! Yeah, need advice about your kids, go ask the community pedophile.
You're a fool, gaard. When your daughter becomes the local corner whore, I suggest you go talk with her pimp. I'm sure he'll have some good advice for you, too.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: BlipBlop
Like it or not, cheating is often "how to the world works". Blatant cheating, no. But there is much deceit going on.

I knew many cheaters in highschool. One is now at UPenn Medical School, and went to Penn as an Undergrad. The other is at the tail end of a 7-year accelerated medical school program. Another is a law student at a top tier law school and a graduate of a prestigious Liberal Arts school. And another is now an Investment Banker at a well-known banking firm in Manhattan. And another graduated from Georgetown.

They all knew their stuff and were very bright (you can't cheat on the SATS and they all had great scores). Cheating in highschool merely ensured their entry into good universities. Once in college, they stopped.

Tell me where I....err, they suffered "in the long run"?

That's along the lines of what I said in that sometimes it is not that bad. For instance you are a good student in school with straight As trying to get into a top university with a scholarship. One weekend you can't take the studying anymore and get trashed all weekend. Oops finals are coming up! Now what to do? You cheat at the end and get in. You've already proven to yourself that you can do the work and you know you can but you made a small mistake, and it can be fixed with cheating. If you don't do it long term it's ok.

Now the people you know may be exceptions. I have no doubt that the average person who cheats whenever they possibly can will be unable to buck the trend and will find themselves severely suffering for it in the long term.