Should I Turn My Kid In ?

[UltraQuiet]

lets hope your first post is also you last, lol, i love how you are such a great role model for your daughter, make her into a perfect version of you. just because my opinion is different than yours means you feel that i should go away and never come back?

Yeah, that about sums it up.

and Carbo, who are you to decide what the "right" thing to do is? as if there were a "right" thing to do.

He's her father.

and anyways, im 17, for whoever asked.

Thanks for confirming your irrelevancy. Now go outside and play, the adults have things to discuss.

 

[pillage2001]

Carbo, not to be rude but I do think that you're weak when it comes to parenting. I under stand that you do have a job and prolly your wife does too. Were you the one that started a thread about how much you hate your daughter?? I presume so.

I'm not a parent either and I'm only going 21 but I've been WHAT your daughter is now. A brat, I learned it the hard way. As for the AIM time and the phone thingy, my mum used to pull off the computer cords from the pc until I learn how to behave and my dad will cut off the phone line if I go overboard. My mum turned me in to the school for not doing hw when I was in year4 (10 years old) and I got hell of a thrashing in school and at home.

Funny thing how you can put up with her and all her shait. If she threatens you and whatnot, do the same back to her. Do not attempt to kill her but cut down her allowances and play time. Make her do house chores. If she complains that she's tired, Make her do 10 minutes of it and increase over time. Do NOT let her go on AIM or any chat services that much. Believe me, at 14, you don't know how easy it is for her to get influenced by her friends since you said that students only go to the school to recharge their hp. Why are you letting her do all this? Is it because that you love her?? Loving her does not meaning handing money to her while you're at work. Again, I understand that you're working and nobody's home for her. Maybe she's just brought up to live a life as a queen. You cannot blame her for this.

AS for the cheating fiasco. I would say turn her in since you're always powerless against her. It'll spoil her academic future?? What if she's caught copying in all her assignments in college?? She'll get thrown out and there will be a written record on her. Think of it this way, it's best to educate a child when she/he is still living under the same roof as you. When she heads out to college and gets her own place to stay, you're forked . She'll have parties everynight and eventually start smoking crack. Not scarring you but things have to stop when they cross the line. Something as simple as compying make lead to something bigger like stealing and other bad stuffs you don't want to deal with. SHe's still 14 and there's a chance she'll change. If she hits 21 with this kind of attitude, I suggest you disown her. She's prolly not loved in the proper way nor does she know the pain and agony you guys went through to support her. All she knows is that she wants to get out of the house to hang out with her BEST FRIENDS and chilling with cool guys in college. Prolly would turn up to be those girls that would wanna get laid every night.

Again, I'm sorry to be harsh but I just don't want Carbo to regret what he's NOT doing now. SHe might hate you for turning her in but hei, it's for the better, why not?? As they said, no pain no gain. I was brought up the hardway, I was not spared the rod all the way till I was 16. . After that, my dad took over the beatings and he did it with his hand. I do not hate my parents for what they did to me but her, I love them alot. It's because of them that I'm pursuing a Computer Engineering degree today. I'm asian. Maybe it's true that Asian tends to be better at home care.

 

[aswedc]

Middle school is suck. Seriously, when I was in middle school I thought it was the biggest waste of time of my life and I still do.

Every class was nothing but bullsh$t and many of the teachers were simply incompetent. (My favorite: "3^3 = 9! - what do you mean thats wrong, the book said so...oh wait...") And I'm attending (now in HS) one of the supposed best school districts in a filthy rich Philadelphia suburb. The public school system in the US is incredibly broken (not like I needed to tell anyone that)

Its easy to understand where you would get an attitude about school where you would cheat. Also, in high school cheating in one way or another is very widespead, and its unfortunate, but anyone who doesn't is at a severe disadvantage.

I'm not saying that you should let this go, and math is one of the only subjects in middle school that will actually have a impact on future classes. Their behavior may make it seem otherwise, but I've found almost all high school kids do actually care about their grades and future, so try and see where this is coming from.

 

[FunkmanDigital]

look at these dignified adults that can not even comprehend things like freedom of speech who are trying so hard to prove that they are right to a 17 year old. and exactly how do all of you people know what the "right" thing to do is? did your god come down from heaven and tell you what it was? and since being 17 makes anything i say irrelevant, im going to leave now. (argueing over the internet is like competing in the special olympics, whether you win or lose, you are still retarded)

 

[Mursilis]

and anyways, im 17, for whoever asked.

Thanks for confirming your irrelevancy. Now go outside and play, the adults have things to discuss.

Hilarious!!!! Thank you for making my day!!!!

I'll admit that not every teenager is useless to this discussion (some have given some pretty perceptive thoughts, in fact), but boy, the rest have really offered some howlers!!

 

[cdan]

Tell your daughter you know she cheated. Then say she has to turn herself in. She will most likely fail the course but since she turned herself in the school might be leaniant and let her graduate provided she retakes the course in the summer. Since she failed the course, she will be able to take it in the summer. In the future, it may be necessary to look over her homework to make sure it's done. Sometimes you may have to put your foot down so she will respect you. Worked for my mom.

 

[Gonad the Barbarian]

You turn your kid in to the school:
She will hate you.
She will think you don't care about her.
She will think you are weak for not taking care of it yourself.
She gets caught up in the beauracracy of the public school displine system and her entire future schoolastic career is tainted & jeopardized.

You take care of it yourself:
She will be mad at you.
She will kiss your ass for not turning her in to the school.
YOU will be the one laying down the law, hopefully setting a (from the sounds of it a much needed) harsh disciplinarian precendent, and probably gain some respect from her down the road.

For all you folks saying to turn her in to the school, would you call the cops if you caught your kid speeding? Jeez.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: BeefJurky
all through high school i was in the "advanced" classes. you know, the classes they put people in that think they'll do well in harder classes, but really won't. anyway, it's amazing to me how much cheating went on in those classes. if you ask me, cheating on a final is nothing. cheating on every test in every class with the help of almost every classmate is bad. having an entire class of 40 students deny that the teacher told them there was a going to be a test today is kinda bad, too.... that happened once. it was funny, though, in a sick kinda way, because the class actually convinced him that he never told us about the test, and he put it off for a week.

That's why teachers need to write it up on the board and keep it up there so they have proof and a fail-safe that the students are informed ahead of time.

 

[Stark]

For all you folks saying to turn her in to the school, would you call the cops if you caught your kid speeding? Jeez.

Gonad,

The kid is in Jr. High. Being turned into school and recieving and F on the test or in the class will not permanently damage her academic career. It is not college or even high school. Hopefully she learns her lesson now, before she gets caught cheating in the later years when it really can screw up her future. Parents who turn a blind eye to cheating are condoning the behavior.

A better analogy than the one you present is: would you call the cops if you knew your kid has stolen something? That's basically what his daughter did... she stole a grade to get by. Many parents don't give a crap about what their kids do. The question is: does Carbo care? Really care?

 

[rufruf44]

Originally posted by: Gonad the Barbarian
You turn your kid in to the school:
She will hate you.
She will think you don't care about her.
She will think you are weak for not taking care of it yourself.
She gets caught up in the beauracracy of the public school displine system and her entire future schoolastic career is tainted & jeopardized.

You take care of it yourself:
She will be mad at you.
She will kiss your ass for not turning her in to the school.
YOU will be the one laying down the law, hopefully setting a (from the sounds of it a much needed) harsh disciplinarian precendent, and probably gain some respect from her down the road.

For all you folks saying to turn her in to the school, would you call the cops if you caught your kid speeding? Jeez.

Would you call the cops if you found out your kids just got involved in a robbery? The thing that matter is that her daughter need to be discipline/reprimanded one way or the other. Suggestions and alternatives are being made, and informing the school is one of it.


Edit: bah, Stark beat me to it

 

[Legendary]

Yes, you should turn her in. If she doesn't respect you, in house punishments won't mean squat.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: FunkmanDigital
ok, just one thing that really bothers me, why exactly are you listening to her phone conversations? how would you like if she listened to all your phone calls and could punish you for acting in a way she didnt like? there is no need to punish her, let her deal with with the consequences of her actions. it is her life, not yours, remember that. for some reason people seem to get old and think parenting=punishing. and why do you even care about her grades in middle school? its not like they matter once you are in high school. let her get the grades she earns, not the ones you earn. if she does bad in high school she will have to deal with consequences of not being able to go to college, and then maybe she will actually learn that she should have tried. but for god's sake, stop listening to her phone calls.

oh, and for all the people that say that she cant cheat her way through life: she already did. if she got away with it now whats going to stop her from doing it again? nothing. she knows what the consequences are. she knows its just smarter to cheat, because you almost never get caught, than study. public school is worthless anyway. ever think that maybe she has already figured this out?

You are a freaking moron.

Parents have every right to do what it takes to ensure their kids are headed in the right direction. That is what parenting is about, not just some folks who give out freebies to a bunch of rugrats. What do you think this is, a Holiday Inn? (hear grandma bursting out in laughter)

Knowing what he consequences ARE, and having to DEAL with the consequences, are two different things. She needs to deal with them, not just know they exist. Otherwise, they aren't called consequences - just empty threats.

Public School is worthless because too Parents are worthless. If every parent followed your logic above, then the school IS worthless. It's not supposed to be a day care center.

 

[GrumpyMan]

If I were you I would not turn her in but I would ground her for the summer, take away her computer and phone. I would also send her to a math tutor. Or I would give her the choice of going to the principal and confessing her cheating in person and let the school discipline her with no other repercussions at home. Her choice.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: FunkmanDigital
lets hope your first post is also you last, lol, i love how you are such a great role model for your daughter, make her into a perfect version of you. just because my opinion is different than yours means you feel that i should go away and never come back? ok, ill get right on that. hey everyone, because my opinion is different than the norm, it is invalid! and Carbo, who are you to decide what the "right" thing to do is? as if there were a "right" thing to do.

and anyways, im 17, for whoever asked.

Your opinion? You weren't stating an opinion, you were stating your ignorance. Your perception comes apparently from the fact you either hate the way your parents are raising you or not raising you.

the responses you received come from the way you made your statement, you are telling Carbo what the "right" thing to do is, not giving him any advice on how to approach the situation. Your argument is invalid, not because everyone agrees that it is, but because it IS. Do some growing up and approach these threads with a bit more maturity and maybe your won't receive such harsh treatment.

Moron. <--- (just had to throw that in, I'm so mean)

 

[i3rYs0n]

Don't turn her in that would really mess up here academics, but do two things make her tell you that she cheated and ground her to the point that you think she learned her lesson.

LaSt

 

[Martin]

Originally posted by: Mursilis

and anyways, im 17, for whoever asked.

Thanks for confirming your irrelevancy. Now go outside and play, the adults have things to discuss.

Hilarious!!!! Thank you for making my day!!!!

I'll admit that not every teenager is useless to this discussion (some have given some pretty perceptive thoughts, in fact), but boy, the rest have really offered some howlers!!

Imagine. Linuxboy is only 18 and this little brat is 17. Amazing how different people of the same age can be.


Btw, does anyone else find that studying for a test is usually easier than cheating on it?

 

[Freejack2]

Where I went to college, if you got caught cheating not only did you get expelled from the course, they put it on your academic record.
So instead of graduating with honors it'd be graduating with cheating. If I ever even gave 2 seconds of thought to it, that record alone was enough to keep me from cheating.
I'd have to say I was much happier graduating with honors than with cheating.

Turning your daughter in may not be the best bet. However do hold it over her head. If she refuses to change well turn her in then and let her pay the penalty.
I rather strongly suspect after her temper tantrums are over she'll listen to you and straighten up.
Doesn't hurt to remind her that there are 2 types of jobs, the menial minimum wage ones and the nice cushy $30k and more a year office jobs. The people who earn 30k or more a year are the ones who graduated with good grades. While that may not hold 100% true it's not too far off.

 

[CrazyDe1]

Its not the end of the world...I cheated my way through high school to 12th in the class w/ a 4.2. I copied every homework ever. On days of tests I'd ditch the class by going to the clinic, saying I was sick, then leaving so that it was excused. I'd ask everyone what was on the test, then I'd go in and take it the next day knowing everything. I did get a D in AP calculus class once...but I ended up w/ a 5 on both calc AP tests becuase I knew how to use a calculator really wel to get answers. I remember one day in calc class my boy and I had just gotten F's on a test because we really didn't care being senior year and all so we were playing senior picture war. Thats like the card game war...only the hottest girl wins when you toss them down. Well, the whole class wasn't paying attention to the teacher at all and she yells out don't force me to tell you why you two of all pepole should be paying attention, and then she sent us to the principle for playing such a shallow game in her class. I remember in AP english class we had a rough draft do, and we had to go show it ot her, so what I'd do is always type the first page out, and not do anymore of it. Well, she decided to have us walk up and show them to her...so right when shes about to turn to my 2nd page of my essay, I decide to ask her what my grade is...shes like you have an A, I take my essay, say thanks, and walk away.

Fast forward to college, this time I get busted for cheating in a C++ class. We had to do 8 projects, and basically 8 of us each did one project and exchanged them with each other. Well, everyone got busted except for me becuase I walked into the prof's office with a tape recorder and asked him if he knew for sure that I copied from the other kids or if they copied from me. None of the others was going to rat me out so he said he was 90% sure I copied because I turned 7 of my projects in later than the first kid who turned it in. I told him that wasn't good enough and that if he was gonna fail me for cheating he better be 100% sure that I did the cheating. At this point, he sent me to a senior professor who quizzed me on each program, and I passed, and they dropped it completely becuase I had him on tape saying he wasn't 100% sure I copied.

Anyways, after that incident I dont' really cheat anymore(except we do still exchange answers on HW). Of course now that I dont' cheat my grades have dropped a good amount becuase I now realize I can't do integrals without a calculator, and I've never really done any HW for myself. In middle school it probably doens't matter...but I know in college if you have a sh1tty foundation you're gonna get killed by some of the classes. In the next data structures class, it took me a couple hours more to finish the programs than it took everyone else for the first few programs. It takes me way longer to see stuff than other people becuase I can't do simple algebra simplifications or manipulations very well. So what I'm sayin is eventually it'll catch up with her. Sometimes you just gotta let people learn for themselves. I will say though, cheating so much made me really adept at being resourceful and working myself outta sticky situations.

If it were me, I'd probably just give her a little talk, say something like you'll eventually learn, and just jokingly harass her about it. I liked hte idea where you get a copy of the test...but what I'd do is if she got a problem wrong, that'd be taking away the phone/aim for a day. Give her a couple days to study the material, then give her the test...the whole time saying things like wow, I don't know how you passed that math test. If you know any cats in the italian mob...that'd be nice too As they say, you didnt' walk with jojo, you walked amongst him heh.

 

[UltraQuiet]

I will say though, cheating so much made me really adept at being resourceful and working myself outta sticky situations.

It makes me happy to see that you have rationalized your guilt. " Being a lying, cheating POS has made me resourceful so really, it's OK."
LOL.

 

[Jmmsbnd007]

Don't turn her in, but punish her, i.e. no AIM for a week.

 

[Tallgeese]

Originally posted by: DaveSohmer

I will say though, cheating so much made me really adept at being resourceful and working myself outta sticky situations.

It makes me happy to see that you have rationalized your guilt. " Being a lying, cheating POS has made me resourceful so really, it's OK."
LOL.

Hey Chief, tell this doofus what happens to someone in the Navy if that person is a lying, cheating POS.
After all, everyone already knows that in civilian life such a person...can be elected President of the United States (thanks Mr. Clinton).

 

[Bulk Beef]

Btw, does anyone else find that studying for a test is usually easier than cheating on it?

I cheated in a first year German class, and it was a major PITA. I would have been much better off just learning the material, since the class really wasn't that hard. I think I wanted to be bad and sneaky and feel like I was getting away with something or "sticking it to the man".

Carbo, you really need to confront her with this. As I and several others here have already stated, she needs to turn herself in, you just need to be the one to show her that it's what she needs to do. There are so many lessons she can take away from this, far beyond "cheating is bad". Maybe you should look at it as an opportunity.

 

[DDCSpeed]

Almost everyone has cheated during school...I dont think you should penalize her for it...However, there is a difference in cheating. If she can only advance to another class because she cheats...she needs to learn the lesson the hard way. If she is only cheating to get a better grade, then its a little bit different for instance from B to A. However, people shouldnt cheat at all.

 

[UltraQuiet]

Hey Chief, tell this doofus what happens to someone in the Navy if that person is a lying, cheating POS.

If they work for me, nothing good. When I am on a boat we take at least two written tests a week. I only have to catch guys "being resourceful" once before they understand the importance of written exams. I have seen nuclear trained personnel (power plants, not bombs) taken to Captain's Mast, busted down, fined, and thrown out of the submarine force for cheating on an exam.

 

[Gonad the Barbarian]

A better analogy than the one you present is: would you call the cops if you knew your kid has stolen something? That's basically what his daughter did... she stole a grade to get by. Many parents don't give a crap about what their kids do. The question is: does Carbo care? Really care?

Ok, if you caught your kid downloading mp3's would you call the cops? Afterall, it's stealing isn't it? This isn't black and white, but one thing is very clear - the parent HAS to be the child's ultimate authority. Not the school, cops, or anyone else. I'm not saying that they should never be involved, because in some cases they should, but turning that responsibility over to them just because you can is the very definition of bad parenting, because it's not parenting at all.