should I leave my g/f of 8 years?

[zachtos]

I have dated the same girl for going on 9 years now. I am 25, we started dating at 16, neither of us have been with another person. Over the last 4 years I have been having major problems going deeper into the relationship. I don't want to marry her because I am too unsure. she has lied to me ALOT in the past, but she was young. We have broken up several times over the last few years, because I'm mostly unhappy dealing with all of her "how do you feel about me etc?" questions.

I'm worried that I suffer from "grass is greener" on the other side complex. I constanlty find myself wanting to be with other girls physically. It's so hard for me to want to stay. I feel so shallow because I want a younger, prettier girl or one that has some sort of future. I hate her family and she hates nearly everything that is funny to me. I feel stressful around her but can't leave because I'm afraid to be alone. I have stayed with her too long and feel like I can never find another now. All of our friends and families on both sides tell us to split up because they can see we are not happy... I'm just so worried that I will not be able to find another girl better then her. She really is obsessed with me and I'm afraid she will kill herself if I leave. She has said this in the past and I believe her. I really just want a break to see other people and possibly return in the future. She said this is cruel and she could not handle it. To top it off, I'm 25 years old and have problems getting erections with her already... I think it's because she gained 50 pounds and I'm bored of her or hate her truly...

In her defense:
she is very sweet and innocent
she would be good with children
she is fairly pretty, chubby, not really fat

more background:
my parents and her parents was us to break up and so do all of eachothers friends
she hates all of my friends
neither of us are really active or do much outside of dinner,movies occasional vacation
neither of our hobbies coincide, but not many girls like pc games/marine life and boring techincal ******, nor do men really enjoy crafts and shopping online
we do like alot of the same movies
we argue about finances AND WE DONT EVEN LIVE TOGETHER by the way.
I dont really know if I love her.

Past breakups: immediate feelings
no crying from me, I actually usually felt relieved
around 2 weeks of being alone, I start to flip out, get drunk and get incredibly horny and call her... this results in it starting all over again.

How do you even break up with someone after this long?
What if I broke up, dated other girls and realized that I really did love her?

I need advice, preferably from older men with longterm relationship experience.

update:
I broke up with her.

 

[ghost recon88]

If I can get it in before some posts, you're not gonna get any good advice on this here forum.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: ghost recon88
If I can get it in before some posts, you're not gonna get any good advice on this here forum.

he'll get some good advice on "this here forum" if he reads every other post.

 

[j00fek]

damded if you do damded if you dont

 

[GeekDrew]

Ummm.... I'm not older than you, but even I can see the trainwreck that's going to result by maintaining that relationship...

 

[ghost recon88]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: ghost recon88
If I can get it in before some posts, you're not gonna get any good advice on this here forum.

he'll get some good advice on "this here forum" if he reads every other post.

LOL, yea I know I should have put "here on this forum" but I was trying to get in the first reply.

 

[astrocase]

This is a personal decision you have to make. I'd say leave her based on what you told us, but honestly you should be getting opinions from your family and friends. You should be talking to her about this. If they're telling you to break up then that's a BIG sign.

 

[bleeb]

Sometimes you just have to cut loose and let go...

Keep up the flava!

 

[Garet Jax]

I have been with my wife for 11 years (married for almost 6).

There have been rough times, but they have been the minority. For the most part we are very happy together.

It sounds like you two are together for the wrong reasons. At your age erectile disfunction is almost 100% mental. Give each other space - if you were right for each other than you will come back.

You will never find the right person if you are with the wrong one....

 

[Scouzer]

dude, wtf are you with her, get away

 

[BrokenVisage]

It's time to move on

 

[BD2003]

From your post: Yes.

 

[Rill22]

I think by your description you've answered your own question.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: ghost recon88

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: ghost recon88
If I can get it in before some posts, you're not gonna get any good advice on this here forum.

he'll get some good advice on "this here forum" if he reads every other post.

LOL, yea I know I should have put "here on this forum" but I was trying to get in the first reply.

git-r-done

 

[amdforever2]

Dr. Drew would say first relationships aren't meant to last.

 

[bigrash]

Originally posted by: zachtos
I have dated the same girl for going on 9 years now. I am 25, we started dating at 16, neither of us have been with another person. Over the last 4 years I have been having major problems going deeper into the relationship. I don't want to marry her because I am too unsure. she has lied to me ALOT in the past, but she was young. We have broken up several times over the last few years, because I'm mostly unhappy dealing with all of her "how do you feel about me etc?" questions.

I'm worried that I suffer from "grass is greener" on the other side complex. I constanlty find myself wanting to be with other girls physically. It's so hard for me to want to stay. I feel so shallow because I want a younger, prettier girl or one that has some sort of future. I hate her family and she hates nearly everything that is funny to me. I feel stressful around her but can't leave because I'm afraid to be alone. I have stayed with her too long and feel like I can never find another now. All of our friends and families on both sides tell us to split up because they can see we are not happy... I'm just so worried that I will not be able to find another girl better then her. She really is obsessed with me and I'm afraid she will kill herself if I leave. She has said this in the past and I believe her. I really just want a break to see other people and possibly return in the future. She said this is cruel and she could not handle it. To top it off, I'm 25 years old and have problems getting erections with her already... I think it's because she gained 50 pounds and I'm bored of her or hate her truly...

I need advice, preferably from older men with longterm relationship experience.

that's cause the grass IS greener on the other side. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[buck]

She has lied alot and shes fat? GTFO!

 

[Queasy]

I think Kenny said it best:

:music:You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.:music:

 

[S Freud]

man I just got out of a situation almost identical to this, your never going to be sure unless you take the plunge and find out. You can't build or further a relatioship on guilt or obligation. If you have doubts then it will never work, from what you have descibed I think that you could do much better then her. And without the support of your families things will always be hard, follow your gut man, what do you have to lose. If she uses those threats as a way to keep you then that is her problem, sounds to me like she cares more about what she wants and having you then what you need.

just my .02

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: zachtos
I have dated the same girl for going on 9 years now. I am 25, we started dating at 16, neither of us have been with another person. Over the last 4 years I have been having major problems going deeper into the relationship. I don't want to marry her because I am too unsure. she has lied to me ALOT in the past, but she was young. We have broken up several times over the last few years, because I'm mostly unhappy dealing with all of her "how do you feel about me etc?" questions.

I'm worried that I suffer from "grass is greener" on the other side complex. I constanlty find myself wanting to be with other girls physically. It's so hard for me to want to stay. I feel so shallow because I want a younger, prettier girl or one that has some sort of future. I hate her family and she hates nearly everything that is funny to me. I feel stressful around her but can't leave because I'm afraid to be alone. I have stayed with her too long and feel like I can never find another now. All of our friends and families on both sides tell us to split up because they can see we are not happy... I'm just so worried that I will not be able to find another girl better then her. She really is obsessed with me and I'm afraid she will kill herself if I leave. She has said this in the past and I believe her. I really just want a break to see other people and possibly return in the future. She said this is cruel and she could not handle it. To top it off, I'm 25 years old and have problems getting erections with her already... I think it's because she gained 50 pounds and I'm bored of her or hate her truly...
I need advice, preferably from older men with longterm relationship experience.

whoa dude, just from your description it sounds like you are living in hell. get the fvck out of there. offing herself would be a good thing for you - she won't be bothering you anymore.

i didn't read 1 single good thing about this girl. read the highlighted parts. get the fvck out now!

 

[ngvepforever2]

there really is a thin line between love and hatred....
I think that if you feel that way, it's better to move on. You shouldn't be afraid to be alone, you have to be happy with yourself before you are able to make someone else happy. If you don't love her, leave her. It will be tough but it will also be the best for both of you.

GL

ng

 

[Mo0o]

Time to move. You should not stay in a relationship, especially w/o kids, based on obligation. You're already emotionally out of this relationship, time to pull your carcass out as well.

 

[junkerman123]

"I think it's because she gained 50 pounds and I'm bored of her or hate her truly... "

/relationship

/thread

 

[Lizardman]

Holy crap

Break up with her yesterday.

Same sort of thing happened to me, except 5 years instead of 9!! The easiest way to do this is just get a new apartment and say bye, it was nice knowing ya. 50lbs hurts a little bit. Tell her she is just a fatty and you dont love her any more. Hopefully she wont kill her self, buttt at least you will be happy

 

[Kadarin]

I was once in a 7 year relationship that was 4 years too long. There is no reason why you should ever be obligated to stay in a relationship when you are not happy.