You have it completely backwards. In todays job market yes, the employers have all the power, and they use that power to pick and choose the best employee. They also have many many potential employees to choose from, so it is easy to dismiss someone from the list for being perceived to have a bad attitude.
The OP gave the company an easy way to dismiss him and move on to the next candidate, while he did not even give them a chance by talking with them for 20 or 25 minutes to ask the questions he wanted to ask in a less confrontational manner.
That's absolutely false with high end IT. There's a huge shortage of talent at that level. It's impossible to find good, highly skilled people and when you do you WILL pay them a pretty penny because they know they are worth it and are probably making it already. You have to convince them to jump. If you wind up paying them less or they accept it just means that really aren't as good as they say. Which can normally be ferreted out in the tech interview where we beat the snot out of you and make you prove you know what you're doing.
There's been times when we found the perfect fit and after negotiations the price was still too much for budget. So we create a position for them because good ones are so hard to find. And you don't want your competitors to snatch them up.
As far as attitude goes, the top level IT guys can get an attitude because they know they are valuable. I have to keep mine consciously in check when interviewing or going through the process. The highly skilled IT professional, with strong communication and people/soft skills can print his own paycheck he's so valuable. It doesn't matter how skilled you are if nobody wants to work with you and find your attitude and demeanor abrasive. You are a businessman first, an IT pro second.
And finally to the cold calls from recruiters? They are your best friend and you should build and maintain relationships with them, give them some business of people you know that they might be looking for. These folks make their living on knowing where the jobs are and what's going on internally at various companies/clients. Why would you blow off somebody that has so much potential to help you? Even if the position they contacted you for isn't a good fit or you're not interested, nuture and build that relationship. Networking 101.