Forget about the mom and dad's (obviously lamer) sexlife....
What about these kids? Are they taggin'?
That's a little more interesting.
What about these kids? Are they taggin'?
That's a little more interesting.
You really want him to understand it was wrong, call the cops and report rape.
Every sexual decision is a new one. Having sex in the past does not give future consent.
If you let this slide, remember this class saying, "Being porked while sleeping once, shame on him. Being porkec while sleeping twice, shame on you."
Every sexual decision is a new one. Having sex in the past does not give future consent.
If you let this slide, remember this class saying, "Being porked while sleeping once, shame on him. Being porkec while sleeping twice, shame on you."
How long did it take for you to come up with such a great solution to a difficult problem? Maybe you should be a marriage counselor.
silverpig
Lifer
- Jul 29, 2001
- 27,703
- 12
- 81
Originally posted by: Encryptic
How long did it take for you to come up with such a great solution to a difficult problem? Maybe you should be a marriage counselor.
Hey, my solution is better than rape...
What's more, how can you counsel their problem? Either he's gonna have to give it up, or she's gonna have to give IT up. They tried a compromise by scheduling sex which didn't work. He did her after she said no when she was asleep. That's one fvcked up marriage if you ask me.
I feel repulsed with some of the responses within this thread, but we are all entitled to our opinions. There's no thought crime; in other words we all and should have freedom of thoughts.
"What's more, how can you counsel their problem? Either he's gonna have to give it up, or she's gonna have to give IT up. They tried a compromise by scheduling sex which didn't work. He did her after she said no when she was asleep. That's one fvcked up marriage if you ask me"
I see what you're saying. But here's how I perceive it: It's true that there's an underlying issue buried. The wife has an issue or something that makes it difficult for her to offer more to her hubby. However, I do not think that a false dichotomy or dilemma should be created here, for he so-called husband, on the other hand, has a problem of wanting too much and beyond what she can satisfy--even if she was fully functioning.
Basically, even if the wife offered more to him (for instance twice a day 5 days a week), I'm afraid he would not be satisfied. Here's why: There's just that addiction he seems to have. But there's also what appears to be this strange perception that he has his property and should be able to do it at any time he wishes.
If his problem were just desire to have sex all the time, it would be difficult but still be resolved, albeit divorce may be one of the options. We could also know why the wife is not feeling it. Chances are that she has too much load. It isn't hard to see this in this case with kids, house chores, and work. He doesn't seem to help her much, so she has so much to do on her own. Hence she's tired at the end of the day; or she's just lost the feeling/connection. And truly in that case either he works things out and helps relieve her of the stress, accepts the consequence (i.e., little sex), or he files for divorce.
The biggest problem here though is that he has more than an addiction, in my perspective. His thought seems driven by this notion that it's his right. It seems to me that what's going on here is the thrill from violating his wife more than it is from even the actual act. (Note that this isn't the first time he's done that.) This is my perception, especially when you consider other facts presented in the past in regards to the persons involved.
"What's more, how can you counsel their problem? Either he's gonna have to give it up, or she's gonna have to give IT up. They tried a compromise by scheduling sex which didn't work. He did her after she said no when she was asleep. That's one fvcked up marriage if you ask me"
I see what you're saying. But here's how I perceive it: It's true that there's an underlying issue buried. The wife has an issue or something that makes it difficult for her to offer more to her hubby. However, I do not think that a false dichotomy or dilemma should be created here, for he so-called husband, on the other hand, has a problem of wanting too much and beyond what she can satisfy--even if she was fully functioning.
Basically, even if the wife offered more to him (for instance twice a day 5 days a week), I'm afraid he would not be satisfied. Here's why: There's just that addiction he seems to have. But there's also what appears to be this strange perception that he has his property and should be able to do it at any time he wishes.
If his problem were just desire to have sex all the time, it would be difficult but still be resolved, albeit divorce may be one of the options. We could also know why the wife is not feeling it. Chances are that she has too much load. It isn't hard to see this in this case with kids, house chores, and work. He doesn't seem to help her much, so she has so much to do on her own. Hence she's tired at the end of the day; or she's just lost the feeling/connection. And truly in that case either he works things out and helps relieve her of the stress, accepts the consequence (i.e., little sex), or he files for divorce.
The biggest problem here though is that he has more than an addiction, in my perspective. His thought seems driven by this notion that it's his right. It seems to me that what's going on here is the thrill from violating his wife more than it is from even the actual act. (Note that this isn't the first time he's done that.) This is my perception, especially when you consider other facts presented in the past in regards to the persons involved.
That's some pretty horrible logic there, champ.
As far as I know, most guys want to have sex as often as possible (or, otherwise put, whenever they "want"). Now, unless this guy knows some secret I don't know, or he's popping Viagra like the average ATOT user pops stupid pills, there is going to be an upper limit to the number of times he can have sex.
Now, it's not homegirl's job to bone whenever he wants. But to say that he wants sex lots so therefore he must be addicted to it doesn't make much sense.
But then again, not much on ATOT makes much sense, so preach on, brotha!
Yeah, you're right, Schizoid! I'm sure no one can beat your manhood. No one can have more desire than you to the point of being defined a sex addict. You're right. Only viagra ever does it or causes that. Equally I assume there's no such thing as an addiction to anything since there are limits.
No buddy.
That's not what I was saying.
But saying that he wants it a lot, therefore he's going to want it more, even if you gave into his demands, therefore he's an adict doesn't make much sense, now does it?
My point is, 99.99% of men would like to have sex exactly as many times as they'd like to have sex. And if you gave it to them, they'd be happy. Now, a couple of guys per million would like to have sex MORE than that, and yes, those kids are adicts. But I think most people are satisfied with having sex when they want and don't need anything "more".
And chief? Where did I talk about how virile I was? I was just saying that the average guy (especially one old enough to have kids and all) isn't likely to be like "wow, we hump twice a day...I want more!" because he's not going to be ABLE to hump more. That's not me bragging, that's just nature (Excepting, of course, viagra, which I just mentioned). So, if you'd like to point out where, in my plain explanation of nature, I mentioned how no one can beat my manhood, I'd love to see that.
Oops.
clicked twice.
But the good news is, maybe luvly will bother to read a post this time.
Who knows?
clicked twice.
But the good news is, maybe luvly will bother to read a post this time.
Who knows?
"And chief? Where did I talk about how virile I was? I was just saying that the average guy (especially one old enough to have kids and all) isn't likely to be like 'wow, we hump twice a day...I want more!'"
If you would refrain from calling me titles I did not request, I would appreciate it. Besides, if you have reason to question my gender, then perhaps endeavour to use a generic pronoun such as "you"?
The reason I mentioned your manhood was because you were making a comparison and seeming to infer that you knew what measure exactly made a man a sex addict. You then mentioned Viagra as the only means of achieving an addiction, which to you meant no limit. How you got the measure would only seem to be based on your experience as a man. I really wasn't trying to personalise it. I apologise if you perceived it as such and weren't pleased.
Anyway, so you mentioned the "average" guy. So you're very sure and convinced that this is your average guy you speak of here? Does he seem to fit that description? Does the average guy "pork" his significant other while she's asleep--and after she explicitly said "no" when she was awake? I'm afraid the problem is establishing your claim that he's the average guy. If he's the average guy, then there's no point of this thread. What he's doing wouldn't be questioned; and it wouldn't be something to feel bad about. However, in my opinion and with the facts stated by the original poster, he is not an average guy in every sense of that word. Perhaps he would be an average guy in the 1700s and 1800s. . . .
If you would refrain from calling me titles I did not request, I would appreciate it. Besides, if you have reason to question my gender, then perhaps endeavour to use a generic pronoun such as "you"?
The reason I mentioned your manhood was because you were making a comparison and seeming to infer that you knew what measure exactly made a man a sex addict. You then mentioned Viagra as the only means of achieving an addiction, which to you meant no limit. How you got the measure would only seem to be based on your experience as a man. I really wasn't trying to personalise it. I apologise if you perceived it as such and weren't pleased.
Anyway, so you mentioned the "average" guy. So you're very sure and convinced that this is your average guy you speak of here? Does he seem to fit that description? Does the average guy "pork" his significant other while she's asleep--and after she explicitly said "no" when she was awake? I'm afraid the problem is establishing your claim that he's the average guy. If he's the average guy, then there's no point of this thread. What he's doing wouldn't be questioned; and it wouldn't be something to feel bad about. However, in my opinion and with the facts stated by the original poster, he is not an average guy in every sense of that word. Perhaps he would be an average guy in the 1700s and 1800s. . . .
I wasn't questioning your gender...I don't care what gender you are. I was questioning your intelligence.
Don't worry. Schizoid is a self-proclaimed "Mosquito Dick." The mohel got a little excited at his brit, it seems.
you are making too many judgements on the little you know of the situation.
Yes what the husband did is wrong, that has already been established
No you cannot make the judgement that he is a "sex addict" by this isolated situation.
Yes the "average" guy wants sex whenever he wants
No that doesnt give him the right to have sex with his wife whenever he wants
Yes the marriage is in trouble
silverpig
Lifer
- Jul 29, 2001
- 27,703
- 12
- 81
Umm, so you fully analysed this couple's marriage, diagnosed this guy as a sex addict, determined he probably has a history of such incidents, and have found out that she has some underlying issues from a third hand account written on a computer forum of what happened one night?
"you are making too many judgements on the little you know of the situation.
Yes what the husband did is wrong, that has already been established
No you cannot make the judgement that he is a 'sex addict' by this isolated situation."
How did you conclude that it was isolated? I could be wrong, but from what the original poster has said, it is not an isolated case.
Before I form an opinion about something or someone I usually endeavour to obtain facts. I recollect somethings Isla stated about her husband. And I do remember her making a statement in regards to he always wanting sex and other facts about their relationships. If I were just learning about this person for the first time, I would be of the opinion that he was wrong, but I would be asking questions about how often he did it. If the response was first time, then I would ask if he acted often possessive, abusive (verbally or physically). If the answer was no, then I would say in my opinion he should be warned that it was not acceptable, however no action should be taken against him. And she should try her best to offer him more so he wouldn't feel so deprived and commit an inappropriate act. Nevertheless, again, the problem is, this isn't the case from my recollection of the original poster's past marital issues. Usually I was reserved about someone sharing her marital issues in public, but this one definitely deserved to be shared because I do think it's time she really contemplates action for her own good and the kids'.
Yes what the husband did is wrong, that has already been established
No you cannot make the judgement that he is a 'sex addict' by this isolated situation."
How did you conclude that it was isolated? I could be wrong, but from what the original poster has said, it is not an isolated case.
Before I form an opinion about something or someone I usually endeavour to obtain facts. I recollect somethings Isla stated about her husband. And I do remember her making a statement in regards to he always wanting sex and other facts about their relationships. If I were just learning about this person for the first time, I would be of the opinion that he was wrong, but I would be asking questions about how often he did it. If the response was first time, then I would ask if he acted often possessive, abusive (verbally or physically). If the answer was no, then I would say in my opinion he should be warned that it was not acceptable, however no action should be taken against him. And she should try her best to offer him more so he wouldn't feel so deprived and commit an inappropriate act. Nevertheless, again, the problem is, this isn't the case from my recollection of the original poster's past marital issues. Usually I was reserved about someone sharing her marital issues in public, but this one definitely deserved to be shared because I do think it's time she really contemplates action for her own good and the kids'.
Chaotic42
Lifer
- Jun 15, 2001
- 34,764
- 1,937
- 126
Well, this turned out a lot better than I thought it would.
I mean, I wouldn't mind if some theoretical wife of mine did that to me. However, I, like most every other 16-25 year old male who isn't walleye, have a very strong sex drive. I wouldn't mind 5 or 6 times a day, muchless a month. Of course, we'd have to stock up in Gatorade.
I hope that everything works out for you!
I mean, I wouldn't mind if some theoretical wife of mine did that to me. However, I, like most every other 16-25 year old male who isn't walleye, have a very strong sex drive. I wouldn't mind 5 or 6 times a day, muchless a month. Of course, we'd have to stock up in Gatorade.
I hope that everything works out for you!
you are quite the detective,
taking things from a computer forum told from one viewpoint and piecing them together does not give you enough information to judge this person,
have you met the guy?
have you witnessed him being verbally or physically abusive?
do you know the in's and outs of there marriage?
"Umm, so you fully analysed this couple's marriage, diagnosed this guy as a sex addict, determined he probably has a history of such incidents, and have found out that she has some underlying issues from a third hand account written on a computer forum of what happened one night?"
"Probably" means likely. Likely has never been a bad word to use meaning there's a possibility that it isn't either, except not very probable.
Actually, I said there is definitely an underlying issue, but I could only speculate on what it could be. One of the common problems is spouses failing to help the other with tasks. They then become overwhelmed and fall apart. The other is just lacking feelings--withdrawing, whatever the source might be. I couldn't say which applied here, but I could speculate that one or the other was likely.
Brunswickite, LOL! Well, trust me, I'm the biggest sceptic on this end and have a tendency to defend people who aren't present to defend themselves. In fact, sometimes I questioned Isla's moves and thought it wasn't appropriate to disclose things about her hubby. If you read my post when she last said she was leaving the forum 'cuz she was going to begin working and in the process of divorce, I expressed my support of her decision. However, I added that I thought it was a good move since she disclosed so many things about her marital issues which her hubby might not and probably wouldn't appreciate. I was happy in fact when I saw her post again and indicate that they were still trying to work things out. Nevertheless, the evidence is just mounting and sounding about time. This is not an excusable conduct, especially when past facts are factored in. It's just not right. It is ultimately her decision, but I do pray that she seriously considers taking action.
"Probably" means likely. Likely has never been a bad word to use meaning there's a possibility that it isn't either, except not very probable.
Actually, I said there is definitely an underlying issue, but I could only speculate on what it could be. One of the common problems is spouses failing to help the other with tasks. They then become overwhelmed and fall apart. The other is just lacking feelings--withdrawing, whatever the source might be. I couldn't say which applied here, but I could speculate that one or the other was likely.
Brunswickite, LOL! Well, trust me, I'm the biggest sceptic on this end and have a tendency to defend people who aren't present to defend themselves. In fact, sometimes I questioned Isla's moves and thought it wasn't appropriate to disclose things about her hubby. If you read my post when she last said she was leaving the forum 'cuz she was going to begin working and in the process of divorce, I expressed my support of her decision. However, I added that I thought it was a good move since she disclosed so many things about her marital issues which her hubby might not and probably wouldn't appreciate. I was happy in fact when I saw her post again and indicate that they were still trying to work things out. Nevertheless, the evidence is just mounting and sounding about time. This is not an excusable conduct, especially when past facts are factored in. It's just not right. It is ultimately her decision, but I do pray that she seriously considers taking action.
ultimatebob
Lifer
- Jul 1, 2001
- 25,134
- 2,450
- 126
It's too bad that Isla's hubby will probably never read this topic. I have a hunch that she did a much better job of explaining her sexual frustrations to a bunch of complete strangers on ATOT than she did with her own husband.
That said, it's really hard to pass judgement on this guy as a "rapist" and whatnot without hearing his side of the story. I wouldn't be at all suprised it he truly believes that he's done nothing wrong, simply because Isla hasn't tried hard enough to explain her feelings on this issue to the one person who needs to hear it the most.
Anyway, good luck on your marriage counciling, Isla. It's pretty obvious that both of you have some serious communications issues to work on.
That said, it's really hard to pass judgement on this guy as a "rapist" and whatnot without hearing his side of the story. I wouldn't be at all suprised it he truly believes that he's done nothing wrong, simply because Isla hasn't tried hard enough to explain her feelings on this issue to the one person who needs to hear it the most.
Anyway, good luck on your marriage counciling, Isla. It's pretty obvious that both of you have some serious communications issues to work on.
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