Ramblings of a psychopath.

[angminas]

I'm not defending you. Not as you are now. But even you are a human being inside. I grew up around intensely crazy people, so I know a thing or two.

 

[kranky]

OP, are you content with how you are or would you like things to change?

 

[Charmonium]

I think he needs to start by getting another shrink. Those are way too many drugs to be taking at one time. He's got 2 SSRI's, 2 antipsychotics, a heterocyclic and something else. That's just absurd.

 

[Zodiark1593]

Has anyone ever told you that you have great observational skills? Congrats bro! . I admitted to being a grade A asshole.

According to dungeon and dragons alignment definitions, I'm chaotic evil.

That's pretty much me to a T. Anarchy would be my preferred system. No widely organized rule enforcers, and I can just do wtf I want.

Though I don't go on violent rampages, seems otherwise we're of a similar (warped) mind, albeit for different reasons. I fall into the Neutral Evil category myself. :twisted:

There are means available of venting without violence against people or objects you don't want to break. A gym (24 hour) membership in a quiet location would probably help. Just go there sometime like midnight, lift weights and such until you ache all over, then perhaps you're a little less inclined to go Hulk.

 

[x26]

I suffer from extreme bipolarity. I suffer from schizophrenia as well. Among many other issues. Its genetic, it runs in my family on my mother's side. Her condition is more manageable than mine is. I got a few cousins that are nearly as bad as I am. One of my cousins cuts herself, and has been admitted many times. My outlet is destroying stuff, or attacking people who piss me off. I've got 4 assault charges on my criminal record. I plead not guilty due to reason of insanity on 3 of them and won. If I'm pushed into a certain state, I have absolutely no control. Its like my animal instincts take over, and I can completely black out, but not always. Its kinda weird, because the times I can recall being in such a state, I'm at complete peace. So yes, its definitely a manic/psychotic state.

I get extremely nervous when in large social gatherings. I've been diagnosed with this as well:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypal_personality_disorder

Yep--You're a Psychopath.

I avoid People like you at any cost.
Seems like you enjoy you're Psychopathology which is even sicker.

 

[Chaosblade02]

OP, are you content with how you are or would you like things to change?

Dramatic change? I don't think its possible. I'd maybe like to have a little more control over my emotions. Getting pissed off is fine, or even getting really pissed off is fine. But blacking out from a psychotic breakdown is not ok.

Medical science isn't advanced enough at this point to actually "cure" somebody like me to the point where they'd be a normal, functioning adult. And by normal, I mean social life, job, self sufficient, etc. So that is not and never was my goal, and never will be. I will never fit within anyone's reasonable range of "normal".

 

[Chaosblade02]

Though I don't go on violent rampages, seems otherwise we're of a similar (warped) mind, albeit for different reasons. I fall into the Neutral Evil category myself. :twisted:

Please tell me you like dead baby jokes? :twisted:. I can't be the only one here.

There is a woman in my outpatient group who is suffering from postpartum depression, and anxiety over the safety of her baby. Every trollish bone in my body giggles with excitement at the idea of going into therapy Monday morning and breaking the ice with some dead baby jokes :twisted:.

 

[Chaosblade02]

I avoid People like you at any cost.

Not a bad idea.

Seems like you enjoy you're Psychopathology which is even sicker.

I have an incredibly sick sense of humor. I guess in a way, my sick sense of humor is a coping mechanism. Etc, it relieves my pain to laugh and joke about the pain of others. My lack of ability to possess empathy allows me to do that without any guilt whatsoever.

I've been asked questions like "Do you feel bad as a person for being like that?" - nope. It actually makes me feel better about myself.

Someone who suffers from major depression requires some sort of coping mechanism to keep themselves out of the realization of how much of a worthless, useless piece of shit they are in reality. Different people have different methods. Many are self taught.

I came to the realization that if I live life for anything other than to seek personal amusement, then I'm going to relapse into a major depressive state. My life needs to be stress free and uneventful.

 

[Charmonium]

Someone who suffers from major depression requires some sort of coping mechanism to keep themselves out of the realization of how much of a worthless, useless piece of shit they are in reality. Different people have different methods. Many are self taught.

That's bullshit. I'm starting to get the impression that you don't have a clue about mental illness and just want the attention.

Major depression, like most other psych issues, are biochemical. In fact in depression, this has been proven countless times. If you're depressed, you may feel worthless, but no so-called "coping mechanism" is going to keep you from feeling that way.

 

[Markbnj]

I'm starting to get the impression that you don't have a clue about mental illness and just want the attention.

No wai

 

[John Connor]

Risperdal will make you have an appetite. If you can, have your shrink give you haladol.

 

[Zodiark1593]

Please tell me you like dead baby jokes? :twisted:. I can't be the only one here.

Meh, not really though I won't judge, if you have a backstabbing habbit however, then it's on.

 

[Chaosblade02]

Major depression, like most other psych issues, are biochemical. In fact in depression, this has been proven countless times. If you're depressed, you may feel worthless, but no so-called "coping mechanism" is going to keep you from feeling that way.

Part of the therapy aspect for helping people with depression is to get them to challenge negative thoughts, or at least find a way to block those thoughts from recurring. So if you had a clue about what you were talking about then you'd know that treatment for depression requires both medications and therapy. So what I said is in fact a coping mechanism, because it keeps me from dwelling on negative thoughts about myself.

This is one of the techniques they use:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy

Depression is biochemical, but engaging in certain activities can raise chemicals in the brain that make you feel better. A lot of people need meds before they even have the willingness to engage in activities that make them feel better.

 

[MongGrel]

No wai

 

[Charmonium]

Part of the therapy aspect for helping people with depression is to get them to challenge negative thoughts, or at least find a way to block those thoughts from recurring. So if you had a clue about what you were talking about then you'd know that treatment for depression requires both medications and therapy. So what I said is in fact a coping mechanism, because it keeps me from dwelling on negative thoughts about myself.

This is one of the techniques they use:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy

Oooo, somebody knows how to use wikipedia - woo-hoo. Asshole.

That might work for normal 'situational' depression, but not for major depressive disorder. If you knew anything at all about depression you would understand the difference. You'd also know that there are at least 9 different types of depression. Go ahead, look them up. I'll wait.

 

[disappoint]

Is anybody going to thank the OP for seeking treatment, sticking with it, and making an attempt to learn more about it to improve his life or is it just me?

And no I don't care if he doesn't care about anyone's approval. I speak to more than just the conscious mind you're aware of.

 

[Chaosblade02]

I just went outside to smoke, and there was a daddy longlegs spider crawling around on the deck. I picked it up by its legs, and pulled its legs out 1 by one until it became a daddy no legs. :awe:. I held its abdomen in my palm and watched as its mouth was squirming around and laughed. Then I flicked it out into the yard. Just another minor amusement I'd like to share. I don't really know why I did that. I guess its just a way of expressing my cruelty to lifeforms that aren't protected by laws. I personally think mammals are overrated. So I don't express any more empathy to them than I would an insect or an arachnid. But it just happens to be illegal to abuse mammals.

 

[Charmonium]

Is anybody going to thank the OP for seeking treatment, sticking with it, and making an attempt to learn more about it to improve his life or is it just me?

And no I don't care if he doesn't care about anyone's approval. I speak to more than just the conscious mind you're aware of.

No. I don't believe any competent psychiatrist would prescribe that many drugs in that particular combination to anyone. It beggars belief.

 

[Chaosblade02]

Oooo, somebody knows how to use wikipedia - woo-hoo. Asshole.

That might work for normal 'situational' depression, but not for major depressive disorder. If you knew anything at all about depression you would understand the difference. You'd also know that there are at least 9 different types of depression. Go ahead, look them up. I'll wait.

Hello Mr. supposed internet expert who just got called out. Who is supposedly more knowledgeable than psychotherapists. Maybe you can link me to your dissertation about this subject? And post your credentials while you're at it.

So lets use wikipedia again, because it refuted you the first time.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder

Typically, people are treated with antidepressant medication and, in many cases, also receive counseling, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Therapy is one of the treatments involved. REBT is a form of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). NEXT!!

 

[disappoint]

No. I don't believe any competent psychiatrist would prescribe that many drugs in that particular combination to anyone. It beggars belief.

Oh, so you're a psychiatrist then, and a better one than he's seeing for sure. I'm sure you've authored many a publication to educate the ignorant psychiatrists out there to your better methods but they are just too self centered to bother reading your publications.

The fuckin society of self centered fucks we live in am I right?

 

[angminas]

I just went outside to smoke, and there was a daddy longlegs spider crawling around on the deck. I picked it up by its legs, and pulled its legs out 1 by one until it became a daddy no legs. :awe:. I held its abdomen in my palm and watched as its mouth was squirming around and laughed. Then I flicked it out into the yard. Just another minor amusement I'd like to share. I don't really know why I did that. I guess its just a way of expressing my cruelty to lifeforms that aren't protected by laws. I personally think mammals are overrated. So I don't express any more empathy to them than I would an insect or an arachnid. But it just happens to be illegal to abuse mammals.

There's a difference between having urges and following them.

 

[Charmonium]

Hello Mr. supposed internet expert who just got called out. Who is supposedly more knowledgeable than psychotherapists. Maybe you can link me to your dissertation about this subject? And post your credentials while you're at it.

Oh, so you're a psychiatrist then, and a better one than he's seeing for sure. I'm sure you've authored many a publication to educate the ignorant psychiatrists out there to your better methods but they are just too self centered to bother reading your publications.

The fuckin society of self centered fucks we live in am I right?

No, I belong to a support group that helps hundreds of people every year and I've NEVER heard of anyone being on that many psychotropics at one time - especially where you have the same class of drug duplicated multiple times.

So I've heard enough stories of people with REAL psych problems to know when someone is obviously full of shit.

 

[Chaosblade02]

No, I belong to a support group that helps hundreds of people every year and I've NEVER heard of anyone being on that many psychotropics at one time - especially where you have the same class of drug duplicated multiple times.

Thanks for confirming that you're not an expert.

 

[TheVrolok]

No, I belong to a support group that helps hundreds of people every year and I've NEVER heard of anyone being on that many psychotropics at one time - especially where you have the same class of drug duplicated multiple times.

So I've heard enough stories of people with REAL psych problems to know when someone is obviously full of shit.

It's really not that atypical for people with significant refractory disease. I've seen a good number of people on similarly complex regimens; though admittedly, they seemed to have less insight and communicative ability than the OP appears to. Not that I'm saying the OP ISN'T full of shit, he certainly may be.

 

[yllus]

"Social norms" - I hate that word. It comes across as an authoritarian mind set about the expectations about how people are supposed to behave in their minds. In many ways its contagious, because compliance eventually leads to acceptance. People are being manipulated whether they realize it or not. Humans are naturally a social species, so they seek the support and acceptance from others, and get butthurt if they don't receive it, but there are people like me who genuinely don't care about that social aspect. In other words, I will maintain to be belligerent to social norms I disagree with, because I don't care about the repercussions for non compliance. Unless it would negatively affect a position to which I'd like to maintain for personal gain in some way, and then I'd just lie to comply. Like for example, I'd never even entertain the idea of saying something that isn't PC on a facebook account with my real name attached to it. Which is something that someone with ulterior motives could use against me to degrade a position I'm looking to keep. I don't actually get to be myself in this society. I just reluctantly comply when its required. But I'll say what I really think behind a username like Chaosblade02. If the time comes when the shoe finds its way on the other foot, I wouldn't hesitate to apply boot heels to the ones who are imposing "social norms" on people today. My true colors would show themselves, and my true chaotic evil nature would blossom for all to see.

On a forums of this size, I know there are some others here to can at least understand where I'm coming from about some of this stuff I'm sharing.

You may dislike with the concept of social norms and the fact that you have to at least pretend to live by them, but I imagine you do rationally understand why they exist? In order for society to progress, widespread cooperation is necessary in a (mostly) peaceful and non-threatening environment. It's a natural result of a biological imperative to further the species.

Have you considered relocating to an environment where your "issues" are minimized or maybe even turned to your advantage? A simpler life surrounded by less people, more nature and a most basic and well-structured kind of work (farming, logging) would perhaps lower your stress level. Or alternatively, perhaps a very cerebral line of work like software development would be a good fit? I'm in that line of work myself and while it's surprisingly social (every project is a group project) you can also zone out for days or weeks at a time.