Post your favorite Simpsons Quotes!!

[Deeko]

this thread has been done before...but not for a good while...so I figure its high time for a new one I'll contribute a few.

Homer: You've been living like a king on my dollar! Super unleaded gas. Silver bullets?!?
Detective: Early on I was working under the theory that your daughter was a werewolf. Didn't pan out.

Australian: You call that a knife? THIS is a knife.
Bart: That's not a knife, that's a spoon.
Australian: Alright, alright, you win. Heh, I see you've played knifey spooney before.

Flanders: I think we hit something!
Homer: I hope it's Flanders!

Belle: Your son was tresspassing on my property, and he destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle....are you wearing a grocery bag? Homer: (dignified) I have misplaced my pants.

Flanders: Hey, whatever happened to that plow from your snowplow business?
Homer: I never had a snowplow business.
Flanders: Yes you did! Mr. Plow, you're wearing the jacket right now!
Homer: I think I know my own life Ned. (singing) Mr. Plow, that's my name, my name again is Mr. Plow.

Hutz: Now don't you worry Mrs. Simpsons, I....uh oh, we've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: He's kinda had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Hutz: Well replace the word kinda with the word repeatedly, and the word dog with son...

Agent: When I say "Hello Mr Thompson and press down on your foot, smile and nod.
Homer: Gotcha.
Agent: Hello Mr. Thompson(stamps foot repeatedly)
Homer: (to next agent) I think he's talking to you.

 

[brtspears2]

The short yet simple "D'oh" is good.

 

[udonoogen]

Ralph: I eated the purple berries. Ooooh, they taste like...burning.

 

[jteef]

We can outsmart those dolphins! Don't forget -- we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, AND the pudding cup

jt

 

[johneetrash]

burns: i suggest you leave immediately...
homer: or what, you'll release the dogs? or the bees? or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you??

homer: ooh, look at me, im making people happy. im a magical man, from happy land! in a gumdrop house on lollypop laAaaaAaaAane...oh by the way i was being sarcastic!
marge: well duh

homer: hello. my name is mister burns. i believe you have a letter for me.
postoffice worker: okay mister burns, what's your first name?
homer: i.. dont.. knoow

 

[acidvoodoo]

Homer-"so the internet is on computers now?"

 

[mpitts]

Homer - "To find Flanders, I have to think like him."

Homer's Brain - "I'm a four-eyed lame-o who wears the same stupid sweater everyday."

Homer - "TO THE SPRINGFIELD RIVER!"

or

Bart - "Wow, Dad! You just killed the zombie Flanders!"

Homer - "He was a zombie"

It is early.. I will think of more later.

 

[Desslok]

Homer:"Shut up brain or I will st@b you with this pencil"

 

[Blain]

I like Mr. Burns explination for "Blinky" the tree eyed fish, when running for Governor...

He shows a fishbowl containing a three-eyed fish, named Blinky, and assures the television audience that nothing is wrong.

"But don't take my word for it.
Let's ask an actor portraying Charles Darwin what he thinks."

`Charles Darwin' presents his theory of natural selection.

"So you're saying this fish may have an advantage over other fish.
It may be, in fact, a kind of `Super-Fish'!
This fish is a miracle of nature. With a taste that can't be beat. Mmm-mm!"

 

[FeathersMcGraw]

"Twenty dollars? But I wanted a peanut!"
"Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts."
"Explain."
"Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
"Woohoo!"

"That gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge of power -- like how God must feel like when He holds a gun."

"What's your least favorite country, France or Italy?"
"Um, France."
"Nobody ever says Italy."

"And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to work in their underground sugar mines."

"I'm a Spaulding Gray in a Rick Dees world."

"As you can see, I have created a lemon ball so sour, it can only be safely contained in a magnetic field."

 

[brunswickite]

Me fail English thats unpossible. -ralph

 

[snooker]

Doh!

EDIT:

and mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm dooonuutsss

 

[Scarpozzi]

Homer looks down at a pond with fish swimming around...
"mmmm......unprocessed fish sticks."


And when the citizens of Springfield riot and go running around to get rid of all the technology in the town... They set the Springfield Robotics Lab on fire and a robot staggers out into the street on fire....and he says, "Why was I programmed for pain!!"

 

[brunswickite]

Well, sure, the Frinkiac-7 looks impressive, But I predict that within 100 years computers will be twice as powerful, 10,000 times larger, and so expensive that only the five richest kings in Europe will own them.

 

[nealr]

mmmm marshmellos

 

[mpitts]

Some classic Beatles reference quotes:

Barney - "Here's to Homer! And to Sgt. Pepper, who is growing out of Homer's Back!"
Moe - "Hey Barn.. You gotta take the wrappers of these things before you smoke 'em."

--

Deprogrammer - "My greatest achivement was getting Paul McCartney out of Wings."
Homer - "YOU IDIOT! HE WAS THE MOST TALENTED ONE!"

--

 

[damiano]

DoooooooooooooooooooooooooHHHHHHHHHHHh

 

[BooneRebel]

"

 

[Dulanic]

Homer: "We have a saying in springfield about the water. If It's black throw it back! If It's brown drink it down."


Please let that be right Been a while since I seen that episode, its pretty close if its off tho.

 

[Toasthead]

ooooh Floor Pie!
-----------------------
Forbidden dount.... mmmm, Sacrelicious
---------------------------------------
Well son, you tried but you failed. There's a lesson to be learned here...never try. ( or something like that)
--------------------

Homer Rules!


--Toast

 

[dullard]

Anything from Ralph is a classic quote. My favorite of all time was the purple berries posted above.

I also really like it when Bart and Lisa imagine their future and they are extremely obese. Bart is at a press conference with rolls of fat coming out of every nook and cranny and says in a heavy southern accent, "I wash myself with a rag on a stick." Lisa imagines herself to be quite fat and on a hammock. She asks one of her kids, also in a southern accent, "Fetch mama her prying board" to get her out of that hammock.

Finally when homer is extremly obese, tries to call the power plant he hits multiple keys on the phone pad, and a recorded voice says "Your fingers are too fat. Please mash the keypad"

 

[mpitts]

Homer - "To alcohol. The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

--

Homer - "This is it. It's your child versus mine. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore!"

--

Marge (to Bart and Lisa) - "You are NOT in direct competition. Repeat, you are NOT in direct competition."
Homer - "Apu just called! Lisa's team is playing Bart's team. You're in direct competition! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

 

[XZeroII]

Homer: "Welcome to the internet my friend! How can I help you?"
Comic Book Store Guy: "I am interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiberoptic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that is compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?"
Homer: "... Can I have some money now?"


I call the big one bitey

Marge: "Homer, there's someone here who may be able to help. "
Homer: "Batman?"
Marge: "He says he's a scientist"
Homer: "Batman's a scientist"
Marge: "It's not batman!!!"


Lenard Nimoy: "The following tale is a true story, and by true I mean false. They are all lies but they are entertaining lies and in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer, is no."

Lisa: "I'm never gonna eat meat again"
Homer: "Wait a minute. You mean you'll never eat meat again??? What about bacon?"
Lisa: "No"
Homer: "Ham?"
Lisa: "No"
Homer: "Pork???"
Lisa: "Dad! Those all come from the same animal!!!"
Homer: "Yea sure! Some magical animal "

Buzz Aldrin: "Fool! Now we may never know if ants can be trained to sort tiny screws in space"

Radio: "The average life span of the average american is now 76.3 years"
Homer: "73.4 years!!! But i'm 38.6 years old!!!" (slams on brakes in the middle of the freeway)
Homer while walking away from his car to a phone on the side of the road: "I've wasted over half my life!"
Homer picks up the phone: "Marge! I've wasted over half my life!!!"
Operator on the phone: "Sir, do you need a tow truck?"
Homer: "What? No marge"
(Car gets smashed by another car)
Homer: "Send the truck"

Marge: "Homer, lately I've realized that life is short"
Homer in frightened voice: "It is???"
Marge: "We have to make the most of the time we have"
Homer in frightened voice: "We do???"

Homer: "What if! What if I were to slip on a bar of soap in the shower?"
Homer: "OMG! I'd be killed!!!"

 

[LOLyourFace]

Doctor: It seems like you have a crayon stuck in your brain... removing it will either kill you or increase your brain power...
Homer: Increase my killing power eh?

 

[KeyserSoze]

Mr. Burns: "Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to take candy from a baby, but with him out of the picture, I was free to wallow in my own crapulence!"

(It just sounds funny)


And who could forget:
Announer: "And our next celebrity judge, our very own Kent Brockman."
(Crowd Booes and throws things at him. Kent then puts his hand up to his ear as if he has an earpiece)
Kent: "This just in.....go to hell."



Homer: "And how is EDUCATION supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain! Remember when I took that home winemaking course and I forgot how to drive?"
Marge: "That's because you were drunk!"





KeyserSoze