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Post the best Simpsons quotes

SoulAssassin

SoulAssassin

Diamond Member
Wiggum (bursting in on the midnight screening): Well, well, well. There are more pirated videos here than?
Lou: A Chinese K-Mart?
Wiggum: I guess that'll have to do. (to Bart) Uh, are these yours, kid?
Bart: No sir. We're just showing them for profit without permission.
Wiggum: Fair enough. But the owner of this store is in more hot water than...
Lou: A Japanese tea bag?
Wiggum: Why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou?
 
I love Cletus, he makes me laugh hysterically. I cannot find any videos 🙁

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/top-rated-quotes.html
 
Two of my favorites are from the same episode:

Lionel Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I--- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."

--

and during the trial:

--

Lionel Hutz: Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims she forgot she was carrying that bottle of delicious bourbon..

..brownest of the brown liquors..

..so tempting..

What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!

EXCUSE ME!

--

😀😀😀
 
Moe: Hey Sabu, I need another Magnum, or your best champagne here, eh! And bring us your finest food stuffed with the second finest.

Waiter: Good choice sir, that's lobster stuffed with tacos!


 
1. Save Me Jeeeebuusssssssss!!!!! (go figure)

2. Anything out of Lionel Hutz's mouth. I've got the Lionel Hutz/Judge Snyder playset in my law office... always makes me laugh.
 
Invitation: "Come to our BBBQ, the extra B is for BYOBB"
Bart: "What's that extra B for?"
Homer: "That's a typo."
 
I'm sure there's alot of bart prank calls to Moe's Tavern....

"Hey GUYS.....I'm lookin' for Amanda Hugginkiss" - Moe


and offhand I can think of only 1 other simpson quote 😱

(plow salesman makes whiplash sound)

Homer: (scoffs) you think that's going to make me buy that truck?

(plow salesman repeats whiplash sound twice more)

Homer: Ok ok, I'll take it!
 
When Homer is working on the chain gang.

Sheriff: Afternoon, folks. Got a new assignment for you. The judge is having a little soirée and he needs some help. [Homer gets whipped]
Boss: No listening. You hear me?
Homer: Uh.... no?
Boss: You just don't learn, do you? [whips Homer]

Oh, man. Good stuff.
 
Originally posted by: mpitts
Two of my favorites are from the same episode:

Lionel Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I--- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."

--

and during the trial:

--

Lionel Hutz: Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims she forgot she was carrying that bottle of delicious bourbon..

..brownest of the brown liquors..

..so tempting..

What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!

EXCUSE ME!

--

😀😀😀
Click to expand...

Hutz to Apu: And Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon (If that is your real name) If you do have a photographic memory,can tou tell me what kind of tie I am wearing?

Apu: You are wearing a burgundy tie with white stripes tied in a double winsor.

Hutz: Oh really? You mean (struggles for about a minute to remove tie) to tell me ....... when in truth I'm not wearing any tie at all!

Apu: Oh! Perhaps I was mistaken!

I am serously sitting here crying because I am laughing so hard at just the thought of that episode and all of the great things Hutz said.
-_-----__--------------------------------------------------

Judge: Mr. Hutz are you aware that you arent wearing any pants?

Hutz: Ahhh!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as "The Presidents neck is Missing".............. Classic

I never appreciated Phil Hartmans humor until I started The Simpsons. I really think his characters were the funniest on the show

Edit: I think that that episode may be the absolute funniest one I have ever seen.


Peace

Lounatik



 
When I went to defensive driving, they showed the video "featuring TV's Craig T. Nelson." I was biting my lip to keep from laughing or saying "You may remember me from such films as..."

Krusty the Clown: How much do you love me?
Kids: With all our hearts.
Krusty the Clown: What would you do if I went off the air?
Kids: We'd kill ourselves!

 
Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!
 
Homer: Are you saying you?re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
 
Another Lionel Hutz classic:
Hutz: Alright gentlemen, I'll take your case. But I'm going to have to ask for a $1000 retainer.
Bart: $1000? But your ad says "No money down."
Hutz: Oh! They got this all screwed up.
< Hutz corrects ad to read: WORKS ON CONTINGENCY? NO, MONEY DOWN! >
Bart: So you don't work on a contingency basis?
Hutz: No! Money Down! Oops, shouldn't have this Bar Association logo here either. < Hutz eats the Bar logo >
 
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