Post the best Simpsons quotes

[foghorn67]

Homer: Can Jesus microwave a burrito so hot, even he can't eat it?

 

[funboy6942]

Homer:
Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! Ive seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

 

[Slew Foot]

Lisa: "Didn't you wonder why you were getting money in the mail for doing nothing?"
Grandpa: "No, I figured the Democrats were in power again."

 

[sobriquet]

Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!
By the way, I was being sarcastic.
Marge: Well, duh.

 

[freakflag]

Ahhh, beer. The cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems.

 

[ondarkness]

me lose brain? uh-oh!


-----------------------
Ralph Wiggum,
"Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

 

[homercles337]

Ralph (trying to "pick up" Lisa): So, the doctor says i wont get so many nose bleeds if i just keep my finger outta there.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

"I'm from Canada.....they think I'm slow, eh."

 

[sobriquet]

Hank: You will notice, my new best friend, that we are pretty casual around here.
Homer: Yes, sir. I will notice that. Very casual, Mr. Scorpion.
Hank: Don't call me Mr. Scorpion, it's Mr. Scorpio, but don't call me that either.

Homer: You have any sugar around here?
Hank: Sugar? <Reaches into pockets and pulls out a pile of sugar> Here you go. Sorry it's not in packages.

 

[theLION]

Originally posted by: mariok2006
I love Cletus, he makes me laugh hysterically. I cannot find any videos

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/top-rated-quotes.html

I second this one!!!

 

[jjdeltor]

Good Old Homer (In reference to the John Waters character): Marge, I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals a flamin'!

 

[eits]

"nibbles! chew through my ball sac!"

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: ChaoZ
"Jebus, save me"

i actually think it was "save me, jebus"

 

[oogabooga]

Heh from the site.

Homer: Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Bart: b-6
Homer: you sunk my scrabbleship!
Lisa: this game makes no sense.
Homer: tell that to the good men who just lost their lives... SEMPER-FI!

Titanya: But Duffman, you said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!
Duffman: Duffman... says a lot of things! Oh, yeah!

 

[tfinch2]

We can?t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don?t go anywhere -- like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you?d say.
"Now where were we? Oh yeah -- the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn?t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

also...

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

 

[pennylane]

FBI man 1: Tell you what, Mr. Simpson, from now on your name is Homer Thompson,at Terror Lake.Let's just practice a bit, hmmmm? So when I say hello Mr. Thompson, you say hi.
Homer: Check!
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[Homer stares blankly]
FBI man 1: [pause]
FBI man 1: Now, remember, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha!
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[again Homer stares blankly]
FBI man 1: [FBI men stare at each other]
[hours pass by]
FBI man 1: [frustrated] Argh... Now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
[stepping hard on Homer's foot]
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[Homer stares blankly again for a few seconds]
Homer: [whispering to the FBI man next to him] I think he's talking to you.
[FBI man gives up]

 

[NaOH]

Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
Homer: [scoffs] I know. And this perpetual motion machine she made today is a joke! It just keeps going faster and faster.
Marge: And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome. [looks out window]
Bart: [creepy voice] Hello, Mother dear.
Marge: [closing the curtains] That's it: we have to get them back to school.
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa! Get in here.
[Lisa walks in, chuckling nervously]
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

 

[Jadow]

Millhouse when something went his way, "Everything's coming up Millhouse"

I sitll stay that today. In fact, I said it when they brought out fresh pizza at the pizza buffet I was having lunch at.

 

[NaOH]

it makes me sad that the simpsons have gone so down hill...

 

[mpitts]

THRILLHO

 

[SoulAssassin]

Originally posted by: freakflag
Ahhh, beer. The cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems.

Love that one.



Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

 

[Fenixgoon]

Originally posted by: funboy42
Homer:
Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! Ive seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

Marge: HOMER!
Homer: Aw, my damn weiner kids are listening.

 

[weiv0004]

Just because this thread has cheered me up, here's some of my favorites:

"Pray for mojo!"

"SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!"

"Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers! I'm learn-ding"

"Stupid bug! You go squish now!"

Announcer: "It's the Krusty Komedy Klassic!"
Krusty: "Hey, hey! It's great to be back at the Apollo Theater, and... [notices the letters behind him] K-K-K? Ohhh that's not good..."

 

[IronWing]

Someone listed it above but it is worth pasting again...

Krusty the Clown: Hey, kids. Who do you love?
Kids: Krusty.
Krusty the Clown: How much do you love me?
Kids: With all our hearts.
Krusty the Clown: What would you do if I went off the air?
Kids: We'd kill ourselves.

 

[GZDynastar]

Homer: "Marge.. I'm not gonna lie to you.... well... see ya later.."
(trucks off with wheel burrow that has bowling balls full of booze)

OLD:

bart puts homers last Duff in a paint shaker

Bart: "APRIL FOO....." KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM beer explodes
Wigum seeing explosion: "looks like an explosion at the old simpson place... looks like beer.. will proceed on foot.."