Post-college life seems geared toward isolation

[fire400]

nearly two years later...

 

[Chaotic42]

I wonder if he melded into adult life.

 

[Excelsior]

Originally posted by: Platypus
You just gotta find hobbies man, I meet new people constantly because I play guitar.

Yeah...you just have to put forth some effort. Its easy if you're living in a dorm on a campus or going to classes all the time...but if you're just going to work and going home, you aren't given yourself any chances to meet new people.

 

[Avalon]

Hah, talk about a thread necro. I do have to agree with the feeling though. I'll be turning 25 later this year, and have been graduated from college for two years now. I'm also engaged, and I've got a steady job that covers the bills and allows for some saving. However, the world does feel more disconnected and lonely once you graduate. I tend to notice people I meet at work or other places are less likely to be friendly or even sociable compared to the college atmosphere. My good friends that have stuck through since elementary and junior high all the way through college are now too busy to really do anything anymore. If they can, it requires weeks of careful advance planning just to hang out for two hours. They have 40 hour a week jobs just like I do. This rather baffles me as I've got much more free time now than I ever did in college, since I worked 32 hours a week and was a full time student then. Now I just work 40 hours a week, no class, no homework. I'm actually getting bored. I alleviate this somewhat by spontaneously hanging out with aquaintances and such, but it's not the same. I do miss it. I've also since gotten involved in a few activities, but I think there's something else I'm not quite getting. I guess I could just stay at home and play video games every day, but that's not healthy

 

[James Bond]

I posted a thread nearly identical to this two or three years ago. Honestly, like identical.

Same replies too.

Know what I did? I moved out of my single apartment, came back to my home city, and moved into a huge house with three awesome friends. There are people over every day when I get home from work and on weekend mornings when I wake up.

It feels like the frat I was in during college. I love it. If anything, it's too dysfunctional- sometimes I'm desperately waiting for the week to roll around so I can "get back on track".

Shit, it's better than being an adult.

Edit: I just turned 24.

 

[KentState]

Seems as if you are uncomfortable spending time with just yourself. I know I went from college to being married and really didn't have a point where I was completely on my own. After the divorce, I found myself at home pretty much every night of the week, unless one of my non-single friends didn't have plans. In that time, I really learned a lot about myself and what I want and need. After awhile, you cherish the independence of not having to take care of others or have someone always in your life. Up until now, you have been spoon fed friends, activities, chores, tasks, and whatever. Now that you are on your own, you have to take charge of life and make it into something. That's the biggest challenge for young adults now. The current generation has been so sheltered and coddled that they feel abandoned once they are on their own. You have been given the wheel, it's your turn to drive.

 

[dbk]

yeah post college the weekdays are very short...but it's a lot better on the weekend. Seriously.

 

[yhelothar]

www.meetup.com

 

[TallBill]

Just get involved in things. I'm in a couple regular weekday night time activities that I've met a ton of people through. Don't be a putz, get off yer ass and go do stuff.

 

[AreaCode707]

Where do you live? When I was in northern California I really had no problem with that easy, casual and information back and forth. As soon as I moved to Seattle it was like the walls closed in and nobody wanted to hang out.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: UF Matt
Sounds like you want a dorm-like atmosphere. Or something like Seinfeld where friends stop by constantly. Sorry, but that is a pipe dream in this day and age.

You could always go to grad school.

My solution was to move in (literally; 6 br house) with friends. Three I originally met on Anandtech, three I knew in high school. It's much more lively with the 7 of us there. It's been two years now and it's really worked out great.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: spidey07
:music:
Welcome.
Welcome to the machine.
:music:

Seriously, welcome to adult life.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Ha, I'm the opposite. Out of college, working and doing the daily motions. I want to move out and live on my own, and I want to stay single. (not that it's going to happen though). I enjoy solitude and time to myself. Not only did my stress level drastically go down the minute I hit adult life, but my happiness level did too. I do miss hanging out with friends in college though, sometimes I think back and even miss high school, but not enough to make me want to go back to either. At least in adult life, there's not as many tests. (I'd be wrong to say there are none, mind you)

 

[Bibble]

I have another year ahead of me, but I plan on starting a business as a side project after I graduate. I would also like to go to graduate school in a few years. I think I'll be happy working towards my medium-term goals. Unfortunately, my girlfriend doesn't graduate until a year after me, so I'll likely only see her on the weekends as well (which is a lot more than I see her these days except during summers). Perhaps you should set up some projects for yourself?

Alternatively, you could do as my friend did and find company in whisky.

 

[RadioHead84]

I am split on this.

I was quite through college I guess and went to college in the middle of no where so was kind of isolated city wise.

After college I lived with roomates..which invovle going to the bars a lot, with the same amount of friends.

I think it greatly depends on which friends you have. I have one friend who has turned into a total work dude. He wont come out anywhere and has gone really torwards the "hey lets be responsible thing". Actually..my one whole group of friends have done that. Meanwhile I have another group of friends that have not done that and they are still fun to hang out with.

I am moving to the city soon and let me tell you, if you want to have fun in a city you can always find it. Find a group of people and I really dont see much of a difference from college to work except the hours change.

Also..classes in college were generally boring..even in classes that i liked. Work feels like you are actually accomplishing something. The only reason I would go back to college would be to have no responsibility....but thats a waste of money cause I can be jobless and not take on debt and have no responsibility.

 

[nerp]

Originally posted by: archcommus
Well I can't resist chiming in here. My brief story:

Back in late high school/early college I dated a girl that ended up going on almost 2 1/2 years of serious relationship. Thought it would never end. Of course it did. Now I'm half way through college (will be a junior this fall) and really love it and have a lot of fun like most others did in college, but I've been single for a year and a half now with no end in sight. I work a 9-5 at home during the summer and already I can see what post-college life will possibly be like if I stay single. Threads like this only reaffirm that suspicion. Now I feel almost obligated to get with someone seriously before I graduate to have a shot at being happy in adult life.

OMG dude. Get a grip! WIth this outlook, you're doomed for misery.

 

[Orsorum]

Church, social groups, volunteer groups.

 

[KingGheedora]

Yup, if you move to a new city after graduating it's pretty hard to get a social life. The best thing I've found is to take up boxing. I did so recently and I'm meeting a lot of people through it. People see me working out and talk to me afterward because they box(ed) too, or we talk about pro boxing, get invited to parties etc. It's only been three months and I'm doing this for the boxing and not to meet people but I'm surprised at how easily meeting people has become (i'm not officially diagnosed but I have self-diagnosed myself as having social anxiety).

So I think the option of taking a class or volunteering at something related to something you're interested in will help. If you aren't interested in the subject or activity you will have a hard time relating to the other people there and it won't work that well. So find a hobby and then find a venue to connect with others who've the same hobby. I will soon also start attending user groups for software stuff so I can network with other software developers, and also make friends that way.

I moved to NY a year after graduating and it was a long time before I made friends. I'm not the type to hang out with coworkers, not that they are bad people, I think they are all cool and some of them would probably be fun to hang out with outside of work, but work life and social life to me must remain separate. I don't want to get drunk and act the fool, and have stories about the stupid things I do be gossiped about at work. Likewise, even just getting to know people on a personal basis introduces the possibility that someone will pretend to be your friend to your face and then get bored and tell people at work random things about you like "man that guy's apartment is messy, he had 5 day old cooked hot dogs on his foreman grill when I went over there once." (that really happened to me). Even though I'm a pretty chill guy myself other people have issues (in general I was surprised to find out the abundance of people with issues in the real world once I moved out for college) and I don't want the possibility of someone else's inter-personal issues affecting my work life.

Making friends with your neighbors -- I dunno about anyone else but I've been in NYC for four years and that's not something that happens unless you're a gangster and they are gangsters too, or you're a young party kid and they are young party kids too. There aren't a lot of people my own age in my hood so my experience may be uncommon. If you don't already have friends in NYC, the abundance of things to do and places to go is useless to you. I don't know anyone who goes places alone and meets people there. I'm talking about things like bars and restaraunts.

 

[magomago]

Same...Kinda. I'm still living with ohter friends but I feel the isolation for sure (before I lived in a house with 6 other guys). I keep myself busy by going to the gym a lot at work...but it is still work people lol.

I think this is why communities like this are attractive. Once I have more of a chance, I'll try to join other events. I even started to think about going to the local mosque to meet others

 

[lyssword]

At least you have a girlfriend

 

[dr150]

You just have to make an ACTIVE effort to reconnect with old friends and create new friends through hobbies.

If you don't actively manage this, then you will wallow in loneliness.

Never will you have the connectedness that you get in college. That's a one time thing.

 

[dr150]

In Europe it's quite different.

People go to pubs or get togethers (sport or whatever) for a few hours. There's active social interaction every day after work.

There's a real sense of community and meeting new people through friends of friends.

In Spaiin, it's ridiculous how much social interaction goes on after work!

 

[mrkun]

Originally posted by: Alphathree33
I could also teach dancing, but there are tons of instructors to compete against and it's not as glamorous of a lifestyle as it sounds. (I've tried it before, albiet not full-time.)

There's this one Blues dance instructor here in the Bay Area that went the way you did. He got his degree in CS from Dartmouth and just found being a dance instructor much more fulfilling.

http://beyondblues.com/mihai/home/

 

[Wheezer]

Once you realize how many idiotic, worthless, nosy, back-stabbing and general fuck-heads there are in the world outside college.....you'll be grateful for this lack of social interaction.

 

[mrkun]

Originally posted by: Wheezer
Once you realize how many idiotic, worthless, nosy, back-stabbing and general fuck-heads there are in the world outside college.....you'll be grateful for this lack of social interaction.

There's a lot of them in college too. It's the same people.