Not Wanting Kids Is Entirely Normal

[Svnla]

For those that are married/in long term relationship and don't want kid(s), what are the reasons beside "kids are expensive"?

I am planning to get marry next year (if everything go accordingly to my plan) and I do like to have one or two (max - no more than two) within the next few years. I just love to have a daughter just like my little niece, so precious and so smart.

 

[xBiffx]

You can jump on the "this is a fucked up world" bandwagon all you want, but the world is a better place to live now than it ever has been. In this country, even more so. Harken me back to what ever "good old days" you want to wax nostalgic about and I'll tell you about all the fucked up shit that has gone away since that time...

Defend it all you want. Aside from the social, political, and economical challenges (the fucked up shit) the world presents it's going to be mathematically challenging, and very soon. 12 billion people is about 5 times the sustainability of this planet. I stick by my original statement.

 

[blackdogdeek]

For those that are married/in long term relationship and don't want kid(s), what are the reasons beside "kids are expensive"?

I am planning to get marry next year (if everything go accordingly to my plan) and I do like to have one or two (max - no more than two) within the next few years. I just love to have a daughter just like my little niece, so precious and so smart.

we have kids but at least one of the couples with whom we are friends are married and are definitely not going to have kids. we haven't asked them about it but i'm pretty sure it's not the money since they both make quite a bit. i'm pretty sure it's all the responsibility that goes along with parenthood.

"hey, blah blah and et cetera just decided to go buy tickets next week to anguilla and they want to know if we want to go. sure!"

this would never happen with kids.

 

[waggy]

we have kids but at least one of the couples with whom we are friends are married and are definitely not going to have kids. we haven't asked them about it but i'm pretty sure it's not the money since they both make quite a bit. i'm pretty sure it's all the responsibility that goes along with parenthood.

"hey, blah blah and et cetera just decided to go buy tickets next week to anguilla and they want to know if we want to go. sure!"

this would never happen with kids.

heh we know a family that has been together 22 years now. both have great jobs (both make over $100k a year and in where we live thats good). they have a HUGE fucking house with all the toys etc.

they don't want kids. he had a vesictomy and she had her tubes tied. they go on trips all over the world. hell they will fly to California just to party for the weekend.

i envy them at times.

 

[darkxshade]

I would like to have kids but I don't want kids... does that make any sense?

 

[xBiffx]

I would like to have kids but I don't want kids... does that make any sense?

Instinct vs. intelligence. Sounds normal to me.

 

[waggy]

I would like to have kids but I don't want kids... does that make any sense?

yeah actually it does. i was that way for a long time. i gotta admit i was not 100% for kids until i felt my daughter kick my hand before she was born...

 

[blackdogdeek]

heh we know a family that has been together 22 years now. both have great jobs (both make over $100k a year and in where we live thats good). they have a HUGE fucking house with all the toys etc.

they don't want kids. he had a vesictomy and she had her tubes tied. they go on trips all over the world. hell they will fly to California just to party for the weekend.

i envy them at times.

i know what you mean. especially, when our girls haven't had a meal in 3+ hours and start to argue about who is taking up more of the couch with their feet and daddy just wants to finish the rest of his cold grilled chicken while standing in the kitchen trying to hear sportscenter on the tv.

but then i hear my 9 year old singing fun's "some nights" at the top of her lungs and i feel like the luckiest person on the planet.

 

[waggy]

i know what you mean. especially, when our girls haven't had a meal in 3+ hours and start to argue about who is taking up more of the couch with their feet and daddy just wants to finish the rest of his cold grilled chicken while standing in the kitchen trying to hear sportscenter on the tv.

but then i hear my 9 year old singing fun's "some nights" at the top of her lungs and i feel like the luckiest person on the planet.

exactly!

my kids can't go 3 hours without a meal. i swear they never stop eating and neither is fat. though my son is a lot bigger then my duaghter.

 

[blackdogdeek]

exactly!

my kids can't go 3 hours without a meal. i swear they never stop eating and neither is fat. though my son is a lot bigger then my duaghter.

the funny thing is that i always tell my wife that they need to eat every 3 hours but she'll still call me at work and complain that they are really cranky and then i'll ask her if they're hungry, and 9 times out of 10 they are.

though they may seem like a mystery, they are actually quite predictable. just like you can tell exactly when spongebob goes to commercial by how much arguing is going on.

 

[rh71]

for all those afraid of the costs, it's the same risk you take when you buy a house - and you don't plan to just get rid of it if it costs too much. You jump in with both feet and try and make it work. Just be consistent with your feelings.

As for freedom, it's only restrictive in the first 2 or 3 years of the child's life. After that things fall into place if you work things around - you adapt and plan better. Nobody said it was a walk in the park though. There are rewards however.

As for people claiming against being selfish... I don't want a dog, ever again, because of very selfish reasons. Kids are more rewarding by far.

 

[blackdogdeek]

I would like to have kids but I don't want kids... does that make any sense?

of course it does. to me it just means you are a responsible human who understands the commitment that is involved with such an undertaking.

 

[Juddog]

for all those afraid of the costs, it's the same risk you take when you buy a house - and you don't plan to just get rid of it if it costs too much. You jump in with both feet and try and make it work. Just be consistent with your feelings.

As for freedom, it's only restrictive in the first 2 or 3 years of the child's life. After that things fall into place if you work things around - you adapt and plan better. Nobody said it was a walk in the park though. There are rewards however.

I can barely afford to get by as it is. How am I supposed to afford kids on top of that?

My one friend has 6 kids. He makes twice as much as me, in terms of salary, yet he's dead broke all the time, and his wife stays home full time to watch the kids. Kids are damned expensive these days.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

heh we know a family that has been together 22 years now. both have great jobs (both make over $100k a year and in where we live thats good). they have a HUGE fucking house with all the toys etc.

they don't want kids. he had a vesictomy and she had her tubes tied. they go on trips all over the world. hell they will fly to California just to party for the weekend.

i envy them at times.

That's the fucking life I want. :thumbsup:

If you want kids, great then be a responsible and good parent. However, I want to be like that couple that waggy mentioned. That sounds perfect.

 

[Exterous]

It's surprising how many people have this attitude that "oh, you'll change your mind" when I tell them I don't want children. When I tell them I'm dating a woman who doesn't want kids they get even worse and insist she's lying.

It happens to my wife all the time - she can get pretty annoyed by it at times.

For those that are married/in long term relationship and don't want kid(s), what are the reasons beside "kids are expensive"?

Desire and temperament. Neither my wife and I are interested at all in having kids and we both agree it would be unfair to bring someone into the world that we might not give the very best we could give. We also each use up most of our daily allotment of patience at work. For whatever else happens my wife and I have something beyond what I ever could have considered a perfect relationship on every level. Neither of us seem willing to risk the quality of that relationship over something we are not really that interested in having

 

[Exterous]

I can do everything you can do. There's no experience you can have that is out of reach for me. It's fine if you don't want them, but just say that by itself instead of citing ridiculous reasons that make you seem like a child yourself.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm planning a six week vacation to Europe for my family of four for the second time and I'm sure we're going to have a blast.

That's great for you but it's ignorant and naive to try and extend your experiences into a generalization for everyone with kids. Its very well established that having children is more expensive than not having children. This would unequivocally have an impact somewhere in your financial planning

Sidenote: I'll bet you can't get divorced without considering custody! HA! You can't do everything I can!

 

[waggy]

That's the fucking life I want. :thumbsup:

If you want kids, great then be a responsible and good parent. However, I want to be like that couple that waggy mentioned. That sounds perfect.

Yeah they have a good life. PERFECT for them. They will come see my kids for a while and spoil the shit out of them. then go on another vacation and enjoy life.

Every time i go over they have a new toy. from a new 4x4 gater type cart to a new tv's whatever.

Lol they have a dog that has its OWN FUCKING ROOM. lol

but no way would i trade what i have for that. but to each his own.

 

[JoeyP]

Desire and temperament. Neither my wife and I are interested at all in having kids and we both agree it would be unfair to bring someone into the world that we might not give the very best we could give. We also each use up most of our daily allotment of patience at work. For whatever else happens my wife and I have something beyond what I ever could have considered a perfect relationship on every level. Neither of us seem willing to risk the quality of that relationship over something we are not really that interested in having

We put.

So are you both sterilized?

 

[nickbits]

For those that are married/in long term relationship and don't want kid(s), what are the reasons beside "kids are expensive"?

There is no upside and tons of downside.

Expensive, a you noted
Playing with kids isn't fun
I don't like kids
I'm 90% sure I wouldn't really care about them. It really isn't worth it to see if I'm wrong about that.
Kids are stupid
Having to deal with their friends
Spouse becomes less important
Too much work
I would make a bad parent
My wife would make a bad parent

 

[Vdubchaos]

There is no upside and tons of downside.

Expensive, a you noted
Playing with kids isn't fun
I don't like kids
I'm 90% sure I wouldn't really care about them. It really isn't worth it to see if I'm wrong about that.
Kids are stupid
Having to deal with their friends
Spouse becomes less important
Too much work
I would make a bad parent
My wife would make a bad parent

There is no upsides ehh?

You my friend, have no f'in clue

 

[JoeyP]

There is no upsides ehh?

You my friend, have no f'in clue

His words indicate that he doesn't want to be a parent. Isn't that enough?

 

[Ns1]

That's the fucking life I want. :thumbsup:

If you want kids, great then be a responsible and good parent. However, I want to be like that couple that waggy mentioned. That sounds perfect.

+1

 

[waggy]

There is no upsides ehh?

You my friend, have no f'in clue

to HIM there is no upside. and by his post i would agree. While i disagree with some on his list that is not for everyone.

I for one wouldn't want to go back to a life without kids, without there friends, without all the stuff i do with them.

 

[nickbits]

There is no upsides ehh?

You my friend, have no f'in clue

Not for me. Others, I'm sure, get a lot out of them.

I already stated I'm 90% sure I wouldn't care about them or love them. I think that kills most of the upside. The only other upside I can think of caring for you in old age but that isn't a guarantee. I wouldn't move back closer to my parents so I could take care of them.

 

[Vdubchaos]

His words indicate that he doesn't want to be a parent. Isn't that enough?

I don't have a problem with him not wanting to be a parent. Just don't tell me there is no upsides.

Not for me. Others, I'm sure, get a lot out of them.

I already stated I'm 90% sure I wouldn't care about them or love them. I think that kills most of the upside. The only other upside I can think of caring for you in old age but that isn't a guarantee. I wouldn't move back closer to my parents so I could take care of them.

Until you are a parent you simply will not know.

As a parent of 4, I will tell you right now, there is SO many more upsides than downsides (to me of course).

Heck I would trade the 1 day (when my daughter was born and I first I held her in my arms) for my ENTIRE LIFE I lived without children. Just to throw a twist into this, she is now a teenager.

The upsides are hard to define (to a person that's not a parent) so let me just say that what kids have brought me to my life are simply priceless and NOTHING comes even close.