Not Wanting Kids Is Entirely Normal

[Exterous]

I don't have a problem with him not wanting to be a parent. Just don't tell me there is no upsides.

So - what would be the upsides for him and can you guarantee that those will actually happen?

 

[Vdubchaos]

So - what would be the upsides for him and can you guarantee that those will actually happen?

Too many too list

What is the most important thing in life? To me it's the memories (not materialist things etc).

Priceless memories that include my children FAR outweigh my "great" memories prior to being a parent. Not even a contest.

Like I said, it's hard to define "upsides" to people that are not parents because it would be hard for you to relate.

Just to give you an example. Feeling you get when you child first smiles at you. When they start to roll......stand.......walk.........talk........etc

 

[waggy]

Too many too list

What is the most important thing in life? To me it's the memories (not materialist things etc).

Priceless memories that include my children outweigh my "great" memories prior to being a parent 100 to 1 (if not more).

Like I said, it's hard to define "upsides" to people that are not parents because it would be hard for you to relate.

again to HIM there are NO upsides. you are looking at this from strickly your standpoint.

 

[Vdubchaos]

again to HIM there are NO upsides. you are looking at this from strickly your standpoint.

That's because he is ignorant and cannot relate to things from other people's perspective.

To him there IS upsides, he just doesn't know it yet.

 

[Ns1]

That's because he is ignorant and cannot relate to things from other people's perspective.

To him there IS upsides, he just doesn't know it yet.

there are possible upsides. If you get shitty kids then it's game fucking over.

 

[Imported]

Desire and temperament. Neither my wife and I are interested at all in having kids and we both agree it would be unfair to bring someone into the world that we might not give the very best we could give. We also each use up most of our daily allotment of patience at work. For whatever else happens my wife and I have something beyond what I ever could have considered a perfect relationship on every level. Neither of us seem willing to risk the quality of that relationship over something we are not really that interested in having

This is pretty much on par with my GF and I. Throw in everything else - finances, sense of loss of personal freedom.. I can't imagine having kids. Come March Madness, I'll probably be getting the surgical work done to guarantee it.

 

[nickbits]

I don't have a problem with him not wanting to be a parent. Just don't tell me there is no upsides.

I was only giving my reasons, I wasn't trying to generalize for everyone.

Until you are a parent you simply will not know.

As a parent of 4, I will tell you right now, there is SO many more upsides and downsides (to me of course).

That is a possibility but what if you're wrong and I'm right? Not really fair to the kid and I'm not willing to take that chance. I have a number of very good reasons why I do not believe I will share your experiences.

My wife probably would "come around" if she had kids but me not so much.

 

[Vdubchaos]

there are possible upsides. If you get shitty kids then it's game fucking over.

Define "shitty kids"

 

[Vdubchaos]

I was only giving my reasons, I wasn't trying to generalize for everyone.

I understand, but there is pros and cons to EVERYTHING in life.

you stated 0 pros, which means you are simply ignorant and just don't know.

Just pointing that out.

That is a possibility but what if you're wrong and I'm right? Not really fair to the kid and I'm not willing to take that chance. I have a number of very good reasons why I do not believe I will share your experiences.

My wife probably would "come around" if she had kids but me not so much.

See above, it applies here.

Don't ever say "what if". I can come up with 1000 "what ifs" that would make you think having a kid is a must!!!

Not sure what you mean about "come around"

 

[Ns1]

Define "shitty kids"

I'd rather not since 'shitty kids' is subjective, but kids who end up arrested and featured in newspaper stories are a subset of "shitty kids"

 

[Juddog]

Basically having kids is a genetic roll of the dice. You might get lucky, you might get normal, or you might have crap luck. That's the nature of the game, and some people would simply rather not gamble.

I for one couldn't imaging getting stuck with a child that had a mental disease and be stuck caring for him / her the rest of my life. Certain people can say that they would rather have a disabled child than no child at all, but I'm not one of those people.

 

[nickbits]

That's because he is ignorant and cannot relate to things from other people's perspective.

To him there IS upsides, he just doesn't know it yet.

I have a neurological disorder and experience very limited emotion. Things that should produce an emotional response do not for me.

 

[Vdubchaos]

I have a neurological disorder and experience very limited emotion. Things that should produce an emotional response do not for me.

I'm sorry to hear

 

[Ns1]

n/m

 

[OverVolt]

Defend it all you want. Aside from the social, political, and economical challenges (the fucked up shit) the world presents it's going to be mathematically challenging, and very soon. 12 billion people is about 5 times the sustainability of this planet. I stick by my original statement.

12billion is far from max sustainability. Farming with human labor is the most efficient. There is so much efficiency to squeeze out of the current system. The economy is forcing that right now (much to the dismay of the next political cycle )

Honestly at this point all the BS everyone is dealing with on a daily basis working on a farm wouldn't be so bad if you got to live your life out relatively care-free. It used to be the majority of people worked on farms. It'll head back that direction soon.

The only people disillusioned with oil and sustainability are Americans. They have a popular saying over there that goes something like "My grandfather rode a camel, my father rode a camel, I drive a Mercedes, my son drives a Land Rover, his son will drive a Land Rover, but his son will ride a camel"

 

[RaistlinZ]

Yeah they have a good life. PERFECT for them. They will come see my kids for a while and spoil the shit out of them. then go on another vacation and enjoy life.

Every time i go over they have a new toy. from a new 4x4 gater type cart to a new tv's whatever.

Lol they have a dog that has its OWN FUCKING ROOM. lol

but no way would i trade what i have for that. but to each his own.

They're living the life I think most would envy.

I'm 32, single with no kids, and have no desire for kids - or marriage for that matter. I work too hard to see the majority of my money going on child raising and to be restricted to pick up and move whenever I want. I see no value in being married for 3-5 years just to lose half of everything in divorce, and give spousal support to some woman while she can go out partying and f*cking other dudes.

No thank you.

 

[OverVolt]

They're living the life I think most would envy.

I'm 32, single with no kids, and have no desire for kids - or marriage for that matter. I work too hard to see the majority of my money going on child raising and to be restricted to pick up and move whenever I want. I see no value in being married for 3-5 years just to lose half of everything in divorce, and give spousal support to some woman while she can go out partying and f*cking other dudes.

No thank you.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand McMansions claim another line of lineage. I wonder if 7-9 generations ago you had an ancestor who had to be an indentured servant for 10-20 years just to get here.

 

[Cookie]

I would like to have kids but I don't want kids... does that make any sense?

That's where I am at too.

Since I was 18 I thought "maybe in about 5 years I'd like kids". I'm 34 now and feel the same way. I always thought I would eventually, but it's probably because it is what I thought I was 'supposed' to do.

Sometimes I think I still want to, but not enough to give up what I have right now... ...and also having a partner is an important missing factor.

Likely by the time I figure out that I really do want to have one, it'll be too late. But having one now, just in case, is not something I'm willing to do, especially not on my own.

 

[blackdogdeek]

I see no value in being married for 3-5 years just to lose half of everything in divorce, and give spousal support to some woman while she can go out partying and f*cking other dudes.

No thank you.

why so cynical? i suspect you would be able to determine if a woman would be suitable for a marriage that could last.

 

[Ns1]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand McMansions claim another line of lineage. I wonder if 7-9 generations ago you had an ancestor who had to be an indentured servant for 10-20 years just to get here.

they never got a taste of the good life.

 

[nickbits]

I'm sorry to hear

That being said, I'm not completely dead inside but I do know I do not react normally to most things.

Maybe I would find kids joyous and great or maybe I would feel nothing. No way to tell and no way to undo it once you have them.

 

[Vdubchaos]

That's where I am at too.

Since I was 18 I thought "maybe in about 5 years I'd like kids". I'm 34 now and feel the same way. I always thought I would eventually, but it's probably because it is what I thought I was 'supposed' to do.

Sometimes I think I still want to, but not enough to give up what I have right now... ...and also having a partner is an important missing factor.

Likely by the time I figure out that I really do want to have one, it'll be too late. But having one now, just in case, is not something I'm willing to do, especially not on my own.

I'll be honest, if I was a woman I would probably feel the same way. Labor is HELL and I probably wouldn't want to do it. I would probably adopt though.

You doing the right thing though, don't force it. If you want kids, just wait until you are ready/have proper partner.

If that doesn't happen, simply accept it. Sometimes you can't always have what you want.

That being said, I'm not completely dead inside but I do know I do not react normally to most things.

Maybe I would find kids joyous and great or maybe I would feel nothing. No way to tell and no way to undo it once you have them.

That's a tough one.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Yeah they have a good life. PERFECT for them. They will come see my kids for a while and spoil the shit out of them. then go on another vacation and enjoy life.

Every time i go over they have a new toy. from a new 4x4 gater type cart to a new tv's whatever.

Lol they have a dog that has its OWN FUCKING ROOM. lol

but no way would i trade what i have for that. but to each his own.

This is sounding better and better by every passing post you make :thumbsup:

I don't have a problem with him not wanting to be a parent. Just don't tell me there is no upsides.

For you there might be. For him, based off his post, what would be an "upside" for him?

Until you are a parent you simply will not know.

True. But are you really advocating everybody should try so that way they know? Is it worth risking a kid growing up unwanted and unloved by parents who may hate one another because they didn't want the kid anyways? How is that fair, right, moral, or ethical to the parents OR the kid?

As another example, there was a guy on these forums who enjoyed his gf taking a dump on him. Does that mean you should try it too because you might like it? Note, this also doesn't involve the life of another where as a kid does.

As a parent of 4, I will tell you right now, there is SO many more upsides and downsides (to me of course).

That's great to hear, however what is an upside for you may not be an upside for others. You might enjoy the kids asking "why" 500x and find it cute or adorable or whatever, thus that's an upside as they bring you joy when they do kid things like that. Myself, and others I'd guess, that would not bring joy to and instead irritate me and stress me out. Hence a downside to kids.

Heck I would trade the 1 day (when my daughter was born and I first I held her in my arms) for my ENTIRE LIFE I lived without children. Just to throw a twist into this, she is now a teenager.

And that's also great to hear. However that goes to the previous point of it's not the same for everybody.

The upsides are hard to define (to a person that's not a parent) so let me just say that what kids have brought me to my life are simply priceless and NOTHING comes even close.

So it's kind of like what everybody says about marriage when I ask what marriage offers that a relationship doesn't offer, "oh well it's great but I can't explain why, it just is different!" Where else in life does this logic work? "I'm going to vote for Romney because he has upsides, and you should too. What those are, well that's hard to define but you should just do it because he has upsides!" No where besides marriage, children, and religion. So why is it ok for those 3 to say "well I can't define why it's so awesome to a person who doesn't believe/isn't a parent/married, but it's awesome and you should just trust me and join the club!" Would you buy a car from a sales guy who told you that their car was so perfect for you and would change you world for the better but wouldn't let you test drive it?

 

[Cookie]

I'll be honest, if I was a woman I would probably feel the same way. Labor is HELL and I probably wouldn't want to do it. I would probably adopt though.

You doing the right thing though, don't force it. If you want kids, just wait until you are ready/have proper partner.

If that doesn't happen, simply accept it. Sometimes you can't always have what you want.

Adoption is something I've considered also, if I wait too long. Or if the right situation presents itself I would not be opposed to dating/cohabitating/marrying a man with children. Either way, I'm still in no hurry. Whatever happens.

 

[waggy]

They're living the life I think most would envy.

I'm 32, single with no kids, and have no desire for kids - or marriage for that matter. I work too hard to see the majority of my money going on child raising and to be restricted to pick up and move whenever I want. I see no value in being married for 3-5 years just to lose half of everything in divorce, and give spousal support to some woman while she can go out partying and f*cking other dudes.

No thank you.

i disagree that most would envy. there are parts of it that are great. but to be honest no fucking way would i change positions with them at all.