Nicest way to break up with somebody? :(

[Gnurb]

Originally posted by: gopunk
maybe my comments were taken lightheartedly... i'm dead serious... get him a girl.... best breakup present evar

I'd like to emphasize this statement as well.

 

[GasX]

I soften my remarks if the definition of "friends" is someone you will run into and chat amiably with and interact with in social situations. Hanging out together and going out on "pseudo-dates" where no sex is involved is the type of friends that we guys are harping on your for. If that is not your aim, then proceed...

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: luvly
Well, if they weren't, then it would be different. It would be okay to tell him she wanted to be friends with him, but she would have to add: whenever he's comfortable. Or to wait until he's absorbed the information and then offer friendship.

The reason I thought it wouldn't be a problem in her case is that she's said things that suggested that they were really close friends prior to and during the relationship. That to me means that he would still have feelings toward her and wouldn't be happy with the news, but he'll be very accepting of the friendship offer. He might even offer it himself.

Edit: Honestly, it is true that most relationships without a previous record of friendship never end up with both parties being friends. They may say they want to be, but it's because of the feelings they have for each other. However, when all is said and done, they go their separate ways. They're at most just acquaintances. As I said earlier, the reason this is the case is because people actually got attracted to each other in the sexual sense and didn't establish frienship prior to that. In spite of these, there's nothing wrong with offering frienship to the other party. If he tosses it, too bad.

But in cases where they had prior friendship and it was close, the couples have no problem reverting to friendship, a close one, and maintaining that friendship.

You sure are assuming a lot of stuff in there.

Just because you were friends prior to the relationship means nothing. Being friends after a break up all depends on the reason for the breakup, the way it was done and the feelings of the people involved.

If both are glad that the relationship is over and aren't too dependent on the other person, then it's completely possible for them to be friends after the breakup. If one is clinging to the other, a friendship will never be able to happen until that person has moved on. If the breakup hurts one person more than the other, a friendship will most likely not happen because the other will feel some sort of hostility to the person doing the breaking.

In order to be friends after a break up, you have to understand why you aren't with that person any more and accept it to be true. You have to understand that you weren't the ideal person for them and that it's alright if you're not. Both parties have to be respectful to each other's feelings along the way after a break up. One person can't go trotting with a new significant other around the person they just broke up with if that person is still getting over the other person.

It's a sticky situation, but it's definitely possible if both parties understand why they aren't together anymore. If both parties have honestly accepted that information, then anything's possible.

 

[wolf papa]

the idea of being friends is a nice, rational theory, and depending on the maturity of the involved people (as pointed out already) may work, and much depends on the level of friendship. BUT............ human emotions tend to be dynamic, changing situations........

Here is my own experience -

1. Break-up = REJECTION. Period, no other interpretation is possible. Phrase it any way you like, it still comes out "You are not what I need or want"
2. "I still want to be friends" This is so common, sometimes it's true, sometimes it's just offered as a consolation prize. I've heard it a few times, the first time, I thought it meant "This is probation, and if you change enough, you can win me back". Maybe that wasn't what she meant, but I was hopeful, so that's what I wanted to think.

The second time, in practice it resulted in me being someone to go to concerts or dinners with (so she wouldn't stand out as a single woman), all the while she would be emotionally free to flirt or pursue any other guy. It meant I was expected to provide emotional support in times of stress or being bummed out, but yet not cross the line of affection. Her emotional needs were fulfilled, mine were not.

 

[jaydee]

Seinfeld anyone? Ever try... the nose pick?

"She came walking through that door Jerry, and I was up to my wrist!"- George Constanza

 

[kranky]

Well, I'm repeating a lot of what's been said, but:
1. Be firm. Make it clear it's over.
2. No "Let's be friends". Maybe you will end up friends later, but don't say it then.

Now that that is out of the way, the neffing response:

"Knock, knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Not you anymore."

 

[element]

Since the serious answers have already been given, I'll provide my neffing response:

Meet your new girlfriend bud.