Nicest way to break up with somebody? :(

[GasX]

Originally posted by: Dezign
I'll be honest, but this is going to suck. This is going to really, really, really suck. I feel like throwing up. He just called me... he misses me, he bought me a Christmas present, he'll see me soon, he can't wait to hold me again, etc. etc.

Peace,
Dezign

Quit being wishy washy and get it over with. And do yourself AND him a favor and don't let the words "Let's still be friends" come out of your mouth.

 

[erikiksaz]

Tell him:

1) why you are breaking up with him
2) what caused it

Don't beat around the bush, i hate that. I believe they are both important, but #2 will allow him to learn what to do or not to do in the future.

 

[GoodToGo]

Punch him.

And I completely agree with Mwilding

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: Mwilding

Originally posted by: Dezign
I'll be honest, but this is going to suck. This is going to really, really, really suck. I feel like throwing up. He just called me... he misses me, he bought me a Christmas present, he'll see me soon, he can't wait to hold me again, etc. etc.

Peace,
Dezign

Quit being wishy washy and get it over with. And do yourself AND him a favor and don't let the words "Let's still be friends" come out of your mouth.

I wonder if you guys would be as sympathetic if a guy were asking for advice on how to break up with his girlfriend.

I'm not being wishy washy. I would do it today, but he's in another country, and doing it over the phone just sucks. I'm going to do it in person. And I DO want to still be friends. How can you share so much of yourself with someone and then completely sever all ties?

Peace,
Dezign

 

[ndee]

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: Mwilding

Originally posted by: Dezign
I'll be honest, but this is going to suck. This is going to really, really, really suck. I feel like throwing up. He just called me... he misses me, he bought me a Christmas present, he'll see me soon, he can't wait to hold me again, etc. etc.

Peace,
Dezign

Quit being wishy washy and get it over with. And do yourself AND him a favor and don't let the words "Let's still be friends" come out of your mouth.

I wonder if you guys would be as sympathetic if a guy were asking for advice on how to break up with his girlfriend.

I'm not being wishy washy. I would do it today, but he's in another country, and doing it over the phone just sucks. I'm going to do it in person. And I DO want to still be friends. How can you share so much of yourself with someone and then completely sever all ties?

Peace,
Dezign

If you still gonna be friends, and _he_ is actually in love with you, that's gonna kill him, believe me.

 

[gopunk]

maybe my comments were taken lightheartedly... i'm dead serious... get him a girl.... best breakup present evar

 

[Ciber]

Rarely do guys want to be friends when a girl dumps them because they are PISSED as hell at the chick for doing that and then the girl insults them on top of it by asking to be friends. I mean how can you tell someone "umm i dont like you anymore, but lets be best buddies ok?"

You girls are just retarded if you actually expect a guy to want to be friends with you after you just finish breaking their heart.

 

[MonkOnXanax]

like everyone else has said, being friends will be hard after you break up.

*especially* if he has feelings for you, and *especially* once you start dating again.

he'll get hurt once he sees you with someone else.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Dezign
And I DO want to still be friends. How can you share so much of yourself with someone and then completely sever all ties?

Peace,
Dezign

You do, but he doesn't... You've slept with him, you cannot undo that from his point of view, even if you can undo it from yours...

Grasshopper

 

[gopunk]

And I DO want to still be friends. How can you share so much of yourself with someone and then completely sever all ties?

he'll probably wonder how you can rip his heart out, tear it up into tiny little pieces, and then still say "but we can still be friends, right?"

just tellin' it like it is...

i still say you should just get him a new girl. or at least a hooker or something...



i had this girl once... when she wanted to break up with me, she was too pussy to actually do it, so she just acted all distant and sh1t until i asked her what was up. dropped her like mike tyson on peewee herman. told all my friends she had been mauled to death by a bear while we were camping *sheds tears*. we're friends now because i'm over it... but it still makes me laugh how my female friends tried to guilt me about how i treated her.

b!tch shouldn't have dumped me




i'm half joking /:|

 

[tantos]

Rarely do guys want to be friends when a girl dumps them because they are PISSED as hell at the chick for doing that and then the girl insults them on top of it by asking to be friends. I mean how can you tell someone "umm i dont like you anymore, but lets be best buddies ok?"

Man, couldn't have said it any better..

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

Originally posted by: tantos

Rarely do guys want to be friends when a girl dumps them because they are PISSED as hell at the chick for doing that and then the girl insults them on top of it by asking to be friends. I mean how can you tell someone "umm i dont like you anymore, but lets be best buddies ok?"

Man, couldn't have said it any better..

This is the thing that I don't think that women realize. That after you have had a heavy relationship where sex has been involded it is really hard to let that youbecause you have shared a part of yourself that you can't take back and he will forever remeber. A girl I dated like 6 years ago. I still remeber how certin things felt and it still hurts. I'm over here and it's done but it's something that you just never let go of. Saying "lets just be friend" make it all seem so cheap and worthless and it's not.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: obiwaynekenobi

Originally posted by: tantos

Rarely do guys want to be friends when a girl dumps them because they are PISSED as hell at the chick for doing that and then the girl insults them on top of it by asking to be friends. I mean how can you tell someone "umm i dont like you anymore, but lets be best buddies ok?"

Man, couldn't have said it any better..

This is the thing that I don't think that women realize. That after you have had a heavy relationship where sex has been involded it is really hard to let that youbecause you have shared a part of yourself that you can't take back and he will forever remeber. A girl I dated like 6 years ago. I still remeber how certin things felt and it still hurts. I'm over here and it's done but it's something that you just never let go of. Saying "lets just be friend" make it all seem so cheap and worthless and it's not.

are you sure you're over her? i dunno man, it always hurts in the beginning, but i find that i don't hurt anymore. and i've let go of it... we're friends, she's dating some other guy... it's all cool. i still bring up the nasty sh!t we used to do to make her squirm when her guy is around.

 

The lez suggestion won't work, as Dezign is bi.

Dezign, don't mind the guys.

Here's what I think: It's okay to want to be friends with him. In fact, I've always remained friends with men of my past. The only exception was one who did some almost unforgiving things. But even in that case, I was angry at first and wanted nothing to do with him. However, as time went on, the sore feeling healed. We talked, and I would stop to chat with him at any time. The truth though is that people who genuinely want to be friends lose touch naturally because it was the relationship that drew them close in the first place.

However, in cases where the two breaking up were close/good friends before they ever started dating, it is no problem remaining friends and as close as before. The only exception is if some great injustice was done, then their friendship would never be the same again.

Yes, your bf like anybody else (both men and women) would be disheartened with the news if he really cared about you, as he seems to. He?ll be singing, "Is it a crime that I still want you, and I want you to want me too?" Nonetheless, he having been your close friend prior to the relationship and still having feelings for you will be very willing to remain friends with you.

As for how you should tell him, it all depends on what you want. Do you want to close all avenues to ever getting back with him? If so, then cut straight to the chase: Tell him with no uncertain terms that it?s over. Don't sugarcoat it. Say it assertively and don?t bother to talk about being friends with him. He?ll make that offer himself. Or you could actually talk about that part some other time.

If, however, you?re willing to leave the door open for something between you two in the future, then sugarcoat your break-up. Tell him it isn?t feeling right; the attraction is absent. However, you would like to be friends with him like you were before the relationship.

Now, this should work, except if you did something terrible to him during your relationship. The only issue I have with your case is, why did you wait this long if you knew that you didn't have the attraction (i.e., weren't in love)? I mean, were you just trying to give it a chance, hoping that the spark would occur eventually? What were you thinking?

 

[Howard]

Dezign, don't mind luvly.

 

[flot]

However, in cases where the two breaking up were close/good friends before they ever started dating, it is no problem remaining friends and as close as before. The only exception is if some great injustice was done, then their friendship would never be the same again.

From my experiences, this statement is approximately as wrong as it could possibly be. You will never be as close as you were before, there will always be feelings of resentment and distrust, and for that matter trying to remain close can make it even more difficult.

Break up with him - but don't expect things to be rosy. The more attached HE was to you, the more difficult it will become.

 

[OS]

i was thinking something similar earlier today. I've been going out with this girl for the past month but I don't know if I really like her enough to keep going. There are other girls who i'm getting flirty with and they're calling my name.

But I ran into her today and it reminded me how she has a nice body and I want to have a roll in the hay with her. :Q And she's always happy to see me.

This is so confusing.

 

[her209]

Okay, I got it:

Ask him to have breakup sex, that way he know and he's happy about it.

 

[Bignate603]

Fake your own death.

 

[ndee]

luvly: Just this one time. I think we men know what hurts more. Some of us been there and you see it from a a woman-point-of-view. If you had nookie but weren't together, and feeling started to grow, and that the man wanted a relationship, but the woman not, you can't just be friends after that. It's just impossible, I'm goin' thru that at the very moment. The best is to tell him that truth and not "I don't know what the reason is"-explanation. There HAS to be a reason. Period. And then, for the next couple weeks, don't hear each other. That would be the best solution IMO.

 

All right! You guys are the guys, so whatever you say! I'll be sure to note it.

I still don't see anything wrong with wanting to be friends with someone. And it isn't a difficult thing if the two parties involved are mature people. It's all about your relationship prior to the bf/gf thing and also how clingy the other party is. I'm still of the opinion that if you were extreme close friends before you started the bf/gf relationship thing, you'll still be able to maintain that friendship. It will only be a problem if you did something terrible to the person during the relationship. Also, if a guy is very independent and didn't have his world revolve around you, he won't be too happy with the news but he'll still appreciate you and want to be your friend. If he acts mean toward you because you said things wouldn't work anymore, then he simply wasn't one worth the effort; and it's a good thing you broke up.

Whatever you guys say . . . I won't argue it as some truth. I can't claim authority here since I'm not a guy. But I'll say go for the friendship route, Dezign, if that's how you really feel. Be sure this isn't just a temporary feeling. And if he disses you, then don't even give him a second of attention. I learned my lesson. If he disrespects you there, even if he later apologises, the friendship will still go down the toilet and will never be the same.

Keep us updated, Dezign.

 

[MonkOnXanax]

Originally posted by: luvly
I'm still of the opinion that IF you were extreme close friends before you started the bf/gf relationship thing, you'll still be able to maintain that friendship.

there's the problem right there. not everybody dates their best friends.

so what happens if they weren't extremely close friends before they started dating?

 

[Dragnov]

If you say "lets just be friends" he will think "evil bitch".

Hey, dont hurt the messenger.

 

Well, if they weren't, then it would be different. It would be okay to tell him she wanted to be friends with him, but she would have to add: whenever he's comfortable. Or to wait until he's absorbed the information and then offer friendship.

The reason I thought it wouldn't be a problem in her case is that she's said things that suggested that they were really close friends prior to and during the relationship. That to me means that he would still have feelings toward her and wouldn't be happy with the news, but he'll be very accepting of the friendship offer. He might even offer it himself.

Edit: Honestly, it is true that most relationships without a previous record of friendship never end up with both parties being friends. They may say they want to be, but it's because of the feelings they have for each other. However, when all is said and done, they go their separate ways. They're at most just acquaintances. As I said earlier, the reason this is the case is because people actually got attracted to each other in the sexual sense and didn't establish frienship prior to that. In spite of these, there's nothing wrong with offering frienship to the other party. If he tosses it, too bad.

But in cases where they had prior friendship and it was close, the couples have no problem reverting to friendship, a close one, and maintaining that friendship.

 

[Storm]

Heres my piece...

First off I gotta say some of the ATOT members are being harsher on Dezign since shes a gal posting
a relationship problem than they would if it was a typical guy posting. Thats just not cool. Show a little class.

I think its typical reaction for guys to get a little pissed when a girl they've been dating breaks it off only to say they want to be "friends." From a guy's point of view they're going what the fvck is going on? To get into a relationship, have it turn sexual, then have it ended only to her want to become "friends" might seem absurd.

I think the point luvly alluded on(we rarely agree since Im from Mars and shes from Venus ?) about the maturity of the friendship between the two people is extremely important. Right now I think its the
maturity between Dezign and her bf that will determine what happens. If they had a pre-existing mature friendship before it got sexual, then I'd say theres a good they can stay friends if Dezign
tells him straight up. He should come to his senses. If they got the love train moving(bah Gap commercials) before establishing a friendship/understanding of each other. I think it will be harder for him to realize and might get angry, hurt, and heartbroken.

But this friendship before or after the relationship doesnt mean squat. Its the maturity and understanding between Dezign and her bf that will determine the outcome imho.

Anyways good luck with it