New, improved joke thread

[Ajay]

why does your spoiler work differently than everyone else's?

I'll explain it, but it will cost you 10,000 post counts

 

[snoopy7548]

I'll explain it, but it will cost you 10,000 post counts

Maybe he can grant you access to the mod forum for a day...

 

[allisolm]

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.

Spoiler: Click here

That's the punch line.

 

[snoopy7548]

How much did the pirate charge for corn?

A buck an ear.

 

[SKORPI0]

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”

 

[Ajay]

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name

 

[allisolm]

In 2018 I didn't do a marathon. I didn't do one in 2019, 2020, or 2021 as well.

This is a running joke.

 

[Ajay]

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it

 

[Iron Woode]

what kind of car does a cat drive?

A furrari.

 

[SaltyNuts]

I was going to tell you guys a time travel joke, but you didn't laugh, so forget it.

 

[SKORPI0]

68 Adult Dirty Jokes So Racy You'll Want to Cover Your Eyes

https://bestlifeonline.com/dirty-jokes/

 

[DAPUNISHER]

This one is extremely difficult without cheating.

What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?

A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

 

[Captante]

Q: Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?



A: They say he made a mint!

 

[snoopy7548]

This one is extremely difficult without cheating.

What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?

A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

I don't get it.

 

[brianmanahan]

How much did the pirate charge for corn?

A buck an ear.

i kid you not, as a kid we used to sell sweet corn at a roadside stand

and i came up with an idea for a new twist - "buccaneer sweet corn", where i would dress like a pirate, get a corn roaster, go to shows and sell sweet corn for 1$ per ear

nobody else thought it was a good idea but i still think it was the best idea i've ever had

 

[Ken g6]

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it

Why did people donate to the cow with no legs?

They found its plight mooooving!

Why did people keep donating to the cow with no legs?

They found it moving still.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I had a job working for Nike but I quit. I just couldn't do it anymore.

 

[DigDog]

It’s a secret.

it's not a secret, it's an iSecret

 

[Iron Woode]

why was the frog late for work?

his car was toad.

 

[waffleironhead]

How do you make a jam sandwich?

Take two pieces of bread and jam them together.

 

[BoomerD]

never mind...

 

[Captante]

Q: Why are elevator-jokes such classics?


A: They work on many levels!

 

[Mai72]

I had a race with an Asian today.....













It was a Thai.

 

[Iron Woode]

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

 

[snoopy7548]

What did the cow say to the human?

Moo