My girlfriend left me... Updated 9/6/05

[Nerva]

maybe you should stop seeing your other girlfriend (anandtech). but seriously, it happens, and life moves on. if you are a good person, it's her loss.

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Been there and bought the shirt. I'm glad it's not me this time. Sucks for you but I can tell you from experience time will heal this wound. It might be a long time but it will heal.

Also keep in mind that right now you will get a lot of sympathy but if you continue to whine aboiut it for weeks on end you will get less sympathy because you will have become annoying. When I split up with my first wife I didn't burden any of my friends or family with my problems and because of that the hurt didn't seem to last as long because I wasn't constantly rehashing the situation. The next thing I knew I wasn't even thinking about it and I was able to get on with life.

I know....

I am not going to do that, here at least.. i'm just feeling particularly sh!tty thismorning.

 

[meltdown75]

any ladies that you can hit up for a re-tap or just a date or hanging out?

rebounds helped me through tough times before. sounds dirty, low-down and scoundrel-ish, but where you're at right now, i know you'd do anything to feel better.

then again, just because it has helped me means nothing at all. again i have nothing to say but good luck in this time. when you come out of it, you'll be stronger than ever before.

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
any ladies that you can hit up for a re-tap or just a date or hanging out?

rebounds helped me through tough times before. sounds dirty, low-down and scoundrel-ish, but where you're at right now, i know you'd do anything to feel better.

then again, just because it has helped me means nothing at all. again i have nothing to say but good luck in this time. when you come out of it, you'll be stronger than ever before.

I'm not like that..

I may as well be a woman when it comes to that.. I don't think I could ever sleep around....

not that women don't sleep around too.. well, you know what I mean.

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: Eli

Originally posted by: meltdown75
any ladies that you can hit up for a re-tap or just a date or hanging out?

rebounds helped me through tough times before. sounds dirty, low-down and scoundrel-ish, but where you're at right now, i know you'd do anything to feel better.

then again, just because it has helped me means nothing at all. again i have nothing to say but good luck in this time. when you come out of it, you'll be stronger than ever before.

I'm not like that..

I may as well be a woman when it comes to that.. I don't think I could ever sleep around....

not that women don't sleep around too.. well, you know what I mean.

doesn't have to be sex. think of it as jump-starting your heart.

ah, who am i kidding. just because it worked for slutty old me of the old times doesn't mean sh1t. you've obviously got more heart than i give you credit for. you'll get through this man.

___~

 

[imported_Kensai]

:beer:

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: forrestroche
Eli

In the short time I have been here I think you have smacked me around a couple of times already (I am sure I deserved it though it felt a little rough).

Nevertheless, I am very very sorry. People will tell you how things will get better, chin up, get drunk, it just takes time, blah blah... I haven't read any other posts and am sure that there is some good advice and lots of sympathy mixed in.

The fact is that none of that will probably make you feel any better. You may not even want to feel better.

This is the way it was for me. My friends were very supportive. My father took to telling me how I was better off without her until in a drunken RAGE I broke two of his ribs before my two cousins could drag me off him. I was surrounded by people trying to help, but feeling totally alone. Nobody really seemed to understand what I was feeling (or they wouldn't keep telling me "it'll be ok."), and they sure didn't understand about HER, and ME. I got tense anytime anyone pretended to know anything about us.

I didn't even want to think about feeling better, because if I ever started to feel better, that would mean I was forgetting about her, she would have become part of my PAST. I didn't want to stop hurting - the pain was proof that she had walked in my life... Other times I felt foolish - if it was so aparently easy for her to leave, then maybe it was ALL A LIE. Maybe she never really loved me, at least not the way I loved her, otherwise she couldn't be doing this.

Eventually I decided I was at fault (which I was actually - I was an alcoholic and massive pot head). I smoked weed day after day, hung out with friends, watched t.v., rebuilt my car engine, and talked about what interested ME. I never once had a bath waiting for her with candles and champagne when she got home from work. I never blindfolder her to put her in the car and take her to a five star hotel that cost me a week's pay. I never sneaked out of bed in the morning to make her breakfast in bed and I never spent an hour at two oclock in the morning, after lovemaking, giving her a full body massage. Rather, I was selfish during sex. I forgot her birthday once. I stopped telling her how beautiful she was, never made her feel how important she was to me, or how much I admired her as a human being. I never made her feel the way that you SHOULD make the person you have chosen to stand by your side feel.

And though she never complained, she got tired and left.

Then I decided I would win her back.

That didn't work.

And so she did fade from my life and now she remains only for the person that I was and am no longer. I do not make her into just someone that passed through my life, or "an ex" or "my first." The person who could tell you what she was to me no longer exists. The only thing I can do is to remember, not her or us because that gets harder all the time, but that this THING happened in my life, and that no matter how much time goes by, whether it be a year, or a thousand, or a million million, the fact of it having happened can never be erased. There are moments that, though they will never be remembered, are as real as this september morning - moments in which she and I sat, looking into each others eyes, understanding, and smiling.

Wow, you're an angry little fvck aren't you? Jesus, you need to work on your anger issues...no wonder your GF left you. Probably the best thing for her really.

BTW-Everyone who has loved and lost knows what it's like. Your relationship wasn't any more intense or different or special than any other loving relationship. :roll:

Oh, and we say things like "things will get better, chin up, it just takes time, blah blah..." because they're all true.

Get counseling. You need it.

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

What the fsck is wrong with you?

 

[CombatChuk]

Originally posted by: Eli
I talked to her a little 3rd person last night...

She said that she needs a break. That she needs to go live with her dad for a while.

She said that if I still want her back later that she would come back to me.

#$#^$(&%)#* ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS JUST ABOUT THE WORST THING SHE COULD HAVE SAID....... that is so unfair on so many levels.. I don't want to relive this everyday in the hope that she is going to come back to me...

Someone just please kill me now.

I don't know what to do...

It almost seems like she's planning on using you as a backup? How old are you two? What I've notice happen with younger couples, is that sometimes one of the partners wants to see what it's like dating someone else for a change (Sad but true). If she said that she'll take you back after the break, then she's just using you as a backup. You going to have to move on and find someone more comitted, and you'll probably be happier in the end.

 

[JJWalker]

Is this the same plumper that was known for stealing anything within arms reach?

 

[Pepsei]

do not let her come back to you even if she begs, you said it youself, you don't want to go thru this again, she betrayed you and you should leave it like that.

 

[Ime]

Crude, double-post. Tried to edit and editted and replied.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: JJWalker
Is this the same plumper that was known for stealing anything within arms reach?

People like you and others in this thread need to STFU and GTFO. :| Way to pray on an emotionally destroyed individual and pour salt in his wounds, sh|theads. :|

He needs strong emotional support to get through the first few days or weeks of "stupid thoughts" and all some of you can do is heartlessly and thoughtlessly rip open the wound that he and other good people in here are trying to help him mend.

He needs good advice from people who have been through this.

He needs friends to step up to the plate and be there for him. I know I didn't have much support when I went through this bullsh|t last year and I'll be damned if I don't bust my ass to support Eli as much as I can. He's not returning PMs of offers to go out and have a good time to get his mind off of the situation -yeah, like that's ever really going to happen any time soon, but eventually it's going to pay off.

Hang in there, Eli. There are good people who want to help you, if you're willing to let us. :thumbsup:

 

[dds14u]

I'd be happy to know about updates on the front page

 

[Sixtyfour]

Originally posted by: Eli
I am still in a state of shock. I am devastated.. I don't know what to do.

Join empornium.

 

[Rudee]

Originally posted by: Eli

Originally posted by: SearchMaster
My suggestion: go and do your thing. IF she comes back, treat her like someone else you're dating. Don't make her the center of your life until she once again proves worthy. She hasn't done anything WRONG, other than not be up front with you, because she has a duty to herself to end the relationship if it's not providing what she needs, but you need to know she won't flake out again and leave practically unannounced.

Exactly..

I almost feel like she has cheated on me...

How can I ever trust her again? ahhhhhhhhh.........

I can't believe this is happening.... I was the happiest I have ever been with her.. and now she is gone....

I am already tired of waking up in the middle of the night crying.. I don't know how to deal with this.....

Time heals all wounds dude. I know its hard to consider this now, but in time you will be over her completely and will look back and laugh.

 

[Ziptar]

Go nail as many chicks as you can as fast as you can. Don't go for quality, just quantity, do your business and move on to the next one.. You'll feel better.


That always works for me.

 

[Sassy]

Originally posted by: Eli

Originally posted by: SearchMaster
My suggestion: go and do your thing. IF she comes back, treat her like someone else you're dating. Don't make her the center of your life until she once again proves worthy. She hasn't done anything WRONG, other than not be up front with you, because she has a duty to herself to end the relationship if it's not providing what she needs, but you need to know she won't flake out again and leave practically unannounced.

Exactly..

I almost feel like she has cheated on me...

How can I ever trust her again? ahhhhhhhhh.........

I can't believe this is happening.... I was the happiest I have ever been with her.. and now she is gone....

I am already tired of waking up in the middle of the night crying.. I don't know how to deal with this.....

You need to stand-up and move forward by putting one foot in front of the other. It will be painful at first but the walk will get easier. With each step you will become stronger, and in the end, a better man. If you choose to take her back and she does leave the second time, you?ll know what road to take because you walked that road before.

It would be a shame for you to dwell in misery waiting for her to come back. If she does come back, you may do anything beyond the call of any relationship in fear of the pain of losing her again. I think if you go this route, you will eventually become a shell of a man. If it doesn?t work out, not only have you lost her a second time but possibly lost yourself (who you are). It will take you much longer to recover.

I don?t know you Eli, other than what I?ve read in this thread. If what?s being said is true about you, one should never wrap their lives completely around a relationship. Having outside friends and interests adds quality to a relationship. It will only take away if these things become more important to you than her. On the other hand, if your woman demands your full attention and primary focus to always be on her, you may have problem.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: kissnup
You need to stand-up and move forward by putting one foot in front of the other. It will be painful at first but the walk will get easier. With each step you will become stronger, and in the end, a better man. If you choose to take her back and she does leave the second time, you?ll know what road to take because you walked that road before.

It would be a shame for you to dwell in misery waiting for her to come back. If she does come back, you may do anything beyond the call of any relationship in fear of the pain of losing her again. I think if you go this route, you will eventually become a shell of a man. If it doesn?t work out, not only have you lost her a second time but possibly lost yourself (who you are). It will take you much longer to recover.

I don?t know you Eli, other than what I?ve read in this thread. If what?s being said is true about you, one should never wrap their lives completely around a relationship. Having outside friends and interests adds quality to a relationship. It will only take away if these things become more important to you than her. On the other hand, if your woman demands your full attention and primary focus to always be on her, you may have problem.

Excellent. :thumbsup:

 

[Ime]

Eli,

Most women I've met don't like "weak" men. They consider "weak" men to be ones who have no b@lls, are pushovers, will be little more than doormats, and give them too much want they want. The exception to this are women who like to be in charge, I've met a few in my time.

Most women like "strong" men, who don't take crap, will say no and not back down, and isn't afraid to tell her to she's wrong. When women pick a fight (and yes, they do pick fights) they sometimes do so to see if you are "strong". Now, the thing I've slowly learned from experience is: "Strong" isn't far from "@sshole", but to be honest it's totally different.

If you cross the line to "@sshole", then the only women you will attract are slutty. If that's your bag, then it's easy to do. I've done it and laid my share of slutty chicks by being a complete @sshole.

If you want to land a good women for life, you have to back off a bit and be "Strong". A "Strong" man doesn't back down from a fight with his woman, but he will apologize if he's wrong. There's more too it than that, but I'm running out of time because I'm typing from work.

In closing, if you act like a "Strong" man, but not all the way to "@asshole", you will marry a good woman eventually. I did.

My last piece of advice is: Look into dating foreign women. It's not without it's own set of challenges, but I've found foreign women tend to appreciate what you can provide for them more than women who've been born and raised in America. I'm not saying get a mail-order bride, I don't think that is a good way to go. However, there are plenty of well educated foreign women working in the US on Visas and Green Cards, particularly registered nurses.

 

[imported_nautique]

Here's a good quote: "And nothing you can do will stop change. But you do not have to be overcome by it."

 

[PingSpike]

You can't take her back...ever. You have to focus on moving on from this and forgetting about her. The fact that she's basically asking you to wait around while she fvcks around for an indeterminate amount of time is not only completely unfair to you, its downright insulting that she thinks she has a right to even ask it of you.

You can't just sit around, carrying a torch for her when she probably won't even ever come back. What the hell is going to be left of you then? Forget she even gave you that glimmer of "hope". That was an extremely cold and selfish thing for her to do, especially after she didn't even provide with a reason. You can't spend your life living for her when she isn't even there. You must move on.

 

[Aquila76]

I totally agree with PingSpike. If she had a drop of love in her heart for you, she wouldn't have walked out like that in the first place.
You can try keeping her as a 'friend', but that almost always bites you in the ass when you find someone else to love. It's best just to move on without her.

EDIT: For a lighter look at it, I posted this elsewhere:

When life makes you go What the #*&% ?, all you can do is grin, laugh, and either bear it or go crazy.

 

[UDT89]

dude i just went through this.......

FIND A NEW GIRL!!!! Even if you know its not a long term thing, just for companionship. you cant be alone, its the worst. AND you cant talk to her, if you talk to her you'll never move on

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

finding a new girl and jumping into another relationship right away is not the solution. that will only serve to numb your pain temporarily, but ultimately it will not help you feel any better. now getting laid is always a good thing, and can do wonders for your self-esteem. people are always looking for quick and easy answers in situations like this, unfortuantely there are none. time heals all wounds man.