oh fvck that. if they have that power over you, then they have nothing. what is left if you are that decimated as a person? nothing.
and who wants nothing?
eli, ive been reading your posts, etc for a while now. youre a good guy from what i can tell. way too good to let some chick get you this down. i realize the pain is still fresh. but if you can look in the mirror, and know you arent sooo bad that she just had to get out, then fvck her man. if she doesnt even have the respect for you to be honest and straight, not to mention the balls, then what good was the relationship anyway?
point is, if shes going to just dump you like that, then maybe you didnt have what you thought you did. if thats the case, then its time to pull yourself up by the boot strings and do what you got to do. im not living your life, but im pretty confident in assuming the last thing you need to do is let this take over you.
not trying to be harsh.......but goddamn it man, dont turn into a puddle.
:beer:
MustangSVT
Lifer
- Oct 7, 2000
- 11,554
- 12
- 81
Ok. I'm sorry this happened to you,hell it happened to me sorta like that too. And I STILL wish things had gone differently that day back in 1981..... Yep I said 1981!!!!!
And I crapped up a few relationships afterwards in a Bass Ackwards attempt to re-live it, albeit differently. So don't do that , I can tell you it doesn't work at all.
Dude , try this. Instead of being sorry this one is over, be glad you got to have it at all.
Some people ( not just here ,either) will never have the depth of emotional attachment, nor the emotional "buzz" that comes when you click with someone.
Be glad you didn't lose her for good ( death / injury). Be glad there is no "enflagrante delecto" (sic) going on.
Be glad you're still emotionally alive enough to care.
As long as you are alive, there is hope for you.
Here's a time tested tip.... When you're NOT looking for it, "IT" will find you.
You'll be alright. Go get all the blues or heavy metal out and let it rip. LOUD!!!!
Dude! Great time to take a supository! That way, when you puke, you have to sh1t too. Complete and utter dehydration. Sounds awesome! I want some...
CrackRabbit
Lifer
- Mar 30, 2001
- 16,642
- 62
- 91
Ok, honestly, there are so many women out there and here is the best advice i have ever been given.
If it was meant to be, it will happen. Let her go man. Its the best thing you can do. I had to do the same thing. Only, my girlfriend had my baby. Then she left me. Take that one in the kisser.
Bro, learn and let live. Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
Oh, and btw, now your D)O(*09 doesnt have to have a conscience. You are free, act that way. Liberation brotha. Its a beautiful thing.
Oh, go to the gym, tighten up. Go to college, get a degree, and buy yourself an STS or something shiny and new. Pad your ego.
We all do it.
If it was meant to be, it will happen. Let her go man. Its the best thing you can do. I had to do the same thing. Only, my girlfriend had my baby. Then she left me. Take that one in the kisser.
Bro, learn and let live. Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
Oh, and btw, now your D)O(*09 doesnt have to have a conscience. You are free, act that way. Liberation brotha. Its a beautiful thing.
Oh, go to the gym, tighten up. Go to college, get a degree, and buy yourself an STS or something shiny and new. Pad your ego.
We all do it.
forrestroche
Senior member
- Apr 25, 2005
- 529
- 7
- 81
Eli
In the short time I have been here I think you have smacked me around a couple of times already (I am sure I deserved it though it felt a little rough).
Nevertheless, I am very very sorry. People will tell you how things will get better, chin up, get drunk, it just takes time, blah blah... I haven't read any other posts and am sure that there is some good advice and lots of sympathy mixed in.
The fact is that none of that will probably make you feel any better. You may not even want to feel better.
This is the way it was for me. My friends were very supportive. My father took to telling me how I was better off without her until in a drunken RAGE I broke two of his ribs before my two cousins could drag me off him. I was surrounded by people trying to help, but feeling totally alone. Nobody really seemed to understand what I was feeling (or they wouldn't keep telling me "it'll be ok."), and they sure didn't understand about HER, and ME. I got tense anytime anyone pretended to know anything about us.
I didn't even want to think about feeling better, because if I ever started to feel better, that would mean I was forgetting about her, she would have become part of my PAST. I didn't want to stop hurting - the pain was proof that she had walked in my life... Other times I felt foolish - if it was so aparently easy for her to leave, then maybe it was ALL A LIE. Maybe she never really loved me, at least not the way I loved her, otherwise she couldn't be doing this.
Eventually I decided I was at fault (which I was actually - I was an alcoholic and massive pot head). I smoked weed day after day, hung out with friends, watched t.v., rebuilt my car engine, and talked about what interested ME. I never once had a bath waiting for her with candles and champagne when she got home from work. I never blindfolder her to put her in the car and take her to a five star hotel that cost me a week's pay. I never sneaked out of bed in the morning to make her breakfast in bed and I never spent an hour at two oclock in the morning, after lovemaking, giving her a full body massage. Rather, I was selfish during sex. I forgot her birthday once. I stopped telling her how beautiful she was, never made her feel how important she was to me, or how much I admired her as a human being. I never made her feel the way that you SHOULD make the person you have chosen to stand by your side feel.
And though she never complained, she got tired and left.
Then I decided I would win her back.
That didn't work.
And so she did fade from my life and now she remains only for the person that I was and am no longer. I do not make her into just someone that passed through my life, or "an ex" or "my first." The person who could tell you what she was to me no longer exists. The only thing I can do is to remember, not her or us because that gets harder all the time, but that this THING happened in my life, and that no matter how much time goes by, whether it be a year, or a thousand, or a million million, the fact of it having happened can never be erased. There are moments that, though they will never be remembered, are as real as this september morning - moments in which she and I sat, looking into each others eyes, understanding, and smiling.
In the short time I have been here I think you have smacked me around a couple of times already (I am sure I deserved it though it felt a little rough).
Nevertheless, I am very very sorry. People will tell you how things will get better, chin up, get drunk, it just takes time, blah blah... I haven't read any other posts and am sure that there is some good advice and lots of sympathy mixed in.
The fact is that none of that will probably make you feel any better. You may not even want to feel better.
This is the way it was for me. My friends were very supportive. My father took to telling me how I was better off without her until in a drunken RAGE I broke two of his ribs before my two cousins could drag me off him. I was surrounded by people trying to help, but feeling totally alone. Nobody really seemed to understand what I was feeling (or they wouldn't keep telling me "it'll be ok."), and they sure didn't understand about HER, and ME. I got tense anytime anyone pretended to know anything about us.
I didn't even want to think about feeling better, because if I ever started to feel better, that would mean I was forgetting about her, she would have become part of my PAST. I didn't want to stop hurting - the pain was proof that she had walked in my life... Other times I felt foolish - if it was so aparently easy for her to leave, then maybe it was ALL A LIE. Maybe she never really loved me, at least not the way I loved her, otherwise she couldn't be doing this.
Eventually I decided I was at fault (which I was actually - I was an alcoholic and massive pot head). I smoked weed day after day, hung out with friends, watched t.v., rebuilt my car engine, and talked about what interested ME. I never once had a bath waiting for her with candles and champagne when she got home from work. I never blindfolder her to put her in the car and take her to a five star hotel that cost me a week's pay. I never sneaked out of bed in the morning to make her breakfast in bed and I never spent an hour at two oclock in the morning, after lovemaking, giving her a full body massage. Rather, I was selfish during sex. I forgot her birthday once. I stopped telling her how beautiful she was, never made her feel how important she was to me, or how much I admired her as a human being. I never made her feel the way that you SHOULD make the person you have chosen to stand by your side feel.
And though she never complained, she got tired and left.
Then I decided I would win her back.
That didn't work.
And so she did fade from my life and now she remains only for the person that I was and am no longer. I do not make her into just someone that passed through my life, or "an ex" or "my first." The person who could tell you what she was to me no longer exists. The only thing I can do is to remember, not her or us because that gets harder all the time, but that this THING happened in my life, and that no matter how much time goes by, whether it be a year, or a thousand, or a million million, the fact of it having happened can never be erased. There are moments that, though they will never be remembered, are as real as this september morning - moments in which she and I sat, looking into each others eyes, understanding, and smiling.
Eli, I?ve never been on your side of the fence but I?ve been on hers. Much of the advice given in this thread holds true for both in getting their lives back on track. Not everyone who ends a relationship is cold-hearted. I know you don?t see it now but it?s best that it ends before it?s gets to far with marriage and kids.
1. Exercise will not only release mental stress but also build your self-esteem and confidence.
2. Don?t be bitter over the loss of the relationship. Ask yourself what went wrong and learn from it.
3. Don?t be angry with her. Leave the door open
4. Don?t call her. You both need time to think. If she wants to talk, .she will call you.
5. Be careful by not getting involved in a rebound relationship with anyone
6. It?s ok to get angry. Just don?t hurt others in doing so. Talk and vent to family, friends or here in OT. I?m sure someone will listen.
7. It?s ok to cry. Let your emotions out. If she has, or had, any feelings towards you, she will also be crying. Why? She hurt you and/or it didn?t work out. As I said, not everyone who ends a relationship is cold-hearted.
.
8. You say you?re not an asshole. That?s a nice quality to have. A mature woman looking for a serious relationship will find that attractive.
9. Any decent woman will stay away from forming a relationship with someone who ?abuses? drugs. If the relationship is good, it?s like a drug.
It is possible to find a woman who is open with her communication and sends a clear message. Just make sure you?re listening and responding. IMO, if there is no trust and good communication in a relationship, there is no relationship.
Take care. I wish you well.
1. Exercise will not only release mental stress but also build your self-esteem and confidence.
2. Don?t be bitter over the loss of the relationship. Ask yourself what went wrong and learn from it.
3. Don?t be angry with her. Leave the door open
4. Don?t call her. You both need time to think. If she wants to talk, .she will call you.
5. Be careful by not getting involved in a rebound relationship with anyone
6. It?s ok to get angry. Just don?t hurt others in doing so. Talk and vent to family, friends or here in OT. I?m sure someone will listen.
7. It?s ok to cry. Let your emotions out. If she has, or had, any feelings towards you, she will also be crying. Why? She hurt you and/or it didn?t work out. As I said, not everyone who ends a relationship is cold-hearted.
.
8. You say you?re not an asshole. That?s a nice quality to have. A mature woman looking for a serious relationship will find that attractive.
9. Any decent woman will stay away from forming a relationship with someone who ?abuses? drugs. If the relationship is good, it?s like a drug.
It is possible to find a woman who is open with her communication and sends a clear message. Just make sure you?re listening and responding. IMO, if there is no trust and good communication in a relationship, there is no relationship.
Take care. I wish you well.
I talked to her a little 3rd person last night...
She said that she needs a break. That she needs to go live with her dad for a while.
She said that if I still want her back later that she would come back to me.
#$#^$(&%)#* ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS JUST ABOUT THE WORST THING SHE COULD HAVE SAID....... that is so unfair on so many levels.. I don't want to relive this everyday in the hope that she is going to come back to me...
Someone just please kill me now.
I don't know what to do...
She said that she needs a break. That she needs to go live with her dad for a while.
She said that if I still want her back later that she would come back to me.
#$#^$(&%)#* ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS JUST ABOUT THE WORST THING SHE COULD HAVE SAID....... that is so unfair on so many levels.. I don't want to relive this everyday in the hope that she is going to come back to me...
Someone just please kill me now.
I don't know what to do...
SearchMaster
Diamond Member
- Jun 6, 2002
- 7,791
- 114
- 106
My suggestion: go and do your thing. IF she comes back, treat her like someone else you're dating. Don't make her the center of your life until she once again proves worthy. She hasn't done anything WRONG, other than not be up front with you, because she has a duty to herself to end the relationship if it's not providing what she needs, but you need to know she won't flake out again and leave practically unannounced.
Exactly..
I almost feel like she has cheated on me...
How can I ever trust her again? ahhhhhhhhh.........
I can't believe this is happening.... I was the happiest I have ever been with her.. and now she is gone....
I am already tired of waking up in the middle of the night crying.. I don't know how to deal with this.....
moshquerade
No Lifer
- Nov 1, 2001
- 61,504
- 12
- 56
but did you cry less last night as compared to the night before?Originally posted by: Eli
Exactly..
I almost feel like she has cheated on me...
How can I ever trust her again? ahhhhhhhhh.........
I can't believe this is happening.... I was the happiest I have ever been with her.. and now she is gone....
I am already tired of waking up in the middle of the night crying.. I don't know how to deal with this.....
it's going to get less and less each night. count on that.
I've read most of the posts in this topic. This sounds like your first love, which is the hardest to break up from. The shock will wear off after a week and the missing her will wear off after about a month. You will always remember her and want to compare her to the next in line. All I can say is move on, forget about her, and spend less times on the board and more time hunting down your next woman.
lots of good thougts here....been through this myself...it hurts but the pain will pass eventually
I'm really sorry to here what happened. It will be a rough few days, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Red Dawn
Elite Member
- Jun 4, 2001
- 57,529
- 3
- 0
Been there and bought the shirt. I'm glad it's not me this time. Sucks for you but I can tell you from experience time will heal this wound. It might be a long time but it will heal.
Also keep in mind that right now you will get a lot of sympathy but if you continue to whine aboiut it for weeks on end you will get less sympathy because you will have become annoying. When I split up with my first wife I didn't burden any of my friends or family with my problems and because of that the hurt didn't seem to last as long because I wasn't constantly rehashing the situation. The next thing I knew I wasn't even thinking about it and I was able to get on with life.
Also keep in mind that right now you will get a lot of sympathy but if you continue to whine aboiut it for weeks on end you will get less sympathy because you will have become annoying. When I split up with my first wife I didn't burden any of my friends or family with my problems and because of that the hurt didn't seem to last as long because I wasn't constantly rehashing the situation. The next thing I knew I wasn't even thinking about it and I was able to get on with life.
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