my 11 yr old is REALLY upset.

[meltdown75]

My Dad showed up and smacked me across the face and told me to suck it up just for reading the OP.

 

[Xavier434]

He is at the age where a lot of emotions are being triggered for reasons he doesn't understand. He needs to learn how to deal with them on his own but there is nothing wrong with helping him understand those emotions and give tips and tricks on how to deal with them.


What I would do:

Quite frankly, I would tell the truth. He is old enough to understand this sort of thing and if he doesn't understand then your job as a parent is to help him understand. It's not all about making him feel better although that is very important too. You gotta teach him and prepare him for the next time this happens. After you do that, he just needs to learn on his own through experience.

Tell him that sometimes people will say stuff like that kid did because they need to feel like they are better than everyone else to feel happy. Tell him this is because he feels jealous. Explain to him how being that way ultimately makes people unhappy and upset much more often than he is. Bring up some facts about how your son behaves which makes him better than this kid and how he should continue to be that way since he is doing the right thing. Tell him that there is nothing he can do to make the other kid feel or act differently and that it doesn't matter anyways because no one wants to be friends with people like that for very long. Tell him that people like him usually do not end up with anyone that likes them because they are being a jerk. Tell him that everyone else had a lot of fun at the party and that if he needs proof then he can ask some of his nicer and closer friends if they had a good time.

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: Goosemaster

I'm a nobody and don't know sh!t...how dare I even say anything

Cool, something we can all agree on:thumbsup:

 

[Legendary]

You could instruct your son on how to carefully disassemble this boy's arguments with logic and reasoning?

/no kids
//probably a good thing

 

[Bryophyte]

I've got an 11 year old son too, and if something like that happened, I would ask him, "Why do you think that Timmy was acting like such a spoiled little asshole?" Kids are smart, he probably knows exactly why that kid said what he did.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
I've got an 11 year old son too, and if something like that happened, I would ask him, "Why do you think that Timmy was acting like such a spoiled little asshole?" Kids are smart, he probably knows exactly why that kid said what he did.

As simple as this sounds, this is some of the better advice in this thread. The word choice might need some tweaking depending on your kid, but the idea remains the same. Sometimes stating the obvious is all it takes with them.

 

[xanis]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: Xanis
Definitely off-topic... but OP, do you live in Newtown?

Yardley, PA but we've been Members of NAC off and on for about 7 yrs now.

Nice! I live in Newtown. Small world, eh?

 

[videogames101]

Originally posted by: JRich

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel
This line might work:

"20 kids and their parents enjoyed the party and had a wonderful time. The only reason Timmy said the party sucked is because his parents don't love him and he can't stand to see other kids have wonderful, loving parents. C'mon, lets go play Guitar Hero, son." /hug

:beer::thumbsup::beer:

 

[PlatinumGold]

Originally posted by: thomsbrain
But right now you just want to focus on YOUR son, as tempting as it is to indulge in anger against the little fucker with the personality disorder. So remind your son that just because some kids are mean and try to say things to hurt his feelings, it doesn't mean that what they said was TRUE. Ask your son if he had fun at his party (at least until the brat spoiled it). If the answer is yes, then he knows what the kid said was a lie, because the party was for your son, and your son enjoyed it. Then remind your son that he controls who his friends are, and he can choose to not be friends with people who are means to him and lie to him. Don't know if that will all sink in for an 11-year-old, but worth a shot.

exactly, that's basically what i told him. that not all people are truly honest in their speech. that sometimes people lie just to hurt other people.

he's fine now. he knows no matter what happens out there, his place in our family is secure. i'm not sure that i can do any more for him than that. and no, that is not coddling.

 

[PlatinumGold]

Originally posted by: Xanis

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: Xanis
Definitely off-topic... but OP, do you live in Newtown?

Yardley, PA but we've been Members of NAC off and on for about 7 yrs now.

Nice! I live in Newtown. Small world, eh?

there is a reason why bucks county is growing so fast. it is a pretty decent place to live.

a little expensive, but still a good place to raise a family.