my 11 yr old is REALLY upset.

[lyssword]

here are the instructions: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MdK97DeNvM

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

the kid's a little dick, sure, but i don't think it's right to tell his boy that this kid is jealous b/c his parents aren't caring enough to throw him a big party. so, you are effectively saying that the more the parents care about the kid the bigger the birthday party would be. nuh-uh, not a good thing to say.

 

[ponyo]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
what is it with these extravagant birthday parties? it seems the parents are just trying to keep up with the Joneses.

my brother and wife have fell into this cesspool. when one of their kids turned 6 last year and they threw an "American Idol" birthday party. They hired a guy to come DJ at the party so all the kids could get up on stage and try out for American Idol.

and yes, all their parents were invited so it turned into an party catering to the adults too. they had to buy tons of food and drink.

and usually these parties entail inviting every single kid in their kid's class (and their parents), because some stupid kid's parents started that idiotic idea b/c they didn't want to "hurt anyone's feelings".

not really trying to get on you OP, but i just see these "kid's" birthday parties getting waaaaay out of control. what happened to just inviting a few kids over for ice cream, cake, a game of pin the tail on the donkey, and them sending them on their way?

oh yeh, there's more: my niece had to leave early last Easter b/c some kid had invited her to a sushi birthday party and the invitation said, "formal wear" so she had to get all dressed up (Mom bought her a new dress for the event) and her parents were going to drive her 1 hr to this party at some upscale restaurant.

You know, I absolutely agree with you about the birthday parties being out of control. I guess it's a recent trend or something but it seems everyone is having these extravagant birthday parties for their kids. I never had a party when I was growing up.

My daughter's 5th birthday is coming up next month. My wife had me put down a deposit back in early Dec at a place and it's going to cost around $500-600. That's low compared to what my other friends have spent on their kids party. I told her I didn't want to do it but she said we had to since it's the norm and she didn't want my daughter to feel left out. It's a big business, and it's getting more expensive like wedding.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: Goosemaster

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: moshquerade
what is it with these extravagant birthday parties? it seems the parents are just trying to keep up with the Joneses.

my brother and wife have fell into this cesspool. when one of their kids turned 6 last year and they threw an "American Idol" birthday party. They hired a guy to come DJ at the party so all the kids could get up on stage and try out for American Idol.

and yes, all their parents were invited so it turned into an party catering to the adults too. they had to buy tons of food and drink.

and usually these parties entail inviting every single kid in their kid's class (and their parents), because some stupid kid's parents started that idiotic idea b/c they didn't want to "hurt anyone's feelings".

not really trying to get on you OP, but i just see these "kid's" birthday parties getting waaaaay out of control. what happened to just inviting a few kids over for ice cream, cake, a game of pin the tail on the donkey, and them sending them on their way?

oh yeh, there's more: my niece had to leave early last Easter b/c some kid had invited her to a sushi birthday party and the invitation said, "formal wear" so she had to get all dressed up (Mom bought her a new dress for the event) and her parents were going to drive her 1 hr to this party at some upscale restaurant.

it was at our Gyms swimming pool, they have a nice floating obstacle course. kids loved it. it was not adult centered at all.

and i don't do this often. like i said in the OP, this is the first party with more than 3 or 4 friends he's had in 5 yrs or so.

it cost a lot because we also paid for dinner for about 45 people.

will you spend that much on next year's party? what i'm wondering is will this party set a precedent?

i'm really not trying to pick on you. i just think kid's birthday parties are out of control.

seriosly..$600 is a LOT of money...

I used to be THRILLED when I actually got a cake...

my birthday is january 7. i never ever got a birthday party. seriously, 12 yrs of childhood that i remember well (6 yrs to 18) i never once got a birthday party. my parents use to take me to the department store on my birthday and tell me to choose a present. have any of you ever gone shopping for a decent toy 2 weeks after christmas.

so, i know what it means for my parents to forget my birthday.

i've always done something for him.

Mosh

hey, no problem. i don't take your statements personally.

the way i figure it, this might be the last time i can do something like this for him. as he gets into middle school and then high school, i figure he's gonna want more parties that are friends centered and less parent involvement.

understood.

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

the kid's a little dick, sure, but i don't think it's right to tell his boy that this kid is jealous b/c his parents aren't caring enough to throw him a big party. so, you are effectively saying that the more the parents care about the kid the bigger the birthday party would be. nuh-uh, not a good thing to say.

I guess I agree with you. Makes sense. It's a tough call. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown in the jealousy part.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: apac
Sucks, but it's a good life lesson to learn - pick and choose your friends based on comments like that.

talk about life lessons, it doesn't always work that way in life. we make choices yes, but our choices are rarely so straightfoward.

my son has been friends with this kid for about 7 yrs. for about 3 of those years, those two were the only two in that age group at the church.

also, this kid is about 14 months older than my son and is the oldest in that group of friends (there are about 7 of them that hang out all the time). my son feels like, if he tells this kid how he really feels, this kid will get all the other kids to not hang out with him.

In that case, just tell your son that the kid is jealous, probably because he is insecure and that he (your son) should just keep that in mind whenever the kid starts spouting trash talk.

 

[Jeff7181]

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

I didn't say anything about tough love. I said toughen the kid up. If he gets his shorts in a knot because of a comment like that he's going to have a really rough time in high school.

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Originally posted by: Jeff7181

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

I didn't say anything about tough love. I said toughen the kid up. If he gets his shorts in a knot because of a comment like that he's going to have a really rough time in high school.

Can you emphasize on toughing him up? I saw it as you saying tough love. Not trying to be argumentative, just trying to see your point of view.

 

[Throckmorton]

Don't invite him next year

 

[sygyzy]

I asked MisterJackson and he said if you were a good father, you would go give that other boy a good beating to show your son how to take care of business. Also, it would be even funnier if that boy was a girl, because what's more fun than picking on women?

 

[Goosemaster]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: Goosemaster

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: Goosemaster

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: moshquerade
what is it with these extravagant birthday parties? it seems the parents are just trying to keep up with the Joneses.

my brother and wife have fell into this cesspool. when one of their kids turned 6 last year and they threw an "American Idol" birthday party. They hired a guy to come DJ at the party so all the kids could get up on stage and try out for American Idol.

and yes, all their parents were invited so it turned into an party catering to the adults too. they had to buy tons of food and drink.

and usually these parties entail inviting every single kid in their kid's class (and their parents), because some stupid kid's parents started that idiotic idea b/c they didn't want to "hurt anyone's feelings".

not really trying to get on you OP, but i just see these "kid's" birthday parties getting waaaaay out of control. what happened to just inviting a few kids over for ice cream, cake, a game of pin the tail on the donkey, and them sending them on their way?

oh yeh, there's more: my niece had to leave early last Easter b/c some kid had invited her to a sushi birthday party and the invitation said, "formal wear" so she had to get all dressed up (Mom bought her a new dress for the event) and her parents were going to drive her 1 hr to this party at some upscale restaurant.

it was at our Gyms swimming pool, they have a nice floating obstacle course. kids loved it. it was not adult centered at all.

and i don't do this often. like i said in the OP, this is the first party with more than 3 or 4 friends he's had in 5 yrs or so.

it cost a lot because we also paid for dinner for about 45 people.

will you spend that much on next year's party? what i'm wondering is will this party set a precedent?

i'm really not trying to pick on you. i just think kid's birthday parties are out of control.

seriosly..$600 is a LOT of money...

I used to be THRILLED when I actually got a cake...

my birthday is january 7. i never ever got a birthday party. seriously, 12 yrs of childhood that i remember well (6 yrs to 18) i never once got a birthday party. my parents use to take me to the department store on my birthday and tell me to choose a present. have any of you ever gone shopping for a decent toy 2 weeks after christmas.

so, i know what it means for my parents to forget my birthday.

i've always done something for him.

Mosh

hey, no problem. i don't take your statements personally.

the way i figure it, this might be the last time i can do something like this for him. as he gets into middle school and then high school, i figure he's gonna want more parties that are friends centered and less parent involvement.

I would say focus on what would make HIM happy and not YOU happy.
Having you be an overzealous fool won't fix anything

in the end they'll remember the little things most so don't worry about the grandiose next time.

and if you are going to try and give me advice, have the courtesy to read the OP.

you know very little about me and my relationship with my son. you implying that i did this just to make myself happy is a huge assumption that isn't supported by my statements.

looks like I hit a nerve there.

I don't know you or your son. yeah...gotcha. I read the OP btw....*taps detector*

My advice is just that, advice. how dare I give you some about your son I'm a nobody and don't know sh!t...how dare I even say anything

Frankly such an expenditure has the propensity to over-inflate expectations and likewise, emphasize any problematic issues. Obviously the party didn't make him happy enough to overcome this little issue (expected at this age), so you have to step in and give him the most valuable thing of all: a one on one talk.

I am not implying that you did this to satisfy yourself. My answer is relating to the current situation.

I am stating that acting the part of the fool, focusing on everything (what to do differently) but your son's state of mind, will not solve anything.

TO BE CLEAR FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO JUMP THE GUN: I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT YOU ARE A FOOL. I am stating that there are more important things to focus on.

All that other stuff is irrelevant right now. you know what you will do anyways, but that is a year off.

what matters right now is that you support your son.

since when did advice always = judgment....I see a sit..I give analysis...

 

[Jeff7181]

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

I didn't say anything about tough love. I said toughen the kid up. If he gets his shorts in a knot because of a comment like that he's going to have a really rough time in high school.

Can you emphasize on toughing him up? I saw it as you saying tough love. Not trying to be argumentative, just trying to see your point of view.

If the kid is coddled he's not going to grow up to be well adjusted. He's not going to know how to cope with tough situations if mom and dad are always there to hold his hand and tell him everything's going to be ok. If he can't handle a kid telling him his party sucks, what's he going to do when he gets rejected from his college of choice? Or when he applies for a job and is told he doesn't have what it takes? What about when a girl he really likes kicks him to the curb?

You're not going to be able to tell him it's their loss much longer before he's old enough to realize you're feeding him a line of BS.

 

[Mo0o]

I think what the OP has done is more than enough. The kid isn't causing any physical harm and isn't engaging in any kind of prolonged mental bullying so in the end it's not going to affect the kid. If anything, doign any more will just coddle the son. Obviously what the kid said was rude but can't prevent that, just gotta let you son learn to let it roll off his back. gj dad

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Originally posted by: Jeff7181

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

I didn't say anything about tough love. I said toughen the kid up. If he gets his shorts in a knot because of a comment like that he's going to have a really rough time in high school.

Can you emphasize on toughing him up? I saw it as you saying tough love. Not trying to be argumentative, just trying to see your point of view.

If the kid is coddled he's not going to grow up to be well adjusted. He's not going to know how to cope with tough situations if mom and dad are always there to hold his hand and tell him everything's going to be ok. If he can't handle a kid telling him his party sucks, what's he going to do when he gets rejected from his college of choice? Or when he applies for a job and is told he doesn't have what it takes? What about when a girl he really likes kicks him to the curb?

You're not going to be able to tell him it's their loss much longer before he's old enough to realize you're feeding him a line of BS.

I understand. 11 Years old is still pretty young though. They're still trying to do their best to fit in and want his peers to like him. Even if the rest of his peers enjoyed the party, one person could squash down his self esteem like that. It's a tough call. I'm not a parent so I guess I wouldn't have the best answer what to do in the OP's situation. I could only give advice the best I can from my own life experience. I guess my advice is to say or do whatever he seems is appropriate.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

Jeff there obviouly has no kids. Children are very fragile emotionally...that's all it takes is one kid, especially if this kid is a "leader" type.

 

[crt1530]

I didn't read the whole thread, but WTF did you invite the kid if you knew he was such a little asshole?

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Originally posted by: crt1530
I didn't read the whole thread, but WTF did you invite the kid if you knew he was such a little asshole?

It's irrelevant at this point. The OP's question is what to do now. I always thought my job was stressful but I can only imagine what he's feeling at this point. Whatever he does or say could mean everything in the future of his son. Good luck OP. Maybe I'm thinking too much into this but kids are so impressionable.

 

[thomsbrain]

But right now you just want to focus on YOUR son, as tempting as it is to indulge in anger against the little fucker with the personality disorder. So remind your son that just because some kids are mean and try to say things to hurt his feelings, it doesn't mean that what they said was TRUE. Ask your son if he had fun at his party (at least until the brat spoiled it). If the answer is yes, then he knows what the kid said was a lie, because the party was for your son, and your son enjoyed it. Then remind your son that he controls who his friends are, and he can choose to not be friends with people who are means to him and lie to him. Don't know if that will all sink in for an 11-year-old, but worth a shot.

 

[Jeff7181]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: Cdubneeddeal

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If one douchebag out of 20 people has that strong an impact on your son, you may want to try to toughen him up a bit because the ratio of douchebags to regular people will be higher later in his life.

I disagree. Tough love shouldn't be brought into the picture on this one.

Is your son aware of how this other boy is? If so I would just explain to him that all his other friends had a great time, their parents had a great time, that you and your wife love him very much, and the boy is simply jealous becaus.e his parents are caring enough to throw that big of a party. How are the other kids parents. Do they nice things for him as well?

Jeff there obviouly has no kids. Children are very fragile emotionally...that's all it takes is one kid, especially if this kid is a "leader" type.

No, I don't have kids. If that makes my opinion less significant... oh well... take it as you will.

 

[oiprocs]

Don't invite that sum bitch next time.

Next time, have the party at Chuck E. Cheese, give out 50 free tokens to every kid, and make sure the damn rat gets a picture with every kid.

Also, send the kid an envelope with this picture. Text

 

[aplefka]

I had a friend like that all of middle and high school. He always tried to one-up me on stuff but while he could one-up me on stuff that involved money because my family was pretty modest in worth and his wasn't, if it was anything that involved skill I was always the silent winner.

What's funny is that as many times as I tried to send him signals that I thought he was a jackass and even called him out on it at times, he'd still always come back to me and tell me how I was like a brother and all this bullshit.

There's not much you can probably tell your son other than to keep his head up because chances are in the end he'll be much the better person.

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: Jeff7181
If he gets his shorts in a knot because of a comment like that he's going to have a really rough time in high school.

QFT.

OP, he's your son and I understand how you feel, but . . .

 

[altonb1]

Give your son a book on masturbation and make sure his door has a lock. he'll forget all about the other kid's hurtful comments.

(C'mon...it's ATOT so you need some off the wall bullshit reply)

 

[Wheezer]

Your son needs to be reminded of 2 things:

#1- Life ain't fair...get used to it.

#2-
You can please some of the people all of the time.
You can please all of the people some of the time.
You CANNOT please all of the people all of the time.