Originally posted by: shortylickens
I'll try to acknowledge the depth of your feelings here and not be crass.
I think what you really believe is that marriage shouldnt be just a contract.
But I consider myself a realist and I think that it really is.
Seriously, the way things are in the U.S. you dont HAVE to be married to be in love, or live together, or make babies.
So why do it?
The security or the commitment?
Again let us go back to the divorce rate and god-know how many people are in a marriage and not happy.
Its seems to me there is no commitment anymore. Its so damn easy to get out of it.
I hear folks on AT argue all time, marriage is a bond for life and all sorts of other good stuff. But if so many people really dont believe it anymore (and its obvious to me they dont) then why do we keep doing it at all?
The happiest couple I know never even considered getting married. They acknowledged their love and left it at that. They know that marriage really is just a contract and everything else is not promised, expressed or implied. Its assumed.
And for those of us who had time in the military, assume is a dirty word.
That couple I know has a 12 year old boy and they are all very happy. I suspect its because they never deluded themselves with soap-opera fantasies.
Thats what I want. I just want to be in love. And I believe it could make me happy. But I also know that the average girl wont settle for that. Sooner or later she'll want commitment. Which (like I said above) is bullshiat. Because a piece of paper signed by a judge doesnt make you any more commited. You have it in you whether you sign or not. That paper isnt magic, it doesnt solve problems or make people more mature.
i think you and i have very similar views.
marriage shouldn't be something forced simply as a sign of commitment. you're absolutely right that a piece of paper doesn't make you any more committed. i think the situation with the couple you mentioned above is fantastic and that if i did know them, i would never suggest marriage to the two of them. people can express love and commitment in many ways.
on the other hand, my best friends are getting married. their decision to do so wasn't the result of pressure for commitment (even though they were dating for like 9 years). it was a manifestation of their commitment to each other.