Marriage name change troubles

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Whisper

Diamond Member
Feb 25, 2000
5,394
2
81
I personally wouldn't care one way or another, but if it's an issue that's important to you, you need to sit down and talk to her about it. Don't want communication breaking down before the marriage even gets going.
 

RKS

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
6,824
3
81
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: RKS
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: RKS
My wife hinted at the whole hypenation thing. I told her if she wanted to get married she had to take my name or she could keep her name and we could just move in together.

She went from an old German name to an old Indian one.
What were the names?

the english translation for her name is/was bucketmaker now it is "don't squeeze the Sharma"
Bucketmaker, rofl. What was her name in actual German?

Eimermacher...not too many left in the US
 

SoylentG

Senior member
Oct 26, 2005
256
0
0
We've talked about it a fair bit, she just can't get over her distaste for the name. I personally think it's childish to buck a tradition just because you don't like it. She doesn't have a name for herself professionally yet, so that's not an issue. She doesn't want to keep Rodriguez as her middle name, she didn't even want to have 4 names (First, Middle, Second Middle, Last), and just go by Rodriguez for introductions, and professionally. She just doesn't want Spanko to be any part of her name. She wants to keep her middle name as well. To me, this just seems like she's not willing to budge on the topic. It's a freaking name, for the love of god!

To me, the wife taking the husband's last name is part of unity. In all seriousness, I'd be just as happy flying to vegas and having a quick and dirty marriage, and she knows this. We're having an entire wedding because that's what she wants...I just wish she would just do this for me. :(
 
Jun 4, 2005
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Originally posted by: SoylentG
We've talked about it a fair bit, she just can't get over her distaste for the name. I personally think it's childish to buck a tradition just because you don't like it. She doesn't have a name for herself professionally yet, so that's not an issue. She doesn't want to keep Rodriguez as her middle name, she didn't even want to have 4 names (First, Middle, Second Middle, Last), and just go by Rodriguez for introductions, and professionally. She just doesn't want Spanko to be any part of her name. She wants to keep her middle name as well. To me, this just seems like she's not willing to budge on the topic. It's a freaking name, for the love of god!
You don't want to budge, either. There are two parts to this, and tradition has died out and there's no reason why it has to be your name. Do you have a particular distaste for her name?

Originally posted by: SoylentG
To me, the wife taking the husband's last name is part of unity. In all seriousness, I'd be just as happy flying to vegas and having a quick and dirty marriage, and she knows this. We're having an entire wedding because that's what she wants...I just wish she would just do this for me. :(
What about the husband taking the wifes name as part of a unity? You both have to make sacrifices.
 

Buck Armstrong

Platinum Member
Dec 17, 2004
2,015
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Under normal circumstances, I would expect my wife to take my name. Its only fair, considering she also gets all my money, assets, house, cars, etc., and gets to keep half of everything if she leaves or even cheats, even if I owned it before we got married (when you think of it that way, its the woman being unreasonable, NOT the man).

On the other hand, your last name is Spanko...
 

LanceM

Senior member
Mar 13, 2004
999
0
0
Originally posted by: SoylentG
I personally think it's childish to buck a tradition just because you don't like it. She doesn't have a name for herself professionally yet, so that's not an issue. She doesn't want to keep Rodriguez as her middle name, she didn't even want to have 4 names (First, Middle, Second Middle, Last), and just go by Rodriguez for introductions, and professionally. She just doesn't want Spanko to be any part of her name. She wants to keep her middle name as well. To me, this just seems like she's not willing to budge on the topic. It's a freaking name, for the love of god!

To me, the wife taking the husband's last name is part of unity. In all seriousness, I'd be just as happy flying to vegas and having a quick and dirty marriage, and she knows this. We're having an entire wedding because that's what she wants...I just wish she would just do this for me. :(
1. I think it's kind of childish to force the woman to use your last name. Like you said, it's "a freaking name, for the love of god!"

2. A last name like Spanko could be damaging to a serious career. Do you wish that upon her? Could you imagine a Spanko and Associates? I can't, unless it's porn or rodeo clowns. Or both.

3. Tradition != love. Tradition != unity. Tradition = coerced into assimilation. Tradition = men dominating women.

4. Your last name is SPANKO.
 

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
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Why are you so hung up on this "tradition" crap? It's not your wife who has to carry your name, it's your children! Let her keep her name and let your children continue the lineage.
 
Jun 4, 2005
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Originally posted by: Buck Armstrong
Under normal circumstances, I would expect my wife to take my name. Its only fair, considering she also gets all my money, assets, house, cars, etc., and gets to keep half of everything if she leaves or even cheats, even if I owned it before we got married (when you think of it that way, its the woman being unreasonable, NOT the man).

On the other hand, your last name is Spanko...
:roll:
Then sign a fvcking prenup if you're that worried. And for that matter, if you are that worried, then you shouldn't be getting married.

It's just a name.
 

cjgallen

Diamond Member
Jan 20, 2003
6,419
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Originally posted by: LanceM
2. A last name like Spanko could be damaging to a serious career. Do you wish that upon her? Could you imagine a Spanko and Associates? I can't, unless it's porn or rodeo clowns. Or both.
I drive by "Wigger Law Firm" everytime I go out :laugh:
 

SoylentG

Senior member
Oct 26, 2005
256
0
0
Having this name has actually been helpful in getting jobs, makes you memorable. A name doesn't make or break you, your treatment of the name does.

How has the tradition of the woman taking the last name died out? I'm not sure about other parts of the US, but I've never even HEARD of people not doing this until I started researching online. I've been browsing the paper for the past couple of weeks for engagement announcements, and everyone I've talked to has taken the husband's last name.

All I'm saying is, bucking a tradition because you don't like something doesn't make sense to me. I want to have the same last name as my wife, and traditionally it has worked by taking the husband's last name. My dad's side of the family would like the name to continue to survive, as would I. I feel the name has benefited me socially and professionally.

How are kid's supposed to take the fact that their parents don't have the same last name? I seriously doubt sharing a last name is going to become uncommon by the time we have kids.
I guess it just pisses me off that her initial response was that she didn't want to change her name at all. She does a lot of stuff that drives me nuts like that.

God help me, I still love her more than anything. :)
 
Jun 4, 2005
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Originally posted by: SoylentG
Having this name has actually been helpful in getting jobs, makes you memorable. A name doesn't make or break you, your treatment of the name does.
It's hard to take someone seriously when they've got a name like "Spanko", as most of the posters here have shown.

Originally posted by: SoylentG
How has the tradition of the woman taking the last name died out? I'm not sure about other parts of the US, but I've never even HEARD of people not doing this until I started researching online. I've been browsing the paper for the past couple of weeks for engagement announcements, and everyone I've talked to has taken the husband's last name.
PSA: The US isn't the only country in the world.

Originally posted by: SoylentG
All I'm saying is, bucking a tradition because you don't like something doesn't make sense to me. I want to have the same last name as my wife, and traditionally it has worked by taking the husband's last name. My dad's side of the family would like the name to continue to survive, as would I. I feel the name has benefited me socially and professionally.
And since when has tradition made sense? Perhaps your wife would like her name to survive aswell. Perhaps you could pass the name off to one of your children, though, that would be a little complicated.

Originally posted by: SoylentG
How are kid's supposed to take the fact that their parents don't have the same last name? I seriously doubt sharing a last name is going to become uncommon by the time we have kids.
You oculd take her name, like I've been saying.

Originally posted by: SoylentG
I guess it just pisses me off that her initial response was that she didn't want to change her name at all. She does a lot of stuff that drives me nuts like that.
God help me, I still love her more than anything. :)
Then don't let something as small as a name get in the way.
 

Baked

Lifer
Dec 28, 2004
36,152
17
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Originally posted by: LoKe
What about the husband taking the wifes name as part of a unity? You both have to make sacrifices.
I think the OP's been thoroughly whipped as is, don't give his wife anymore ideas.

 

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
15,780
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Originally posted by: SoylentG
Having this name has actually been helpful in getting jobs, makes you memorable. A name doesn't make or break you, your treatment of the name does.

How has the tradition of the woman taking the last name died out? I'm not sure about other parts of the US, but I've never even HEARD of people not doing this until I started researching online. I've been browsing the paper for the past couple of weeks for engagement announcements, and everyone I've talked to has taken the husband's last name.

All I'm saying is, bucking a tradition because you don't like something doesn't make sense to me. I want to have the same last name as my wife, and traditionally it has worked by taking the husband's last name. My dad's side of the family would like the name to continue to survive, as would I. I feel the name has benefited me socially and professionally.

How are kid's supposed to take the fact that their parents don't have the same last name? I seriously doubt sharing a last name is going to become uncommon by the time we have kids.
I guess it just pisses me off that her initial response was that she didn't want to change her name at all. She does a lot of stuff that drives me nuts like that.

God help me, I still love her more than anything. :)
Once again, your children are the ones that will carry your name, not your wife. What if you get divorced, that wouldn't be an issue, would it? Besides, tell your family that on the day they start start paying your bills you'll take their wishes into consideration. Till then, they should keep their opinions and advice to themselves.
 

middlehead

Diamond Member
Jul 11, 2004
4,573
2
81
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
In your case, it doesn't matter if she takes your name, as long as she consents to the kid's having it.
 

RollWave

Diamond Member
May 20, 2003
4,201
3
81
is it spahn-ko or spank-o

p.s. its things like this that make me dislike latino women ;)
 

Specop 007

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2005
9,454
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Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
As much as a name meant before, in these times it means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you put value on the name and tradition. If you're doing this for your father, you might regret it.
If 2 people are going to marry it means they want to be a family, which means they shoul dhave 1 name. It seems a bit silly to hang on to something like your name. If you want top keep your name fine, dont get married.

That said, my wife hasnt taken my name yet either and its been 1/3 years depending how you figure our marriage date.
 

thepd7

Diamond Member
Jan 2, 2005
9,429
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Its also "just tradition" to give an engagement ring. If my current gf of 4.5 years tries to not take my name then she won't be getting the $8000 ring that I bought. If shes tries that "it doesn't matter as long as we are together" bs then I will tell her the same thing about the ring. PWNED!
 

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
15,780
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Originally posted by: thepd7
Its also "just tradition" to give an engagement ring. If my current gf of 4.5 years tries to not take my name then she won't be getting the $8000 ring that I bought. If shes tries that "it doesn't matter as long as we are together" bs then I will tell her the same thing about the ring. PWNED!
You spent $8k on a ring? What a waste
 

HermDogg

Golden Member
Jul 29, 2004
1,384
0
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It's rather ridiculous to be complaining that she's "bucking tradition simply because of a freakin' name." It IS just a freakin' name, just like it's a freakin tradition. Tradition doesn't mean jack unless you want it to mean jack. Your only argument is that it somehow conveys unity, but this is only in your head. She's committing the rest of her life (ostensibly) to you. How much more unity do you want? Does the name really mean that much? Just make sure you work out any of the issues that may arirse (children's last names and such) beforehand, you don't want to be arguing about that in the hospital or when she's pregnant.
 
Jun 4, 2005
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Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
As much as a name meant before, in these times it means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you put value on the name and tradition. If you're doing this for your father, you might regret it.
If 2 people are going to marry it means they want to be a family, which means they shoul dhave 1 name. It seems a bit silly to hang on to something like your name. If you want top keep your name fine, dont get married.

That said, my wife hasnt taken my name yet either and its been 1/3 years depending how you figure our marriage date.
I'm trying to say he could just as well take her name.
 

Specop 007

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2005
9,454
0
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Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
As much as a name meant before, in these times it means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you put value on the name and tradition. If you're doing this for your father, you might regret it.
If 2 people are going to marry it means they want to be a family, which means they shoul dhave 1 name. It seems a bit silly to hang on to something like your name. If you want top keep your name fine, dont get married.

That said, my wife hasnt taken my name yet either and its been 1/3 years depending how you figure our marriage date.
I'm trying to say he could just as well take her name.
And I'm saying she can keep her name.....But she'd be doing it with someone else.
 

chambersc

Diamond Member
Feb 11, 2005
6,247
0
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helll, what's in a name. That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet.

When I get married, I'm honestly thinking about changing my whole name...just for shits and giggles. I'm still the same person, though.
 

Specop 007

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2005
9,454
0
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Originally posted by: ultimatebob
When you have children, what last name are THEY going to have?
Exactly. Thats the problem we have right effin now.

While some may look at it as "tradition" to change names and say "Whats in a tradition" there ARE alot more issues beyond just "Whats in a name".
 

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