Marriage name change troubles

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soydios

Platinum Member
Mar 12, 2006
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My mother kept her maiden name. For identity purposes, my father's coverup name is Bob Roberts, and my mother's coverup name is Lisa Cooper. My friends call her "Mrs. Roberts", mail addressed to the family is sent to "Mr. and Mrs. Bob Roberts", but mail sent to her is addressed "Mrs. Lisa Cooper".

P.S.
No, my parents' names are very, very different from what I made up above.
 
Jun 4, 2005
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Originally posted by: soydios
My mother kept her maiden name. For identity purposes, my father's coverup name is Bob Roberts, and my mother's coverup name is Lisa Cooper. My friends call her "Mrs. Roberts", mail addressed to the family is sent to "Mr. and Mrs. Bob Roberts", but mail sent to her is addressed "Mrs. Lisa Cooper".

P.S.
No, my parents' names are very, very different from what I made up above.
Makes perfect sense to me. I'd say that's the best compromise. How did your name turn out, though?
 

chambersc

Diamond Member
Feb 11, 2005
6,247
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Originally posted by: FeuerFrei
Originally posted by: Marlin1975
Originally posted by: SoylentG
We've talked about it a fair bit, she just can't get over her distaste for the name. I personally think it's childish to buck a tradition just because you don't like it. She doesn't have a name for herself professionally yet, so that's not an issue. She doesn't want to keep Rodriguez as her middle name, she didn't even want to have 4 names (First, Middle, Second Middle, Last), and just go by Rodriguez for introductions, and professionally. She just doesn't want Spanko to be any part of her name. She wants to keep her middle name as well. To me, this just seems like she's not willing to budge on the topic. It's a freaking name, for the love of god!

To me, the wife taking the husband's last name is part of unity. In all seriousness, I'd be just as happy flying to vegas and having a quick and dirty marriage, and she knows this. We're having an entire wedding because that's what she wants...I just wish she would just do this for me. :(


You do know there are a lot of cultures where the woman does not take the guys name. That and taking the guys name use to be a way/was a way of marking a woman when they had no rights and were noting more then property for a man.

My wife, just married a couple weeks ago, kept her name. Of course a lot of vietnamese women do, maybe asians do?

I don;t care about a name, I care for the woman. And if changing a name means that much to you, let her go so she can find a guy that will respect her and treat her better then you.
Hmm, another reason why other cultures are inferior. Just because other cultures do something doesn't mean it's a good idea.
Rofl, cultural inferiority. Glad you know everything about their and your cultures so that you are the authority to make the judgement call.
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
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Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: fisher
nice tramp stamp. and for a lot of people this DOES matter. just because you have no respect for anything doesn't mean everyone feels the same way. which is another problem with kids these days. and yes, if this is going to be an issue it can start a marraige off VERY BADLY. you don't want to start potential fights before you are even hitched. of course, we look at the divorce rate these days, oh wait, just something else that's completely lost respect.
They'll be wearing the name for (hopefully) the rest of their lives. It's a big decision and I'm not surprised it might come to a disagreement. If a couple can't come to some sort of compromise over their name, what chance does their marriage have? It's a good way to see how things are gonna' go.

Also, if you'd like, you can go back in live in a time where men beat their wives in didn't let them leave the house. Is that what you want? I sure as hell don't.

Stop being so close-minded, times change and traditions die.

Originally posted by: fisher
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: fisher
you want to talk about losing respect in the world, try being a man who takes his wife's last name. that would be much worse than being named spanko.
Wake the fvck up. This isn't a male dominant world anymore, and there's no room for sexism.
hehe. if you truely believe that you should talk to more women. actually just talking to women might be a good start.

edit: as someone who is married to a woman working in the professional world, i know all about it. not that actually have experience will stop you from running your mouth about it, but whatever.
Look back a couple decades and tell me that it hasn't changed. Sure, men still have the upper hand in a lot of positions, but that seems to be changing pretty fast. Trying to hold onto traditions like this is just ensuring the repression of women and their equality.
you are seriously a social reject. nice dig there, trying to say i'd like to beat my wife because i believe in a woman taking her husband's last name. one definitely has anything to do with the other. beating someone up isn't a tradition. you're a freaking tool and you really need to stop posting.

have things changed? sure. you want to go into work and tell your boss (who is likely to be male) that you took your wife's last name? yeah good luck with that, i'm sure nobody will be talking about you behind your back or taking you less seriously. taking someone's last name is not repressing women. my wife changed her last name and is doing just fine, but that doesn't change the fact that she gets passed up for things because she's a female. period.

whatever, go live in france if you want to take up their traditions and leave ours alone.
 

GeekDrew

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2000
9,100
13
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I'm personally in the process of changing my last name, and my situation has nothing at all to do with marriage. Screw tradition.

<edit, after reading the thread>

I'm changing my name for personal reasons. After this, I'll never change it again. Period. Not for any marriage. If I'm not willing to change my name to someone else's, for the sake of marriage, why should I expect someone else to? I think that the tradition is stupid.

Oh, and I know several guys that have taken their wive's names. They're not any less respected by anyone I know. If anyone gets that hung up on his wife taking his name, do her a favor, and nix the entire marriage.
 
Jun 4, 2005
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you are seriously a social reject. nice dig there, trying to say i'd like to beat my wife because i believe in a woman taking her husband's last name. one definitely has anything to do with the other. beating someone up isn't a tradition. you're a freaking tool and you really need to stop posting.

have things changed? sure. you want to go into work and tell your boss (who is likely to be male) that you took your wife's last name? yeah good luck with that, i'm sure nobody will be talking about you behind your back or taking you less seriously. taking someone's last name is not repressing women. my wife changed her last name and is doing just fine, but that doesn't change the fact that she gets passed up for things because she's a female. period.

whatever, go live in france if you want to take up their traditions and leave ours alone.
I was implying that times change, and with that things are becoming equal. You're the one taking digs at me, not sure what your problem is.
 

jjones

Lifer
Oct 9, 2001
15,425
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Think of the children! You should take her last name or be prepared for the beatings and verbal abuse your children will get during their school years. :p
 

GeekDrew

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2000
9,100
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81
Originally posted by: LoKe
I was implying that times change, and with that things are becoming equal. You're the one taking digs at me, not sure what your problem is.
his problem is that he's an asshat. don't waste your time.
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
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Originally posted by: GeekDrew
Originally posted by: LoKe
I was implying that times change, and with that things are becoming equal. You're the one taking digs at me, not sure what your problem is.
his problem is that he's an asshat. don't waste your time.
cry more, poor drew, doesn't want to play on neochat. :D
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
9,739
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Originally posted by: LoKe
you are seriously a social reject. nice dig there, trying to say i'd like to beat my wife because i believe in a woman taking her husband's last name. one definitely has anything to do with the other. beating someone up isn't a tradition. you're a freaking tool and you really need to stop posting.

have things changed? sure. you want to go into work and tell your boss (who is likely to be male) that you took your wife's last name? yeah good luck with that, i'm sure nobody will be talking about you behind your back or taking you less seriously. taking someone's last name is not repressing women. my wife changed her last name and is doing just fine, but that doesn't change the fact that she gets passed up for things because she's a female. period.

whatever, go live in france if you want to take up their traditions and leave ours alone.
I was implying that times change, and with that things are becoming equal. You're the one taking digs at me, not sure what your problem is.
i understand that things change, but some people stick to tradition. you want to treat it as a trivial thing? fine.

how are they going to deal with real problems if they can't even compromise on this trivial thing? it's not "just a name" to everyone and to throw that out like it's some blanket thing just because YOU believe it is bad advice, period. what happens when a month after he gets married he can't deal with and it becomes a big thorn in their marriage, what are you going to say then?
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
9,739
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Originally posted by: GeekDrew
I'm personally in the process of changing my last name, and my situation has nothing at all to do with marriage. Screw tradition.

<edit, after reading the thread>

I'm changing my name for personal reasons. After this, I'll never change it again. Period. Not for any marriage. If I'm not willing to change my name to someone else's, for the sake of marriage, why should I expect someone else to? I think that the tradition is stupid.

Oh, and I know several guys that have taken their wive's names. They're not any less respected by anyone I know. If anyone gets that hung up on his wife taking his name, do her a favor, and nix the entire marriage.
everyone knows someone that has done something, don't they? yeah.

you aren't a woman, so no one is really asking you to change your name.
 

GeekDrew

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2000
9,100
13
81
Originally posted by: fisher
Originally posted by: GeekDrew
I'm personally in the process of changing my last name, and my situation has nothing at all to do with marriage. Screw tradition.

<edit, after reading the thread>

I'm changing my name for personal reasons. After this, I'll never change it again. Period. Not for any marriage. If I'm not willing to change my name to someone else's, for the sake of marriage, why should I expect someone else to? I think that the tradition is stupid.

Oh, and I know several guys that have taken their wive's names. They're not any less respected by anyone I know. If anyone gets that hung up on his wife taking his name, do her a favor, and nix the entire marriage.
everyone knows someone that has done something, don't they? yeah.

you aren't a woman, so no one is really asking you to change your name.
No, but if a man is unwilling to change his name, why should the female be any less unwilling, if the situation fits? They're equals. Wives are not subordinates to their husbands.
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
9,739
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Originally posted by: GeekDrew
Originally posted by: fisher
Originally posted by: GeekDrew
I'm personally in the process of changing my last name, and my situation has nothing at all to do with marriage. Screw tradition.

<edit, after reading the thread>

I'm changing my name for personal reasons. After this, I'll never change it again. Period. Not for any marriage. If I'm not willing to change my name to someone else's, for the sake of marriage, why should I expect someone else to? I think that the tradition is stupid.

Oh, and I know several guys that have taken their wive's names. They're not any less respected by anyone I know. If anyone gets that hung up on his wife taking his name, do her a favor, and nix the entire marriage.
everyone knows someone that has done something, don't they? yeah.

you aren't a woman, so no one is really asking you to change your name.
No, but if a man is unwilling to change his name, why should the female be any less unwilling, if the situation fits? They're equals. Wives are not subordinates to their husbands.
eh. someone like you would never understand.

you can be unwilling all you want. but if you are, you shouldn't be with a person who doesn't agree with you, as seems to be the situation here in this post.
 

chambersc

Diamond Member
Feb 11, 2005
6,247
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Originally posted by: fisher
Originally posted by: GeekDrew
Originally posted by: fisher
Originally posted by: GeekDrew
I'm personally in the process of changing my last name, and my situation has nothing at all to do with marriage. Screw tradition.

<edit, after reading the thread>

I'm changing my name for personal reasons. After this, I'll never change it again. Period. Not for any marriage. If I'm not willing to change my name to someone else's, for the sake of marriage, why should I expect someone else to? I think that the tradition is stupid.

Oh, and I know several guys that have taken their wive's names. They're not any less respected by anyone I know. If anyone gets that hung up on his wife taking his name, do her a favor, and nix the entire marriage.
everyone knows someone that has done something, don't they? yeah.

you aren't a woman, so no one is really asking you to change your name.
No, but if a man is unwilling to change his name, why should the female be any less unwilling, if the situation fits? They're equals. Wives are not subordinates to their husbands.
eh. someone like you would never understand.

you can be unwilling all you want. but if you are, you shouldn't be with a person who doesn't agree with you, as seems to be the situation here in this post.
ouch. a yes-yes marriage/relationship. that must be VERY fulfilling for her (him) and you :roll:
 

SoylentG

Senior member
Oct 26, 2005
256
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Wow, whole lot of ignorance going around...

The way I look at it, marriage is a lifetime commitment. There are traditions that go along with it, and it seems to me when you start stripping away the traditions of marriage, it can't help but cheapen the concept. Some girls want to wear wedding dresses that aren't white. The white wedding dress symbolizes purity. Bucking that tradition is going to make people think that you're openly admitting to not being pure; most people won't just say, "Oh, she's just non-traditional." Traditions are meant to mean something. I'm proud of my last name. I may not like it, but it's something that makes me unique. I talked to her today about it, and she doesn't want our kids to have Spanko as a last name, because she doesn't want kids to make fun of them. Maybe it's just me, but since I was a kid with Spanko as a last name, wouldn't I be the correct person to judge whether or not it's unbearable to have such a name? I'll post more, later. I've got to finish closing up my restaurant.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
31,854
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www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: SoylentG
Wow, whole lot of ignorance going around...

The way I look at it, marriage is a lifetime commitment. There are traditions that go along with it, and it seems to me when you start stripping away the traditions of marriage, it can't help but cheapen the concept. Some girls want to wear wedding dresses that aren't white. The white wedding dress symbolizes purity. Bucking that tradition is going to make people think that you're openly admitting to not being pure; most people won't just say, "Oh, she's just non-traditional." Traditions are meant to mean something. I'm proud of my last name. I may not like it, but it's something that makes me unique. I talked to her today about it, and she doesn't want our kids to have Spanko as a last name, because she doesn't want kids to make fun of them. Maybe it's just me, but since I was a kid with Spanko as a last name, wouldn't I be the correct person to judge whether or not it's unbearable to have such a name? I'll post more, later. I've got to finish closing up my restaurant.


You're asking her to spend the rest of her life being addressed by a name that she strongly dislikes and that you openly admit to not liking.

Here's the thing about traditions.. old ones get altered or discarded entirely and new ones are created all the time.
 

chambersc

Diamond Member
Feb 11, 2005
6,247
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Originally posted by: SoylentG
Wow, whole lot of ignorance going around...

The way I look at it, marriage is a lifetime commitment. There are traditions that go along with it, and it seems to me when you start stripping away the traditions of marriage, it can't help but cheapen the concept. Some girls want to wear wedding dresses that aren't white. The white wedding dress symbolizes purity. Bucking that tradition is going to make people think that you're openly admitting to not being pure; most people won't just say, "Oh, she's just non-traditional." Traditions are meant to mean something. I'm proud of my last name. I may not like it, but it's something that makes me unique. I talked to her today about it, and she doesn't want our kids to have Spanko as a last name, because she doesn't want kids to make fun of them. Maybe it's just me, but since I was a kid with Spanko as a last name, wouldn't I be the correct person to judge whether or not it's unbearable to have such a name? I'll post more, later. I've got to finish closing up my restaurant.
The only thing they're supposed to mean is "this is how is was done then." Situations, like people and traditions, are meant to evolve and change with time to fit the current standard. Marriage is just a contract that you legally establish with a partner to see over each others assets and the lot -- a relationship is born out of love and exists only in the mind. It's what you make of it -- not what someone has done before and suggests you do now. That idea is sheepish, insulting and frankly just plain daft.
 

B00ne

Platinum Member
May 21, 2001
2,168
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Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
As much as a name meant before, in these times it means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you put value on the name and tradition. If you're doing this for your father, you might regret it.
If 2 people are going to marry it means they want to be a family, which means they shoul dhave 1 name. It seems a bit silly to hang on to something like your name. If you want top keep your name fine, dont get married.

That said, my wife hasnt taken my name yet either and its been 1/3 years depending how you figure our marriage date.

You dont have to settle on a name by the time of the wedding? After all you sign with your new name (here anyway) and without those marriage papers confirming the name change it would be hard to get a new ID, license, Passport, .....
 

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