Man, my dad can make me think..

[mpg]

My belief , I think my parents can support themselfs, if they can't get different jobs. But I will help out pay for rent when I'm 18+. Although my chinese friend's brother payed the bills for his parents when he had a job, he's much older though probally 23 or something. Live off your parents not your children .

Totally different if SHE OWES them money (and has the money to pay them off), thats just stingy and they should kick her out if shes living with your parents until she pays.

 

[gunf1ghter]

hmmmm, still sounds like a marketing scam then....

I'm sure your parents are great and very sincere... but seriously, if I want a better lifestyle, I work at getting the skills to get a better job and get a better lifestyle. I don't produce kids and expect them to give me money every month. If my mom hit a tough spot I would be more than willing to write her a check for $500, $1000, $5000 or whatever it would take to help her out of trouble, even if I had to put a second mortgage on my house.

However she doesn't EXPECT it and she raised me and my brother as a single mother.

 

[tim0thy]

<< Yea I guess. But it seems all my friends who are white are like, &quot;Heh, I have 5 F's. This is cool! My mom told me if I pass PE she will take me out for dinner!!&quot; >>



like i said, it's just standards. being asian, you're expected to pass stuff... not just pass, but pass it well. just make sure you're doing it for yourself.

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

yeah...to most Asian families its expected you to got a good University and suceed well educationaly. I would probably be disowned by my family if I dropped out of University. It is expected of me that I get into Engineering and meet the bar that my cousins/friends have reached..

I personally like that because its good motivation for me and pushes me to strive for my best.

 

[sandmanwake]

I guess misery does love company. Glad to see I'm not the only one in a similar sort of situation. I've only got enough in the bank to last until my next paycheck because I recently had to shell out $3000 I was saving for college to help my parents pay for their taxes (either that or probably have them and all four of my siblings go homeless). What pisses me off though is that this isn't the first time I've had to do this sort of thing. My parents are still like little children when it comes to managing money because they think I'll be able to bail them out every single time. They are always buying crap that they can get by without. They had a house, but because someone they knew bought a better house, they had to get an even better one that they can't afford, so instead of being able to help me pay for college, I'm paying for myself and helping them. They may be my parents, but I think that's just plain selfish and rude. I'm scraping to get by as it is, and they just fuking take and take. Basically, I'm their retirement plan, so if anything were to happen to me, they'd be screwed. This is not the sort of thing I need to be thinking about at my age. If you're a parent or plan to be a parent some day, do the decent thing and make the attempt to take care of yourself first, instead of just assuming that your kids will be able to.

They're always talking about how I should love my family and crap like that, but I see how they treat others in their family and it's basically a do as I say not as I do thing. Before I was able to get a job and take care of myself, I made the mistake of saying that I don't like the way they were treating me, and they told me I could just leave if I didn't like it. Now that I am out on my own and can take care of myself, I can't get rid of them. Every time I see them, money comes up. &quot;Your brother needs some money because he can't pay for the car (he shouldn't have bought in the first place if he can't afford it), so can you take over payment for the next few months?&quot; They accuse me of being a cheap bastard and don't care about the family when I don't give them money for some reason or another; never once do they ask me if the money I'm giving up might prevent me from paying for school. Pisses me the fuk off. Never once have I even gotten a thank you out of them. They've got a nice suprise once I graduate though, if they don't start changing and at least show me the respect they would give a total stranger, they'll never see me again; only reason they see me now is because I can't afford to go to school elsewhere. And screw my siblings also, I never liked them either, bunch of human leeches. I may be Asian and the eldest son, but that doesn't give anyone the right to treat me like they do. So my brother doesn't have a car to drive. Big deal, he has no where he needs to go if he doesn't at least work to buy himself a car. I had to go to school when I was his age and work as a janitor till 2AM when I was in high school to help pay for my freshman year of college, so he's perfectly capiable of doing the same. They get so worried about how other people think of them that they think lots of pretty stuff will make them appear better than they are. And they don't even take care of the stuff they have. Their $200,000 house is a pig sty last time I went by.

Oh, I'm 20 and I'm not supposed to have a girlfriend either, because money's all American girls are interested in, and since I'm so nieve, they'll just rip me off. They'll find me a nice girl from the home country someday. I'm so busy trying to make ends meet as it is already, that I don't have time for a girlfriend anyway. Pisses me off that they're even trying to tell me who I'm going to marry. I nearly took my dad's head off the other day when he casually said that I seem to always have the best luck when it comes to finding jobs. Fuk him, I'm working 60+ hours a week now so I'll be able go back to school this summer and he doesn't think hard work has anything to do with it? I may not be working the kind of jobs he thinks is beneath him, but that doesn't mean I work any less hard.

Sorry guys, I guess I'm a little upset that I had to bail my parents out of another one since they can't manage worth a crap. Then my dad had the nerve to ask me to pay for his truck next month ($575) when he was right there when I emptied my bank accounts to pay for his taxes and barely had enough left to pay my own bills and definately not anything to pay for college if I don't save every penny I earn for the next 3-4 months. Somehow, my life reminds me of that story &quot;The Metamorphasis,&quot; where the guy becomes a giant roach. I don't plan on being squished and used for the rest of my life though. I don't care who it is, I can cut my losses with no regrets.

As for that guy's sister not giving some money to her parent's since she's living under their roof, that's just wrong. If she was living on her own and didn't owe them money I'd understand, but after you can take care of yourself, you shouldn't be leeching off others. Whether a parent leeching off a child or the other way around or anyone leeching off anyone else, it's just not right.

 

[PalmettoTiger]

I just started working a real full-time job (unlike my gov't job last summer) and only now do I appreciate how much my parents must have given up to raise 3 children. We were never hard up for money, but they mortgaged our house and re-mortgaged it a total of 4 times to keep the business going. If it went under, we're out on our ass. So on top of having to keep it going, they had maybe 3 hours a day to themselves, once you consider cooking and cleaning up and going through the mail and paying bills and such. They spent most of that free time on us.

Next time you have a day all to yourself, make a list of things to do and see how far you get. It has to be real work, not just relaxing or fooling with things that are as much fun as effort (i.e. overclocking). If you keep track of the time you spend actually doing the work, you'll be surprised at how long it takes you to accumulate 8 hours.

I don't mean to sound preachy here. It's more that I only recently realized what the real world is, and if any of you want to understand what your parents put themselves through, try doing 8 hours of real work this Saturday.

 

[Mister T]

sandmanwake,

what an amazing story. I can't belive how you put up with all that abuse. Maybe you should offer to sell one of your kidneys next time they need you to bail them out again. I could never allow myself to stood that low as a parent. You don't deserve that sh!t.

Good luck with school man. I really do hope that you do well in school. You seem like a definitely ambitious guy and I hope your parents start treating you like you should.

 

[Ornery]

Holy sh!t sandmanwake! I was going to bitch because I had to buy my own car, insurance and maintenance of it as well as pay rent. Also expected to pay half of college, if I were to attend. All in all, that was as fair back in the 70s as it is today. That is NOT too much to ask. But that's nothing compared to your plight!

Don't know if it will help ya much, but you are definitely right to be pissed off. At least you're going to cut them off later if they don't change. My brother-in-law is still being taken advantage of by his parents after 20 years. There is no end to it, if you don't take a stand. Good Luck!

UT, your sister sucks. Shame the sh!t out of her! :|

Edit: BTW, you clowns that think your parents &quot;owe&quot; you this crap are full of it! That's a Gen-X attitude, not Caucasian. Certainly not the way my generation was! Selfish, inconsiderate, ingrates! :| I suppose you're your parents fault though, so it probably serves them right.

 

[Mday]

my goal:

graduate, get a job... then, POOf, my parents will NEVER have to work a day in their life EVER!!!

--

the hard part would be the '... then, poof&quot; =\

 

[urbantechie]

<< I'm sure your parents are great and very sincere... but seriously, if I want a better lifestyle, I work at getting the skills to get a better job and get a better lifestyle. I don't produce kids and expect them to give me money every month. If my mom hit a tough spot I would be more than willing to write her a check for $500, $1000, $5000 or whatever it would take to help her out of trouble, even if I had to put a second mortgage on my house. >>



Well, if my dad got laid off or something happened to him, we woulnd't have any money and I sh!t you not, we would be living on the streets.

With the credentials my dad has, he could of gotten a NSA job probably in the 80s but he didn't know a bit of english and didn't have a diploma or even a GED.

 

[Bignate603]

My parents risked alot on starting up a small tech company. We were really well off but my grandfather who was a physicist told my dad he had a new technology to bend and focus x-rays or neutrons, something that couldn't really be done before. I was in 1st grade at the time. My dad quit his consulting job at McKinsey, sold the house and took a cash advance on every credit card to get a load of cahs before the creditors realized what he was doing, and we moved to a cabin we had from when the consulting job payed well. For one year, my dad ran the business but didn't get paid. It was real rough going. Finally it took off enough that we moved to a real house, and now it's growing slowly and seems like it will make it. However this isn't one of those get rich quick companies, so my parents still are carrying around alot of debt. They expect they can pay it off eventually, but they don't have a retirement fund either. They have told us that they'll try but worse comes to worse, us kids our their fallback. If i had a family and they couldn't support themselves i'd be glad to take them in. I get along with them, they could help around the house and take care of kids and stuff. My parents have been very up front and I think they deserve to be taken care of if they can't.

 

[BuckMaster]

Like DiRF said stop playing CS that would be a start. Also you could sell your computer and give the money to your parents to show them how much they mean to you.



Just kidding! Hope all is well and you learn from the talk with your father. Communication is VERY important in a family. I also hope your sister grows up. It seems to me you are much more mature then your sister!


Buck

 

[urbantechie]

Hehe, thanks for the mature comment .

And what pisses me off, whenever I do something good, my mom gossips about her friends kids and how they are better than me and I should be like them. Damn pricks...Oh yea, my mom tells me I won't amount to anything and i'm stupid (when I get bad grades) thats why partially I want to buy a new BMW with my own money even while im stil in HS. That would be the best car in the house. (another thought of mine i wanted to share.)

 

[mpg]

urban you seriously need to get on your studies DUDE. STUDY STUDY STUDY get off the damn computer! Thats what I'm doing, at least a little bit more! I want to get a good job. Show your parents (mom) that you are smart and better than her friends kids. You don't need a BMW, get a Toyota or something. Have fun when you are rich not when you are struggling.

EDIT: do you actually think a BMW will get you laid? HA

 

[urbantechie]

<< EDIT: do you actually think a BMW will get you laid? HA >>



I'm not getting it so I can get laid.

 

[MisFit]

<< Oh yea, my mom tells me I won't amount to anything and i'm stupid >>



That is NOT cool. Good grades, bad grades, black, white or polkadot, that is just not a cool thing to say to your child. I hope that you have a better opinion of yourself than that.

 

[urbantechie]

<< That is NOT cool. Good grades, bad grades, black, white or polkadot, that is just not a cool thing to say to your child. I hope that you have a better opinion of yourself than that. >>



Exactly, good thing she doesn't speak english well and I cuss at her when she says that.

 

[MisFit]

Words like that, spoken by parents can haunt kids/young adults for a long time, the thing that you always have to remember is that long after they are gone you have to live with your decisions. Whether the choices you make are good or bad, you will have to live with them. Respecting your parents and their wishes is great, and it is something you should do, but it should be weighed against the fact that you are the only one that has to look back on your life and be happy with the choices you make.

The hard part is whether we agree with our parents or not they are still our parents and you tend to want to please them, just don't do it at the expense of your own self worth.

P.S btw, your sister sounds, well, like a brat.

 

[urbantechie]

sandmanwake: That sucks for you dude, .



<< Oh, I'm 20 and I'm not supposed to have a girlfriend either, because money's all American girls are interested in, and since I'm so nieve, they'll just rip me off. They'll find me a nice girl from the home country someday. >>



I think they are all like that.

 

[khaosspawn]

UrbanTech:

You know who I am . Tell you sister to grow up a little. The silly girl doesn't realise what it means to have to support a family and the kinds of sacrifices parents have to make.

She should feel lucky that she had two parents in the house. Many of us never had that luxury. If the first thing she is saving for after getting her first job is a car then she has no idea what the real world is like.

I'd suggest you speak to her privately and let her know how you feel before it gets out of hand.

Sandmanwake:
I feel for ya dude. Ditch your parents as soon as u get the chance. They sound like real idiots. I'm in a similar situation but by choice. After all that my mom has done for my sister and I, I forced her to quit the job she hated. Now I pay everything including the mortgage, all the bills in the house as well as college for myself and my sister (I'm 20 btw.). I still got money left over but not much.

Your hard work will pay off more than you can imagine. Only when your parents are in severe crap will they realise what a treasure you were to them.


Khaos

 

[sandmanwake]

thats why partially I want to buy a new BMW with my own money even while im stil in HS. That would be the best car in the house

Don't do it man. That's exactly the sort of thing that's pissing me off, not that I have to help my parents out every now and then, but the fact that I wouldn't have to if they'd just quit equating material possession as happiness and class. They make enough where if they'd quit spending all the time, they'd get by just fine. Thinking that expensive stuff will get others to think better of you is a dangerous path that could end up dragging others down with you. I know exactly what you mean about the destructive criticism. I've just learned to ignore it, since I know the source of the critism well and some of those that I'm being compared to are also not worth bothering about in my opinion. They've got their lives to live and I'm living mine, not theirs. It's a sick thing when a parent try to live life through their kids in some form and criticize when the child isn't doing what the parent think they should.

If your parent can't accept you the way you are, getting an expensive new car won't help. Shouldn't care what they think anyway; learn that now and you'll be saner for it.

 

[Doggiedog]

UT, why do you need a BMW when you are struggling to make ends meet? You should wait until you can afford to get one many times over. Cars are definitely an ego thing and are really unnecessary luxury items. You should save that money and invest it. I went to a pretty rich private university and knew lots of people with very nice cars so I know the temptation for you to get a car like a BMW. But you should really rethink your priorities.

Having a nice car is like a rat race. There is always going to be someone with a nicer car than you. And after a while, you just won't care about your car anymore. It'll just be there for transportation. At your age and income I would be more practical.

 

[bcterps]

Hey UT,

I feel for you man, I'm fortunate that my parents are well off that I dont need to support them. However, I still give them money every month as a sign of respect, I dont live at home and it is a decent chunk of my salary. That will stop after I'm married (this June) though, cause I'll need the money to support my own family. My mother grew up poor, and she stressed education to me as well because that is how she got out of poverty. She has 6 or 7 brothers and sisters and she was able to put a few of her nephews through college here.

Growing up in an asian family when your parents are immigrants is pretty tough. Your parents bring their culture and you are raised under it, but you live in a different culture. It seems best illustrated in your desire to help out your parents, but at the same time you want to buy a BMW for yourself. I'm not saying one is more important than the other, you just have to learn to balance the two cultures. I really hope that you do well in school and get a great job, not only for your family, but for yourself as well. It's important not to deny either one. Good luck! We are definitely behind you.

--Ben

 

[urbantechie]

Thanks for support

 

[Warpo]

<< Yea, my dad hopes for me to make a lot of money in the future since I would have a nice resume already. He wants me to buy him Mercedes 450SL and vactions around the world. I would love to.. >>



That is so pathetic. Tell daddy that money is not everything. It's unfortunate that money is the worlds greatest dictator.