Man, my dad can make me think..

[shopbruin]

giving your parents money is getting off easy compared to the way they USED to do it in China.

to be a perfect filial son or daughter, one would prepare for their parents death before they died, IE buying the coffin and burial clothes and burial plot. once their parents died, they would be in mourning for 3 years, hiding out in a little hut attached to the house, gradually coming out of over the three year span. then you would continue the sacrifices on the 1st and 15th of each month, and on their birthday, so that they would be well off in the afterworld also.

some families, in their lineages, would have long old family instructions written on out on how sons were to be filial and daughters were to be bound and never seen.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

eminem is suck.

BUT i can see why your sis got a little bent at 600 on a $3000/month income.... thats 20% and more than just a little. As far as you, urbantechie, you just need to do your best, and do what you think is right. That way, no matter what happens, you won't look back 20 years from now and say 'I wish I would of...'.

I disagree that caretaking of parents is not part of American culture. It is, but usually doesn't occur til later in the parent's life.

Urbantechie you will do just fine, you have a strong mind to guide you.

 

[vi edit]

Thanks for the oh so enlightening generalization warcleric :|

Many of us Americans who grew up in a middle class family do respect our parents and will take care of them when it is necessary. I guess the term "silent majority" still applies. We do most of the grunt work and get least amount of attention whether that be good or bad attention.

My parents taught me that respect is given when respect is due. Respect is not giving money in my book. Respect is much more than that. My parents were incredibly excited when I took a job at age 22 that paid nearly 1 and half times over what my father makes at age 43. They said that it was my reward for working my ass off through college and highschool. Their reward was that they had raised me to be successful by instilling me with a good work ethic and the desire to achieve. In a few years all of us will be able to enjoy both my success professionaly as well as their success as parents when I fly with them over to Ireland where my father has wanted to go for years.

I do not give my parents money, but they do that I am only a phone call away to help them out with just about anything else.

 

[Hamburgerpimp]

the problem is here in the US kids dont respect their parents, hell kids in the US dont respect ANYONE except eminem

Maybe it's because 65% of all married parents end up divorced. That's just the married ones, as many never get married. How about all the disfunctional families that stay together or the abused kids?? Why you think the kids are so fvcked up? It's because WE are sh1t-ass parents!! Children are born innocent my friend! The U.S. is definitely different than other countries and cultures. It's a complete fvcking free-for-all here if you haven't noticed!!

 

[dafatha00]

i can totally understand the bind you're in
our parents have done so much for us and i'm quite sure most of us have taken them for granted...
and the sad part is that i've suddenly realized this and it kills me..

 

[BoberFett]

Sorry, but the idea of having kids so you can be supported through your later years is a 3rd world concept. Unless you live in the middle of some African wasteland, I don't think support from your children should be expected. I'm pretty well off, and if my parents needed help I'd certainly help them, but because I want to. There should be no expectations involved.

 

[bigd480]

i agree w/ dafatha

do what u can when u can, and for no reason other than you just want to

 

[DannyLove]

well thats pretty natural for your dad to ask money. Thats how most Asian cultures are. I knew my friends that had parents like that. Not only Asian culture but some mexican cultures as well. I don't know why your sister didnt give your dad some cash. I know i would have given him 600 bucks (depends if i made 3k a damn month). But if he started to ask for money every month than i would think twice about it. One thing is helping your parents out and the other is taking advantage of your own kids. Even though he raised her to make money and become successful doesn't quite mean that you'll/she be working for your own parents. I think your sister needed to explain what she thought about the situation to your father and at least give some $$ (think of it as taxes, and we all know we love to pay taxes.)
I know that once i graduate from college and make my money i will support my dad big time. He's been through sooo much just to put me through college, there was even a point where he got fired from his job and still paid, how sweet is that. Now i work though and pay for other expenses, but tuition and books is all he pays, which i thank and love him for

 

[Caliboy]

urbantechie
I totally know what you mean. I grew up in a poor Korean family. When I was 8 years old my dad told me I should give him a fraction of my paycheck after I graduated from college. (I was very intelligent and ambitious, so I thought it'd be a piece of cake to earn $120K) I thought I'd make $10K/month so I told him I'd give him $2K every month. But then as I got older I realized that even if I make $10K/month I take home less than half because of taxes, so over the years I've lowered the amount I'd give my dad from $2K/month to $1K/month. Anyway now my parents make a lot of money, so they don't need part of my paycheck, however I still feel obligated to give them something because they've both been great parents and have raised me to become a successful and caring person. They're also letting me live at home after I graduate from college, which REALLY saves me money because an 1-bedroom apartment in San Jose is at least $1,500/month.

So what's my point? If your parents are letting you live at home and you're working full-time you should give them part of your paycheck to help pay for the rent, food, etc.

 

[Viper GTS]

Caliboy...

If his sister is making $3K a month, I suspect she's not living at home.

Viper GTS

 

[Doggiedog]

It's kind of sad when money has to be the symbol of love and caring in the family. I come from a Japanese family and don't think my parents expect me to give them money out of obligation. If you think you need to help your family out monetarily, you should do it. You shouldn't do it just because you are expected to. In Japanese households, the children are supposed to take care of the parents in their old age and I fully expect to do that for my parents. I plan on buying them a home near mine or buy a large enough home to house them and provide them enough to tide them over. But telling you to give them money and laying a guilt trip on you isn't right. I am well aware of the sacrifices they made to enable me to get me where I am so they don't need to do that sort of stuff.

If your sister doesn't want to contribute, it should be her choice but if your parents sacrificed to allow her to get to where she is and she turns her back on them, that is f'ked up.

But it's your choice. You do what your conscience tells you to do, don't do it out of pressure or guilt.

 

[arcain]

I am also Asian, and have had similar discussions. And it is definitely a cultural thing.

My understanding is that it is not laziness or room/board or such, but rather like a retirement plan. I don't know if Social Security of any sort exists in any Asian country, so the children are expected to provide for the parents.

 

[Yuckysgf]

Viper GTS, what exactly do you mean by that?

 

[nippyjun]

I would help my parents if they needed it. Hopefully they won't need it. I am very greatful for all they have ever done for me and would be happy to return the favor. But, I wouldn't want them to expect it from me.

 

[bobtist]

I don't think my parents will ever ask me for money (Americans have pride in their independence, right?), but I'm anxious to give them a pretty large portion of whatever I make. They are going through some rough times right now, and could really use some help. They made so many sacrifices to get me where I am, it's just love that drives me to do whatever I can to give back, as insignifcant as it may seem against the years they poured into me.

Good thread UT

 

[urbantechie]

Well, it's a Chinese thing I guess. Like, say if my little sisters one day needed help, then I would help them out. I would think most American families don't care less about their siblings so if their brother or sister got laid off theo others would just feel sorry and move on.

Viper GTS: My older sister is living at home. She is 23. So my dad is a bit upset since he says $600 isn't even that much because she has a free roof over her head and and food as well. He pays for her car repairs and etc. My dad makes about 3K a month and he has to support 5 people. While my sister with a education just started out making 3K she is complaining that $600 is too much. My sister really wants to move out and my dad says $600 won't even get you a decent apartment.


I've been raised on paying back my parent's and I have no objection to that. The reason many Asian families have more than 1-2 kids is that they want the kids when they are older to support the parents. Plus, my familiy isn't rich so I don't see taking $600 from my older sister isn't going to hurt her. After all, she doesn't make house payments, 2nd mortgagge, credit cards and support a family.

 

[tim0thy]

personally, you have to want to do it for yourself before doing it for anybody else. sometimes, the best way to start doing good is to start with yourself.

and do look at it as motivation to do more than what you're doing now, and be better than where they were at. you never have to prove to them anything since you're their son, and i'm sure they love you.

 

[urbantechie]

<< Sorry, but the idea of having kids so you can be supported through your later years is a 3rd world concept >>



Thats not the reason people have kids.

 

[BoberFett]

<< Thats not the reason people have kids. >>

If financial support is expected, then it's one of the reasons. It may not be the only reason, but it's one of them.

 

[tim0thy]

ut: how many kids did your parents have? including yourself that is.

 

[urbantechie]

<< ut: how many kids did your parents have? including yourself that is. >>



Four, me, my older sister and two younger twins who are 12.

 

[urbantechie]

<< If financial support is expected, then it's one of the reasons. It may not be the only reason, but it's one of them. >>



It's old age tradtion from China. I don't think China was a 3rd world country a long time ago.

 

[piku]

My parents are into the stock market so I'm hoping they are going to be able to easily support themselves later on in life

Now I'm not a d!ck though, of course I plan on buying them lots of cool stuff. Like hard drives, and RAM, and video cards, and...

(seriously though, I would love later on in my life to buy my parents a nice new car or something like that)

 

[urbantechie]

Yea, my dad hopes for me to make a lot of money in the future since I would have a nice resume already. He wants me to buy him Mercedes 450SL and vactions around the world. I would love to..

 

[tim0thy]

see, i think that's wrong. if it comes, it comes. but if you're expecting it, then that's just bad.

my mom is sorta the same way. unfortunately, i'm stubborn as hell.