<DotSPF> man, my mate is a complete div.
<DotSPF> he asked for my help coz he'd forgotten his hotmail password - I go round to see if he's put in a secret question so I can resurrect his account.
<DotSPF> what a prick
<DotSPF> his secret question was 'what is my password'
<DotSPF> i'm gonna go out and see if I can find him a cheap iMac
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<Fredo> wanna see something cool?
<Dementio> no, the last time someone said do you wnna see something cool i ended up pregnat
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(dosdemon) I'm downloading something called "vagina vacum pump in action"
(CautionIAmBoozer) interesting
(HSS-KUN) Aww...they spoiled it by putting the plot in the title. I hate that.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<@Splodge`> I think there might be some incest in my family because my dad's cock tastes exactly like my sister's snatch.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<@koenig> I just had a very fun time with a telemarketer who called my home.
<@koenig> She was telling me that I had "won in a drawing" and that I might have won a Hummer or a trip to Orlando and some other crap.
<@koenig> So I said, "Hey, them Hummers is sure nice."
<@koenig> "Oh yes," she replies.
<@koenig> "I bet they can haul a lot in them Hummers."
<@koenig> "Oh certainly."
<@koenig> "Do you think they could hold something that was like 6' long?"
<@koenig> "Most likely."
<@koenig> "And weighed like 150-200 lbs.?"
<@albus> oh dear.
<@koenig> "Possibly."
<@koenig> "Well, I'll cut right to hte chase. Do you think they could carry a dead body?"
<@koenig> "Uhhhh."
* albus hears police sirens.
<@koenig>
<@albus> you should use her as a reference when you apply for a security clearance.
<@koenig> Well you realize I didn't actually claim to HAVE a dead body. I was purely curious, in case I get into the funeral service business.
<@koenig> It's my new idea, "Die With Style, Inc." where instead of a hearse you drive out in a Hummer.
<@albus> ...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<FoXeh> The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
<FoXeh> Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
<FoXeh> Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
<DotSPF> he asked for my help coz he'd forgotten his hotmail password - I go round to see if he's put in a secret question so I can resurrect his account.
<DotSPF> what a prick
<DotSPF> his secret question was 'what is my password'
<DotSPF> i'm gonna go out and see if I can find him a cheap iMac
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<Fredo> wanna see something cool?
<Dementio> no, the last time someone said do you wnna see something cool i ended up pregnat
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(dosdemon) I'm downloading something called "vagina vacum pump in action"
(CautionIAmBoozer) interesting
(HSS-KUN) Aww...they spoiled it by putting the plot in the title. I hate that.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<@Splodge`> I think there might be some incest in my family because my dad's cock tastes exactly like my sister's snatch.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<@koenig> I just had a very fun time with a telemarketer who called my home.
<@koenig> She was telling me that I had "won in a drawing" and that I might have won a Hummer or a trip to Orlando and some other crap.
<@koenig> So I said, "Hey, them Hummers is sure nice."
<@koenig> "Oh yes," she replies.
<@koenig> "I bet they can haul a lot in them Hummers."
<@koenig> "Oh certainly."
<@koenig> "Do you think they could hold something that was like 6' long?"
<@koenig> "Most likely."
<@koenig> "And weighed like 150-200 lbs.?"
<@albus> oh dear.
<@koenig> "Possibly."
<@koenig> "Well, I'll cut right to hte chase. Do you think they could carry a dead body?"
<@koenig> "Uhhhh."
* albus hears police sirens.
<@koenig>
<@albus> you should use her as a reference when you apply for a security clearance.
<@koenig> Well you realize I didn't actually claim to HAVE a dead body. I was purely curious, in case I get into the funeral service business.
<@koenig> It's my new idea, "Die With Style, Inc." where instead of a hearse you drive out in a Hummer.
<@albus> ...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<FoXeh> The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
<FoXeh> Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
<FoXeh> Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
ConstipatedVigilante
Diamond Member
- Feb 22, 2006
- 7,670
- 1
- 0
Hyperlite
Diamond Member
- May 25, 2004
- 5,664
- 2
- 76
must resurrect:
<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me
<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me
DainBramaged
Lifer
- Jun 19, 2003
- 23,454
- 41
- 91
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