LOL...I love bash.org

[Nohr]

(%nickster) my moms gonna be a helper at a school
(%nickster) for mentally handicapped people
(@starbucks_mafia) thats great
(@starbucks_mafia) you'll get to see her more often now

-------------------------------------------------------------------

<eric> awright spam u can use
<eric> "Like to see hot jizz spit all over an unsuspecting teen's face? These young teen girls love taking hot cum right in the face."
<siva> "unsuspecting"?
<eric> DAD CAN I GO TO THE MALL I NEED SOME NEW BARETTES AND %(#*&%!( HOLY GOD

-------------------------------------------------------------------

<Dack Falu> WTF, there are Bomberman fanfics
<Dack Falu> Did that shit have a storyline?
<Stultus> Someone's probably written a fanfic for Tetris
<Saturn V> THE L BLOCK TAKES ME BY THE HAND AND PLUGNES ITSELF NEATLY INTO ME, FORMING A LINE
<Saturn V> I MOAN BUT THEN PART OF ME VANISHES
<Saturn V> FOREVER.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

<Sumezworking> I hate people who let their kids run around naked on the beach..
<Squinky> I know, it's hard to hide an erection in swimming trunks

-------------------------------------------------------------------

<ancho> do girls like it if you stick your hand up there ass??
<ancho> hurry plz.. im in the middle of something

-------------------------------------------------------------------

<jjccp> i broke my leg
<jjccp> masturbating is evil
<[Slaryn> O_O I hope to god those two incidents weren't related

-------------------------------------------------------------------

t3hraven: Holy shit somethings burning outside my window
t3hraven: brb
t3hraven: o, nm
t3hraven: it was a cloud going by my window
t3hraven: thought it was smoke :/
BILLLL: Go outside much, raven?
t3hraven: no
BILLLL: cuz those cloud things can be pretty tricky
t3hraven: shut up

-------------------------------------------------------------------

<jimmiejaz> http://news.myway.com/odd/arti...04::10:26|reuters.html
<Jay1> fucking LINK
<Jay1> argh
<Jay1> you made me open it bich
<Jay1> and it opened in my insurance quote windows and fucked it up
<jimmiejaz> deal with it, I didn't tell you to click it.
<Jay1> it opens it self
<jimmiejaz> so links in your IRC window open all by them self?
<Jay1> yes
<jimmiejaz> http://www.*****.com
<Jay1> I HATE YOU
<jimmiejaz> get a real client, one that doesn't open www.*****.com when it sees it.
<jimmiejaz> www.lemonparty.org
<Jay1> U GAY POOF
<Jay1> i HATE YOU
<jimmiejaz> www.lemonparty.org
<Jay1> FUCK SAKE
<-- Jay1 has quit (Client Exiting)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

<booradley> I'd like to perform a one act play I call, "Creative screwed me like a bitch"
<booradley> <audigy> Buy me! I'm ever so sexy
<booradley> <boo> ok. come home with me and we'll play among the stars
<booradley> <audigy> tee hee! I love you, boo!
<booradley> <boo> I love you too, audigy
<booradley> :: later ::
<booradley> <boo> there, you're all installed. how do you feel?
<neshura> down in front!
<booradley> <audigy> LET JESUS FUCK YOU! VRAAAGH!
* audience gasps.
<booradley> * audigy is putting noise across your PCI channels
<booradley> <hard drive> Mein leben!
<booradley> * hard drive has died
<booradley> <audigy> Blaaah! blaaaugh! your mother sucks cocks in hell! graaagh!
<booradley> <modem> aaieee
<booradley> *modem has died
<booradley> and the new modem I got connects at 32k tops
<Shendal> By far, that's the best one-act IRC play I've read this season. Do I smell a Tony award?

-------------------------------------------------------------------

<@Theseus314> if I invite my girlfriend in here for a short time will you guys behave yourself?
<Vetek> yes
*** FunG is now known as CaptainGapingAnus
*** poo_al[Away] is now known as i_want_to_fuck_thess_gf
*** IgWannA is now known as HotChickNeedSex
<@CaptainGapingAnus> we will behave

 

[BrownTown]

Originally posted by: Nohr
#111338 +(12893)- [X]

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
<@CaptainGapingAnus> we will behave

 

[Azndude51]

Damn you browntown, now all of these people a around me in this computer lab are looking at me weird for laughing so hard.

 

[oiprocs]

Damn, bloodninja pwns. Where does all this stuff happen? IRC? Random chat windows?

 

[MotionMan]

http://www.bash.org/?1578 <---Probably NSFW


http://www.bash.org/?25464

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID


http://www.bash.org/?171987

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao


http://www.bash.org/?434593

*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
<Anubis> what fraud?
<Kadmium> You haven't heard about it?
<Anubis> no?
<Kadmium> You can read the full story at http://www.*****.com
<Anubis> omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'

Those are the first four that I think of when I think of bash.org

MotionMan

 

[KLin]

http://www.bash.org/?30508

<Guest56750> Hi how do you change your name?
<Guest56750> iam new to mirc
<Guest69> type "/nick nickname"
*** Guest56750 is now known as nickname

 

[DaveJ]

snif: i jsut asked if any one knew how to change ports and stuff
taras: yes, you visit your local harbourmaster and tell him you want your ship to be in a different port from now on
grifferz: you go to your liquor retailer
grifferz: and you say, "sorry, I do not like this port, please supply me with another"
snif: no need to be total dicks about it you guys can go fuck your self


Sonium: someone speak python here?
lucky: HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
lucky: SSSSS
Sonium: the programming language



Ben174: If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
ChrisLMB: If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
Ben174: Where u work?
ChrisLMB: I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

 

[Judgement]

Classic stuff

 

[imported_Truenofan]

you guys have now supplied me with hours of endless entertainment. i will now pass this to all my co-workers with a sense of humor.

 

[jagec]

Originally posted by: DaveJ
snif: i jsut asked if any one knew how to change ports and stuff
taras: yes, you visit your local harbourmaster and tell him you want your ship to be in a different port from now on
grifferz: you go to your liquor retailer
grifferz: and you say, "sorry, I do not like this port, please supply me with another"
snif: no need to be total dicks about it you guys can go fuck your self


Sonium: someone speak python here?
lucky: HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
lucky: SSSSS
Sonium: the programming language



Ben174: If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
ChrisLMB: If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
Ben174: Where u work?
ChrisLMB: I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

Nice, hadn't seen those.

<AEternus> my stomach is undergoing disasters unnamed at the moment
<AEternus> but you can't say no to the grandparents
<BlahFromStone> Yeah...
<BlahFromStone> Who can resist a nice, juicy plate of grandparents.

[+Mr_Day]: Santa Claus, now he's real. At least, that's what they call the pervert around here, who masturbates on rooftops. He comes down chimneys.

<evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
<mcm310>: what is it?
<evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof
<evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
<evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
<evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands
<evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
<evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
<evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
<evilada>: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
<mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

(kitten) One time, a friend and I were attempting to install a CD burner in his machine.
(kitten) The intstructions were translated from Japanese to English - not too bad a job, either.
(kitten) However, occasionally, they will come across a word that simply does not translate, so they will use the phoenetic Japanese.
(kitten) So we wound up with, you click here, you run this, you do that, ho-shin-kai, you remove the disk..
(kitten) Took it to a friend's father who speaks passable Japanese - he said "I think it means something like, 'to breathe the mystic spirit of the dark dragon'."
(kitten) What that has to do with CD burners, I couldn't tell you.
(kitten) But anyway.
(kitten) I believe that 'zig' is akin to this phenomenon.

<D3adlode> I was a mistake you jackass
<Quasar> We all got birth certificates, d3 got an apology letter from durex

niteowl7710: When I went to the website to see what the current cover
niteowl7710: And I got a pop-up from Spice.net...offering me (and I quote)
niteowl7710: MONSTER TITS -- THE LARGEST BREASTS ALLOWED BY LAW
enigmamofm: Wow.
enigmamofm: wait
enigmamofm: "By law?"
niteowl7710: That sir, is what it said
enigmamofm: There's some sort of regulatory legislature on this issue?
niteowl7710: I'm not sure but I now have a new goal in life
niteowl7710: Figure out how to get a job in the Department of Health & Human Services (makes sense to me)
niteowl7710: In the "Breast Measurement Bureau"
niteowl7710: I'm sorry ma'am but those are just too large, I'm going to have to fine you
niteowl7710: Well yes Ms. I'm sure this does just seem like titty fucking, but I assure you is a valuable tool we use here at the B.M.B.
enigmamofm: You are a credit to you community sir.

 

[Nohr]

<asiftosay> my friend kolby decided to play a joke on his mom, so he went into her room at night when she was sleeping. he wore a ski mask and had a fake gun.
<banquet> omg
<asiftosay> and he starts yelling shit with the fake gun drawn, and she wakes up all scared and stuff...so she goes "don't kill me. i'll fuck you all you want if you let me live."
<asiftosay> they avoided each other for days.

:Q

 

[DeliciousTacos]

Originally posted by: BrownTown

Originally posted by: Nohr
#111338 +(12893)- [X]

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
<@CaptainGapingAnus> we will behave

Absolute Gold!

 

[xochi]

some of the Blood Ninga stuff was ripped of from Fugly.com when chat rooms were king.

Fugly IM chats havent read some of those for years

my favorites
Jill Part I
Jill part II

Actress & Barney

 

[Azndude51]

Originally posted by: xochi
some of the Blood Ninga stuff was ripped of from Fugly.com when chat rooms were king.

Fugly IM chats havent read some of those for years

my favorites
Jill Part I
Jill part II

Actress & Barney

That actress one was fucked up yet so hillarious. I can't believe she stuck around for so long though....

 

[funkymatt]

wow

<Victorian_Skunk> Is there a new virus going around? My Windows has suddenly changed to another language! I think it's Croatian.

 

[Wheezer]

DHS : Could god make a game so powerful, that even his computer couldn't run it at full settings?
PoorLeno : It's called Crysis.

 

[Nerva]

can someone post some more?

 

[MotionMan]

Originally posted by: 3cho
can someone post some more?

You can find my collection of bash.org quotes here.

MotionMan

 

[FrustratedUser]

Originally posted by: ryan256

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel
I don't know why but this always pops first in my head when I think of Bash

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

:laugh: That site is the antithesis to oldsmoboat's law.

:laugh::laugh: Oh man... that one actually made my eyes water, I laughed so hard.

I don't get it.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

Originally posted by: FrustratedUser

Originally posted by: ryan256

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel
I don't know why but this always pops first in my head when I think of Bash

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

:laugh: That site is the antithesis to oldsmoboat's law.

:laugh::laugh: Oh man... that one actually made my eyes water, I laughed so hard.

I don't get it.

Read it like this

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right


--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind

<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time

<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)


<anamexis> :<

Read the underlined part to yourself and let your mind figure it out.

 

[GrantMeThePower]

UFO19M: You know how you go into a public rest room and the integrity of every stall has been compromised, so you have to pick the least disgusting one?
UFO19M: That is how I feel about dating

 

[FrustratedUser]

Originally posted by: tenshodo13

Originally posted by: FrustratedUser

Originally posted by: ryan256

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel
I don't know why but this always pops first in my head when I think of Bash

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

:laugh: That site is the antithesis to oldsmoboat's law.

:laugh::laugh: Oh man... that one actually made my eyes water, I laughed so hard.

I don't get it.

Read it like this

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right


--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind

<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time

<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)


<anamexis> :<

Read the underlined part to yourself and let your mind figure it out.

<----

 

[MotionMan]

Originally posted by: FrustratedUser

Originally posted by: ryan256

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel
I don't know why but this always pops first in my head when I think of Bash

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

:laugh: That site is the antithesis to oldsmoboat's law.

:laugh::laugh: Oh man... that one actually made my eyes water, I laughed so hard.

I don't get it.

Does that help?

 

[Wheezer]

<anonop> whats your worst sex story?
<anon> I'll answer with a one-liner.
<anon> It takes a brave man to swim in the Red waters, but it takes a hero to drink from it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

<Jackal>: So I went over to my hippie neighbor's house and asked for a pot holder, he went inside and came out with a sandwich bag...... note to self new best friend.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<Ceru> when my sister went to the hospital, the bill was $11,000
<Ceru> the insurance company had a major fit
<R3mix> what did she go there for?
<Ceru> she drowned

 

[jonks]

bump for the poor souls like me who never knew how to put on a robe and wizard hat.

A collection of bloodninja here: http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/a...index.php/t-56561.html

I've been laughing/crying for 30 minutes, I must look like hell. God that's funny stuff.

I.F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
SexyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
I.F.: a Kodiac bear
SexyKarla17: ?
I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
SexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach
I.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are near
SexyKarla17: huh?
I.F.: Bears get fuckin pumped when anyone is near their cubs
Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..
SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
SexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly
I.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
I.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite you
SexyKarla17: Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
I.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
SexyKarla17: what the fuck?
I.F.:uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.