Joke

[Frenchie]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzled us is, why would you
bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blond replies...................... "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

 

[Frenchie]

Lisping Midget

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and he gets a call from a friend, who tells him that he knows a midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse and that he was sending him over.

The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or a female horse.

"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.

"Nith looking horth. Can I thee her mouf?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouf. Can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the midget again and shows him the horse's eyes.

"OK, what about her eearth?" The owner, by this time, is getting really p*ssed off, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears.

"OK," says the midget, "Can I thee her tw@t?" With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's tw@t, then pulls him out.

Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound?"

 

[Frenchie]

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She was told to go into the room and wait for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"

"Breast fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did.

He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."

"Naturally," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came.

 

[Frenchie]

You might know them as "Things that make you go...hmmm," or "imponderables."

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

 

[Frenchie]

After Rosh Hashanah services, it is customary to take some bread and cast it on a body of water, symbolizing the casting away of one's sins. That custom is called the "Tashlich" service.

Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread that is in house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity... Instead, this coming Rosh Hashanah consider these options:

For ordinary sins, use White Bread
For exotic sins, French Bread
For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
For complex sins, Multigrain
For twisted sins, Pretzels
For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision, Waffles
For sins committed in haste, Matzo
For sins committed in less than eighteen minutes, Shmurah Matzo
For sins of chutzpah, Fresh Bread
For substance abuse, Poppy Seed
For committing arson, Toast
For committing auto theft, Caraway

For being ill tempered, Sourdough
For silliness, Nut Bread
For not giving full value, Shortbread
For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread
For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread
For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts
For being money hungry, Enriched Bread or Raw Dough
For warmongering, Kaiser Rolls

For immodest dressing, Tarts
For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes
For promiscuity, Hot Buns
For racism, Crackers
For sophisticated racism, Ritz Crackers
For davening off tune, Flat Bread
For being holier than thou, Bagels

For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
For indecent photography, Cheese Cake
For trashing the environment, Dumplings
For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf
For sins of pride, Puff Pastry
For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
For wearing tasteless hats, Tam Tams
For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake

For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake
For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread
For inhaling, Stoned Wheat

 

[Frenchie]

Martha Stewart Does Jewish Food

Latkes: A pancake-like structure not to be confused with anything the House of Pancakes would put out. In a latka, the oil is in the pancake. It is made with potatoes, onions, eggs and matzo meal. Latkas can be eaten with apple sauce but NEVER with maple syrup. There is a rumor that in the time of the
Maccabees they lit a latka by mistake and it burned for eight days. What is certain is you will have heart burn for the same amount of time. It's a GOOD thing.

Matzoh: The Egyptians' revenge for leaving slavery. It consists of a simple mix of flour and water - no eggs or flavor at all. When made well, it could actually taste like cardboard. Its redeeming value is that it does fill you up and stays with you for a long time. However, it is recommended that you eat a few prunes soon after.

Kasha Varnishkes: One of the little-known delicacies which is even more difficult to pronounce than to cook. It has nothing to do with Varnish, but is basically a mixture of buckwheat and bow-tie macaroni (noodles). Why a bow-tie? Many sages discussed this and agreed that some Jewish mother decided that "You can't come to the table without a tie" or, God forbid "An elbow on my table?"

Blintzes: Not to be confused with the German war machine.
Can you imagine the N.J. Post 1939 headlines: "Germans drop tons of cheese and blueberry blintzes over Poland - shortage of sour cream expected." Basically this is the Jewish answer to crepe Suzette.

Kishka: You know from Haggis? Well, this ain't it . In the old days they would take an intestine and stuff it . Today we use parchment paper or plastic. And what do you stuff it with? Carrots, celery, onions, flour, and spices. But the trick is not to cook it alone but to add it to the cholent (see below) and let it cook for 24 hours until there is no chance whatsoever
that there is any nutritional value left.

Kreplach: It sounds worse than it tastes. There is a Rabbinical debate on its origins: One Rabbi claims it began when a fortune cookie fell into his chicken soup. The other claims it started in an Italian restaurant. Either way it can be soft, hard, or soggy and the amount of meat inside depends on
whether it is your mother or your mother-in-law who cooked it.

Cholent: This combination of noxious gases had been the secret weapon of Jews for centuries. The unique combination of beans, barley, potatoes, and bones or meat is meant to stick to your ribs and anything else it comes into contact with. At a fancy Mexican restaurant (kosher of course) I once heard this comment from a youngster who had just had his first taste of Mexican
fried beans: "What! Do they serve leftover cholent here too?!" My wife once tried something unusual for guests: She made cholent burgers for Sunday night supper. The guests never came back.

Gefilte Fish: A few years ago, I had problems with my filter in my fish pond and a few of them got rather stuck and mangled. My son (5 years old) looked at them and commented "Is that why we call it 'Ge Filtered Fish'?" Originally, it was a carp stuffed with a minced fish and vegetable mixture. Today it usually comprises of small fish balls eaten with horse radish
("chrain&quot which is judged on its relative strength in bringing tears to your eyes at 100 paces.

Bagels: How can we finish without the quintessential Jewish Food, the bagel? Like most foods, there are legends surrounding the bagel although I don't know any. There have been persistent rumors that the inventors of the bagel
were the Norwegians who couldn't get anyone to buy smoked lox. Think about it: Can you picture yourself eating lox on white bread? Rye? A cracker? Naaa. They looked for something hard and almost indigestible which could take the spread of cream cheese and which doesn't take up too much room on the plate. And why the hole? The truth is that many philosophers believe the hole is the essence and the dough is only there for emphasis.

 

[Frenchie]

THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT

This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to herein as the "Agreement&quot is entered into as of the _____ day of __________, 2000, by and between ________________________ and __________________________.

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over - UNLESS IT IS VERY GOOD AND WE NEED TO REPEAT IT IN THE MORNING.
2. No meeting in public, except for drinks before the events of the evening. (We go DUTCH!!)
3. No calls before 9 PM - (we don't have ANYTHING to talk about)
4. None of that "lovemaking" stuff-strictly mind-blowing sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions...(ex. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me - Hell No - so don't ask.)
6. No plans made in advance ... that is why you are called the "backup" unless you are from out of town - then its only a one time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted - (money and diamonds are always good!)
8. No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged)
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers(its really none of your damn business)!
10. No kissing (too intimate except to other body parts - no mouth kissing-yuck)
11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends, just sex buddies)
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.
13. No extra clothing (I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.)
14. No falling asleep right after sex - get your @ss up and go home - its over!
15. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it (I don't care).
16. YOU cannot BORROW MY CAR FOR ANY REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate's boy/girlfriend."
18. Doggie style is allowed (just hit it hard and right or get the hell out)
19. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better.(I don't want to look at you, I just want to f*ck you!)
20. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes - ME (so don't keep calling dammit)!
21. Bring your own drink-I am not your liquor store.
22. No phone use please - I don't want anyone calling back looking for your @ss.
23. The most important one! No condoms, no f*cking! Carry your @ss home.

The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void.
You will then be automatically removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. You will be BLOCKED from all communications until your stupid ass understands the rules.

Participating Party Signature_______________________________________
Date: ________________

Participating Party Signature_______________________________________
Date: ________________

 

[Frenchie]

Mr. Clinton was walking down a Washington, D.C. street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog.

Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the president was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the president was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

 

[Frenchie]

Ok....last joke for a while. This one is bad, so you have been warned!!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr and Mrs Potato had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one, a real sweet potato, whom they called 'Yam'.

They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like 'Hot Potato', and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

She said not to worry, "No Mr McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her!" But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

Mr and Mrs Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland. And even the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said she should watch out for the Indians when going out west because she could get Scalloped.

She told them she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks you see around town that say, 'Frito Lay'.

Mr & Mrs Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to Idaho PU, that's Potato University, where the Big Potatoes come from. When she graduates, she'll really be in the Chips.

But one day she came home and said she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Mr and Mrs Potato were very upset and said she couldn't marry him because he's just a .....


Are you ready for this?*




Are you sure?




Are you sitting down?






This is REEeeeally bad!




OK! Here it is! Remember I warned you!






COMMON TATER

 

[Frenchie]

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle. "Master, may I grant you one wish?" asked the genie with a smile. "Hey, bitch. Don't you know who I am? I don't need no woman givin' me nuttin!" barked Rodman.

The genie pleaded, "But master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle
forever."

Dennis thought a moment. Then, grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he said, "Okay, okay, I wanna wake up with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it!"

Giving the genie an evil glare, he screamed, "Now leave me alone!" The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared back into the bottle.

The next morning, Rodman woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his leg was broken, and he had no health insurance.

 

[azazyel]

I guy walks into a bar and sees a man at a table with 11 shots of whisky all lined up. Curious as to why he walks up to the man at the table and asks, "so what's up with all the shots?"

The man at the table looks up and without any inflection says. "first blow job today"

The other man hearing the news said. "Thats GREAT!!! Wow, this is some occasion then. I'll tell you what, let me buy you another shot. We'll make it an even dozen!"

The man at the table looks at the man, then he looks at the 11 shots, then looks back at the man and says. "Thank's but if 11 shots of whiskey doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."

 

[Frenchie]

Watch, this will amaze you.
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scroll down.
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> Take the last finger you counted with, shove it up your @ss, and get back to work, you stupid e-mail game playing bastard!

 

[Frenchie]

The two major party presidential candidates today agreed that
Americans are seeing too much inappropriate material in popular
entertainment. However, they disagreed on the details.

The Republican candidate, George W. Bush, stated that there is too much bloody violence in the movies and on television.

Vice President Al Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated meanwhile that the media present Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity.

In other words, Bush says there is too much gore and Gore says there is too much bush.

 

[Frenchie]

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the
Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along
with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this
stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

 

[Frenchie]

A woman?s search for the right guy.

When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend..

When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a
passionate guy with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him. He always got mad, he did impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.

I am now 40 and am looking for a guy with a big d*ck.

 

[Frenchie]

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could "nail a woman's personality" based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results...

Drink - Beer
Personality - Casual, low maintenance, down to earth
Your approach - Challenge her to a game of pool

Drink - Blender Drinks
Personality - Flaky, whiny, annoying, pain in the butt
Your approach - Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy

Drink - Mixed Drinks
Personality - Older, more refine high maintenance, has very picky taste. Knows exactly what she wants
Your approach - You won't have to approach her, if she is interested, she'll send YOU a drink

Drink - Wine
Personality - Conservative and classy, sophisticated yet giggles
Your approach - Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends

Drink - White Zinfandel
Personality - Easy, thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue
Your approach - Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target

Drink - Shots
Personality - Likes to hang with frat--boy pals and looking to get totally drunk and naked
Your approach - Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do
but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!



=====================

Then there is the MALE addendum. The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut...

Domestic Beer -
He's poor and wants to get laid

Imported! Beer -
He likes good beer and wants to get laid

Wine -
He's hoping the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid

Whiskey -
He doesn't give a hoot about anything but getting laid

Tequila
He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress

White Zinfandel -
He's GAY

 

[Frenchie]

An actual ad in the "London Times."
WANTED :
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

 

[palad]

The seven dwarves (well, six, actually) walked up to a convent and knocked on the door. A nun answered, and one of the dwarves stepped up, saying, 'Excuse us ma'am, but we were just wondering... do you have any midget nuns here?'

She thought this was an odd question, but she said politely, 'No, I'm afraid we don't.'

'Thank you' said the dwarves, and started to walk away. After a couple steps, they turned back and knocked again. The same nun answered, and the same dwarf stepped forward. 'Sorry to bother you again, but we were just wondering if there were any midget nuns in the surrounding area?'

Again, she thought the question odd, but said, 'No, I don't know of any midget nuns in the area.'

'Thank you' said the dwarves, and started to walk away again. Once more, after a couple of steps, they turned back around and knocked for a third time. The same nun answers the door again, looking really exasperated. The same dwarf steps forward, looking a little nervous. 'One more question, please... do you know of any midget nuns in the world?'

'No! No! For the last time, there are NO midget nuns anywhere!'

And as the dwarves turned around to leave, they started singing 'DOpey slept with a penguin! Dopey slept with a penguin!'

 

[palad]

OK, three women show up at the pearly gates, Betty, Nancy, and Joan. St Peter tells them 'You are all welcome here, but there is one stipulation. Don't ever step on a duck! I can't tell you what will happen, just DON'T DO IT!'

The three women enter thru the gates, and there are ducks EVERYWHERE! They're all over the ground, sitting on the tables, flapping around. The women try to walk carefully, but just a few steps inside, Betty puts her foot down right on a duck. St Peter appears suddenly with a homely, little old man in tow. He took a pair of handcuffs and chained the two together, saying 'For stepping on a duck, you will be sentenced to spending eternity with this man.'

Nancy and Joan walked on, and everything went fine for a day or two, then, wouldn't you know it, Nancy stepped on a duck. St. Peter appeared out of nowhere, with an even older, uglier old man, and handcuffed the two together, saying 'For stepping on a duck, you will be sentenced to spending eternity with this man.'

Joan went off by herself, and, marvel of marvels, at the end of the first week hadn't stepped on a single duck! St. Peter suddenly appeared, this time bringing one of the most handsome men Joan had ever seen, and, without saying a word, handcuffed the two together and disappeared.

Joan, marvelling at her fortune, said 'I wonder what I did to deserve such a reward?'

The man said, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a stupid duck!'

 

[palad]

A car full of nuns was going down the road, about twice as slow as the rest of the traffic. A policeman pulled them over to see if anything was wrong, and the nun driving looked surprised. 'Why no officer, I was just going the speed limit, all the speed limit signs I see say 33.'

The officer smiled and said 'Ma'am, those are the highway number signs, you're on highway 33.'

She nodded and said, 'Oh, that explains why everyone was screaming for the last half-hour.'

'What do you mean?'

'We just got off hiway 127.'

 

[palad]

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them,
I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them
tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with
a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder ... those are friars!"

 

[palad]

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks:
"How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?

15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?

One student in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture,
no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.

The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what
it's like to have sex with a ghost.

The student replies, "Ghost?!?" "Dang it, I thought you said ''GOATS."

 

[palad]

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their
marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When
they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his ong face down without anything to say. On the other hand,
the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening
to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat
her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your
wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9:00."

 

[palad]

OK, last one for now:

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam
said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said this person will cook for you and wash your
clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the
middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've
had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed.

Adam asked God what would a woman like this cost him?? God said, "An arm and a leg."

Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib???"

 

[Frenchie]

NEW YORK (AP) --
The New York Mets announced today that they are going to court to get an
additional inning added to the end of Game 5 of the World Series.

The batting, pitching, and bench coaches for the Mets held a press
conference earlier today. They were joined by members of the Major League
Players Union. "We meant to hit those pitches from the Yankee pitchers,"
said the Mets batting coach. "We were confused by the irregularities of
the pitches we received and believe we have been denied our right to hit."

One claim specifically noted that a small percentage of the Mets batters
had intended to swing at fast balls, but actually swung at curve balls. It
was clear that these batters never intended to swing at curve balls,
though a much higher percentage were not confused by the pitches.

Reporters at the press conference pointed out that the Mets had
extensively reviewed film of the Yankees pitchers prior to the World
Series and had in fact faced the Yankees in interleague play earlier in
the year. "The fact remains that some of the pitches confused us and
denied us of our right to hit," said the Mets batting coach. "The World
Series is not over
yet and the Yankees are celebrating prematurely."

Major League Baseball has reviewed the telecast of all the World Series
games and recounted the balls and strikes called by the umpires of each
game. "While some of the strikes called against the Mets were, in fact,
balls, there were not enough of them to change the outcome of the World
Series," the commissioner said. Another portion of the Mets legal claim
stated that, based on on-base percentage, the Mets had actually won the
World Series, regardless of the final scores of the games. "It's clear
that we were slightly on-base more often than the Yankees," said a Mets
spokesman. "The World Series crown is rightly ours."

The manager of the Mets has remained in relative seclusion, engaging in
some light jogging for exercise. He has stated that he believes "we need
to let the process run its course without a rush to judgment."