Two men are talking about their health problems, they both have crabs.
The first guy says "Yeah dude, my doctor gave me this really great oil for my crabs. It does wonders"
"There is an oil to fix these buggers?"
"Yeah what did you doctor have you do to get rid of them?"
"Well he gave me a home remedy"
"which was?"
"Well I had to shave half my balls, then light the other side on fire and st@b the bastards with an ice ax as they jumped across"
The first guy says "Yeah dude, my doctor gave me this really great oil for my crabs. It does wonders"
"There is an oil to fix these buggers?"
"Yeah what did you doctor have you do to get rid of them?"
"Well he gave me a home remedy"
"which was?"
"Well I had to shave half my balls, then light the other side on fire and st@b the bastards with an ice ax as they jumped across"
No. And that's my full name. My full name is only listed on my site, and the person who seems to be dangerously and immaturely obsessed with my site is Kamiam.
nik
Lithium381
Lifer
- May 12, 2001
- 12,455
- 7
- 81
EDIT: Forgot to type my post!!
A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by.
One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped to give him a ride. A little further along, as he approached the town, he spotted a lawyer walking along the side of the road.
Automatically, he veered his truck towards the lawyer, but...then he remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he heard a "whump" and in the rear view mirror he spotted the lawyer rolling across the field.
He turned to the priest and said, "Father, I'm sure that I missed that lawyer."
And the priest replied, "That's OK, my son, I got him with the door."
A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by.
One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped to give him a ride. A little further along, as he approached the town, he spotted a lawyer walking along the side of the road.
Automatically, he veered his truck towards the lawyer, but...then he remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he heard a "whump" and in the rear view mirror he spotted the lawyer rolling across the field.
He turned to the priest and said, "Father, I'm sure that I missed that lawyer."
And the priest replied, "That's OK, my son, I got him with the door."
Lithium381
Lifer
- May 12, 2001
- 12,455
- 7
- 81
Johnny, Billy, and Tommy were walking home from school one warm spring day. As they were cutting through the alleys and back yards they happened to look through a hole in the fence of one of the yards, where a woman was sunbathing in the nude. As they looked through the hole, suddenly Billy started to scream and took off running for home. He ran so fast that his 2 friends, trying to catch him were soon left far behind. The next day, as they came home again, they found the same hole in the fence and started to watch the woman. Again, after just afew minutes, Billy started screaming, and took off like a shot. On the third day, Johnny and Tommy agreed on a plan. They would be between Billy and home if he started to run, and they would find out what the problem was. Just as before, Billy could only look for a few minutes then he started to run for home. This time, Johnny and Tommy grabbed him and demanded to know what was wrong. "My mother told me that if I ever looked at a naked woman, I would turn to stone. Well, I started to feel something getting awfully goddamn hard ..."
Lithium381
Lifer
- May 12, 2001
- 12,455
- 7
- 81
LET ME KNOW IF THIS ONE IS A LITTLE OVER THE TOP!!!
Four homosexuals were inseperable friends when one of them passed away from AIDS. The other three are wondering what to do with their old friend. The first queer says, "Let's have him cremated, then we can put his ashes above the mantel!" The other two queers weren't to keen to the idea. The second queer speaks up, "Why don't we donate his body to science and maybe his body can help discover a cure for AIDS?" This also was not met with great enthusiasm. Finally, the last queers speaks up and says, "Let's eat him." The other two queers are apalled. "Really, let's eat him! I just want to feel him sliding out of my ass one more time!"
Four homosexuals were inseperable friends when one of them passed away from AIDS. The other three are wondering what to do with their old friend. The first queer says, "Let's have him cremated, then we can put his ashes above the mantel!" The other two queers weren't to keen to the idea. The second queer speaks up, "Why don't we donate his body to science and maybe his body can help discover a cure for AIDS?" This also was not met with great enthusiasm. Finally, the last queers speaks up and says, "Let's eat him." The other two queers are apalled. "Really, let's eat him! I just want to feel him sliding out of my ass one more time!"
That was a bit much, but not any more so than half of these...
I'd say it was ok if I was a Mod.
Grasshopper
skyking
Lifer
- Nov 21, 2001
- 22,853
- 6,016
- 146
There's this doberman pinscher and a cocker spaniel in the waiting room in the vet's office. The doberman asks the spaniel, "what are you here for?"
The spaniel tells his story. "My master got some new furniture this week, and he made the mistake of leaving me in the house alone with it all day yesterday. You KNOW how us spaniels are....."
"Uh-huh" says the dobie.
" i just tore the heck out of that couch, chair and loveseat. I made a nice big nest of the stuffing, and that's where the master found me. With that look in his eyes, I figured he wallup the fleas right off my hide, but then this strange look came over him, and he did nothing but clean it up. Then he brings me down here this morning, and he's going to have me put to SLEEP!!!!!!"
"Aw, that terrible, I really feel for ya" says the dobie.
"What brings you down here?" asks the spaniel.
"Well, last night, my mistress is getting ready to go out, she showers and puts on some hose and garters, then she drops an earring on the floor. She is down on her hands and knees, looking around for that earring. Well you KNOW how us dobies are........"
"She's having you put to SLEEP?" cries the spaniel.
The dobie picks up a paw and looks at it introspectively. "Nah, I'm here to get my nails done."
The spaniel tells his story. "My master got some new furniture this week, and he made the mistake of leaving me in the house alone with it all day yesterday. You KNOW how us spaniels are....."
"Uh-huh" says the dobie.
" i just tore the heck out of that couch, chair and loveseat. I made a nice big nest of the stuffing, and that's where the master found me. With that look in his eyes, I figured he wallup the fleas right off my hide, but then this strange look came over him, and he did nothing but clean it up. Then he brings me down here this morning, and he's going to have me put to SLEEP!!!!!!"
"Aw, that terrible, I really feel for ya" says the dobie.
"What brings you down here?" asks the spaniel.
"Well, last night, my mistress is getting ready to go out, she showers and puts on some hose and garters, then she drops an earring on the floor. She is down on her hands and knees, looking around for that earring. Well you KNOW how us dobies are........"
"She's having you put to SLEEP?" cries the spaniel.
The dobie picks up a paw and looks at it introspectively. "Nah, I'm here to get my nails done."
tell this one to your loser friends.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg has been laid!
BTW this thread had me laughing out loud at multiple points. That homosexual one made me gag though :disgust:
OMG that's so terrible but so so so funny!
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg has been laid!
BTW this thread had me laughing out loud at multiple points. That homosexual one made me gag though :disgust:
OMG that's so terrible but so so so funny!
Hmm, some of these are questionable, but funny! ;-)
Another lawyer joke.
A lawyer pulls over on the highway in his new BMW to check one of his tires that was feeling funny. Just as he opens the door, the car flys by and TEARS the door on his new BMW (Z3) right off the hinges. The lawyer just stands there in shock at his broken door and his new BMW. A concerned person pulls over in front and asks is everything alright.
The lawyer says, "NO! Some fvcktard just teared the door right off my new BMW and drove off."
The person says, "You idiot, you're so concerned about your material posessions that you didn't even notice that he took your whole arm with it!!"
The lawyer looks down at his bloody stump for an arm and yells, "MY NEW ROLEX!!!"
Another lawyer joke.
A lawyer pulls over on the highway in his new BMW to check one of his tires that was feeling funny. Just as he opens the door, the car flys by and TEARS the door on his new BMW (Z3) right off the hinges. The lawyer just stands there in shock at his broken door and his new BMW. A concerned person pulls over in front and asks is everything alright.
The lawyer says, "NO! Some fvcktard just teared the door right off my new BMW and drove off."
The person says, "You idiot, you're so concerned about your material posessions that you didn't even notice that he took your whole arm with it!!"
The lawyer looks down at his bloody stump for an arm and yells, "MY NEW ROLEX!!!"
So do youOriginally posted by: ffmcobalt
Originally posted by: Beau6183
OMG HAHAHAHAA
If I was Baff, there'd be whatever I'm drinking all over my keyboard now. Nice one Ulf!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
edro13, racist jokes are not allowed at AT at all.
nik
Originally posted by: ThisIsMatt
So do youOriginally posted by: ffmcobalt
Originally posted by: Beau6183
OMG HAHAHAHAA
If I was Baff, there'd be whatever I'm drinking all over my keyboard now. Nice one Ulf!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
edro13, racist jokes are not allowed at AT at all.
nik
nik
Originally posted by: ThisIsMatt
So do youOriginally posted by: ffmcobalt
Originally posted by: Beau6183
OMG HAHAHAHAA
If I was Baff, there'd be whatever I'm drinking all over my keyboard now. Nice one Ulf!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
edro13, racist jokes are not allowed at AT at all.
nik
WTF?
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