KarenMarie
Elite Member
what about smacking a toddlers hands, or smacking their legs?
-
We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.
Is there any excuse for hitting a child?
Page 4 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.
what about smacking a toddlers hands, or smacking their legs?
waggy
No Lifer
i was spanked when i was younger. the few times it happened i sure deserved it Usually the punishment was being sent to my room etc.
I do the same with my daughter. Usually all it takes is me raising my voice to my daughter to get her to stop. sometimes i have to put her in timeout. there has only been a few times when she got a swat on the rear. last time was when she ran off into a busy road.
spanking is a good tool if used right. spanking for every reason is not the answer. to many parents think that is the first tool to use. But used in the right situation it can and will put a stop to what behavior or action that caused it.
I do the same with my daughter. Usually all it takes is me raising my voice to my daughter to get her to stop. sometimes i have to put her in timeout. there has only been a few times when she got a swat on the rear. last time was when she ran off into a busy road.
spanking is a good tool if used right. spanking for every reason is not the answer. to many parents think that is the first tool to use. But used in the right situation it can and will put a stop to what behavior or action that caused it.
KarenMarie
Elite Member
it did not take me long to realize that sending VeggieFrog to her room was no punishment. When she was 6 or 7 she had a 19in color teevee, stereo system, extesnive library and a four foot barbie house with working elevator and running electricity.
we would punish her by NOT letting her go to her room... 😉
Some children quickly learn tat they can do whatever they want at school and have no fear of punishment.
My son went through a "thing" a few years back. The school had my work phone and would give me a call when he became a problem. I would head to the school and when I got there they would have an empty room arranged. I would spank my child, give him a few minutes to compose himself and send him back to class.
Sometimes there is no more appropriate punishment.
I don't consider spanking abuse, but apparently teachers teach kids that it is. Now they teach kids that if they are hit in ANY WAY by a parent, to call CPS. That's when the world went to the dogs, and I believe lack of discipline has everything to do with the bad bahavior alot of kids display these days. 🙁
Fear of pain can be an excellent motivator. However, when you are raising a child, you are trying to instill a sense of self-discipline in them, so that when they are grown up, they will continue to behave the way you raised them to. Hitting, even spanking, does not seem like a good way to instill this sort of self-discipline.
To use an example, KarenMarie's apparently popular post suggested one reason she spanked her daughter was for "disrespect". Fair enough, respect is an important value to teach. But how does spanking a girl who DOESN'T show respect going to make it so she wants to show respect of her own free will? She's going along as a kid, being respectful because she doesn't want to get spanked, and then suddenly she's an adult who's not longer spanked...where is the motivation for respectful behavior? It's like there is some magic switch that moves the behavior from the realm of "doing it so I don't get spanked" to "doing it because I want to". Adults, for the most part, don't do things because they fear punishment if they don't, they do it because they want to...for some internal reason. Think about it, who here refrains from stealing only because they afraid to get caught...if rape was suddenly legal, how many guys here would be off to find themselves a "date"? How do you raise kids who do good things as adults, when the motivation you give them for good behavior as kids is that you'll hit them if they're bad?
Think of it this way, you want to raise a kid who will do the right thing even when they won't get caught. This has got to involve something far better than fear of pain as a motivator.
To use an example, KarenMarie's apparently popular post suggested one reason she spanked her daughter was for "disrespect". Fair enough, respect is an important value to teach. But how does spanking a girl who DOESN'T show respect going to make it so she wants to show respect of her own free will? She's going along as a kid, being respectful because she doesn't want to get spanked, and then suddenly she's an adult who's not longer spanked...where is the motivation for respectful behavior? It's like there is some magic switch that moves the behavior from the realm of "doing it so I don't get spanked" to "doing it because I want to". Adults, for the most part, don't do things because they fear punishment if they don't, they do it because they want to...for some internal reason. Think about it, who here refrains from stealing only because they afraid to get caught...if rape was suddenly legal, how many guys here would be off to find themselves a "date"? How do you raise kids who do good things as adults, when the motivation you give them for good behavior as kids is that you'll hit them if they're bad?
Think of it this way, you want to raise a kid who will do the right thing even when they won't get caught. This has got to involve something far better than fear of pain as a motivator.
ViRGE
Elite Member, Moderator Emeritus
Even though I was horribly abused as a child for reasons that did not even deserve a smacking(my father beat me up several times, including once just for losing a sandal in the nearby woods), I would say there's a place for physical punishment. I rather like KarenMarie's "3D" rule; there is a place and time for such punishment, but it should be an action of last-resort.
I'm glad to see someone else agrees that using wooden objects(and other "tools") is overdoing it. My father once hit me with a wooden spoon so hard that it broke across me, and the thing is that he didn't even flinch. "Tools" are a path to the dark side, IMHO, they allow a parent to punish their kid with greater than normal force without really being aware of how much pain they are inflicting because it's so easy on them. To put it another way "this will hurt me more than it hurts you" doesn't occur when tools are used, and I think that's an important metric for determining when you've gone too far.
Don't you think it could have something to do with the fact that "these days", a lot of parents simply don't raise their children very much at all? People my age (20 something) are part of the first generation where both parents worked in most households, and the child rearing was done by Nintendo and TV. The problem might not be that parents aren't hitting their kids enough, it's that the parents aren't doing much of anything.
KarenMarie
Elite Member
You post... while very interesting... assumes that there is no other options/teaching/examples being used as raising tool.
if a parent is setting a good example and acting respectfully that should go a long way into making a child WANT to respect their parents and have self respect as well.
But, no matter how good a parent is at setting a good example and showing kids what is right or wrong... it is only natural that the kids will test the boundries and push to see what they can get away with.
it is these times that a parent has to decide what will happen next. And if the rules state that disrespect will bring a smack in the ass, then the child will usually be smart enough to know that a parent means it. and I should also ask... if we replace a smack in the ass with no television for a week or no friends over for a week or whatever... isnt it the same thing? The child will not show disrespect for fear of no phone, no friends... etc?
so, what is correct in your opinion. Just go along acting in an upstanding manner from kids and hope that they follow the lead? What should happen when they dont?
mercanucaribe
Banned
I was spanked as a kid and it probably contributed to me being messed up.
moshquerade
No Lifer
yeh, i figured he was little yet.
did you ever get spanked?
moshquerade
No Lifer
who said that?
Ever notice that some teachers have absolutely no discipline problems with the exact same students who give other teachers fits? Both teachers with the same students, and same forms of "punishment" at their disposal, yet totally different results? Ever notice that?
BTW, for the learning impaired. Discipline is NOT the same as punishment. Punishment does NOT equal discipline. I can easily see how we've gotten to this sorry state just from the replies in this topic!
I was only spanked up until 5 or so years of age, and my conscience has ended up turning out ultra-strong.
I don't necessarily have a problem with spanking, but I would consider a slap across the face as drastically unnecessary. Even so, I know quite a few parents who've never spanked their children, and have some of the most well-behaved families I've met.
I don't necessarily have a problem with spanking, but I would consider a slap across the face as drastically unnecessary. Even so, I know quite a few parents who've never spanked their children, and have some of the most well-behaved families I've met.
TRENDING THREADS
-
Discussion Zen 5 Speculation (EPYC Turin and Strix Point/Granite Ridge - Ryzen 9000)- Started by DisEnchantment
- Replies: 25K
-
Discussion Intel Meteor, Arrow, Lunar & Panther Lakes + WCL Discussion Threads
- Started by Tigerick
- Replies: 25K
-
Discussion Intel current and future Lakes & Rapids thread- Started by TheF34RChannel
- Replies: 24K
-
-
