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I need to write a letter to my girlfriends parents... *update in 1st post*

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There are no 'right words' that are going to change their minds. You can send them a letter a day for eternity, and it will not help, just annoy the hell out of them.

What if they wrote you a letter, explaining their side? Would you be open to seeing things from their point of view? The majority opinion here is that you shouldn't send this letter, but clearly you won't give it up. Why should they?
 
for those who wanted pics...they're rather easy to find.

heck i found 'em.

That's all the hint i'll give ya.


anyways, i applaud your honesty towards her parents, but i don't think kissups will help here 🙁

i guess the only way out is if you suddenly have an incredibly bright future and a ton of money 🙁
 
quote:

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Originally posted by: brunswickite
Dear gf's rents

I am going to india to bang your daughter.

-stefan

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kumar "thank you, come again"
 
i'm pretty much gonna go against the crowd on this one, i believe the parents not only have the right to know, but it is also the honest thing to do. No it won't change their mindset right away, but they or thank you for being honest in one way or another even if they never say it. I would much rather be upfront and honest that i am going against someones will than do it behind their backs and they find out through the grapevine.

my opnion on your letter:

First, are you going only to see your gf or will you also be teachin on this trip? If you will be teaching i would emphisise(SP?) that more in the letter. also, it sounds to me just from your letter like you are leading them to believe you are going to purpose on this trip. If that is not your intention(which i wouldn't till you got on their good side) i would change the letter around a bit so there is no chance that thought will run through their heads.

P.S. all these people that say their minds are made up and they will not change, they are wrong. I started out on my fincee;s mothers bad side, and now she loves me, so i applaud your effort, just don't give up or turn you back to them.
 
It your GF's responsability to let HER Parents know whats going on in her life. If she does/does not want to tell the mthat her problem, itsn ot reall yours. You need to talk to her though, and see if she can live happily if her parents hat her BF, and eventually spouse.


My rant of the day.
 
Originally posted by: brunswickite
Originally posted by: brunswickite
Dear gf's rents

I am going to india to bang your daughter.

-stefan

p.s. Dont worry about birth control, we have anal sex.
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edited, this will at least make them rest easier.
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edited for the real reason they need not care about birth control
 
Originally posted by: phreakah
add a link to your condom thread and you'll be set
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i agree. hahaha.

seriously, there's absolutely no reason you should be writing this letter to your gf's parents. and how do you figure her parents will know about your visit to india? is it really that difficult for you to exclude yourself from pictures that she takes? bring your own damn camera and develop your own set of pictures. i agree with anno. do not tell the parents. you will create problems later.

the situation with her parents will get better when (and if) things get more serious between the two of you. this advice does not come from personal experience but i know a (really) bad idea when i see one.

edited: if you also love your gf as much as you say you do, you should respect her parents as much as possible. i dont agree with your decision to go to india (but you're already going) and your condom thread is golden.
 
I just wanted to add that it looks like you're accusing them in the letter. While it may be true that they are negative, and don't like you... accusing them and assuming you know things sometimes isn't the best way. It'll probably just piss them off more. Humans don't like to be accused of things, and assuming is never good. Example lines are:

1) "I understand that this trip is something that you will not approve of and.."

2) "I?m sure you want to know why I?m going and what my intentions are?" - this one just sounds really bad too... Remember, her dad was once your age so he knows at least partially what your intentions might be.
 
Why don't you just cut through the crap and tell her parents the truth, that you have a 12 incher and your g/f wasn't able to make a milkshake because of it. They will totally understand and actually gain a profound respect for you.
 
are they indian? are you indian too? why do you think India is not safe? If they are indian, and you are not, and think that anywhere outside of your own country is unsafe, that would p!ss me off and show how ignorant you are.

guess I should read the whole thread before typing, anyway, there are lots of assuming and negativities in the letter, not good. 😛
 
Lame .. do you really think a letter will resolve anything? The parents already made up their mind and if you think some people are reasonable and will "come to their senses", you are highly delusional. Parents can be stubborn and because they've scapegoated you as the one who supposedly steered her life elsewhere, they will not forgive you ... EVER.

Only time will heal all wounds. A stupid letter will do you more harm than good. Heck, they might remember this foolish letter when they're ready to forgive you down the line and change their minds.
 
If you're hellbent on sending this letter, I guess I'll help you word it better.

Originally posted by: Stefan
I have some news that may (or may not) come as a surprise to you, but I felt that it would be best if I were the person you heard this information from. Long before Jessica?s trip was booked and up to the day she left for India, she told me that she wished I could come with her. At the time my answer was always ?No. It?s too expensive and I can?t miss school?. After Jessica left, I did some looking around and discovered that I could add a flight to India to my existing ticket to Singapore in December for an extra $100.06. When I learned this, I jumped at the opportunity and made the addition to my ticket. I will be leaving Winnipeg on September 9 and arriving in Calcutta on Sept. 11. I would like you to be fully aware that Jessica had no knowledge of my plans until they had already been finalized.
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You're in for a world of pain with that wording. You're already saying that both you and your girlfriend couldn't care less what the parents think. She wanted you to go and the only reason you couldn't was because it was expensive and you'd miss school. Also, saying that she had no knowledge of this doesn't mean anything. They probably don't trust her and they certainly don't trust you.

If anything ever happened to her when I wasn?t around, I don?t know if I could forgive myself because I should have been there to protect her.
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That's creepy. You can't be around her all the time and you shouldn't want to be. It's not healthy.

While my main reason for making this trip is so that Jessica and I can be together, I also understand the purpose of Jessica?s trip. I do not intend to interfere or interrupt any part of her reason for being there. I will be helping Jessica and I?ve also been told that I will have an opportunity to teach children English and Math (they are not allowed into school without a basic understanding of these things).
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Why do they care?

I have always tried to look out for the best interests of Jessica. I encourage her to do the things she seeks to do and try to help her find answers to any problems or questions she may have. I have always been respectful of her and her beliefs and morals just as I know she is respectful of your beliefs and morals. I hope that you can trust me when I say that this trip is not meant to show any disrespect to you or your family, but rather an opportunity for me to experience something that I know few people get to experience. I am ecstatic that I have an opportunity to experience this with my best friend.
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The fact that you are seeing their daughter against their will shows that you do not respect their beliefs and morals. I'm not saying they are right, but if you did respect their beliefs you wouldn't be with her.

I understand that this trip is something that you will not approve of and even though I wish you would be supportive of it, I hope that you can at the very least understand why I am making this trip.
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They probably don't care why you're taking the trip. They probably only care that you're going thousands of miles away to see their daughter that they don't want around you.


Also...

You have NO IDEA why they don't like you? I find this hard to believe. There has to be some reason that you're aware of why they don't want you with their daughter.
 
Knowing that she is alone in such an awful part of the world worries me every day.
Ahem.....
 
if her parents dont understand you and your relationship thus far, they likely never will. and there is no chance this letter is going change their minds, even though it is sincere.
 
dude your relationship is fked already. Find some chick whos parents will accept you without acting like retarded religious zealots.
 
For those of you who are saying I shouldn't be the one telling the parents, I've talked to my girlfriend and I disagree with your idea.

Going to India to visit my girlfriend was MY choice. My girlfriend isn't responsible for my decisions. I see that letting her parents know what I am doing is the right thing to do, regardless of the outcome. A trip like this is not something that neither I or my girlfriend are willing to keep secret (it's not like they wont find out anyway - all my family friends know about it). No good can come from trying to hide things.

The purpose of the letter is not to gain or lose anything, but rather to explain why I have made the choice I have. I am going to see her because I love her. I am not going for the sake of being disrespectful.

Nobody here knows the situation like I do and while I know you guys write with good intentions, if you were in my situation you would know that what I am doing is right.

richardycc
are they indian? are you indian too? why do you think India is not safe? If they are indian, and you are not, and think that anywhere outside of your own country is unsafe, that would p!ss me off and show how ignorant you are.

guess I should read the whole thread before typing, anyway, there are lots of assuming and negativities in the letter, not good. 😛
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My reasoning for saying that India is an awful place is based on the poverty, pollution and horrid living conditions. I have to reason to think the place is unsafe, or the people are unkind, etc.

I take pride in not being ignorant about my statements. If I can't back up what I say, then my opinions are useless.

Btw, both my girlfriend and I are white.

pulse8

Thank you for your comments. Let me address some of them.

You're in for a world of pain with that wording. You're already saying that both you and your girlfriend couldn't care less what the parents think. She wanted you to go and the only reason you couldn't was because it was expensive and you'd miss school. Also, saying that she had no knowledge of this doesn't mean anything. They probably don't trust her and they certainly don't trust you.
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The point of this statement is to let her parents know that my trip to India was not something that was planned ahead. Like I said, I believe her family will try to accuse my girlfriend of manipulating her uncle (who paid for her ticket) to get a free vacation. I'm letting them know that is not the case and my coming to visit was a surprise to my girlfriend. I can only tell the truth and whether or not they trust me or my girlfriend is something that they have to decide.

That's creepy. You can't be around her all the time and you shouldn't want to be. It's not healthy.
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Going away for 5 months is a long time. There is nothing unhealthy about not wanting to be alone for 5 months. I can try to think of an alternative sentence.

Why do they care?
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They probably don?t. I'm letting them know my intentions and nothing more.

The fact that you are seeing their daughter against their will shows that you do not respect their beliefs and morals. I'm not saying they are right, but if you did respect their beliefs you wouldn't be with her.
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I said that I respect my girlfriend?s beliefs. I can also respect her parents beliefs as well, but not to the point that they interfere with my own and also my girlfriends beliefs. Neither my girlfriend nor I believe there is anything wrong with my visiting her in India.

You have NO IDEA why they don't like you? I find this hard to believe. There has to be some reason that you're aware of why they don't want you with their daughter.
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The truth is that they are control freaks. They can't handle the fact that their daughter can make her own choices. When she wanted to move out of the house because she didn't like their rules, they banned me from their house because "I'm a bad influence". When she told them she was thinking of specializing in a medical field other than "people medicine" (I don't know the term so that's what I call it), they said "Ever since Stefan came around, you've lost focus and are throwing your life away". When she comes home 10 minutes past curfew at 12:00 PM (dont forget she is 21), she gets grounded.

I am an easy target to put the blame on.
 
i'm willing to bet her parents were wild crazy rebelious youths and they are trying to keep their daughter from doing the hard drugs they did so they overprotect her. sounds like her and her parents need to sit down and lay some things out it sounds like they do not communicate at all. I'm not saying you are in the wrong here, i still stand by my last post, but from what you have been saying it sounds like the parents have issues with their daughter they need to work out, and with you as well.

and can we please not turn this into a religion bashing thread please!!!
 
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