Fritzo
Lifer
- Jan 3, 2001
- 41,920
- 2,161
- 126
I was the same way. You need to get a job or volunteer for something that forces you to be a leader. You'll be suprised how fast you come out of your shell.
Hell, I could bearly talk to people in college. Today, I just gave a seminar to two large groups of people that I just found out I was doing an hour before it started
Hell, I could bearly talk to people in college. Today, I just gave a seminar to two large groups of people that I just found out I was doing an hour before it started
Spandex? I hope the person spotting me isn't trying to look under my shorts if that's what you mean.
- Mar 22, 2006
- 14,264
- 3
- 81
Actually, no, it's a serious thread. I can see where you're coming from, though.
Actually, you know... ATOT's more of a social thing, because it's group conversation, but not really. It kinda lets someone be himself... as much as you want me to leave
(), I probably won't.
I was a little like you in early highschool, but by senior year I had outgrown it. I don't know a way to change yourself other than to just grow up. This isn't meantin a mean way, it's what worked for me.
I guess my point is: make an effort, but expect it to take a couple years. You can't just wake up a different person.
I guess my point is: make an effort, but expect it to take a couple years. You can't just wake up a different person.
ModeEngage
Senior member
Originally posted by: Aflac
Oh yeah? Sez who?
Another thing I have to say... I've noticed I'm very different online than I am in real-life (no way I would've gotten 3800+ if I were talking to someone..........
Sounds familiar. I'm pretty much the same way, except I'm already halfway through college. It's never easy to change, even if it's something that you actually want.
Originally posted by: Aflac
Actually, you know... ATOT's more of a social thing, because it's group conversation, but not really. It kinda lets someone be himself... as much as you want me to leave
Dude, you post 30 times a day. At that rate, you will become a Lifer in under a year.
Turn off the computer and go outside. If you were actually serious about changing, you would realize that's the first step.
- Mar 22, 2006
- 14,264
- 3
- 81
Originally posted by: mflacy
Originally posted by: Aflac
Actually, you know... ATOT's more of a social thing, because it's group conversation, but not really. It kinda lets someone be himself... as much as you want me to leave
Dude, you post 30 times a day. Turn off the computer and go outside. If you were actually serious about changing, you would realize that's the first step.
I'm at work, pal. I'm stuck here for 8 hours a day.
I actually post more than 30 times a day (recently, anyway) but once I'm off work my posting habits are more normal.
Originally posted by: Aflac
Originally posted by: mflacy
Originally posted by: Aflac
Actually, you know... ATOT's more of a social thing, because it's group conversation, but not really. It kinda lets someone be himself... as much as you want me to leave
Dude, you post 30 times a day. Turn off the computer and go outside. If you were actually serious about changing, you would realize that's the first step.
I'm at work, pal. I'm stuck here for 8 hours a day.
I actually post more than 30 times a day (recently, anyway) but once I'm off work my posting habits are more normal.
shens.
lokiju
Lifer
- May 29, 2003
- 18,526
- 5
- 0
Well for a lot of people in your situation, they grow out of it in time when they start to realize that it's not important if you make an ass of yourself in front of others or if a girl rejects you, all those things start to become unimportant as you get out of school and start taking on bigger challenges in life like supporting yourself and just simply living.
I was so fvcking painfully shy when it came to the womens that I used to hate myself at times for not being able to convince myself to be more outgoing but it just changes in time really.
One thing I realized was that I wasn't nervous or stand offish when it came to talking to women that I didn't find attractive, so I'd talk to them more just for social reasons but then start making an effort to approach and talk to a woman that I found to be a little attractive in the same manner and so on and so forth until I wasn't as bad about it.
When it comes down to it they're just people all the same so once you get over thinking people really give a shyte if you do something that YOU perceive as an embarrassment, the better off you'll be.
I was so fvcking painfully shy when it came to the womens that I used to hate myself at times for not being able to convince myself to be more outgoing but it just changes in time really.
One thing I realized was that I wasn't nervous or stand offish when it came to talking to women that I didn't find attractive, so I'd talk to them more just for social reasons but then start making an effort to approach and talk to a woman that I found to be a little attractive in the same manner and so on and so forth until I wasn't as bad about it.
When it comes down to it they're just people all the same so once you get over thinking people really give a shyte if you do something that YOU perceive as an embarrassment, the better off you'll be.
PricklyPete
Lifer
- Sep 17, 2002
- 14,582
- 162
- 106
Go into the Peace Corp now. Experience the horrible things people have to deal with every day in third world.
It should also fix your shyness and your overwhelming self-consciousness.
It should also fix your shyness and your overwhelming self-consciousness.
- Mar 22, 2006
- 14,264
- 3
- 81
Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
Originally posted by: Aflac
Originally posted by: mflacy
Originally posted by: Aflac
Actually, you know... ATOT's more of a social thing, because it's group conversation, but not really. It kinda lets someone be himself... as much as you want me to leave
Dude, you post 30 times a day. Turn off the computer and go outside. If you were actually serious about changing, you would realize that's the first step.
I'm at work, pal. I'm stuck here for 8 hours a day.
I actually post more than 30 times a day (recently, anyway) but once I'm off work my posting habits are more normal.
shens.
Text enjoy
That right there is the problem.. I know you were probably joking when you said that, but no one is going to tell you anything that you do not already know.
YOU have to want to make the change, even if that means going WAY out of your comfort zone.
I will tell you that when i was in HS, I was very unsure of myself and to make up for that, i put on a huge front and was a bitch to everyone, thinking i was better.
I then realized that i had to feel ok with being in my own skin and to accept that i am worth something. It took a long time and a lot of thinking, but i went out and MADE myself find friends, made myself feel uncomfortable in situations that i would normally not see myself in.
Soon, it got easier to go out with more people, soon, i saw myself as someone that could take acceptance (or rejection) by other people and that was just a part of life and the whole experience.
Good luck to you. Going to college and living in a dorm will make you change, but only if you really want it and force yourself to try something new.
shyness is a symptom of extreme vanity. You are worried about yourself toooooo much and getting your precious little ego bruised. To overcome yoru shyness you must stop caring what others think of you. there will always be haters, negative people, and the like....don't waste your time with them. You will not please everyone and everyone won't always like you. Get out there and find the ones that do like you.
"No cause more frequently produces bashfulness than too high an opinion of our own importance. He that imagines an assembly filled with his merit, panting with expectation, and hushed with attention, easily terrifies himself with the dread of disappointing them, and strains his imagination in pursuit of something that may vindicate the veracity of fame, and show that his reputation was not gained by chance."
"No cause more frequently produces bashfulness than too high an opinion of our own importance. He that imagines an assembly filled with his merit, panting with expectation, and hushed with attention, easily terrifies himself with the dread of disappointing them, and strains his imagination in pursuit of something that may vindicate the veracity of fame, and show that his reputation was not gained by chance."
- Mar 22, 2006
- 14,264
- 3
- 81
Oops, forgot to change that to "help me change it". I realize that, though. I'm not entirely sure why I made this thread, maybe I was looking for a "quick fix" to help me expand my comfort zone. I know that there's no such thing, but who knows? Anyway, reading some of the replies and PMs you guys have sent me have made me realize that it's not easy to do, but it's possible. Thanks, again!
Join an Al-anon group and try to attend weekly. Find a sponsor in the group to help you with the steps. Then work the steps. Regardless of your affiliation to alcohol, this group and these steps will help you grow as a human being.
It might sound funky but it works. What's clear is whatever you've tried thus far hasn't been pleasing to you.
Best of luck,
Gravity
It might sound funky but it works. What's clear is whatever you've tried thus far hasn't been pleasing to you.
Best of luck,
Gravity
QFT, with the crap stain in the back you'll never get poon. If you're "husky" get boxers, if you have a normal BMI get boxer-briefs. You'd be suprised how much boxer briefs changed my laid/sleep ratio....in fact this deserves it's own thread...
regarding high school: it may be too late. most you teenage adolescent fvcks are way to caught up in trying to be the noticeable, outstanding member of your respective cliques. but you sound like you're one of the lucky outcasts that didn't manage to squeeze their way into one during your 4 enrolled years, and now you find yourself gazing through the looking glass and into some mythical, exclusive fantasy world full of bright colors and pastel-green grass. Either that or you're some emo tard who thinks wearing some rancid t-shirt he snagged off the clearance rack at hot topic is some kind of statement for anti-establishment, and that the leather choker around his neck is symbolic of his neverending with struggle with the constraints of his own humanity ? but still has to wash the bic ballpoint-penned anarchy brand off the back off his hand before he goes to the dinner table every night. But you sound like the former, thank god.
back on topic: high school - most of those relationships, most of those impressions, most of those stereotypes ? are concreted within the first 6 months of freshman year. unless you develop a set of breasts, become a star athlete overnight, or throw the sickest party ever to hit your zip code ? you pretty much have the shaft. there's not to much to be done regarding a break-in with the popular crowd, but word of advice: you probably don't want to be there anyway. It won't be worth the drama of reinventing some temporal facade for the purpose of impressing some imaginary audience, the confusion of being thrown laterally into a different- but no better- social situation, or the never-ending emotional wreck you'll be from wondering what each and every person is thinking about you. The best you can do is focus on schoolwork, ace every single thing that comes your way, and maybe make a few good friends while you're at it. Who cares if the social peak of your weekend is wandering around at the mall with a good buddy, talking about the latest and greatest in fiberoptic technology? At the current juncture you're in, just focus on what matters- grades, family, being a chill, easy-going friend, developing a personality and a sense of humor- and leave the transient superficial garbage for the future, if you still so desire it. (Aside: believe it or not, i've been in those self-proclaimed 'popular' circles before, and the kids in them, for the most part, are unimaginably boring. i had and still have infinitely more fun with the devastatingly random foreign girl or the intelligent-albeit-habitually-confused guy; people that actually possess an identity- one that's worth mentioning at least.
and here's where the 'good news' comes in. college really is an opportunity for you to start over, a chance for you to create from scratch the impression you want others to have of you. nobody (unless you're a statie), will know you, everyone's eager to mix and mingle, and the 'popular' adjective virtually goes out of existence. it deviates instead into 'hangs at the frats', 'parties in their room', 'plays wow 24/7' ? all categories that have both avid members and die-hard supporters. key point: IF YOU HAVE AN IDENTITY OF ANY KIND, YOU WILL FIT IN SOMEWHERE. unless you're a dope-fiend who sells out orifices for the chance to lick the h-spoon clean, but if that's the case - fitting in is probably the least of your concerns anyway.
so to break it down simple, cause i'm getting lazy - if you're awakened to your misery, then do something about it. don't invest too much time or effort into trying to salvage some crappy high school experience; you'd be surprised how many people in college and beyond absolutely hated that particular 4 years episode. Instead do that 'finding yourself' routine (the one generally prescribed for new undergrads) early and get a jumpstart on finding out what really is important to yourself. It'll occupy you, it'll keep you focused, and it'll give you an edge on most of the upcomers once you start at a uni. A change in perspective like what i mentioned will - at least it should - happen automatically anyway; but don't make the catalyst be another 4 years of regret, or worse.
Don't make it a farce, some artificially generated masquerade with no substance ? make it a worthwhile change. You'll be amazed at how many people are drawn to those more confident, more determined, more focused than themselves.
back on topic: high school - most of those relationships, most of those impressions, most of those stereotypes ? are concreted within the first 6 months of freshman year. unless you develop a set of breasts, become a star athlete overnight, or throw the sickest party ever to hit your zip code ? you pretty much have the shaft. there's not to much to be done regarding a break-in with the popular crowd, but word of advice: you probably don't want to be there anyway. It won't be worth the drama of reinventing some temporal facade for the purpose of impressing some imaginary audience, the confusion of being thrown laterally into a different- but no better- social situation, or the never-ending emotional wreck you'll be from wondering what each and every person is thinking about you. The best you can do is focus on schoolwork, ace every single thing that comes your way, and maybe make a few good friends while you're at it. Who cares if the social peak of your weekend is wandering around at the mall with a good buddy, talking about the latest and greatest in fiberoptic technology? At the current juncture you're in, just focus on what matters- grades, family, being a chill, easy-going friend, developing a personality and a sense of humor- and leave the transient superficial garbage for the future, if you still so desire it. (Aside: believe it or not, i've been in those self-proclaimed 'popular' circles before, and the kids in them, for the most part, are unimaginably boring. i had and still have infinitely more fun with the devastatingly random foreign girl or the intelligent-albeit-habitually-confused guy; people that actually possess an identity- one that's worth mentioning at least.
and here's where the 'good news' comes in. college really is an opportunity for you to start over, a chance for you to create from scratch the impression you want others to have of you. nobody (unless you're a statie), will know you, everyone's eager to mix and mingle, and the 'popular' adjective virtually goes out of existence. it deviates instead into 'hangs at the frats', 'parties in their room', 'plays wow 24/7' ? all categories that have both avid members and die-hard supporters. key point: IF YOU HAVE AN IDENTITY OF ANY KIND, YOU WILL FIT IN SOMEWHERE. unless you're a dope-fiend who sells out orifices for the chance to lick the h-spoon clean, but if that's the case - fitting in is probably the least of your concerns anyway.
so to break it down simple, cause i'm getting lazy - if you're awakened to your misery, then do something about it. don't invest too much time or effort into trying to salvage some crappy high school experience; you'd be surprised how many people in college and beyond absolutely hated that particular 4 years episode. Instead do that 'finding yourself' routine (the one generally prescribed for new undergrads) early and get a jumpstart on finding out what really is important to yourself. It'll occupy you, it'll keep you focused, and it'll give you an edge on most of the upcomers once you start at a uni. A change in perspective like what i mentioned will - at least it should - happen automatically anyway; but don't make the catalyst be another 4 years of regret, or worse.
Don't make it a farce, some artificially generated masquerade with no substance ? make it a worthwhile change. You'll be amazed at how many people are drawn to those more confident, more determined, more focused than themselves.
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