I need to change something in my life...

[IceBergSLiM]

read it wrong. READING COMPREHENSION ISNT FUNCTIONING

 

[Ika]

Originally posted by: pclstyle
regarding high school: it may be too late. most you teenage adolescent fvcks are way to caught up in trying to be the noticeable, outstanding member of your respective cliques. but you sound like you're one of the lucky outcasts that didn't manage to squeeze their way into one during your 4 enrolled years, and now you find yourself gazing through the looking glass and into some mythical, exclusive fantasy world full of bright colors and pastel-green grass. Either that or you're some emo tard who thinks wearing some rancid t-shirt he snagged off the clearance rack at hot topic is some kind of statement for anti-establishment, and that the leather choker around his neck is symbolic of his neverending with struggle with the constraints of his own humanity ? but still has to wash the bic ballpoint-penned anarchy brand off the back off his hand before he goes to the dinner table every night. But you sound like the former, thank god.

back on topic: high school - most of those relationships, most of those impressions, most of those stereotypes ? are concreted within the first 6 months of freshman year. unless you develop a set of breasts, become a star athlete overnight, or throw the sickest party ever to hit your zip code ? you pretty much have the shaft. there's not to much to be done regarding a break-in with the popular crowd, but word of advice: you probably don't want to be there anyway. It won't be worth the drama of reinventing some temporal facade for the purpose of impressing some imaginary audience, the confusion of being thrown laterally into a different- but no better- social situation, or the never-ending emotional wreck you'll be from wondering what each and every person is thinking about you. The best you can do is focus on schoolwork, ace every single thing that comes your way, and maybe make a few good friends while you're at it. Who cares if the social peak of your weekend is wandering around at the mall with a good buddy, talking about the latest and greatest in fiberoptic technology? At the current juncture you're in, just focus on what matters- grades, family, being a chill, easy-going friend, developing a personality and a sense of humor- and leave the transient superficial garbage for the future, if you still so desire it. (Aside: believe it or not, i've been in those self-proclaimed 'popular' circles before, and the kids in them, for the most part, are unimaginably boring. i had and still have infinitely more fun with the devastatingly random foreign girl or intelligent-albeit-habitually-confused guy that actually possess an identity- one that's worth mentioning at least.


and here's where the 'good news' comes in. college really is an opportunity for you to start over, a chance for you to create from scratch the impression you want others to have of you. nobody (unless you're a statie), will know you, everyone's eager to mix and mingle, and the 'popular' adjective virtually goes out of existence. it deviates instead into 'hangs at the frats', 'parties in their room', 'plays wow 24/7' ? all categories that have both avid members and die-hard supporters. key point: IF YOU HAVE AN IDENTITY OF ANY KIND, YOU WILL FIT IN SOMEWHERE. unless you're a crack-addict who sells out orifices for the chance to lick the h-spoon clean, but if that's the case - fitting in is probably the least of your concerns anyway.

so to break it down simple, cause i'm getting lazy - if you're awakened to your misery, then do something about it. don't invest too much time or effort into trying to salvage some crappy high school; you'd be surprised how many people in college and beyond absolutely hated that particular 4 years episode. Instead do that 'finding yourself' routine (the one generally prescribed for new undergrads) early and get a jumpstart on finding out what really is important to yourself. It'll occupy you, it'll keep you focused, and it'll give you an edge on most of the upcomers once you start at a uni. A change in perspective like what i mentioned will - at least it should - happen automatically anyway; but don't make the catalyst be another 4 years of regret, or worse.


Don't make it a farce, some artificially generated masquerade with no substance ? make it a worthwhile change. You'll be amazed at how many people are drawn to those more confident, more determined, more focused than themselves.

I'm not entirely sure if I followed you correctly through that post, but I think you have me wrong. I'm not looking to "fit in" anywhere, I'm not looking to be "popular", and there aren't any issues dealing with high school - directly. What I'm looking to do is to change my personality from the hermit-like, "touch me and I curl up", kind of personality to the "hey, what's going on" type of personality. I'm already quite satisfied with my high school performance and it's not a matter to me - I don't care what other people say about my academic performance, because I know that I'm going to get a better education than those low-lifes. One of my biggest problems is with my low self-confidence, and my goal, now, is to change that. There's been enough advice given in this thread, and I'd be stupid not to listen to any of it.

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: Aflac
I've probably waited far too long to post this, but here I go.

I need to make a major personality change. I know it's difficult to change from introverted to extroverted, but my situation is getting really, really bad. It's extremely difficult for me to be anything like my normal self when I'm not around people I know. My shyness is getting in the way of my normal functioning in society, and it pisses me off - but as hard as I try, it's extremely hard for me to change anything.

Another problem (or, possibly linked to/causing the above-mentioned one) is that I'm extremely self-conscious. I constantly worry about my image and how other people view me, and this, yet again, gets in the way of my functioning normally. I'm also extremely afraid of being embarrassed, so I rarely do things that might bring about embarrassment (like, say, asking a girl out...)

Does anyone have any advice on how to become less shy or how to think less of myself? I hate myself sometimes because I never go out with friends or anything on weekend nights. Sometimes I get depressed thinking about my situation.

For the record, I'm still in high school, so I can't go drinking or anything.

Will college life and living in a dorm change anything? I've been to a few summer camps (5 days, 11 days, and 3 weeks) and none of them really changed me very much for any length of time.

Cliffs:

1. I hate my life.
2. Help me change it.
3. Read the post.

You're in high school. Life is supposed to be weird. High School is all about image and reputations, and crowds. College gets better because you can be yourself with others that share the same interests. And college, for the most part is a more mature anvironment than high school, so almost everything and everybody is accepted. When I was in high school, I didnt have a close click of friends until the end of 11th grade. I didnt get my first girlfriend and lose my "V" until 12th grade. After high school, everything changed.

For now, there's not much you can do but make a conscience effort, which can be difficult. You just hang in there and I promise everything will work itself out.

 

[sourceninja]

Go train in BJJ. After you choke a few people out cold, you will gain some confidence.

 

[SophalotJack]

College won't help if this is how you are. If you are very self-conscious, it may be even worse in college.

The advice on taking public speaking is great advice to get your change on. I took a few classes where the teacher makes us debate issues... and I have to say, I loved them. You get to speak to people you don't know and there is no pressure, because it's just a debate... no wrong answers (unless you are a troll in RL).

I put my vote on this approach. Having a controlled environment where you are to speak to people you don't know is a great way to work on your "extroverting" conversion.

 

[ViviTheMage]

you da man

 

[Ika]

Originally posted by: ViviTheMage
you da man

Thanks...

 

[Zysoclaplem]

What exactly are you self-conscious about? Looks? Voice? Personality?

 

[meltdown75]

heh... don't probe online forums for the secrets to breaking out of your shell and / or dealing with your personal problems.

you're better off talking to friends or family if you have problems. for every miniscule bit of positive information you may glean from these posts, you will get a landslide of negativity and bullcrap.

just have fun and enjoy yourself here, if you can.

also lacking here is the intonation and the body language that someone in the REAL WORLD can read to try to help you out. hang in there, kid!

 

[Ika]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
What exactly are you self-conscious about? Looks? Voice? Personality?

Mostly looks, but I'm also conscious of the way I act, things I do, etc etc. I'm afraid of getting embarrassed, or doing something stupid. I'm also afraid to speak up sometimes, which I REALLY need to change. I also think I'm a vain person, though I'm not sure on that one .

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
What exactly are you self-conscious about? Looks? Voice? Personality?

Mostly looks, but I'm also conscious of the way I act, things I do, etc etc. I'm afraid of getting embarrassed, or doing something stupid. I'm also afraid to speak up sometimes, which I REALLY need to change. I also think I'm a vain person, though I'm not sure on that one .

Okay. You are self-conscious of your looks. Have others insulted your looks?

And you can be vain and self-conscious of your looks. It comes with the territory.
I am the same way.

And I wouldn't worry about saying or doing something stupid. Think things through before you say them and you are already ahead of 90% of people who open their mouths.

 

[Skiddex]

Originally posted by: SophalotJack
College won't help if this is how you are. If you are very self-conscious, it may be even worse in college.

The advice on taking public speaking is great advice to get your change on. I took a few classes where the teacher makes us debate issues... and I have to say, I loved them. You get to speak to people you don't know and there is no pressure, because it's just a debate... no wrong answers (unless you are a troll in RL).

I put my vote on this approach. Having a controlled environment where you are to speak to people you don't know is a great way to work on your "extroverting" conversion.

college is different for everyone...cant say it WONT help at all. i was in your boat in high school, shy, quiet, and self conscious, but college changed everything. my advice to you is this:

in college, if someone invites you to go out and do something, do it. i dont care if they are going to the catholic virgin society meeting, or to a gay pride parade, just go. you will enjoy yourself and make tons of friends.

if you are living in the dorms for more than 1 year, change dorms the second year. this will give you the opprutunity to make a whole new group of friends. again, dont spend a night in. there is always something to do on any big campus.

get a job. something that involves talking to people, and dont get one you will hate the people in the end. (like tech support.) I know you are still in HS, but i work in a bar as a bouncer and always am meeting people (even hot ones!!!!). if you are forced to talk to people, you will find out its not so bad.

just my 3 cents,

Dan

 

[Ika]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
What exactly are you self-conscious about? Looks? Voice? Personality?

Mostly looks, but I'm also conscious of the way I act, things I do, etc etc. I'm afraid of getting embarrassed, or doing something stupid. I'm also afraid to speak up sometimes, which I REALLY need to change. I also think I'm a vain person, though I'm not sure on that one .

Okay. You are self-conscious of your looks. Have others insulted your looks?

And you can be vain and self-conscious of your looks. It comes with the territory.
I am the same way.

And I wouldn't worry about saying or doing something stupid. Think things through before you say them and you are already ahead of 90% of people who open their mouths.

Actually I'm not entirely sure of that self-conscious thing. I *think* I'm conscious of what people think of me, which leads me to be conscious of how I look/act/talk etc. No one's insulted me on the way I look, but sometimes I think that the notion of "I'm asian, I'm different!" comes into play occasionally.

 

[iamme]

didn't read the whole thread, but try taking baby steps.

plot out a few simple actions and make it your daily goal to do them. like saying hi to strangers. making eye contact and smiling at random people. as you do those more often, they'll seem less daunting and more natural. then you can build on them and try uttering a few words to people, like "the weather's great", "how are you today?", etc. etc.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
What exactly are you self-conscious about? Looks? Voice? Personality?

Mostly looks, but I'm also conscious of the way I act, things I do, etc etc. I'm afraid of getting embarrassed, or doing something stupid. I'm also afraid to speak up sometimes, which I REALLY need to change. I also think I'm a vain person, though I'm not sure on that one .

Okay. You are self-conscious of your looks. Have others insulted your looks?

And you can be vain and self-conscious of your looks. It comes with the territory.
I am the same way.

And I wouldn't worry about saying or doing something stupid. Think things through before you say them and you are already ahead of 90% of people who open their mouths.

Actually I'm not entirely sure of that self-conscious thing. I *think* I'm conscious of what people think of me, which leads me to be conscious of how I look/act/talk etc. No one's insulted me on the way I look, but sometimes I think that the notion of "I'm asian, I'm different!" comes into play occasionally.

Being concious of how you look/act/talk is not a bad thing.
But thinking negative thoughts about yourself based on an assumption is.
I know it's much easier said than done, but your life is in your control.