I have never cried more in life...

[AreaCode707]

<< I grew up hating my father, he was always too busy for me. When he was around I wished he wasnt.
Now I find my self instictively acting the same way towards my son.

Its a sad cycle, believe me no matter how much you say :I'll never be like him, I'm going to be different with my kids" its so much easier said than done.

>>



It can be done. My dad's father was very closed, inward, never praised my dad, etc. All the things in this thread. Yet my dad made a decision not to do that, and he's very affirming, very positive, and very much supportive. So it is possible.

 

[spanner]

Don't sweat it, most dads are like that, something about not instilling too much overconfidence by giving compliments. My dad was the same till my first summer back home from college, hell I never even got complements when I got 100%s on tests. Now I can pretty much tell that me and my sisters are his pride and joy, its about damn time my parents started showing off about us, my mom used to do the reverse with me, atleast all the time I overheard her but its all good now.

 

[Yeeny]

Its not just dads. I grew up with a mother who was very critical of me, and my decisions in life. However, once I told her how I felt, it changed things night and day for us. She has been nothing but supportive to me in the last few years, and I on the other hand, am able to see why she was sometimes the way she was to me. My dad on the other hand, I could do no wrong with.

Sometimes you have to be the bigger one, and try to get that communication going. And then, if that doesn't work, at least you never have that overwhelming guilt of wondering did you really try enough. And SilverThief, I am the same way with my kids sometimes. But the way I see it, is at least I realize when I am doing it, and I can put a stop to it, say I am sorry, and start over. It is hard to break something you were raised with, but at least you can try to use it to show your kids that its ok to make mistakes, as long as you try to fix them.

 

[bugsysiegel]

Try talking to him. It helps.

 

[Goosemaster]

At least your Dad didn't just up'n leave


Info:

-Parents divorced when I was 3 yrs old
-Me and my gad were good friends..but he really didn't do all of the "dad" stuff...just a good friend
-I just started a 5year program @ a major Engineering University(guess?)


Since I was littlle he promised me he would be good to help me out financially during college. Never did.

He just disappeared ~4 weeks before Chistmas. I called everywhere..no luck.

he calls a week later and says he moved with some chick to Carson City. Says he "likes" it there. Still misses us all, but can't come back.


Lets just say that my I failed Physics and Calculus a few times because I was so shocked

Kinda Sucks when people tell me that I have to go on, I try, but still fail. I need to work hard as hell to get anything done




Go Figure.

 

[jamison]

Well look at it this way, you are in better condition than I am.

I haven't seen or spoken to my "father" for 7 years, he is a deadbeat (aka worthless) father.

 

[randal]

<<My dad never hugged me or said he loved me before I left for college, now he does all the time. >>

 

[Mani]

<< My dad never hugged me or said he loved me before I left for college, now he does all the time. >>


This seems to be a common trend among fathers of that type. My father was the same way up until I went to college. My dad was very hard on me throughout my life rarely if ever congratulating me and showing little to no emotion. He had a way of saying the things that could hurt the most at times as well. And his temper legendary. Which in turn would set me off and we'd get into bitter yelling matches.

But towards the end of high school and especially in college he became a good deal more sentimental and I could tell his conscience actually kicked in occasionally to stop him from going on a tirade. I heard the words "I'm proud of you" come from his mouth for the first time in my life only near the end of college. He can still blow up and be overly negative from time to time out of habit, but he makes a conscientious effort not to and it shows.

So hopefully those of you in a fallout with your parents, take heart. They do want the best for you, and there may yet be a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[RSI]

Seems like everyone has pretty sh*tty fathers.. anyone have some good experiences to share?

 

[LivinLaVivaPollo]

I remember when my dad shot me in the eye with a rubberband... I told him he couldn't do it, since he was at least 50 feet away down the hall, but he pulled back and whammo, I was crying.

My dad is pretty easy going now though. We used to fight a lot, about how I don't respect(honor) him and how I don't deserve to be taken care of. It was a lot of that east meets west stuff, combined with the whole young and old. We are getting along great now though, he's really a cool guy. He's trying to bribe me to go and live with them in roseville. He's offering cars, money, satellite tv, broadband, etc. I said not yet dad, and he understands.