I have never cried more in life...

[AmazonRasta]

...than I have tonight. I had a big falling out with my father. It just seems to me that no matter what I do, it's not appreciated - no, "Congratulations!" no, "Thanks for your help." no anything. It bugs me so much to think that the one man that I love and respect in my life, doesn't love and respect me back. I'm sure, in fact I know, that he does, but the little extra attention that everybody expects and deserves would be SO appreciated.

Ack, I'm such a sissy, but I need to vent.

 

[pyonir]

i hear ya bro. my dad is the same way. always finds what i did wrong instead of all i've done right. finds the bad in everything i do. i know he wants the best for me but it would be nice if he showed that he was proud of what i've accomplished so far.

 

[mrCide]

i hear ya

 

[StinkyMeat]

Yo, don't feel you have to apoligize for acting human.

Sorry about the situation. It's hard to live with, but don't forget about the encouragement you are getting elsewhere.

 

[ThePresence]

This seems like a common thing. Why is it that they (dads) cant see how their hurting their children? Gosh, I wouldn't do that to my kid (when I have).

 

[CKDragon]

I'm 19 and I feel the same way but with my mom. She's too worried about my brother (2 years younger, not in college, no plans to go to college, working in a supermarket) to give me any attention. I can't remember the last time I heard my mom say she loves me. The only time I can remember a hug in the last 5 years is when I forced one on her last birthday.

CK

 

[ScottyB]

My dad never hugged me or said he loved me before I left for college, now he does all the time.

 

[pyonir]

<< This seems like a common thing. Why is it that they (dads) cant see how their hurting their children? Gosh, I wouldn't do that to my kid (when I have). >>


i think it is the engrained mentality of our fathers' generation. be tough, show no emotion, even if something is done right, you have to be able to do better....

 

[pyonir]

<< My dad never hugged me or said he loved me before I left for college, now he does all the time. >>


i found that too when i left for college....

 

[AreaCode707]

You're not a sissy at all, and, as others have said, no need to apologize. The fact that you choose to continue loving your father when he either has difficulty or has chosen not to openly display his love is more than commendable. Don't assume that the lack of evidence means a lack of love though - in different circumstances through life he may have been left with a wall around his abilities to praise and reward, to show affection but he could still love you, behind that wall.
The love of the Father is always with you. Blessings.
Paige

 

[dababus]

i share your pain buddy. we all have the same problems. i guess that's life. gotta deal with it.

 

[Red Dawn]

Hell I thought the cops snatched your crops!

 

[Piano Man]

AmazonRasta, I feel for ya. My dad and I were not the best of buds during my high school years. In fact, I remember one time I told him that the worst thing that could ever happen to me would be to end up like him, a complete fu*kup. Although I still don't agree with his views on life and whatnot, we have come to a have mutual respect for one another. I hope the same happens to you.

 

[ILikeSprite]

<< i hear ya bro. my dad is the same way. always finds what i did wrong instead of all i've done right. finds the bad in everything i do. i know he wants the best for me but it would be nice if he showed that he was proud of what i've accomplished so far. >>



^^^

 

[d1abolic]

My grandfather was like that. Luckily, my father is everything he was not. When you have kids, do the same.

 

[Sir Fredrick]

Such is the way of fathers, I'm afraid.

My experience is similar to others - my relationship with my father has increased 20 fold since I have left for college. And it has increased 100 fold now that I'm living on my own, supporting myself with a well paying job. He thought that all the time I spend on the computer was just goofing off and being lazy...he was sure I'd never make it in the real world, and he had no idea what I was learning in school. I proved him wrong, he admitted that he was wrong, and actually said he was proud of me - the first and only time I've ever heard him say that. It meant a lot.

Just a few years before all this, the tension between myself and my father peaked and we had a physical fight. It was awful, and I'm still convinced that I was in the right, but I also realize that he couldn't see things from my perspective, and I've been able to put it behind me.
I'll never have a wonderful relationship with my father, but at least we can respect eachother now. Moving out was definitely the best thing I ever did for our relationship.

 

[ThePresence]

<< i think it is the engrained mentality of our fathers' generation. be tough, show no emotion, even if something is done right, you have to be able to do better.... >>



I guess it can also be that some people just have a hard time expressing their emotions, especially affection. It can just be a personality thing, I guess....

 

[pyonir]

<<

<< i think it is the engrained mentality of our fathers' generation. be tough, show no emotion, even if something is done right, you have to be able to do better.... >>



I guess it can also be that some people just have a hard time expressing their emotions, especially affection. It can just be a personality thing, I guess.... >>


could be...who knows eh?

 

[XMan]

It could be worse. My dad respects me so much that he f*cks his computer up three or four times a week and expects me to be able to magically fix it over the phone.

 

[Amused]

<< ...than I have tonight. I had a big falling out with my father. It just seems to me that no matter what I do, it's not appreciated - no, "Congratulations!" no, "Thanks for your help." no anything. It bugs me so much to think that the one man that I love and respect in my life, doesn't love and respect me back. I'm sure, in fact I know, that he does, but the little extra attention that everybody expects and deserves would be SO appreciated.

Ack, I'm such a sissy, but I need to vent. >>



My father was the same way, and I hated him for it... until I got older and realized why he was that way.

In real life this is EXACTLY how you will be treated by just about everyone in life. Your boss, customers, and to a lessor extent your kids and wives will notice the bad you do FAR more than the good. You seldom, if ever will be congratulated or thanked for a good job, but you sure as hell will know when you screw up.

Plus, my father had a pretty tough time in WWII. That made him pretty hard to get close to, though he had his moments.

Think of a cross between the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket and Red from That 70s Show, and you have my father.

It hurts now, because he died when I was 18 and still thought I knew everything.

I'm willing to bet your father loves and respects you far more than you know. He's just trying to toughen you up and prepare you for real life. Plus, as others have said, that generation has a harder time with all this touchy feely crap. Remember, he has VERY high expectations of you. You're his son. It's going to be hard for you to fill his dreams for you.

 

[pyonir]

well said AmusedOne

 

[amdskip]

me too

 

[Supermercado]

I know exactly how you feel. My father is the same way.

 

[ThePresence]

<<
Plus, my father had a pretty tough time in WWII. That made him pretty hard to get close to, though he had his moments.

Think of a cross between the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket and Red from That 70s Show, and you have my father.

It hurts now, because he died when I was 18 and still thought I knew everything.

I'm willing to bet your father loves and respects you far more than you know. He's just trying to toughen you up and prepare you for real life. Plus, as others have said, that generation has a harder time with all this touchy feely crap. Remember, he has VERY high expectations of you. You're his son. It's going to be hard for you to fill his dreams for you. >>



Yikes. If my dad was like the guy from Full Metal Jacket, I woulda been out of the house when I was 7 years old.

 

[ohtwell]

I have that problem with my mother.




: ) Amanda