I have never cried more in life...

[Amused]

<<

<<
Plus, my father had a pretty tough time in WWII. That made him pretty hard to get close to, though he had his moments.

Think of a cross between the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket and Red from That 70s Show, and you have my father.

It hurts now, because he died when I was 18 and still thought I knew everything.

I'm willing to bet your father loves and respects you far more than you know. He's just trying to toughen you up and prepare you for real life. Plus, as others have said, that generation has a harder time with all this touchy feely crap. Remember, he has VERY high expectations of you. You're his son. It's going to be hard for you to fill his dreams for you. >>



Yikes. If my dad was like the guy from Full Metal Jacket, I woulda been out of the house when I was 7 years old. >>



LOL, he was only like that when you pissed him off. Most often he was like Red from That 70s Show, but with REALLY bad puns. Dinner with dad was full of groans over the one liner puns he'd toss out.

 

[Geekbabe]

<< It could be worse. My dad respects me so much that he f*cks his computer up three or four times a week and expects me to be able to magically fix it over the phone. >>





lol, I feel like I heard every word of that convo for some reason ! Dan, how long did it take you to walk him thru it and are you going to password protect bios the next time you visit ?


Oh and to the OP, your father may just have a very hard time expressing his feelings to you in the way that you want him to. I'll also bet there are times that he wishes he could take back things he's said.

 

[Madcowz]

Consider yourselves lucky. My father left the family when I was 13, and now I talk to him about twice a month and see him once a year. Our conversations are very dry and I feel so distanced from him. Our relationship wasn't so bad when he was living with the family, although I did get the occassional beating when I screwed up as a youngin. I look back and I tell myself it didn't affect me, but I really dunno. Oh and my mom... well that's a whole other story. She was hardly around and neglected my needs as a baby, infant and young child. My whole teen years and even now I still have feelings of anger and hate towards her. We fight so much when I'm home that it's gotten to the point that I try avoiding talking or even seeing her at all costs. I've tried so many times and it never seemed to have gotten anywhere. Whenever we had those real emotional fights she would tell me that she'll change, but she never does... it's real sad.

Sometimes I try to forgive them for who they are and how poorly they raised me, but I just can't respect them for the bad morals & values they hold & for hurting so many people close to them.

 

[GiLtY]

<< Such is the way of fathers, I'm afraid. >>


Completely agree. Fortunately my dad is not a complete "cold blooded" person, he encourages me to do what I want to do and praises in a way that I can understand.

As for the others, I can understand why the dads have to be so cold to their children. They don't want to act soft in front of the children, so they can maintain their hardcore man-of-the house figure, but deep down they care about you. Your father probably doesn't say anything when you are about to aboard a plane that's going to fly to the other side of the world, but the second you turn around he probably starts to drop tears!

Just a piece of my mind

 

[Sir Fredrick]

The only time my father has ever cried was when his father died.

AmusedOne, the differences between your "Real World" and the way many of us are treated by our fathers are as follows:

1. My boss pays me for the privelidge of telling me what to do and thanks me for my good work by giving me a paycheck.

2. At the end of the day, I can go home and do what I like, my boss can't tell me whether or not he or she approves.

3. Wife and kids are optional, if you decide to get married and you choose your wife wisely, she will appreciate your good points without harping on your bad ones all the time. If raised properly, your children might think they know more than you but they won't criticize you all the time either.

4. At least your wife will show affection.


The real world that I am experiencing is nothing like what my father would have prepared me for. If I had done everything he wanted, I would have been locking myself into a low paying blue collar job for the rest of my life.

 

[oLLie]

<< Hell I thought the cops snatched your crops! >>


OMG. Best post ever (if u know the semi-inside joke).

*edit for On-Topicness: You never know what you had til it's gone.

 

[eakers]

omg hun
*hugs*

i hope everything is okay, you know im always here to talk...

*hugs*

*kat. <-- worries about you crazy kids sometimes!

 

[Amused]

<< The only time my father has ever cried was when his father died.

AmusedOne, the differences between your "Real World" and the way many of us are treated by our fathers are as follows:

1. My boss pays me for the privelidge of telling me what to do and thanks me for my good work by giving me a paycheck.

2. At the end of the day, I can go home and do what I like, my boss can't tell me whether or not he or she approves.

3. Wife and kids are optional, if you decide to get married and you choose your wife wisely, she will appreciate your good points without harping on your bad ones all the time. If raised properly, your children might think they know more than you but they won't criticize you all the time either.

4. At least your wife will show affection.


The real world that I am experiencing is nothing like what my father would have prepared me for. If I had done everything he wanted, I would have been locking myself into a low paying blue collar job for the rest of my life. >>



Sorry about that. My father was a college educated (electrical engineering) and was a lead tech at TRW. The last thing he wanted was for us to end up in blue collar jobs if we didn't want to. He always told us to find one thing we love doing, and do it better than anyone else.

My dad was hard, but he wasn't stupid.

 

[Jfur]

<< When you have kids, do the same. >>



My husband has the same problem.

I hope everyone here takes d1abolic's advice to heart and break that pattern in your generation

 

[wnied]

My Fathers from an old school of Fatherdom, some things are understood though rarely expressed verbally. A simple look or nod of the head, from the man I idolize most is more than anything said. He's been better at verbalizing what he feels in the last couple of years, but its still little to nothing compared to what anyone might call "the norm" by todays "must tell you everything before I leave this planet" standard.

Important thing is that he knows that I know.(no pun intended)
~wnied~

 

[gopunk]

my dad is cool... he's quiet, but cool. he gives me praise every once in a while, when something good happens, but he doesn't go overboard and hug me or anything. i like it that way... we're both reserved like that, so it works well.

 

[Kelvrick]

Haven't seen or talked to my dasd for like half a year.

I've probably met him and talked like 4 times in the last 3-4 years. I used to be scared sh1tless whenever my mom told me to go to my dad and let him deal with soemthing. I was the kid that never showed love, but then the guy was everything too me. Too bad he lost it all to gambling. He lost his fortune, house, and family.

Thats probably why I had such a hard time expressing love from jr. high and am still having trouble now. Be glad you know he loves you.

 

[TheOmegaCode]

Ouch, people on anandtech have disfuncional families...


<< Hell I thought the cops snatched your crops! >>


I know that would make me cry...

 

[Nefrodite]

think positive. your dads alive

 

[TheOmegaCode]

<< think positive. your dads alive >>


My dad's dead, and I kinda like it that way...

 

[Jerboy]

<< ...than I have tonight. I had a big falling out with my father. It just seems to me that no matter what I do, it's not appreciated - no, "Congratulations!" no, "Thanks for your help." no anything. It bugs me so much to think that the one man that I love and respect in my life, doesn't love and respect me back. I'm sure, in fact I know, that he does, but the little extra attention that everybody expects and deserves would be SO appreciated.

Ack, I'm such a sissy, but I need to vent. >>



I feel your pain . How old are you now? I have fall outs with my father all the time . He and I hadn't got along in a while. I'm almost eighteen and I don't get along with my dad too well. He says I mean something to him and bitch about my grades and crap, but it seems to me that I'm nothing special to him. He got me almost everything I wanted, but it was handled as if it was part of monthly expense. Otherwise, he disapproves of many things I do.

Jerboy< doesn't get along with his parents too well :|

 

[dexmanone]

havent talked to mom in at least 5 yrs, going on a yr with dad. will talk to dad soon. hey, they started it, should've used protection!

 

[Optimus]

Do what I did:

Make damned sure that if you become a father, you don't make the same mistake.


I'm determined to make sure my kids hear encouragment and praise when they do things right. Don't get me wrong, I have a good dad - but he's not very communicative.

 

[lawaris]

my dad too was not much of a talker this way ....



the thing u shd. realise that it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it !!



it took me years to realise it .... I hope u don't make the same mistake

 

[b0mbrman]

<< ...than I have tonight. I had a big falling out with my father. It just seems to me that no matter what I do, it's not appreciated - no, "Congratulations!" no, "Thanks for your help." no anything. It bugs me so much to think that the one man that I love and respect in my life, doesn't love and respect me back. I'm sure, in fact I know, that he does, but the little extra attention that everybody expects and deserves would be SO appreciated.

Ack, I'm such a sissy, but I need to vent. >>


Don't worry about the sissy bit. Everyone's got some issues with their father

 

[Adul]

that would drive me nuts, but then again it is a motivational factor for you to strive to do even better.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

Parents are just people, and just as imperfect as the rest of us. If you can't get him to understand how his actions affect you, then you should change your understanding of WHO your father is.

 

[nihil]

at least your father still loves you. my father can't stand me because i have more potential and intelligence than he does. he's even went so far as to kick me out of the house on 3 seperate occasions. the last one being in november where i was forced to live in a crack house for 3 months. i just got back here in january and even though it's good to be back in a decent place, i still have to deal with him putting me down all the time.

 

[Argo]

I've never heard "thank you", "good job", or "congratulations" from my father either. I think that only made me tougher, though.

 

[SilverThief]

I grew up hating my father, he was always too busy for me. When he was around I wished he wasnt.
Now I find my self instictively acting the same way towards my son.

Its a sad cycle, believe me no matter how much you say :I'll never be like him, I'm going to be different with my kids" its so much easier said than done.