I am a marriage n00b *pic included*

[shimsham]

if its the first thanksgiving, then you should stay. you cant get back a first.

you just gotta work on the delivery. ask if she minds if you go. dont ask if you can, or blurt out ooh ooh i wanna go. guage her reaction and go from there. give her the chance to explain why she is for/against. once you hear that, then decide if youre going or not. that way she can play her role as the voice of reason, if needed, but you dont lose your dignity by asking for permission. thus, you are better prepared to deal with the dark cloud of pending consequence that is sure to follow if you dont choose wisely.

heres my formula:

legit responsible reason: stay
bad mood/bitchy/power trip: im out

if she does speak the voice of reason, and you stay, be sweet and cuddly. sex. then comes the egg sandwhich. is shes just "pms"ing, then get out and give her time to figure out why shes being unreasonable.

 

[Mo0o]

I dont know, I think it might be a little irresponsible, especially since you'll be gone for so long, this not like a weekend golfing trip. If you were a good husband you would stay and spend Thanksgiving with her.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: mobobuff
If the genders were switched in this question, you'd have 50 people calling you an insecure controlling prick.

Aside from that, what I DO think is weird is that you still want to go when your wife can't. You're gonna be a third wheel. I think it only works if you're a package deal with you and your wife and your friend and his wife. If it's a couple + 1 it's gonna be awkward. Unless you'd be pretty separated. In that case, being alone in Europe COULD be pretty cool.

good point. if the two people are a couple, then why do you still want to go?

your wife will think you are up to no good. even a trip to Europe isnt worth that.

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: shimsham
if its the first thanksgiving, then you should stay. you cant get back a first.

you just gotta work on the delivery. ask if she minds if you go. dont ask if you can, or blurt out ooh ooh i wanna go. guage her reaction and go from there. give her the chance to explain why she is for/against. once you hear that, then decide if youre going or not. that way she can play her role as the voice of reason, if needed, but you dont lose your dignity by asking for permission. thus, you are better prepared to deal with the dark cloud of pending consequence that is sure to follow if you dont choose wisely.

heres my formula:

legit responsible reason: stay
bad mood/bitchy/power trip: im out

if she does speak the voice of reason, and you stay, be sweet and cuddly. sex. then comes the egg sandwhich. is shes just "pms"ing, then get out and give her time to figure out why shes being unreasonable.

That doesn't make any sense, if he goes this year next year will be the first thanksgiving they spend together, so that will be the first.

 

[toekramp]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: mobobuff
If the genders were switched in this question, you'd have 50 people calling you an insecure controlling prick.

Aside from that, what I DO think is weird is that you still want to go when your wife can't. You're gonna be a third wheel. I think it only works if you're a package deal with you and your wife and your friend and his wife. If it's a couple + 1 it's gonna be awkward. Unless you'd be pretty separated. In that case, being alone in Europe COULD be pretty cool.

good point. if the two people are a couple, then why do you still want to go?

your wife will think you are up to no good. even a trip to Europe isnt worth that.

not a couple, two other straight dudes

 

[vi edit]

Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

 

[toekramp]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

she knows that I don't care if she wants to travel with her friends

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: Epoman
You're selfish you choose your friends over your wife.

He didn't choose his friends over his wife... he chose EUROPE and his friends over his wife.

I don't understand what the big deal is about Europe.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: toekramp

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: mobobuff
If the genders were switched in this question, you'd have 50 people calling you an insecure controlling prick.

Aside from that, what I DO think is weird is that you still want to go when your wife can't. You're gonna be a third wheel. I think it only works if you're a package deal with you and your wife and your friend and his wife. If it's a couple + 1 it's gonna be awkward. Unless you'd be pretty separated. In that case, being alone in Europe COULD be pretty cool.

good point. if the two people are a couple, then why do you still want to go?

your wife will think you are up to no good. even a trip to Europe isnt worth that.

not a couple, two other straight dudes

lol then youre doomed.

 

[Turkish]

Originally posted by: toekramp

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: mobobuff
If the genders were switched in this question, you'd have 50 people calling you an insecure controlling prick.

Aside from that, what I DO think is weird is that you still want to go when your wife can't. You're gonna be a third wheel. I think it only works if you're a package deal with you and your wife and your friend and his wife. If it's a couple + 1 it's gonna be awkward. Unless you'd be pretty separated. In that case, being alone in Europe COULD be pretty cool.

good point. if the two people are a couple, then why do you still want to go?

your wife will think you are up to no good. even a trip to Europe isnt worth that.

not a couple, two other straight dudes

damn straight!

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: toekramp

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

she knows that I don't care if she wants to travel with her friends

DON'T tell her that, she'll just tell you that you don't care about her the same way she cares about you.

If she wants it and you don't mind it is ok, but she will have to ask for it otherwise you will just get into trouble.

BTW, heh, maybe i shouldn't give advice, i an divorced.

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

simple solution to that is let her go and do what she wants.

 

[nmcglennon]

Originally posted by: spunkz

Originally posted by: toekramp

Originally posted by: nmcglennon
Tell her you'll only be swayed by the amount of sex you have between now and Thanksgiving... then go to Europe anyways.

brilliant

if you had a poll, i'd vote for this

So would I. :beer:

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

simple solution to that is let her go and do what she wants.

While she lets HIM go and do what HE wants. So it's balanced. THAT is the solution.

 

[thomsbrain]

i think the right thing to do is spend thanksgiving with your wife. if she said she wanted you to go, then you could probably go (although even then it would just be a test and you were supposed to stay with her), but if she says she wants you to stay, you should stay, seeing as how it's a holiday and whatnot. if it was just a normal week, i'd say she's been too controlling.

 

[DevilsAdvocate]

Originally posted by: bobbybe01
Too bad I'm not a lawyer, otherwise I would be working on your divorce papers in a few years.

Fortunately, I am a divorce lawyer

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

simple solution to that is let her go and do what she wants.

While she lets HIM go and do what HE wants. So it's balanced. THAT is the solution.

exactly. marriage is easy.

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

simple solution to that is let her go and do what she wants.

While she lets HIM go and do what HE wants. So it's balanced. THAT is the solution.

Ahhh, NOW i recognize you, you are that men's lib guy, aren't you?

Actually, in a relationship, sometimes you have to give without recieving, when you grow up you will learn this too.

 

[vi edit]

Just keep in mind that even if you don't go, and you stay with her over thanksgiving, you have to be on guard. You make even the slightest hint that you'd rather be in Europe with your buds, intentional or not, and she'll pounce on you because she thinks you have animosity twords her for not letting you go.

Just FYI.

 

[toekramp]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Just keep in mind that even if you don't go, and you stay with her over thanksgiving, you have to be on guard. You make even the slightest hint that you'd rather be in Europe with your buds, intentional or not, and she'll pounce on you because she thinks you have animosity twords her for not letting you go.

Just FYI.

point noted

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

simple solution to that is let her go and do what she wants.

While she lets HIM go and do what HE wants. So it's balanced. THAT is the solution.

Ahhh, NOW i recognize you, you are that men's lib guy, aren't you?

Actually, in a relationship, sometimes you have to give without recieving, when you grow up you will learn this too.

I'm advocating balance, not free reign for men. And I have experienced the give/receive ratio in relationships, and I understand that it has to exist sometimes for a relationship to work. I just think it's sad. They already live longer than us (statistically) :frown:.

 

[tk149]

Where's the obligatory "Post PICS of your wife first, then we'll decide" post?

Geez, you guys are losing your touch...

 

[rmrf]

Originally posted by: toekramp

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: mobobuff
If the genders were switched in this question, you'd have 50 people calling you an insecure controlling prick.

Aside from that, what I DO think is weird is that you still want to go when your wife can't. You're gonna be a third wheel. I think it only works if you're a package deal with you and your wife and your friend and his wife. If it's a couple + 1 it's gonna be awkward. Unless you'd be pretty separated. In that case, being alone in Europe COULD be pretty cool.

good point. if the two people are a couple, then why do you still want to go?

your wife will think you are up to no good. even a trip to Europe isnt worth that.

not a couple, two other straight dudes

Your even worse off then imo. If she is at all untrusting, she will be thinking of all the mischief that you could be getting into with your buds. Especially if she has seen/or rents EuroTrip. Being a fairly newlywed myself, I would recommend staying and being with her. Women remember this kind of stuff, and hold on to it for some reason. There is give and take, you will just have to give now and take another time.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Ricochet]

Originally posted by: toekramp
not a couple, two other straight dudes

Without Paddles?