I am a Jew

[nutxo]

Originally posted by: dartworth
Hello...

My name is dartworth...and I am a sexaholic...

Don't you actually need to have sex to be a sexaholic or does your hand count?

 

[Pastore]

I was waiting for this thread. Was going to make a really long drawn out one about how I'm agnostic, but didn't want to be an insensitive prick. Thanks for taking the honors for me.

 

[scorpmatt]

congrats, your parody has lasted longer than you stated in the other thread.

IBTL

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: Pastore
I was waiting for this thread. Was going to make a really long drawn out one about how I'm agnostic, but didn't want to be an insensitive prick. Thanks for taking the honors for me.

Too late.

 

[naldo]

Since theres a couple jews here, I have a few questions, (all serious questions)

1) Are you really all related, every jewish person I've known always seemed to be related in some way to every other jewish person I knew.
2) What does "oy vey" mean?
3) What is with those other random jew words (if thats an offensive term I'll remove it) jewish women say all the time? Is it hebrew or something or just some kind of slang for stuff (If you're jewish you'll know what I'm talking about).
4) Why can you guys only eat certain parts of animals? At one time all the parts were connected together so I don't really see how some parts could be bad and others okay.
5) Are there any poor jews? I've never seen any and was just wondering if you guys had some kind of secret place you send them or if you guys just look out for each other.
6) And last but not least, if you were to eat a bacon cheese burger (which from my understanding of jewish food laws would be considered a double whammy), is that like a one way ticket to hell or can you just repent or whatever?

Thanks in advance.

 

[SSSnail]

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: Pastore
I was waiting for this thread. Was going to make a really long drawn out one about how I'm agnostic, but didn't want to be an insensitive prick. Thanks for taking the honors for me.

Too late.

Speaking of which, why do rodeo cowboys always trying to beat that 8 seconds?

 

[deepred98]

Originally posted by: ThePresence

Originally posted by: userman
They are going to have some really fvcked up offspring!

Nothing will kill a hippo in a shell. Nothing.

then all we need to do is tie lasers on their back and we will have an unstoppable army of tortoise hippos with lasers

 

[jadinolf]

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: Pastore
I was waiting for this thread. Was going to make a really long drawn out one about how I'm agnostic, but didn't want to be an insensitive prick. Thanks for taking the honors for me.

Too late.

:laugh:

 

[Random Variable]

Lots more baby hippo and giant tortoise pics!

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo3.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo4.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo5.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo6.jpg

and I've saved the best for last:

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo7.jpg

 

[AbAbber2k]

Originally posted by: ThePresence

Originally posted by: AbAbber2k
Why has science not yet created miniature hippos that we can keep as pets?

Baby hippos!

Yes, I know, but I keep having to put them down when they grow too big for my inflatable pool.

 

[jadinolf]

Originally posted by: Random Variable
Lots more baby hippo and giant tortoise pics!

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo3.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo4.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo5.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo6.jpg

and I've saved the best for last:

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Vespasian/hippo7.jpg

Too cute.

 

[ThePresence]

Originally posted by: naldo
Since theres a couple jews here, I have a few questions, (all serious questions)

1) Are you really all related, every jewish person I've known always seemed to be related in some way to every other jewish person I knew.

Jews are supposed to marry Jews. So yes, in some way we are all related.

2) What does "oy vey" mean?

Yiddish expression. It's a mixture between a sigh and a groan.

3) What is with those other random jew words (if thats an offensive term I'll remove it) jewish women say all the time? Is it hebrew or something or just some kind of slang for stuff (If you're jewish you'll know what I'm talking about).

I'm Jewish, but you'll have to be more specific.

4) Why can you guys only eat certain parts of animals? At one time all the parts were connected together so I don't really see how some parts could be bad and others okay.

We can eat pretty much all parts except for one tendon (says so in the Bible). Since we don't know exactly which tendon it is we stay away from the whole area.

5) Are there any poor jews? I've never seen any and was just wondering if you guys had some kind of secret place you send them or if you guys just look out for each other.

We do look out for each other, but there are plenty of poor Jews, don't kid yourself. Being Jewish does not mean you're wealthy. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

6) And last but not least, if you were to eat a bacon cheese burger (which from my understanding of jewish food laws would be considered a double whammy), is that like a one way ticket to hell or can you just repent or whatever?

Says in the bible you can't eat meat of a pig, says you can't cook meat and milk together. Orthodox Jews such as myself do not eat dairy until 5 1/2 hours after eating meat. There is no such thing as a one way ticket to hell, most things you can repent for. However saying I will sin and then repent does not work.

Thanks in advance.

No p.

 

[naldo]

By random jew words I mean like "Tom is so annyoing, he had me ::insert word here::-ing all day" or "The customers just keep coming, I felt like ::insert word here::-ing". The words usually end with an ing, I think maybe its only older women that use them though.

Also I went out with a jewish girl one time and I overheard here parents say I was a shagit or something, what does that mean?

 

[ThePresence]

Originally posted by: naldo
By random jew words I mean like "Tom is so annyoing, he had me ::insert word here::-ing all day" or "The customers just keep coming, I felt like ::insert word here::-ing". The words usually end with an ing, I think maybe its only older women that use them though.

Usually just Yiddish phrases.

 

[naldo]

Cool, thanks.

 

[djheater]

Since this is a jewish convention, I just wanted to chime in with my own story.

I was raised as a member of a Disciples of Christ congregation in an affluent suburb of a major Southern city. There were only two kids on my street my age, one was a catholic tomboy, and the other an orthodox jew whose parents were regarded as excellent kosher chefs.

I like to say I was raised by wild jews, and other than an occasional piece of bacon or country ham, I can't eat pork and am actually averse to scavenger animals generally.



<--universalist

 

[Random Variable]

Since this is a jewish convention

it's a very small convention

 

[Aimster]

jewish power

 

[FallenHero]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW-zgMyJ8_8

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: Random Variable

Since this is a jewish convention

it's a very small convention

So's Israel.

 

[So]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: Random Variable

Since this is a jewish convention

it's a very small convention

So's Israel.

I'm actually not jewish, but I do support Israel. I don't believe Isreal is my property though, so you might want to address your questions to someone else...

 

[scootermaster]

Big up to my chosen peeps!

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: So

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: Random Variable

Since this is a jewish convention

it's a very small convention

So's Israel.

I'm actually not jewish, but I do support Israel. I don't believe Isreal is my property though, so you might want to address your questions to someone else...

I don't think you're talking to me. Blame it on Random Variable he quoted without including attribution.

Personally though, I wouldn't want to say one way or the other whether I support Israel. It's far to complicated IMO. On the one hand stability, on the other 1\5 of our foreign aid... I mean how does that look objectively?

 

[HombrePequeno]

Those two are so cute they have several books filled with pictures of them.

I only know this because I work in a bookstore and they are always on display. I swear I do not own all three of them.

 

[n7]

Sad.

-10/10