How much child support do you pay?

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: AstIsis
Simple solution..never have children with someone you have not been married to for at least 5 years. (This is extremely easy with all the varied forms of birth control available...you play, you pay.) By that time, you should have either been able to resolve your problems or have divorced. Sure, this is not a "fix all", but it is a good start. Sometimes things happen in a marriage, but I feel if you are going to make the commitment, do everything in your power to make it work.

That doesn't work. I was with my wife 6 years before our first kid. I think our second one put a drift in our marraige (though I would never tell him that).


Well...that and the fact that she gained 200 lbs and treats me like an employee rather than a husband I guess

 

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: AstIsis
Simple solution..never have children with someone you have not been married to for at least 5 years. (This is extremely easy with all the varied forms of birth control available...you play, you pay.) By that time, you should have either been able to resolve your problems or have divorced. Sure, this is not a "fix all", but it is a good start. Sometimes things happen in a marriage, but I feel if you are going to make the commitment, do everything in your power to make it work.

That doesn't work. I was with my wife 6 years before our first kid. I think our second one put a drift in our marraige (though I would never tell him that).


Well...that and the fact that she gained 200 lbs and treats me like an employee rather than a husband I guess

200 lbs? Jesus...

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: XZeroII
$0 and it's gonna stay that way. I'd rather make my own life a living hell than put my own kids through a divorce and pay child support.

Yeah...they all say that. You do know that like 90% of all pregnancies are unplanned/accidental, don't you?

 

[StageLeft]

Well...that and the fact that she gained 200 lbs and treats me like an employee rather than a husband I guess

Well damn. 200 lbs!

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: Quixfire

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Quixfire
$0, because I choose to stay with my wife and workout our problems.

I applaud your resolve. Really.

However, remember this: should the day come when she's tired of working things out with YOU, the courts will side with her, you'll lose the kids, the house, half your income and your feelings of self-worth.

All I'm saying is "don't get too cocky." It can happen to YOU.

I not being cocky, that was the recourse we chose to take. We both had problems in the marriage, but neither of us wanted to call it quits and I'm very glad we didn't.

Well, me and my second husband are going on 11 years together, and it's been pretty tough, too. I can work with him, but I couldn't work with my ex. Pretty hard to work with someone who has substance abuse problems. I can tell you this much: I have wanted very much for my ex to be a good dad, and I would have been very proud of him if he had been able to. Instead, all I feel is sorrow for him.

More than anything else, I have learned a LOT about myself and why I've made the relationship choices I have made. I made my marriage choices when I was still sleeping, and the only advice I can give is to remember that until you learn to truly love yourself, it is very hard to love anyone else.

Live and learn, hopefully.

 

[p0ntif]

Sheesh, i didn't realize child support was so debilitating. Thanks for the informative thread.

 

[NorthRiver]

420 for 1. Ex married a dentist. He makes 150k a year. She doesn't work, buys my kid clothes at garage sales, and cuts her hair herself. F'n bitch

 

[Ernieb]

feel sorry for the kids...
the parents sound selfish
not mature

 

[Ernieb]

Originally posted by: Isla
I get $130 per month from my ex, and it has been this way for several years. It is really supposed to be $260 per month according to the divorce decree from 1988. I never asked for more than that because he really doesn't care about our daughter and never has. I divorced him for good reason... alcoholic, abusive, violent. From the beginning, he was a total crap about her... made NO attempt to hide the fact that he wanted a son. He even had the bad taste to TELL HER that he was jealous of me because I now have a son and he still does not. He came close to molesting her once when she was 12 (and he was drunk) and she told me about it. She fended him off but another child might not have had the courage. So I took a stand and told her she could choose to not be a victim, and she has requested not to visit him without the assistance of a mediator/social worker (at my expense). He refused and hasn't seen her in over 4 years, and that has been his choice. She sees a counselor to help her deal with it. It's his loss... she is one of the most amazing young women I have ever had the privelege of knowing.


BTW, I give her that $130 each month, half for allowance and half to her savings. I don't give a flip about money. I just want my children to grow up healthy and whole.

Don't think too much about how much money you pay. Concern yourself with your child's emotional, physical, and mental health and consider it the best investment you'll ever make.

Isla was there any sign of him (your ex) being a violent / abusive person?
Did you know that but you married him anyways cuz you loved him a lot?

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Well...that and the fact that she gained 200 lbs and treats me like an employee rather than a husband I guess

Well damn. 200 lbs!

LOL

Well, I'm exagerating, but she did go from 140 when I met her to 220 now...and she's only 5'6". (Just for reference, I'm 6'4" and weigh 195). She'll do the "I'm going on a diet" thing, stick to it for 3 days, then declare "I'm addicted to food...this diet doesn't work" then go stuff her face. Then she makes comments about how I'm "not interested anymore." Ughh. I guess I could overlook this fact if she was a nice person, but she's got that commanding "My way or no way, and it gets done right here right now" attitude that drives me crazy! I couldn't even feel comfortable in my own house because if I sat down, she would come up and start complaining about me "just sitting around." I tell you I'm shell shocked! I jump when I hear her coming down the stairs and I'm watching TV, I get an uneasy feeling when I walk in the door...I just want my own place and nothing to do with women for a year or two :|

 

[SCSIfreek]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: Quixfire

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Quixfire
$0, because I choose to stay with my wife and workout our problems.

I applaud your resolve. Really.

However, remember this: should the day come when she's tired of working things out with YOU, the courts will side with her, you'll lose the kids, the house, half your income and your feelings of self-worth.

All I'm saying is "don't get too cocky." It can happen to YOU.

I not being cocky, that was the recourse we chose to take. We both had problems in the marriage, but neither of us wanted to call it quits and I'm very glad we didn't.

Well, me and my second husband are going on 11 years together, and it's been pretty tough, too. I can work with him, but I couldn't work with my ex. Pretty hard to work with someone who has substance abuse problems. I can tell you this much: I have wanted very much for my ex to be a good dad, and I would have been very proud of him if he had been able to. Instead, all I feel is sorrow for him.

More than anything else, I have learned a LOT about myself and why I've made the relationship choices I have made. I made my marriage choices when I was still sleeping, and the only advice I can give is to remember that until you learn to truly love yourself, it is very hard to love anyone else.

Live and learn, hopefully.

That is so True.!!!! In addition, please be considerate and respect eachother. As for the posts above regarding his wife gaining 200lbs <----------- I'll kick her out of my house after gaining 50lbs.

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: Ernieb

Originally posted by: Isla
I get $130 per month from my ex, and it has been this way for several years. It is really supposed to be $260 per month according to the divorce decree from 1988. I never asked for more than that because he really doesn't care about our daughter and never has. I divorced him for good reason... alcoholic, abusive, violent. From the beginning, he was a total crap about her... made NO attempt to hide the fact that he wanted a son. He even had the bad taste to TELL HER that he was jealous of me because I now have a son and he still does not. He came close to molesting her once when she was 12 (and he was drunk) and she told me about it. She fended him off but another child might not have had the courage. So I took a stand and told her she could choose to not be a victim, and she has requested not to visit him without the assistance of a mediator/social worker (at my expense). He refused and hasn't seen her in over 4 years, and that has been his choice. She sees a counselor to help her deal with it. It's his loss... she is one of the most amazing young women I have ever had the privelege of knowing.


BTW, I give her that $130 each month, half for allowance and half to her savings. I don't give a flip about money. I just want my children to grow up healthy and whole.

Don't think too much about how much money you pay. Concern yourself with your child's emotional, physical, and mental health and consider it the best investment you'll ever make.

Isla was there any sign of him (your ex) being a violent / abusive person?
Did you know that but you married him anyways cuz you loved him a lot?

Yes, there were plenty of signs! I was 17 years old and thought I was in love. I really just felt sorry for him... he was living in his car and had HORRIBLE parents, and I was a much loved little princess from a nice family. I also had this thing about not having sex out of wedlock. And my parents, who are very good parents, were at a point with me that they just decided to let me learn about life on my own. They were waiting in the wings to help me back on my feet when it all came crashing down.

I was a strong willed, rebellious little spitfire who wasn't going to listen to good advice, and now I know better.

The funny thing is, there were just as many serious red flags with husband #2, and I chose to ignore them, too. Fortunately, he wants to break the pattern of abuse he grew up with, so we've made it pretty far (with lots and lots of counseling and therapy!).

I believe my relationship choices have been due in part to my psychological relationship schema. My mother (gentle spirit) tamed/saved my father(angry young man), so I set out to find someone to tame/save, too. It's a Beauty and The Beast kind of thing with me. True love will make a bad man good.

Hindsight sure is 20/20!

 

[Ernieb]

marriage sounds scary

 

[SCSIfreek]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Well...that and the fact that she gained 200 lbs and treats me like an employee rather than a husband I guess

Well damn. 200 lbs!

LOL

Well, I'm exagerating, but she did go from 140 when I met her to 220 now...and she's only 5'6". She'll do the "I'm going on a diet" thing, stick to it for 3 days, then declare "I'm addicted to food...this diet doesn't work" then go stuff her face. Then she makes comments about how I'm "not interested anymore." Ughh. I guess I could overlook this fact if she was a nice person, but she's got that commanding "My way or no way, and it gets done right here right now" attitude that drives me crazy! I couldn't even feel comfortable in my own house because if I sat down, she would come up and start complaining about me "just sitting around." I tell you I'm shell shocked! I jump when I hear her coming down the stairs and I'm watching TV, I get an uneasy feeling when I walk in the door...I just want my own place and nothing to do with women for a year or two :|

If I were you, I would have a long talk with her regarding this situation. Let her know your concerns and what needs to be changed in both of your lifes. There is no easy way out and both of you need to realized that a fat person = unhealthy. In addition, she needs to go on a diet (excercise more and eat less). If you can't have a normal conversation with her, chances are you'll divorce her sooner than you've thought. Think about it and work it out with your wife.

--Scsi


--Scsi

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: Ernieb
marriage sounds scary

Be afraid, be very afraid!

Get to know yourself first. Then you can go in with open eyes. There are some excellent books...

The Road Less Travelled

Boundaries, Where I End and You Begin

and so on and so on. Wish I had read them instead of Anne Rice and Stephen King novels when I was younger...

 

[Ernieb]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: Ernieb
marriage sounds scary

Be afraid, be very afraid!

Get to know yourself first. Then you can go in with open eyes. There are some excellent books...

The Road Less Travelled

Boundaries, Where I End and You Begin

and so on and so on. Wish I had read them instead of Anne Rice and Stephen King novels when I was younger...

what is this book about?
about a bad marriage?

 

[aircooled]

I voluntarily raise my child support as my salary increases.

 

[Yax]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
$1100/month. I have 3 kids from my first marriage. I hate those kids and I hate that bitch of an ex wife.

I don't know how you can hate your own kids. You're letting the ex influence them too much.

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: Ernieb

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: Ernieb
marriage sounds scary

Be afraid, be very afraid!

Get to know yourself first. Then you can go in with open eyes. There are some excellent books...

The Road Less Travelled

Boundaries, Where I End and You Begin

and so on and so on. Wish I had read them instead of Anne Rice and Stephen King novels when I was younger...

what is this book about?
about a bad marriage?

No, one is about emotional maturity and the other is about relationship boundaries. Both important things to master if you want a healthy marriage!

And kudos to you, aircooled. You won't regret taking the high road in the end.

 

[Yax]

Originally posted by: aircooled

Originally posted by: Hammer
i'm up to 4500/month. that b1tch cleaned me out. i dont think any of them are really mine either.

At 4500 per month, I'd make sure they were mine!

In some states it doesn't matter if the kids yours or not. but that's too much. You should just quit your job and work under the table for the rest of your life. Maybe try to get back together with her, get her to do crazy things and claim she's insane. Then sign her up with the local funny farm and have the kids placed in foster home if you don't want them yourself. Save you some money.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: SCSIfreek

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Well...that and the fact that she gained 200 lbs and treats me like an employee rather than a husband I guess

Well damn. 200 lbs!

LOL

Well, I'm exagerating, but she did go from 140 when I met her to 220 now...and she's only 5'6". She'll do the "I'm going on a diet" thing, stick to it for 3 days, then declare "I'm addicted to food...this diet doesn't work" then go stuff her face. Then she makes comments about how I'm "not interested anymore." Ughh. I guess I could overlook this fact if she was a nice person, but she's got that commanding "My way or no way, and it gets done right here right now" attitude that drives me crazy! I couldn't even feel comfortable in my own house because if I sat down, she would come up and start complaining about me "just sitting around." I tell you I'm shell shocked! I jump when I hear her coming down the stairs and I'm watching TV, I get an uneasy feeling when I walk in the door...I just want my own place and nothing to do with women for a year or two :|

If I were you, I would have a long talk with her regarding this situation. Let her know your concerns and what needs to be changed in both of your lifes. There is no easy way out and both of you need to realized that a fat person = unhealthy. In addition, she needs to go on a diet (excercise more and eat less). If you can't have a normal conversation with her, chances are you'll divorce her sooner than you've thought. Think about it and work it out with your wife.

--Scsi


--Scsi

Ehh...we've been doing that for 3 years now. I really don't even want to save it anymore. She has nothing I want, we're two different people, we have nothing in common...if it weren't for our first child being born, we would have split a long time ago. Number two made things worse. I love the kids to death, but I think it would be better if we lived apart.

Her side of the story is that I do not have the same priorities she has, and she does not like the fact that I have a large credit card bill (I have one card with a high balance...half of which got there from when she had to take 6 months off of work due to pregnancy complications. The other half is all my fault, I know, but I have a good job and can more than afford the payments). On top of all this, she has three discs in her back that have degenerated, and is in constant pain and needs for everything until she gets some surgery approved through workman's comp (the condition was brought on by an incident at her job). I'm only in my early 30's, and have gone out with a friend once in the last two years. I come home, have to do housework, then go to bed. I'm tired, I hate it, and I want out. As soon as she gets her back fixed, we have agreed to split. I'm actually looking forward to it!

 

[Hammer]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Well...that and the fact that she gained 200 lbs and treats me like an employee rather than a husband I guess

Well damn. 200 lbs!

that's what i call irreconcilable differences! :Q

 

[TheNinja]

If you have a kid and get divorced you should pay whatever child support the court deems necessary and shouldn't complain one bit about it. The kid didn't get divorced you and your wife/husband did, the kids are innocent victims. The least you can do is try to make their lives semi-normal by helping to pay their expenses. Of course there should be exceptions in my opinion, like if the ex remarries and the new dad adopts and makes good money you should pay less, but it all comes down to the fact that you had the kids and you owe it to them to make their life as pleasant and wonderful as possible. Sorry if I sound a little "holier than thou" but I just get frustraded with deadbeat dads who have a couple kids and then get sick of the marriage and think they can just run away scott free.

 

[Yax]

There is one other solution to those of you who are still married, hate your kids and your wife and want a divorce. Just leave the btch. Refuse to sign the divorce papers. Eventually she'll find someone else who wants to marry her and support her (I don't know why guys do it, but someone will). Then she can't marry him till you sign the divorce papers. You simply write up an agreement stating that she doesn't want you to pay child support when the two of you divorce and once the two of you sign, you're free. The new idiot will do the supporting for you.

Then, DON'T EVER get MARRIED again! Learn your lesson that marriage is only good for the woman not the man.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: cheapbidder01
There is one other solution to those of you who are still married, hate your kids and your wife and want a divorce. Just leave the btch. Refuse to sign the divorce papers. Eventually she'll find someone else who wants to marry her and support her (I don't know why guys do it, but someone will). Then she can't marry him till you sign the divorce papers. You simply write up an agreement stating that she doesn't want you to pay child support when the two of you divorce and once the two of you sign, you're free. The new idiot will do the supporting for you.

Then, DON'T EVER get MARRIED again! Learn your lesson that marriage is only good for the woman not the man.

God I hope you're kidding....