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How do you tell future in laws to GTFO...

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Rage187 said:
Tell them you have friends coming into town and they are going to stay with you.

Recruit a local friend as the out of towner. Then, just keep a pillow and some blankets lying around so that you inlaws think someone is staying there.
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This will make him look like the ultimate duche bag, picking a friend over family. Bad idea !!
 
alkemyst said:
hey bro, no need to get all up and out of your Aeron over my advice and *try* to be a dick.

I really hate to break it to you, but most marriages will not survive when one side of the couple hates the others family, esp the parents.

It works when dating.

Your future wife would have to be in agreement 100% they both of you cut them out of your life for it to work.

With such a long dating timeline, why is getting married important now?
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Really? I am just taking a page out of your book... so if you do not want people to try to be a dick to you, maybe you should follow your own advice first.
 
Have a heart to heart with the father and the wife to be alone. Communicate. In laws suck, I have a dum ass hillbilly BIL that makes Larry the cable guy look like a quant.


establish expectations and set some guidelines. Dealing with in laws is alot like dealing with kids. If they know what to expect they wont drive you crazy.


Boundaries.
 
GTFO.gif



Pretty much just like this; you'll win their respect for ever
 
Gibson486 said:
Really? I am just taking a page out of your book... so if you do not want people to try to be a dick to you, maybe you should follow your own advice first.
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I was being honest with you, not being a dick.

You will be lucky to lasts 5 years in a marriage if you literally have this hate for her family.

YMMV, but this is one of the major deal-breakers for most. Add money problems into the mix and you are doomed.

Personally I haven't always liked my in-laws. I say kill them with kindness though.
 
alkemyst said:
I was being honest with you, not being a dick.

You will be lucky to lasts 5 years in a marriage if you literally have this hate for her family.

YMMV, but this is one of the major deal-breakers for most. Add money problems into the mix and you are doomed.

Personally I haven't always liked my in-laws. I say kill them with kindness though.
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This. I was going to propose to a girl but canceled my order on the ring and even got back my deposit before it was too late. Her mother came to visit us (planned vacation, not at all like issue described in the OP) and the dynamic exhibited between my future mother-in-law and fiance was just awful. I felt like she had to get her mother's and family's approval on everything, while I was getting disrespected and cast off to the side. I told my fiance that I wasn't going to be the third wheel in our own marriage and play second fiddle to her mother or other people in her family. I had never seen her and family interact with each other, we never had her side of the family visit us and this behavior was new and shocking. Wedding cancelled...
 
You need to make it clear to your soon-to-be wife that if she wants to marry you, her family is going to have to come to grips with the cultural difference. It's really not your job to explain it either. It's her family and she should deal with it. The consequence is to call off the marriage because as others have said, if it goes unaddressed, it will probably get worse. I imagine like most couples, the 2 of you will want kids and a house at some point and then it's all over for your privacy.

I got married last year and lived with my wife the year before that. We live far from my parents and in our family, it was always assumed that when we visit each other, it's ok to stay a couple days or even a week with relatives. However, the woman I married isn't used to that and had some problems with my mother. Because of that, I made it clear to my folks that they would have to stay in a hotel when they visit. To be honest, I was kind of glad because my parents get on my nerves a bit when we spend too much time in close proximity.

How important is it for your fiancee that her family stay with you?
 
I've seen this movie, they're trying to break you up. Basically all you have to do is wait it out until your fiance gets fed up and starts ranting at them in spanish while furiously waving her index finger at them.
 
chusteczka said:
I am thinking similar. There are enough family lifestyle differences of sufficient importance already shown, to see that the couple will not understand each other. She will tire quickly of his inability to understand her and her family.

To the rest of these people, all families have different priorities and methods. Families from poverty-stricken cultures tend to stick together more due to interdependence. Families from more affluent cultures tend to selfishly create boundaries.
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This has zero to do with "creating selfish boundaries" and everything to do with Respect. It makes no difference whether the fiancee and her family grew up in a poverty stricken culture; if they're incapable of paying for a hotel room for themselves and/or other family members, they can call ahead to work out arrangements or they can stay home and celebrate the wedding via pictures or the internet.

My wife and myself, as well as our relatives, have always contacted each other when traveling to our respective cities or houses for short or extended stays. Sometimes we shared their/shared our residences, sometimes not; but never just showed up and expected to be housed. It boils down to respect; and in the OP's future in-laws case, respect for the soon-to-be couple and their current culture.

OP, I agree with the others in this thread that this needs to be stopped now and at any future point when the situation arises. Whether it's you or preferably with your fiancees' support, her family needs to be told politely but firmly that this behavior is unacceptable. If your marriage is to survive then, as a couple, you need to stand your ground.

alzan
 
Conscript said:
Simple fix. Start walking around the apt naked, and don't hesitate to bang you fiance loud and hard as much as possible. No father/brother in the world wants to hear that.
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Possibly the best advice yet; with the small addition of banging your fiancee in the same room as brother/father when they're are sleeping, showering, etc.

alzan
 
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alzan said:
This has zero to do with "creating selfish boundaries" and everything to do with Respect. It makes no difference whether the fiancee and her family grew up in a poverty stricken culture; if they're incapable of paying for a hotel room for themselves and/or other family members, they can call ahead to work out arrangements or they can stay home and celebrate the wedding via pictures or the internet.

My wife and myself, as well as our relatives, have always contacted each other when traveling to our respective cities or houses for short or extended stays. Sometimes we shared their/shared our residences, sometimes not; but never just showed up and expected to be housed. It boils down to respect; and in the OP's future in-laws case, respect for the soon-to-be couple and their current culture.

OP, I agree with the others in this thread that this needs to be stopped now and at any future point when the situation arises. Whether it's you or preferably with your fiancees' support, her family needs to be told politely but firmly that this behavior is unacceptable. If your marriage is to survive then, as a couple, you need to stand your ground.

alzan
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yep if they don't know better, its time to learn.
 
alkemyst said:
I was being honest with you, not being a dick.

You will be lucky to lasts 5 years in a marriage if you literally have this hate for her family.

YMMV, but this is one of the major deal-breakers for most. Add money problems into the mix and you are doomed.

Personally I haven't always liked my in-laws. I say kill them with kindness though.
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Truth, if there's one thing I've learned. Its you date the family at the same time as you date the girl.

That's why Id be hesitant in any situation where I couldn't see my future wifes family as an extension of my own. /Shrug.



You all give alky way too much of a hard time.
 
NFS4 said:
tumblr_loxb11wQKU1qjkyjdo1_500.gif
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hahahahahaha That was my first thought as well!

Though Alky was completely and utterly owned in this thread, I'm afraid he might be close to the truth here though for the wrong reason. Hating your in laws is perfectly fine but if your wife won't take a stand against her family, this will be an ongoing issue for many years to come until you snap and go postal. Luckily, in my case, my wife has my back when it comes to my in-laws.
Regardless, GL to you and congrats!
 
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