Help me out here. My Dad's Girlfriend keeps making efforts to

[Gagan]

frack, if she marries well then, i'll bitch and moan@dad and game ova!

 

[AlienCraft]

Originally posted by: Frackal

Originally posted by: AlienCraft
You're her BF's son, fer CHRISSAKES. She's just overcompensating.
Relax, be polite and don't fvck it up.

Strange, I have stated that I am friendly, joking, polite and cordial ~10 times in this thread so far.

You give commands about how to behave yet do not actually fully read the OP?

My question is in regards to her motivations and the necessity or lack of of a deeper relationship.

Given this is ATOT, I really don't feel like wading through multiple pages of crap from kiddies, and other rejections of common sense to simply point out the obvious......
As for people's motives, it's easy..... ASK them. No one here has any omniscient insight. You'e the only one who can ascertain her credibility.
I would say, given your response "you give commands" when what was offered was a suggestion. You're free to disagree with, adopt partially or not at all, which is not available with a "COMMAND".
sheez, did it ever occur to you that you just MIGHT be overanalyizing this?
Here's a prediction, if you hurt the woman that brings joy into your father's life, you may do more harm than you intended to ever bring to your father.

As has been said several times already....... grow up.
If you aren't capable of handling the range of responses that posting on ATOT will bring, you have no business exploring ANOTHER person psyche, especially one who is close to a relative such as your father.
Divorce is never clean or easy for anyone. try not to add to the muck they are dealing with , OK?
Just be glad she's engaging you in a positive manner. It could be MUCH worse.

 

[MrChad]

Frackal, I kind of understand your situation. My mom and dad went through an ugly divorce several years ago (a process that ended when my dad suffered a premature heart attack and passed away). My mom began dating a friend / coworker not long after, and the two have been together ever since. Although they aren't married, they live together. She has become a part of his family's life and he has become a part of our family's life.

It takes a while to adjust to the fact that your parent is dating someone else. It can also be unsettling to see your parent's new partner become a part of your family life and vice versa. There were times when I felt as though my mom's time shouldn't be split between my brother and I and this other family whom we weren't related to at all. But what I came to realize is that this other person truly made my mom happy, and that was more important than anything else. He's a good guy, and although I don't think we'll ever have a father/son type of relationship, he treats my mom and brother well and we get along great.

It will take time to heal the wounds of your parent's divorce, but it sounds like this woman is an important part of a new chapter in your dad's life. If she is a good person and treats your dad well, then try and reach out to her and be glad for your father that he has found renewed happiness in his life.

Good luck.

 

[Polish3d]

Originally posted by: AlienCraft

Originally posted by: Frackal

Originally posted by: AlienCraft
You're her BF's son, fer CHRISSAKES. She's just overcompensating.
Relax, be polite and don't fvck it up.

Strange, I have stated that I am friendly, joking, polite and cordial ~10 times in this thread so far.

You give commands about how to behave yet do not actually fully read the OP?

My question is in regards to her motivations and the necessity or lack of of a deeper relationship.

Given this is ATOT, I really don't feel like wading through multiple pages of crap from kiddies, and other rejections of common sense to simply point out the obvious......
As for people's motives, it's easy..... ASK them. No one here has any omniscient insight. You'e the only one who can ascertain her credibility.
I would say, given your response "you give commands" when what was offered was a suggestion. You're free to disagree with, adopt partially or not at all, which is not available with a "COMMAND".
sheez, did it ever occur to you that you just MIGHT be overanalyizing this?
Here's a prediction, if you hurt the woman that brings joy into your father's life, you may do more harm than you intended to ever bring to your father.

As has been said several times already....... grow up.
If you aren't capable of handling the range of responses that posting on ATOT will bring, you have no business exploring ANOTHER person psyche, especially one who is close to a relative such as your father.
Divorce is never clean or easy for anyone. try not to add to the muck they are dealing with , OK?
Just be glad she's engaging you in a positive manner. It could be MUCH worse.

Add to the muck they are dealing with? The circumstances of the divorce (it's 10 years old now) make that an ironic statement given that my sister and I were used as proxy weapons by the parents to continue their petty squabbling, and it still occurs with my sister, who is almost not on speaking terms with my dad because of it.

" Relax, be polite and don't fvck it up. " - is not said in a particularly suggestive manner.

And I did not ask if you read the whole thread. What you are recommending I do (be polite) was information contained in the OP.


I can handle the range of responses on ATOT fine. I respond to those responses. I am critiquing your criticisms. Perhaps if you cannot handle THAT... well, actually I don't care what you do so I won't give you suggestions about it.

 

[Polish3d]

Originally posted by: MrChad
Frackal, I kind of understand your situation. My mom and dad went through an ugly divorce several years ago (a process that ended when my dad suffered a premature heart attack and passed away). My mom began dating a friend / coworker not long after, and the two have been together ever since. Although they aren't married, they live together. She has become a part of his family's life and he has become a part of our family's life.

It takes a while to adjust to the fact that your parent is dating someone else. It can also be unsettling to see your parent's new partner become a part of your family life and vice versa. There were times when I felt as though my mom's time shouldn't be split between my brother and I and this other family whom we weren't related to at all. But what I came to realize is that this other person truly made my mom happy, and that was more important than anything else. He's a good guy, and although I don't think we'll ever have a father/son type of relationship, he treats my mom and brother well and we get along great.

It will take time to heal the wounds of your parent's divorce, but it sounds like this woman is an important part of a new chapter in your dad's life. If she is a good person and treats your dad well, then try and reach out to her and be glad for your father that he has found renewed happiness in his life.

Good luck.

Thanks, I will. I guess I don't fully trust my dad to put his kids first given past behavior so it's difficult to trust this situation. I do trust my mom, which is perhaps why it was easy to accept her husband who treats her well and makes her happy. (And I am happy they found each other). I didn't really realize until now that part of why this bothers me so much is because of that trust issue. It's good that this thread was useful in that regard.

For my dad its a mix, he does care, but isn't above hurting his kids directly or hurting their future if he believes it will hurt my mom. Which is basically the way my teenage years went.

 

[poopaskoopa]

Originally posted by: Frackal

I do not see any reason to establish any type of relationship with her beyond being polite, cordial, and comfortable enough for her to be over here or what not.

To some extent I inherently distrust her because I see a chance that our interests will conflict.

Are you suspecting that she's a gold digger or something? If not, wtf? I don't know man. Maybe when not posting on ATOT you don't come off as a pessimistic and standoffish prick and she'd like to form a meaningful relationship with you, as you're the son of a man she likes/loves/whatever.

I have a stepfather who did sort of what you did, and I sort of reacted the way you are reacting now(I was 13), so I can somewhat sympathize with anyone who initially rejects any approaches from would-be stepfather/stepmothers. I say if you want to keep the woman at arm's length(you can swear up and down that you're cordial or whatever, but from your tone in this thread I suspect that your relationship with her is a cold one), that's fine. If you want to let her into your life and treat her as a close family member, that's fine. I'm sure every situation is different and maybe she's a phony bitch and she annoys the sh!t out of you, I don't know. I let my stepfather into my life, and he's been the father figure in my life and I'm happy with it. It's different for you because you're already 23, but it doesn't hurt to welcome somone with open arms(ok, I didn't, but I came around).

 

[AlienCraft]

Originally posted by: Frackal


Add to the muck they are dealing with? The circumstances of the divorce (it's 10 years old now) make that an ironic statement given that my sister and I were used as proxy weapons by the parents to continue their petty squabbling, and it still occurs with my sister, who is almost not on speaking terms with my dad because of it.

" Relax, be polite and don't fvck it up. " - is not said in a particularly suggestive manner.

And I did not ask if you read the whole thread. What you are recommending I do (be polite) was information contained in the OP.


I can handle the range of responses on ATOT fine. I respond to those responses. I am critiquing your criticisms. Perhaps if you cannot handle THAT... well, actually I don't care what you do so I won't give you suggestions about it.

OK, I've read through this BS thread and I have a couple of observations.
It seems as if you haven't let go of any emotions you have as a result of this divorce. I can see how you might hold anyone your father may want to be involved in with contempt and suspicion. This is what prompts the suggestion to "Be polite and don't Fvck it up"
It still holds. Oh THAT and "Grow up", too.
Be glad for the old guy, or stfu already.
Go see a psychatrist already. You've been given a lot of good advice and you're getting more and more hostile.
I was the same obstinate punk as you appear to be when my folks got divorced.
Fortunately for me, my dad's GF never wavered in her acceptance of me. It took more years than you've been alve, but I finally dropped my BS about the whole affair and we're all better off for it.
You can dismiss whatever you want, but you'll be the more miserable one for it.
Now, Have a nice life, you've only got this one shot at it, don't screw it up for anyone else.

Then I read this

Thanks, I will. I guess I don't fully trust my dad to put his kids first given past behavior so it's difficult to trust this situation. I do trust my mom, which is perhaps why it was easy to accept her husband who treats her well and makes her happy. (And I am happy they found each other). I didn't really realize until now that part of why this bothers me so much is because of that trust issue. It's good that this thread was useful in that regard.

For my dad its a mix, he does care, but isn't above hurting his kids directly or hurting their future if he believes it will hurt my mom. Which is basically the way my teenage years went

NOW it makes sense, you don't trust him, you're not going to trust her.
Go see a shrink or counselor.

 

[Kadarin]

After skimming through this thread, I'm going to concur with those who think you're an asshat who needs to grow up.

 

[Gagan]

lets do some math, 4 years on atot, about 365 x 4 = 1560 +150 = 1710 days

20547/1710 = Calm down tiger.

 

[Chryso]

Originally posted by: Frackal

Originally posted by: AlienCraft

Originally posted by: Frackal

Originally posted by: AlienCraft
You're her BF's son, fer CHRISSAKES. She's just overcompensating.
Relax, be polite and don't fvck it up.

Strange, I have stated that I am friendly, joking, polite and cordial ~10 times in this thread so far.

You give commands about how to behave yet do not actually fully read the OP?

My question is in regards to her motivations and the necessity or lack of of a deeper relationship.

Given this is ATOT, I really don't feel like wading through multiple pages of crap from kiddies, and other rejections of common sense to simply point out the obvious......
As for people's motives, it's easy..... ASK them. No one here has any omniscient insight. You'e the only one who can ascertain her credibility.
I would say, given your response "you give commands" when what was offered was a suggestion. You're free to disagree with, adopt partially or not at all, which is not available with a "COMMAND".
sheez, did it ever occur to you that you just MIGHT be overanalyizing this?
Here's a prediction, if you hurt the woman that brings joy into your father's life, you may do more harm than you intended to ever bring to your father.

As has been said several times already....... grow up.
If you aren't capable of handling the range of responses that posting on ATOT will bring, you have no business exploring ANOTHER person psyche, especially one who is close to a relative such as your father.
Divorce is never clean or easy for anyone. try not to add to the muck they are dealing with , OK?
Just be glad she's engaging you in a positive manner. It could be MUCH worse.

Add to the muck they are dealing with? The circumstances of the divorce (it's 10 years old now) make that an ironic statement given that my sister and I were used as proxy weapons by the parents to continue their petty squabbling, and it still occurs with my sister, who is almost not on speaking terms with my dad because of it.

I am starting to think that maybe you should keep the girlfriend and ditch your dad.

 

[Chryso]

Originally posted by: Frackal

Originally posted by: MrChad
Frackal, I kind of understand your situation. My mom and dad went through an ugly divorce several years ago (a process that ended when my dad suffered a premature heart attack and passed away). My mom began dating a friend / coworker not long after, and the two have been together ever since. Although they aren't married, they live together. She has become a part of his family's life and he has become a part of our family's life.

It takes a while to adjust to the fact that your parent is dating someone else. It can also be unsettling to see your parent's new partner become a part of your family life and vice versa. There were times when I felt as though my mom's time shouldn't be split between my brother and I and this other family whom we weren't related to at all. But what I came to realize is that this other person truly made my mom happy, and that was more important than anything else. He's a good guy, and although I don't think we'll ever have a father/son type of relationship, he treats my mom and brother well and we get along great.

It will take time to heal the wounds of your parent's divorce, but it sounds like this woman is an important part of a new chapter in your dad's life. If she is a good person and treats your dad well, then try and reach out to her and be glad for your father that he has found renewed happiness in his life.

Good luck.

Thanks, I will. I guess I don't fully trust my dad to put his kids first given past behavior so it's difficult to trust this situation. I do trust my mom, which is perhaps why it was easy to accept her husband who treats her well and makes her happy. (And I am happy they found each other). I didn't really realize until now that part of why this bothers me so much is because of that trust issue. It's good that this thread was useful in that regard.

For my dad its a mix, he does care, but isn't above hurting his kids directly or hurting their future if he believes it will hurt my mom. Which is basically the way my teenage years went.

WOW!!! Ok, time to get in pops face about this crap.
Your dad needs to grow the fvck up.

 

[Polish3d]

Originally posted by: AlienCraft

Originally posted by: Frackal


Add to the muck they are dealing with? The circumstances of the divorce (it's 10 years old now) make that an ironic statement given that my sister and I were used as proxy weapons by the parents to continue their petty squabbling, and it still occurs with my sister, who is almost not on speaking terms with my dad because of it.

" Relax, be polite and don't fvck it up. " - is not said in a particularly suggestive manner.

And I did not ask if you read the whole thread. What you are recommending I do (be polite) was information contained in the OP.


I can handle the range of responses on ATOT fine. I respond to those responses. I am critiquing your criticisms. Perhaps if you cannot handle THAT... well, actually I don't care what you do so I won't give you suggestions about it.

OK, I've read through this BS thread and I have a couple of observations.
It seems as if you haven't let go of any emotions you have as a result of this divorce. I can see how you might hold anyone your father may want to be involved in with contempt and suspicion. This is what prompts the suggestion to "Be polite and don't Fvck it up"
It still holds. Oh THAT and "Grow up", too.
Be glad for the old guy, or stfu already.
Go see a psychatrist already. You've been given a lot of good advice and you're getting more and more hostile.
I was the same obstinate punk as you appear to be when my folks got divorced.
Fortunately for me, my dad's GF never wavered in her acceptance of me. It took more years than you've been alve, but I finally dropped my BS about the whole affair and we're all better off for it.
You can dismiss whatever you want, but you'll be the more miserable one for it.
Now, Have a nice life, you've only got this one shot at it, don't screw it up for anyone else.

Then I read this

Thanks, I will. I guess I don't fully trust my dad to put his kids first given past behavior so it's difficult to trust this situation. I do trust my mom, which is perhaps why it was easy to accept her husband who treats her well and makes her happy. (And I am happy they found each other). I didn't really realize until now that part of why this bothers me so much is because of that trust issue. It's good that this thread was useful in that regard.

For my dad its a mix, he does care, but isn't above hurting his kids directly or hurting their future if he believes it will hurt my mom. Which is basically the way my teenage years went

NOW it makes sense, you don't trust him, you're not going to trust her.
Go see a shrink or counselor.

Ok, decent advice. I already decided to be open with her, it's a balance, I honestly don't want a stepmom figure that shows up when I'm 23 directing family events, etc etc etc... I guess that may be out of my hands though. I think that getting friendlier with her may give her a sense that it's ok to assume that role ...

I'll be open to her efforts although cautious.

What is a shrink really going to do besides give me advice on how to behave? "Getting over" the issues of the divorce will occur when there is reason to do so. Hell, my dad still tells me sister in so many words: "If you live with your mom, you get no financial help of any kind. If you leave her house and live with ME, you get your college paid for." Obviously he can afford it, if he were willing to speak to my mom (who would be willing) they could pool their resources and my sister could probably go to a better school. (I am ok on school myself, should be nearly paid for w/ scholarship)

There is reason for my displeasure, I'll abandon it when the causes are gone. We already saw a shrink originally anyway, I think it wasn't very productive.

 

[MustangSVT]

Hentai anyone?

 

[Chryso]

Your father is in dire need of a good a$$ whipping.

 

[her209]

Is she the reason?

 

[Shaftatplanetquake]

Ok, can't believe you are still posting in this thread. Glad to catch you, hope you, reply.

Sorry, but I could only read the first page (which in my browser preferences I have to show an ungodly 100 messages).

Nobody jumped to stated assumptions from my point of view!!!

The only questions I would have are
A: Do you still live at home with this family unit, or are you out on your own?
B: How far away do you live from this home if you are in fact out on your own?
C: Are you asian? Whats the ethnic dynamics of the original mother/father vs new mother/father?

And oh yeah, you are kinda being a dick. Maybe she really sucks on some level and you should be a dick. Maybe you only want to see your dad about once a week and don't want her to be a part of it. Maybe your pops is nutzo for freaking out when you call your mom "mom".

Depending on how you respond; these answers will make the situation seem much more clear!

 

[essasin]

Originally posted by: Frackal

Originally posted by: AlienCraft

Originally posted by: Frackal


Add to the muck they are dealing with? The circumstances of the divorce (it's 10 years old now) make that an ironic statement given that my sister and I were used as proxy weapons by the parents to continue their petty squabbling, and it still occurs with my sister, who is almost not on speaking terms with my dad because of it.

" Relax, be polite and don't fvck it up. " - is not said in a particularly suggestive manner.

And I did not ask if you read the whole thread. What you are recommending I do (be polite) was information contained in the OP.

Given your situation your Father's gf is making the best of it and you should too. You don't have to be close but if she really does care for your dad and yourself...it is really worth the time


I can handle the range of responses on ATOT fine. I respond to those responses. I am critiquing your criticisms. Perhaps if you cannot handle THAT... well, actually I don't care what you do so I won't give you suggestions about it.

OK, I've read through this BS thread and I have a couple of observations.
It seems as if you haven't let go of any emotions you have as a result of this divorce. I can see how you might hold anyone your father may want to be involved in with contempt and suspicion. This is what prompts the suggestion to "Be polite and don't Fvck it up"
It still holds. Oh THAT and "Grow up", too.
Be glad for the old guy, or stfu already.
Go see a psychatrist already. You've been given a lot of good advice and you're getting more and more hostile.
I was the same obstinate punk as you appear to be when my folks got divorced.
Fortunately for me, my dad's GF never wavered in her acceptance of me. It took more years than you've been alve, but I finally dropped my BS about the whole affair and we're all better off for it.
You can dismiss whatever you want, but you'll be the more miserable one for it.
Now, Have a nice life, you've only got this one shot at it, don't screw it up for anyone else.

Then I read this

Thanks, I will. I guess I don't fully trust my dad to put his kids first given past behavior so it's difficult to trust this situation. I do trust my mom, which is perhaps why it was easy to accept her husband who treats her well and makes her happy. (And I am happy they found each other). I didn't really realize until now that part of why this bothers me so much is because of that trust issue. It's good that this thread was useful in that regard.

For my dad its a mix, he does care, but isn't above hurting his kids directly or hurting their future if he believes it will hurt my mom. Which is basically the way my teenage years went

NOW it makes sense, you don't trust him, you're not going to trust her.
Go see a shrink or counselor.

Ok, decent advice. I already decided to be open with her, it's a balance, I honestly don't want a stepmom figure that shows up when I'm 23 directing family events, etc etc etc... I guess that may be out of my hands though. I think that getting friendlier with her may give her a sense that it's ok to assume that role ...

I'll be open to her efforts although cautious.

What is a shrink really going to do besides give me advice on how to behave? "Getting over" the issues of the divorce will occur when there is reason to do so. Hell, my dad still tells me sister in so many words: "If you live with your mom, you get no financial help of any kind. If you leave her house and live with ME, you get your college paid for." Obviously he can afford it, if he were willing to speak to my mom (who would be willing) they could pool their resources and my sister could probably go to a better school. (I am ok on school myself, should be nearly paid for w/ scholarship)

There is reason for my displeasure, I'll abandon it when the causes are gone. We already saw a shrink originally anyway, I think it wasn't very productive.

 

[Polish3d]

Originally posted by: her209
Is she the reason?

No. But in the spirit of making this appear worse, my mom was the one who had the other man, who incidentally moved in a few townhouses (what my mom and sister and I lived in right after) from us. He then turned out to be a legitimate psychopath and stalked us, which meant I had to do certain things as far as leaving the house and coming home etc etc. My father and him had some sort of interactions which made things worse.

I was in 8th grade at the time and went from being a (genuine) straight A honor student in AP classes to barely going to highschool at all in 9th and part of 10th grade. My parents let it happen because they were too busy with all this garbage. Thankfully I was able to test out of 6 HS credits, (which I figured out how to do on my own) which allowed me to graduate on time once I got my act together towards the end of 10th grade. I ended up graduating ok with like a 2.8. I have a 3.9 GPA in college now though, having learned my lesson early.

He was a computer science professor actually and I "got to know" him too. (Although that's not really what's behind this, as I was happy for my mom when she got married.)

My life in general thankfully is much more normal and together than this aspect of it.

 

[zanieladie]

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a polite, cordial relationship with her. I don't think it's neccesary to be all buddy-buddy with her.

 

[theprodigalrebel]

Frackal, your OP reminds me of that annoying preteen girl from StepMom.

 

[UncleWai]

Let's see some Oedipus action.

 

[purepolly]

I'd be hesitant also about approaching a relationship with her. Not because of her, but rather because I wouldn't want to deal with another potentially sticky family dynamic. If your father hasn't let go his anger towards your mother, and is into emotionally trying to blackmail his children, then he isn't ready to be in another relationship with anyone.

She deserves better.

 

[y2kc]

Originally posted by: Frackal

Originally posted by: her209
Is she the reason?

No. But in the spirit of making this appear worse, my mom was the one who had the other man, who incidentally moved in a few townhouses (what my mom and sister and I lived in right after) from us. He then turned out to be a legitimate psychopath and stalked us, which meant I had to do certain things as far as leaving the house and coming home etc etc. My father and him had some sort of interactions which made things worse.

I was in 8th grade at the time and went from being a (genuine) straight A honor student in AP classes to barely going to highschool at all in 9th and part of 10th grade. My parents let it happen because they were too busy with all this garbage. Thankfully I was able to test out of 6 HS credits, (which I figured out how to do on my own) which allowed me to graduate on time once I got my act together towards the end of 10th grade. I ended up graduating ok with like a 2.8. I have a 3.9 GPA in college now though, having learned my lesson early.

He was a computer science professor actually and I "got to know" him too. (Although that's not really what's behind this, as I was happy for my mom when she got married.)

My life in general thankfully is much more normal and together than this aspect of it.

Which explains his lingering anger (hate?) for your mother I presume.

 

[dabuddha]

Originally posted by: Frackal

Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow you sound like you are jealous cause she spends more time with your dad than you do.

all she's trying to do is be part of the family and you have to be a dick about it? grow the fvck up.

No I'm not jealous about that. Why does she need to be part of the family? She isn't. She has her own family. Granted, I have been bitter about the way my parents handled their divorce and that may play into my annoyance. The reason I posted this is to attempt to get an objective perspective on the info provided. I don't care about some asshat named "purbeast" telling me to grow up.

That may be true but you still do need to grow up. You're acting like a petulant child.

 

[CVSiN]

Originally posted by: Gagan
This is f**king trash. Layoff on this guy alright?

I'm sick of these sociological norms of "accepting the stepmother". Look, it's very simple here:

If you actually were RAISED, 9999.999 percent of the time it's your mother.
Who carried you, your mother.
Who fed you when you were a tot, your mother.
Who made sure your ass was straight in school? Your mother

I can completely understand where this guy is coming from, it seems to me that he feels this stepmother is trying to basically continue the "mother path" after the hard part is done, she can go kiss @$$. I'm completely with you on this one OP.

The reason, because I am close to my mother at age 19 at a time whree many kids my age want to be "independant". The sacrifices she made for me are unbelievable and I'd be pissed the hell off that some other lady who hsa some interest in my father thinks she can be the one that was there for me in the future when I already have someone who's there for me.

Stick strong, I'd tell her to F off. If my father was divorced which would be highly unlikely, he could pick and choose whoever he wanted, and if one like that came across, I'm sorry but i'm going to ruin her life.

I suggest a "home alone" setup. Maybe even "parent trap" or just confront her and tell her that you find her attempts as lame as eating rofflecakes while on lollerskates with some lmaosauce.

That's just my 2 cents, that's my F**king mother man and I take that sh*t to heart.

OMFG what is this the Mommas Boy posterchild of the year nomination post?

dude seriously get a grip..

You go messing with that attitude and your ass be disowned and kicked to the curb.
Parents dont have to run anything past the kids PERIOD.. hes the adult youre the child and I dont care how old you are this will always be a parents attitude..
You havent earned the right to treat your dads potental wife with that attitude.

support your dad if hes found happiness a mother can be anyone it doesnt neccesarily mean it has to be the person that brought you into this world..

My birth mother is one of the rottenist persons in this entire world... but my step mother made up for all her shortcomings and has become someone I can count on.