Help me out here. My Dad's Girlfriend keeps making efforts to

Polish3d

Diamond Member
Jul 6, 2005
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So my dad has been dating this woman for ~2 years. She makes efforts to spend time with me and I do not understand why. We are polite, cordial, she is nice to me (and I'd expect nothing less) but I am 23, I will likely be living somewhere else soon. (For school) I already live alone ~80% of the time, taking care of the house while my Dad is up at her house.

I do not see any reason to establish any type of relationship with her beyond being polite, cordial, and comfortable enough for her to be over here or what not.




This morning she left a note on the fridge saying "I am glad you came, I am looking forward to spending more time with you."

She is nice to me as I would expect, but why this effort to spend more time with me?

To some extent I inherently distrust her because I see a chance that our interests will conflict.

Edit: Note, some of this is venting, a result of posting in an irritated mood. The main point of this OP was to request ideas as to why she might be making the effort, to see if I am missing anything
 

purbeast0

No Lifer
Sep 13, 2001
53,102
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wow you sound like you are jealous cause she spends more time with your dad than you do.

all she's trying to do is be part of the family and you have to be a dick about it? grow the fvck up.
 

Kev

Lifer
Dec 17, 2001
16,367
4
81
Originally posted by: Frackal
So my dad has been dating this woman for ~2 years. She makes efforts to spend time with me and I do not understand why. We are polite, cordial, she is nice to me (and I'd expect nothing less) but I am 23, I will likely be living somewhere else soon. (For school) I already live alone ~80% of the time, taking care of the house while my Dad is up at her house.

I do not see any reason to establish any type of relationship with her beyond being polite, cordial, and comfortable enough for her to be over here or what not.




I was at my Grandpa's house for his birthday yesterday. It was my whole immediate family, and then her. What the ******? Doesn't she have her own ****** family? My Aunt is divorced too but you didn't see her boyfriend there.

Then she said to me at the party "I'm glad you came..." ??? What the hell? She's the guest, does she think that because she's come to 5 or 6 family functions that I couldn't make becuase of school or work stuff that suddenly she's can talk to me like I'm the guest????



This morning she left a note on the fridge saying "I am glad you came, I am looking forward to spending more time with you."

She is nice to me as I would expect, but why this effort to spend more time with me?

To some extent I inherently distrust her because I see a chance that our interests will conflict.

You seem like a real asshole.
 

kyzen

Golden Member
Oct 4, 2005
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www.chrispiekarz.com
Part of being in a relationship with somebody is being able to get along with their friends. I have no experience here, but I would venture a guess that it's even more important when the person you're dating has kid.

Sounds like she wants to be a mom, or at least a good friend. Don't shut her out for some stupid jealous reason.
 

pontifex

Lifer
Dec 5, 2000
43,804
46
91
sounds like she just wants yo get to now you since she's with your dad. she's just being nice and you're being a d!ck.
 

salt9876

Banned
Apr 25, 2005
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omg your pretty harsh arent ya. The least you could do is try to get along with her for your fathers sake. I mean sheesh you act like she's taken over your household.
 

Polish3d

Diamond Member
Jul 6, 2005
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Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow you sound like you are jealous cause she spends more time with your dad than you do.

all she's trying to do is be part of the family and you have to be a dick about it? grow the fvck up.



No I'm not jealous about that. Why does she need to be part of the family? She isn't. She has her own family. Granted, I have been bitter about the way my parents handled their divorce and that may play into my annoyance. The reason I posted this is to attempt to get an objective perspective on the info provided. I don't care about some asshat named "purbeast" telling me to grow up.
 

Cal166

Diamond Member
May 6, 2000
5,081
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Originally posted by: Kev
Originally posted by: Frackal
So my dad has been dating this woman for ~2 years. She makes efforts to spend time with me and I do not understand why. We are polite, cordial, she is nice to me (and I'd expect nothing less) but I am 23, I will likely be living somewhere else soon. (For school) I already live alone ~80% of the time, taking care of the house while my Dad is up at her house.

I do not see any reason to establish any type of relationship with her beyond being polite, cordial, and comfortable enough for her to be over here or what not.




I was at my Grandpa's house for his birthday yesterday. It was my whole immediate family, and then her. What the ******? Doesn't she have her own ****** family? My Aunt is divorced too but you didn't see her boyfriend there.

Then she said to me at the party "I'm glad you came..." ??? What the hell? She's the guest, does she think that because she's come to 5 or 6 family functions that I couldn't make becuase of school or work stuff that suddenly she's can talk to me like I'm the guest????



This morning she left a note on the fridge saying "I am glad you came, I am looking forward to spending more time with you."

She is nice to me as I would expect, but why this effort to spend more time with me?

To some extent I inherently distrust her because I see a chance that our interests will conflict.

You seem like a real asshole.

I concur.
 

Polish3d

Diamond Member
Jul 6, 2005
5,500
0
0
Originally posted by: kyzen
Part of being in a relationship with somebody is being able to get along with their friends. I have no experience here, but I would venture a guess that it's even more important when the person you're dating has kid.

Sounds like she wants to be a mom, or at least a good friend. Don't shut her out for some stupid jealous reason.

I am NOT jealous. I do not WANT A MOM OR A FRIEND! I already have a freaking mom. There is no reason why I have to establish a real relationship with her? We get along fine. We are polite, cordial. I am not obligated to be her buddy just as I wouldn't expect my dad to hang out with any girlfriend of mine.
 

KeithTalent

Elite Member | Administrator | No Lifer
Administrator
Nov 30, 2005
50,231
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116
Originally posted by: kyzen
Part of being in a relationship with somebody is being able to get along with their friends. I have no experience here, but I would venture a guess that it's even more important when the person you're dating has kid.

Sounds like she wants to be a mom, or at least a good friend. Don't shut her out for some stupid jealous reason.

No experience with relationships or having friends? :p
 

purbeast0

No Lifer
Sep 13, 2001
53,102
6,005
126
Originally posted by: Frackal
Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow you sound like you are jealous cause she spends more time with your dad than you do.

all she's trying to do is be part of the family and you have to be a dick about it? grow the fvck up.



No I'm not jealous about that. Why does she need to be part of the family? She isn't. She has her own family. Granted, I have been bitter about the way my parents handled their divorce and that may play into my annoyance. The reason I posted this is to attempt to get an objective perspective on the info provided. I don't care about some asshat named "purbeast" telling me to grow up.

well maybe she is going to be part of the family soon enough? and maybe she's trying to develop a relationship with you because she knows she'll be part of the family some time soon and be your fathers new wife?

well atleast you admit you are bitter towards your parents which it's pretty obvious from your original post.
 

DAGTA

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
8,172
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Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow you sound like you are jealous cause she spends more time with your dad than you do.

all she's trying to do is be part of the family and you have to be a dick about it? grow the fvck up.

I agree.


Consider that it could be much worse. My father's wife has made attempts to see me nude and flirts with me from time to time.
 

Jack Ryan

Golden Member
Jun 11, 2004
1,353
0
0
Originally posted by: Frackal
Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow you sound like you are jealous cause she spends more time with your dad than you do.

all she's trying to do is be part of the family and you have to be a dick about it? grow the fvck up.



No I'm not jealous about that. Why does she need to be part of the family? She isn't. She has her own family. Granted, I have been bitter about the way my parents handled their divorce and that may play into my annoyance. The reason I posted this is to attempt to get an objective perspective on the info provided. I don't care about some asshat named "purbeast" telling me to grow up.

1) purbeast0 is right on the money
2) When you get a girlfriend of any worth you will understand (hopefully).
 

NeoV

Diamond Member
Apr 18, 2000
9,504
2
81
I know where the problem is here....look in the mirror


get used to it, if she's a part of your dad's life than you need to deal with it
 

lightweight

Senior member
Aug 31, 2004
473
0
71
You do sound like a jerk. She is trying to be nice to you, and you're dismissing her efforts. Maybe you're secretly gay for your dad.
 

Polish3d

Diamond Member
Jul 6, 2005
5,500
0
0
Originally posted by: Cal166
Originally posted by: Kev
Originally posted by: Frackal
So my dad has been dating this woman for ~2 years. She makes efforts to spend time with me and I do not understand why. We are polite, cordial, she is nice to me (and I'd expect nothing less) but I am 23, I will likely be living somewhere else soon. (For school) I already live alone ~80% of the time, taking care of the house while my Dad is up at her house.

I do not see any reason to establish any type of relationship with her beyond being polite, cordial, and comfortable enough for her to be over here or what not.




I was at my Grandpa's house for his birthday yesterday. It was my whole immediate family, and then her. What the ******? Doesn't she have her own ****** family? My Aunt is divorced too but you didn't see her boyfriend there.

Then she said to me at the party "I'm glad you came..." ??? What the hell? She's the guest, does she think that because she's come to 5 or 6 family functions that I couldn't make becuase of school or work stuff that suddenly she's can talk to me like I'm the guest????



This morning she left a note on the fridge saying "I am glad you came, I am looking forward to spending more time with you."

She is nice to me as I would expect, but why this effort to spend more time with me?

To some extent I inherently distrust her because I see a chance that our interests will conflict.

You seem like a real asshole.

I concur.

Really? Unimportant. Wholesale judgements made about a person from one post only indicate more about the person who would make such a judgement. You know nothing about me.


All I want to know is why she might wish to make such an effort to establish some sort of relationship with me. I won't even be around much longer, it just isn't necessary.

 

Amused

Elite Member
Apr 14, 2001
56,702
17,180
146
Originally posted by: Kev
Originally posted by: Frackal
So my dad has been dating this woman for ~2 years. She makes efforts to spend time with me and I do not understand why. We are polite, cordial, she is nice to me (and I'd expect nothing less) but I am 23, I will likely be living somewhere else soon. (For school) I already live alone ~80% of the time, taking care of the house while my Dad is up at her house.

I do not see any reason to establish any type of relationship with her beyond being polite, cordial, and comfortable enough for her to be over here or what not.




I was at my Grandpa's house for his birthday yesterday. It was my whole immediate family, and then her. What the ******? Doesn't she have her own ****** family? My Aunt is divorced too but you didn't see her boyfriend there.

Then she said to me at the party "I'm glad you came..." ??? What the hell? She's the guest, does she think that because she's come to 5 or 6 family functions that I couldn't make becuase of school or work stuff that suddenly she's can talk to me like I'm the guest????



This morning she left a note on the fridge saying "I am glad you came, I am looking forward to spending more time with you."

She is nice to me as I would expect, but why this effort to spend more time with me?

To some extent I inherently distrust her because I see a chance that our interests will conflict.

You seem like a real asshole.

Agreed.

She is trying to establish a relationship with you because she has one with your father. That is the RIGHT thing for her to do.

You, on the other hand, are being an absolute dick. Are you sure you're 23 and not 16?
 

y2kc

Platinum Member
Sep 2, 2000
2,547
0
76
Originally posted by: pontifex
sounds like she just wants yo get to now you since she's with your dad. she's just being nice and you're being a d!ck.

that's what it sounds like.

sounds like she cares enough about your dad to try to establish a relationship with his son, to want to get to know you beyond the superficial(which is a nice gesture). they may be considering marriage or something and she really wants to be a part of the extended family or maybe she just plain old likes you.

but if you choose to keep her at arms length, so be it. it's your right.