HELP!!!!!!!! cant poop!

[ctark]

So I've been sick lately. Was down for a good week. Been constipated the past few days and i got that "feeling" a little bit ago. So i go to the bathroom to do my business. I push and push and nothing. I mean its right "there" and it wont come out. I finally give up cause i'm just plain wore out. Go to wipe my ass and there is a TON of blood in the toilet paper.

Now the feces still feels like its stuck in my rectum. It hasnt gone all the way back in. I lent my vehicle to my cousin for his prom so I cant go to the store for laxitive. But i did look around and i found some sugarless syrup made with sugar alcohols.... so i manned up and drank the whole bottle (YUCK). Sugar alcohols give you the laxitive effect for those of you that dont know. I also tried a hot bath, to no avail..

I know most of you are probably going to joke about my situation. But if anybody can give any advice on how to get this shit out of me (literally) i would be forever grateful.


No poop threads. No no poop threads.
Moderator allisolm

 

[RapidSnail]

See. A. Doctor.

 

[randay]

pound the top of your head with your first. it works for ketchup.

 

[Injury]

If your ass is bleeding you need a damn doctor, and you certainly don't need to be asking for medical advice on a technology forum.

 

[Chronoshock]

TMI, but if you still have issues in a few days and/or you are concerned, speak with your doctor

 

[Scouzer]

nothing a fleshlight cant fix

 

[pray4mojo]

red blood isn't as urgent as dark red blood.

 

[UnatcoAgent]

Laxatives won't help you at this point.

You need to see a doctor.

 

[randay]

Originally posted by: pray4mojo
red blood isn't as urgent as dark red blood.

thats why you always shake the bottle first!

 

[ctark]

The blood is obviously from a fissure, which is common. Im not worried about a doctor at 12am with no vehicle. I just want to get this demon out of me!!!!

 

[nboy22]

you need to jam something up there like some pipe cleaner or something.. you know like cleaning a chimney

 

[RKS]

try this

 

[randay]

Originally posted by: nboy22
you need to jam something up there like some pipe cleaner or something.. you know like cleaning a chimney

i got a toilet snake somewhere.

 

[ctark]

lol this seriously sucks, I cant sleep like this.

 

[MotF Bane]

Originally posted by: RKS
try this

That is hilarious.

 

[CallMeJoe]

With friends like these, you need enema.

 

[rudder]

Originally posted by: Scouzer
nothing a fisting cant fix

:shocked:

 

[ctark]

Originally posted by: Scouzer
nothing a fleshlight cant fix

I feel like i've been fisted.

 

[Eli]

You aren't supposed to push.

 

[sciwizam]

Now's a good opportunity to find out if you have a true friend

 

[paulney]

Originally posted by: ctark
lol this seriously sucks, I cant sleep like this.

Yeah, sounds like you have a fissure. Could be a small hemorrhoid - go check it out with the doctor sooner than later. As for your situation - either a medicine, or the natural way: prunes, a handful should do it. Also, cultured milk, but it works slower. Prunes or plums will drain the clog much faster.

 

[Flipped Gazelle]

Drink warm water?

 

[ctark]

I've had these problems before when I low carb diet. I've even had blood as bad as i did this time. This isnt an often occurance. But this isnt the first time I havent been able to "pass" it. Gonna give it an hour or two and try again I guess. It really did take a lot out of me trying to push that foul thing out.

 

[gorcorps]

Hemorrhoids can be caused by strenuous shitting. That could explain to the bleeding. To fix the other problem increase fiber in your diet, and take some xlax or equivalent.

 

[paulney]

Originally posted by: Flipped Gazelle
Drink warm water?

With his ass. Seriously, an anema will be the fastest and easiest way. If you have a true friend. Who can keep a secret... in groups... of no more than 40 people.