He doesn't need to add a paragraph, but something that doesn't come across as a snob-nosed petulant child throwing out criticism is why his post has been seen by many as hypercritical.
Weak story
Boring characters
That is what he says. That basically comes across as uppity petulance. Had he said the following instead:
Same weak save the universe story
Boring characters with no facets to their personalities
THAT would have just been regular criticism. Not the best criticism, but wouldn't come across as hypercritical either. It didn't even take a paragraph as you implied it should.
It's like a kid that doesn't want to eat his vegetables because "Too green" would be the response they give. Or in your own examples above... Not shiny enough or Too bready are examples of poorly quantified criticisms. Although the example of "burger is slightly too cold" has quantifiers to make it not a hypercritical statement. "Slightly" being that quantifier.
When putting out criticisms like that, even by your own examples, the criticism come out petulant, carping, and hypercritical.