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Girlfriend in her first week of college. 3 Year relationship.

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Originally posted by: mattjbak
I met my current girlfriend as a senior in highschool while she was a freshman. The relationship developed, and we decided to keep it going. So far we have lived through 3 years 6 hours apart (more than it seems). This year, she's off to college, UCSB (Santa Barbara). She's a fairly innocent girl in some aspects... she has drank twice, both times with me. Each time she was a completely different person to the point where I just wanted to be sober and take care of her. Now she's expressing a big time desire to go out and drink. It's the first night and she's already out and drunk (could tell by the incoherent call). I think it might just be a curiousity thing, but it worries me a bit, mainly because I don't really know that person she becomes while drunk. My freshman year I kept it cool on the partying because she was uncomfortable, but the situation that is developing is that she expects me to just deal with it.

EDIT: to clarify, we spent countless weekends with her up here or me down there, and all the summers together, along with that last year of high school.

I don't know what to think here, am I crazy? I really am looking for serious insight into this from people's experiences. Flame if you must, but I don't think I'm being too irrational, as I really love this girl.
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You wasted your college life with a GF who was still in high school and it sounds like she isn't going to return the favour.
 
my wife got sucked in by alcoholism and only thinks about drinking and drinking people. hapily to say I am not a drinking person (at least to the extent of alcohol addiction) your story sounds quite similar to mine.

anyway, women are affected by alcohol much faster and more severely than men due to their lean body mass/ fat/ water distribution.

my wife decided alcohol is more important than our young child.

three C's when you may be dealing with addiction/alcohol or drugs

C you didn't cause it
C u cant control it
C cant cure it
 
Now that I've read this thread it reminds me of that video of a girl giving head or screwing her ex and then at the end he calls her a bitch, gives her name, phone number, school, and dorm room. HA!!!!

We've all been through this. You'll survive too.
 
Originally posted by: Garet Jax
Originally posted by: mattjbak
I met my current girlfriend as a senior in highschool while she was a freshman. The relationship developed, and we decided to keep it going. So far we have lived through 3 years 6 hours apart (more than it seems). This year, she's off to college, UCSB (Santa Barbara). She's a fairly innocent girl in some aspects... she has drank twice, both times with me. Each time she was a completely different person to the point where I just wanted to be sober and take care of her. Now she's expressing a big time desire to go out and drink. It's the first night and she's already out and drunk (could tell by the incoherent call). I think it might just be a curiousity thing, but it worries me a bit, mainly because I don't really know that person she becomes while drunk. My freshman year I kept it cool on the partying because she was uncomfortable, but the situation that is developing is that she expects me to just deal with it.

EDIT: to clarify, we spent countless weekends with her up here or me down there, and all the summers together, along with that last year of high school.

I don't know what to think here, am I crazy? I really am looking for serious insight into this from people's experiences. Flame if you must, but I don't think I'm being too irrational, as I really love this girl.
Click to expand...

You wasted your college life with a GF who was still in high school and it sounds like she isn't going to return the favour.
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and why should she?
 
I'll offer my advice. When I went to college 3 years ago, I was the quiet, not very social kinda guy. Never been drunk, never tried any drugs. After about the first month everything got real hazy real fast. But I needed it. I think everyone needs to drink their asses off freshman year and "liberate" themselves because in the end it teaches them some maturity and personal responsibility. About halfway through my sophomore year I saw that my grades had seriously suffered and it was time to man up and kick the academics into high gear. No drinking during the week, etc.

So let her go crazy and do the wild party thing. If you didn't, you missed out. She will have to make her own decisions at this point. Right now you seem like the person I was right when I started college. I was worried about everything. The point I finally changed was when I said 'fvck it' and stopped beign concerned about everything and went nuts, and then when the time came around I matured to the point where I could be concerned about the real stuff in life.
 
Originally posted by: apac
I'll offer my advice. When I went to college 3 years ago, I was the quiet, not very social kinda guy. Never been drunk, never tried any drugs. After about the first month everything got real hazy real fast. But I needed it. I think everyone needs to drink their asses off freshman year and "liberate" themselves because in the end it teaches them some maturity and personal responsibility. About halfway through my sophomore year I saw that my grades had seriously suffered and it was time to man up and kick the academics into high gear. No drinking during the week, etc.

So let her go crazy and do the wild party thing. If you didn't, you missed out. She will have to make her own decisions at this point. Right now you seem like the person I was right when I started college. I was worried about everything. The point I finally changed was when I said 'fvck it' and stopped beign concerned about everything and went nuts, and then when the time came around I matured to the point where I could be concerned about the real stuff in life.
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I disagree with that. there is no reason you have to be drunk to enjoy college life. I did nto drink much and i had a blaste. sure i still went out ot the bars but i did not get wasted (well every now and then sure).


 
Originally posted by: waggy
Originally posted by: apac
I'll offer my advice. When I went to college 3 years ago, I was the quiet, not very social kinda guy. Never been drunk, never tried any drugs. After about the first month everything got real hazy real fast. But I needed it. I think everyone needs to drink their asses off freshman year and "liberate" themselves because in the end it teaches them some maturity and personal responsibility. About halfway through my sophomore year I saw that my grades had seriously suffered and it was time to man up and kick the academics into high gear. No drinking during the week, etc.

So let her go crazy and do the wild party thing. If you didn't, you missed out. She will have to make her own decisions at this point. Right now you seem like the person I was right when I started college. I was worried about everything. The point I finally changed was when I said 'fvck it' and stopped beign concerned about everything and went nuts, and then when the time came around I matured to the point where I could be concerned about the real stuff in life.
Click to expand...


I disagree with that. there is no reason you have to be drunk to enjoy college life. I did nto drink much and i had a blaste. sure i still went out ot the bars but i did not get wasted (well every now and then sure).
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Semantics. You drank. Getting ****** isn't necessary but you surely stumbled home.
 
You want to be honest with yourself?

Stop being a control freak, punch yourself in the face and let the jailbait enjoy her college experience.
 
Originally posted by: mattjbak
I'm just trying not to focus on this, I really don't see my chances as good when I'm honest with myself.
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You're in a crappy situation that most everyone is in, to some degree, at some point.

You can either suffer now and get it over with. Or you can suffer for a bit longer and get it over with. That's pretty much the way this goes down. She's young and there is no way in hell she's going to resist the temptation. If she does, and that's a big if, she'll divorce you down the road. Seen it happen, no exceptions. At some point she's going to want to be wild. Unless you're going to swing and let her get it on with a girl at some point, plus the drugs and alcohol, you're sol.

If you were in college together and around each other all the time you'd have a fighting chance but you aren't.
 
Well I don't think she'll do drugs at all because of built up hatred for the due to her brother being a heroin addict. In fact, I really can't see her partying all the time, but we'll see.
 
yeah, she'll just party most of the time.

drunk women do all kinds of things.

ones that they wouldn't do sober.

ones that they forget afterwards.
 
Originally posted by: mattjbak
Well I don't think she'll do drugs at all because of built up hatred for the due to her brother being a heroin addict. In fact, I really can't see her partying all the time, but we'll see.
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Try the counter-intuitive tactic here. Tell her you know what I think that you should have some time to yourself to check out college without constraint. Why don't we take a break for a couple weeks.

If she says ok and then in a couple weeks wants to still be with you, then great. If she discovers she'd rather not be with you then you know it wasn't meant to be and you wont spend unnecesary time and energy in a relationship thats going nowhere.
 
Originally posted by: mattjbak
Well I don't think she'll do drugs at all because of built up hatred for the due to her brother being a heroin addict. In fact, I really can't see her partying all the time, but we'll see.
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Drugs...a broad term.

Most people would smoke weed, but wouldn't do Heroin.

You'd be surprised what a horny freshman will do.
 
Originally posted by: saymyname
Originally posted by: mattjbak
Well I don't think she'll do drugs at all because of built up hatred for the due to her brother being a heroin addict. In fact, I really can't see her partying all the time, but we'll see.
Click to expand...

Drugs...a broad term.

Most people would smoke weed, but wouldn't do Heroin.

You'd be surprised what a horny freshman will do.
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No she's so opposed to weed that she won't go in a house where people are smoking.
 
Originally posted by: mattjbak
Originally posted by: saymyname
Originally posted by: mattjbak
Well I don't think she'll do drugs at all because of built up hatred for the due to her brother being a heroin addict. In fact, I really can't see her partying all the time, but we'll see.
Click to expand...

Drugs...a broad term.

Most people would smoke weed, but wouldn't do Heroin.

You'd be surprised what a horny freshman will do.
Click to expand...


No she's so opposed to weed that she won't go in a house where people are smoking.
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You must understand this is how her view of the world was in a very structured and sheltered up bringing. College is a very unstructured unsheltered environment. Her ideas and beliefs will shift dramatically in 4 years.
 
Originally posted by: waggy
Originally posted by: apac
I'll offer my advice. When I went to college 3 years ago, I was the quiet, not very social kinda guy. Never been drunk, never tried any drugs. After about the first month everything got real hazy real fast. But I needed it. I think everyone needs to drink their asses off freshman year and "liberate" themselves because in the end it teaches them some maturity and personal responsibility. About halfway through my sophomore year I saw that my grades had seriously suffered and it was time to man up and kick the academics into high gear. No drinking during the week, etc.

So let her go crazy and do the wild party thing. If you didn't, you missed out. She will have to make her own decisions at this point. Right now you seem like the person I was right when I started college. I was worried about everything. The point I finally changed was when I said 'fvck it' and stopped beign concerned about everything and went nuts, and then when the time came around I matured to the point where I could be concerned about the real stuff in life.
Click to expand...


I disagree with that. there is no reason you have to be drunk to enjoy college life. I did nto drink much and i had a blaste. sure i still went out ot the bars but i did not get wasted (well every now and then sure).
Click to expand...


Good call. I drank, but never on weekdays. I think I have been totally plastered about 5 times. Quite frankly, spontinaity and creativity can do far better than alchohol (though a little helps in being spontaneous).
 
I didn't read anyones replies, just the OP...i hope you know-UCSB is a big time party school. There will be no way, short of her transfering or you locking her up, that she will not be out drinking quite often.
 
Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
your girlfriend is getting passed around frat houses like a bong.

its over.
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People share bongs? Guys actually care about their bongs getting broken.....
 
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