Girlfriend in her first week of college. 3 Year relationship.

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Balt

Lifer
Mar 12, 2000
12,673
482
126
Originally posted by: mattjbak
Originally posted by: Balt
College is where many people have to learn to make their own decisions, and she's going to have to make hers. She may decide to be a party animal, just like a lot of other people do. If she does, you either will have to learn to live with it, get used to being upset about it all the time, or move on. You can't make her decisions for her.

College is a big transitional period for a lot of people, things are not going to stay exactly the same between the two of you. Get used to it.
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At what point did I say I'm making the decision for her? Realize I sat in while she went out tonight. I didn't whine or complain...
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I wasn't implying that you were making her decisions for her, I'm just letting you know that you shouldn't even bother to try because it's not going to work. She's going to have plenty of new things to experience and people to meet, and many of those things will not occur while you are present. I'm not saying she will decide to cheat on you, but I guarantee she will have plenty of opportunities. :p

You had your fun in college (or at least you should have), now you have to learn to let go a little and let her figure it out for herself. Obsessing on what she is doing all the time is a perfect way to give yourself an ulcer.
 
MichaelD

MichaelD

Lifer
Jan 16, 2001
31,528
3
76
All it takes is one time for her to get raging drunk...and you'll see some familiar sights on an internet site...initials are CFF.com. Guaranteed.

I am SO GLAD that I'm old and bitter already and have been thru all this crap already. Way back when, intarweb porn sites hadn't been invented yet.

Of course, GF's still got drunk and screwed by some other guy...you and 1 million other people just didn't SEE IT on the net. :evil:

ps
In case you're really THAT ignorant, allow me to translate. 99.9% of all college attendees under the age of 25 get raging drunk and have sex with anything that moves...some drunk guys will even screw things that are not alive and/or moving. Your GF is finally free of the chains that bind (I.E. YOU). Prepare to find yourself some new female companionship.
 
M

mattjbak

Senior member
Jun 3, 2005
909
0
0
You have a good point, and that is what I'm trying to do. It's just the first night and it's all going to my head. AND thanks for pointing out the cheating oppurtunities ;) as if I hadn' thought about that... If I, as a guy, had tons of times I could have cheated, I'm sure her oppurtunities will be far more.
 
M

mattjbak

Senior member
Jun 3, 2005
909
0
0
Hopefully last update of the night, if I can sleep. She called and asked if she could come buy me dinnner and sleep over tommorow night. Things don't look so bad.... for now.
 
M

mattjbak

Senior member
Jun 3, 2005
909
0
0
Originally posted by: MichaelD

ps
In case you're really THAT ignorant, allow me to translate. 99.9% of all college attendees under the age of 25 get raging drunk and have sex with anything that moves...some drunk guys will even screw things that are not alive and/or moving. Your GF is finally free of the chains that bind (I.E. YOU). Prepare to find yourself some new female companionship.
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I guess I'm just too ignorant to comprehend such accurate statistics

 
MichaelD

MichaelD

Lifer
Jan 16, 2001
31,528
3
76
I'm honestly not trying to be mean. It's just that I've been through all this crap before and it sucks. Nobody is born old and bitter; life makes you that way. You learn the signs and the situations that have a high potential for pain and/or failure. This is just one of them.

You'll have plenty of folks here telling you not to worry about it, if she really loves you, blah, blah. Fact is she's already told you she wants to party more. That's a hint for you, my friend. Additionally, you've already seen that she can't handle her liquor. Recipie for disaster.

If I were you (and I'm not) I'd begin putting a little distance b/t the two of you. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Good luck.
 
M

mattjbak

Senior member
Jun 3, 2005
909
0
0
I can handle the pain if it happens, putting more distance will just make our chances worse... I'm the kind of guy who either does something or doesn't, wavering in between is a waste of my time.
 
A

A5

Diamond Member
Jun 9, 2000
4,902
5
81
3) She's drunk on a monday night as a freshman, which just screams "alcoholic"
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Nah...that's just called being a Freshman and having no work ;)
 
moshquerade

moshquerade

No Lifer
Nov 1, 2001
61,504
12
56
Originally posted by: mattjbak
I met my current girlfriend as a senior in highschool while she was a freshman. The relationship developed, and we decided to keep it going. So far we have lived through 3 years 6 hours apart (more than it seems). This year, she's off to college, UCSB (Santa Barbara). She's a fairly innocent girl in some aspects... she has drank twice, both times with me. Each time she was a completely different person to the point where I just wanted to be sober and take care of her. Now she's expressing a big time desire to go out and drink. It's the first night and she's already out and drunk (could tell by the incoherent call). I think it might just be a curiousity thing, but it worries me a bit, mainly because I don't really know that person she becomes while drunk. My freshman year I kept it cool on the partying because she was uncomfortable, but the situation that is developing is that she expects me to just deal with it.

EDIT: to clarify, we spent countless weekends with her up here or me down there, and all the summers together, along with that last year of high school.

I don't know what to think here, am I crazy? I really am looking for serious insight into this from people's experiences. Flame if you must, but I don't think I'm being too irrational, as I really love this girl.
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I was your girlfriend once. What I mean is, I was going out with a senior while i was a freshmen in HS.
I went to college and spread my wings, and .... the temptation is definitely there. I think it's going to be a 50/50 chance that she won't fall for it. Just hope for the best and don't be a nag, and if you see any clues that she's going out on you it's time to confront her and end it.
in fact tell her flat out that you will be gone if that happens.

 
Gunslinger08

Gunslinger08

Lifer
Nov 18, 2001
13,234
2
81
Originally posted by: A5
3) She's drunk on a monday night as a freshman, which just screams "alcoholic"
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Nah...that's just called being a Freshman and having no work ;)
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QFT. If you were never drunk on a Monday night as a freshman.. you either didn't go to a real college or you hate having fun.
 
Gooberlx2

Gooberlx2

Lifer
May 4, 2001
15,381
6
91
Originally posted by: mattjbak
Originally posted by: kami333
You need a beer;)
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Yes, but i'm 21 and know my limits ;)
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No you don't, you're only 21. And she definitely won't for some time. It's natural. Perhaps you might go and join her when she drinks. Drink with her.

What happens when she drinks? She get mean, promiscuous, bitchy? Or does she just get all retarded and.....drunk?
 
GasX

GasX

Lifer
Feb 8, 2001
29,033
6
81
A cradle robber begrudging his younger and newly minted freshman girl for going out and partying during her first week in college - at UCSB no less...

You may as well break up with her now, needy boy, it will not last.
 
wnied

wnied

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
4,206
0
76
Dating = No Wedding Ring

No Wedding Ring = No Serious Relationship

No Serious Relationship = Free to do what you want.

Free to do what you want + 1st Year in College + Willingness to Drink Heavily = Drunk Sexual Experimentation

~wnied~
Professor in Collegiate Debauchery
 
Josh123

Josh123

Diamond Member
Aug 4, 2002
3,030
2
76
I too was scared when my GF of almost 2 years moved 3 hours away to go to a university. Now I don't worry about it much. I see her every weekend and she's really showed me that shes commited. Only different thing about us is my GF did all her partying while in HS so hopefully mostly all of her partying is out of the way.

Good luck to you bro, I know how you feel.
 
N

NuAlphaMan

Senior member
Aug 30, 2006
616
0
0
OPP (ooops, I meant OP), it was your decision not to fully enjoy your college experience. She sounds like she is going to enjoy hers and there is nothing wrong with that. It is college! That's part of the college experience. As several have already pointed out, she will be meeting new people and the temptation will definitely be there! I just hope (for your sake) that she can be honest with you. Many girls get with the new guy and lie about it. I mean, she sounds like a recipe for disaster. She drinks and becomes a new person? Hmmm. I hope she doesn't get drunk and slips and falls and lands on a..... Well, you get the picture.

When I was in college, there were countless girls in your gf's situation. They all stated that they had a man at home or away at another school and how they really loved their bfs. Yeah, phone calls help, but the reality is you're not there! Once that loniness kicks in.....and it will! I can recall countless guys fighting on campus because their gfs gave up the goodies. Just understand that another guy getting with your girl is a very REAL possibility. She's experiencing a new phase of her life and she just may ENJOY it to her CLIMAX!!!!!

 
MichaelD

MichaelD

Lifer
Jan 16, 2001
31,528
3
76
Originally posted by: Mwilding
A cradle robber begrudging his younger and newly minted freshman girl for going out and partying during her first week in college - at UCSB no less...

You may as well break up with her now, needy boy, it will not last.
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ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzing!
 
MaxDepth

MaxDepth

Diamond Member
Jun 12, 2001
8,757
43
91
Hmmm...
That's funny. I hear about lame boyfriends that won't let their girlfriends just get wild and carzy because they didn't do that when they were that age. It is not about being responsible and knowing one's limits and pushing those same values on another person who has yet to test those boundaries.

These are the same people who write in this forum, sooner or later, telling us they are shocked! and horrified!!! because they surprised their dear little sweet girlfriend with a visit only to find them straddling some dude with another girl kissing them both.

When I was just outright sleazy, girls like yours wanted to be bad and you make it even easier for them to hook up with me by saying you know what's best for them.

30 yr old party scene > college parties > high school parties (see wnied's post above about college, that man's speaks the truth)
 
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